Chapter 17
What am I doing?
I asked myself that for a second time as I rounded the hall and hurried down the stairs.
I didn’t know if I was asking why I was here or why was walking away.
My head was telling me to get the hell out of this house.
Too much time had passed, even though I now had the truth about what happened that night.
We’re different people now. My damn heart was telling me something different. I’d gotten it so wrong that night.
I paused at the bottom of the stairs, in two minds again, hesitating just long enough for the door behind me to open and someone to step out.
“Hudson.”
The old lady’s house was usually quiet, not allowing any of the debauchery of the club house saw to spill over here. I hadn’t expected to run into anyone, especially this late.
“I’m glad you’re here. I was gonna look for you.”
“What is it Rosa?” I asked with a little impatience in my voice.
I’ve always liked Rosa. She and Ballistic had taken me in when my dad was at his lowest point.
I’d lived with them for almost a year. She was a good wife to Ballistic and knew when to keep her mouth shut.
I knew Ballistic told her things she shouldn’t know.
A lot of the older guys with old ladies they’d been with for years often ended up telling their wives about club business.
Whether or not it was a rule, you’re in the life that long, with a loyal wife at home, it’s just natural that things come out.
When it counted, Ballistic would keep his mouth shut.
I was certain he didn’t tell Rosa anything about what went on in the Shed.
Just like I intended to never discuss what went on there if I ever…
I cut those thoughts off. I would never have an old lady.
I hated King wanted to hold off and follow Waverley’s idea of revenge against Reinhart.
All I wanted to do was rip the guy’s spinal column out through his fucking mouth and no one was letting me.
I’d already had an angry run in with War about it.
He’d clocked me in the jaw at one point and I’d had to rein myself in from retaliating.
Our Prez had given a direct order and War wouldn’t let me go against that.
I’d made the mistake of asking how he could let shit like that go against his own sister, hence the punch.
Of course, he wasn’t happy, but he could control it better, clearly.
I just wanted to get out of here, but Rosa had different ideas.
Her eyes narrowed at the tone of my voice, but she tilted her head, indicating I follow her to the kitchen.
I stood in the hallway with my hands on my hips, tipping my head down to look at my feet.
I didn’t have to follow her. I didn’t have to do anything a woman in the club said, but I had more respect than that.
Rosa was the person Waverley turned to all those years ago and I could ask what happened that night.
When I entered the kitchen, she was pouring boiling water into two mugs.
“Really?” I arched a brow.
“Hush, sit your ass down,” she pointed at the large kitchen table.
I bristled but let out a heavy sigh. There was no point arguing and sat my ass down. She put the steaming mug in front of me. I looked at the murky brown water and gave it a sniff. Rosa scoffed as she folded her slight frame into the chair.
“It’s chamomile. Good for calming the mind.”
“I’m calm,” I muttered.
“Uh huh,” she eyed me. She was too perceptive for my liking. Rosa took a sip of her tea and made a hmm sound.
“Rosa, I don’t have all night.”
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“Avoiding drinking this shitty looking water?”
“Did you speak to her?” she ignored that comment.
I put an elbow on the table and ran a hand over my jaw. The scratch of stubble made a harsh noise in the otherwise quiet kitchen. “No.”
She tilted her head, contemplating me. “If you knew the truth about what happened that night, what would you have done? Stood outside her door, then turned tail and ran?”
“This isn’t me running,” I snapped. “I want to kill the motherfucker. I’m not allowed to,” I said, holding the mug up and almost taking a sip, then realising I was not the kind of guy who sat around having a heart to heart and drinking tea.
“There is no point dwelling on something that can’t be changed, Rosa. ”
As much as I wanted to. Fuck, did I want to. I’d give anything to have known what was happening and stop it, to not come back to the clubhouse and do what I did.
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” I asked her.
“She asked me not to.”
I gave her a menacing glare, but it had no effect.
“You need to see it from my point of view, Hudson. Yes, she was upset and scared and angry about what happened, but at the heart of it, she was still Waverley. She’s determined and strong and knew what she wanted.
We all knew she was leaving for college.
I did what I thought was best by giving her what she would need to set herself up.
I didn’t let her runaway with nothing. I knew where she was and that she had enough money, and she was smart enough to look after herself.
“I tried to talk her out of leaving. Of course I did, but once that girl has made up her mind,” she shook her head.
“You might not believe it, but she was the strongest I’d ever seen her that night.
She could have run to King or Warren and had them deal with the situation.
She could have confronted you about what you did.
Do you believe you could have come back from that?
“Five years down the line, it’s fucking killing you knowing the truth,” she continued.
“Imagine if she had told you that night. It would have broken you, Hudson. You damn well know it. You wouldn’t have been able to handle it, you’d have done something stupid, and Waverley would have been worse off.
You’re riled up now. I know you want to kill him, but you’ve been talked down and are allowing this to work itself out in a way you never could have back then.
“It doesn’t make it any less hard to hear, or make your heart hurt any less knowing the truth, but it didn’t break you. And you’re here. You want to see her, to talk to her. Back then, she wouldn’t have listened to you. She wouldn’t have given you the chance.”
I hated everything she was saying, hated admitting she was right.
I wouldn’t have been able to handle it back then.
Not after my part in what went down. I would have lost my mind even more than I am now, knowing I’d walked away from her, leaving her with him.
The threats he made about getting me thrown in jail?
I would have ended up there like my dad, because no one would have stopped me from killing that bastard.
“People are going