Chapter 35
G enevieve
Death.
It surrounded me. It overwhelmed me. It brought back memories.
And images.
I was overwhelmed by them, each vision more vivid than the one before.
Jago had told me I’d grow immune to the sick feeling, the twisted thoughts and the anger. But I hoped I wouldn’t. What would that make me if I did?
In my mind, less than human.
Still, in thinking that way, my thoughts led me to the understanding if I truly believed that, then my husband was less than human.
And my own father.
I wasn’t certain what I believed any longer, except that the kind of pain I was experiencing wasn’t going away. Yet the act allowed me to feel very much alive.
The kitchen was the most serene place in the castle. There were fewer reminders we were housed in a fortress. Everything was bright and airy, the beautiful setting sun illuminating a field of wildflowers. At least in this room, I felt some sense of peace.
To a point.
Still, I was playing over the nightmarish life I’d become involved in, almost getting lost in my thoughts.
“Are you alright?” Jago’s voice was comforting even after almost losing my brother. To find out he’d killed his best friend had torn me up inside.
Even if the son of a bitch had used Marco.
My brother hadn’t said more than two words in almost eighteen hours. He’d shut down, refusing to eat. His eyes held a tremendous vacancy. Meanwhile, I was fully immersed in suffering all over again.
“I’m fine.”
He placed his hand on my shoulder, squeezing to try to provide some comfort. Was that even possible?
“You’re not a very good liar, my wife.”
Wife.
I did like to hear him say that, even if it wasn’t supposed to be real.
“What am I supposed to say, Jago? That I’m crushed my brother had to learn the hard way not to trust anyone?
That one of my men is lying in a hospital bed hopefully recovering from a bullet wound.
Or that we have no more clues so that maybe, just maybe we can resume our lives.
Notice I don’t use the word normal at this point. ”
“Then say it.” He walked around to face me.
“I just did.” I took a deep breath, trying not to look at him because when I did, all I wanted to do was to feel his arms around me. Maybe for protection. Maybe for the closeness. Maybe. Maybe.
Hell, what did I know any longer?
“Does it make you feel any better?” How could he grin and look so damn good with everything that had happened?
“Not in the least. I blame you.”
He chuckled. “You’re allowed to.”
“You’re right. I can do anything I damn well please. If you can, I can. What about Adan’s death? The enemies who crashed?”
“We found nothing worthwhile except they had to be Turks. If I had to guess, I’d say we weren’t the anticipated targets.”
“They had no intention of allowing Adan to live.”
“That’s my guess.”
“You’re usually right. Damn you.”
“Does it pain you so much to say so?” he asked. He crowded my space and every time he did, I was blown over by a rush of desire that was totally inappropriate.
“Yes. I’ll never say it again.”
He fingered my face, tracing the various injuries that no longer bothered me, but they continued to drive him crazy. I liked that a little bit too much. “My bet is you will. One day.”
“Don’t hold your breath.” I laughed but the sound was bitter.
“I’m sorry about Marco’s friend.”
“I am too. Thank you for keeping him safe.”
Jago continued stroking my face. “He’s a good young man. He’ll make a damn good soldier. One day. After college. Maybe.”
I tilted my head. “Oh, he’s going to college now?”
“With encouragement, I hope that he’ll choose an education over this life.”
“You shock me.”
“I do? I’ll take that as a compliment.”
At least I could be playful. I jabbed him in the stomach. “You should. I won’t give out but so many.”
He took our drinks away, placing them on the kitchen table. I watched his actions, laughing softly to myself at seeing the bowl of fruit. Apples and oranges. Bananas and a pile of grapes. When I snagged a juicy grape, he lifted his eyebrow.
But when I pressed it against his lips, he chuckled, but accepted. Before chewing, he gathered me into his arms, capturing my mouth.
I pressed my hands against his shoulders, almost instinctively pushing him away. Wanting this was bad. Or so I’d wanted to tell myself.
Yet his hold was warm and inviting, forcing me to relinquish the grip of fear. I rolled my arms around his shoulders as he pushed the grape inside my mouth. Using my tongue, I slipped it back into his. Finally, he crunched down on the sweet fruit, never releasing his hold on my lips.
Kissing him was a pleasure, maybe a sin, but I wanted to taste him and feel him close to me.
Jago managed to ground me, another startling reflection of the woman inside who’d always searched for a hero.
I’d found one and he certainly represented the bad boys everywhere with flair.
The kiss was as sweet as the juiciness of the grape.
At least at first.
But when he kept his firm hold on my mouth while raking his hand across the bowl, I sputtered into the kiss.
Fruit was tossed in every direction and I was able to catch some of the carnage as he laid me on the table. He pushed his body between my legs, which I promptly wrapped around him, intertwining my feet.
The intimate action became much rougher, needier.
Hungrier.
I kissed him as if this was the last one we’d experience, our souls melding together as he thrust his tongue inside.
Everything was so off kilter, but in the strangest of ways, being with him was right. As if I’d found my soulmate. Maybe I’d think differently in the morning, but for right now, I was content with sharing the moment.
He dominated my tongue, sucking on it while grinding his crotch against me. The feel of his throbbing cock had the same effect it always did. I was euphoric while chastising my longing.
Yet it only grew stronger.
Day by day.
“Ahem,” a voice said from the other side of the room.
Jago didn’t react right away, but when he finally broke the kiss, he was wearing a mischievous grin. We both turned our heads toward the interruption.
“Emiliano,” I breathed.
“Sorry to interrupt, but I thought you’d like to know Antonio is out of surgery. The doctor said he’ll be just fine.”
I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Thank you,” Jago said for both of us.
Emiliano grinned. “I’ll leave you two alone.”
Stifling a giggle, I pushed my hands against Jago’s chest. “Oops.”
“We’ll have a lot of those.”
He acted as if he didn’t want to let me go. “I want to go see Antonio tomorrow. Is that possible?”
“My wife is now asking me? I might have a heart attack.”
I smacked him. “I’m serious.”
He allowed me to sit up and sighed, his brow furrowing. “Fine. I’ll take you. But you will be careful and no shopping afterwards.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
How many hospitals would I be forced to visit during my life?
The answer was sadly easy.
Way too many.
They reminded me of death and I wasn’t certain if there was anything that could change that. At least Jago had kept his promise, now walking with me as we moved along the corridor. I’d seen people rushing, a code blue announced, and nurses scurrying around with one emergency or another.
They were all just forceful reminders of how precious life truly was.
Maybe I’d taken it for granted for most of my life.
No longer.
I planned on living every day to its fullest.
As long as I could be released into the wild every once in a while.
The sights.
The smells.
The look on people’s faces. As I walked through, I shuddered every few seconds.
I’d taken Emiliano as well as four soldiers Jago had appointed and we’d had a conversation with a dozen or so of my father’s soldiers.
Correction. My soldiers. I’d explained to them everything that had happened, daring them to defy me or to challenge my decision in aligning with Jago.
None had, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t occur in the future.
I’d done my best to be a drill sergeant once again, laying out all the horrible things that would happen if they tried to undermine me.
Jago was right. The entire situation was skating close to a cliff and we could be staring down into an abyss.
We’d been accompanied by several soldiers, some remaining outside the hospital while two walked behind us. Antonio’s room had also been made secure, fear of his death weighing heavily on my mind.
Emiliano had been ordered to stay with Marco, who remained in his room. At least Bella hadn’t been further traumatized, even trying to make me laugh over breakfast.
But the weight of everything continued to be a heavy burden. The shipment was going out that night. I’d learned all about it and the worth. If things went well, the money earned would filter through my father’s company. I could make that happen.
If and when I was allowed back into the office.
“Are you sure you want to go in there alone?” Jago asked.
“He’s my soldier. Whether you want to believe this or not, you’re not the most popular guy on the block.” We’d stopped just outside Antonio’s room. Even with a gunshot wound, he hadn’t been placed in intensive care. That meant his condition was stable and not as bad as I’d originally thought.
Some good news.
“Moi? I thought everyone loved me,” he retorted.
“Dream on.” I laughed and patted his chest. “I’ll only be a few minutes.
Promise.” I glanced at the soldiers leaning against the corridor walls, the two men heavily armed and prepared for anything.
They stood straight as we approached, nodding to Jago first, but showing their sign of respect to me as well.
“I’ll hold you to that. We have some work to do before tonight.” Jago brought me back to the moment, his gentle touch of brushing my hair over my shoulder creating shudders.
“Always business with you.”
“After tonight, we’ll cut back.”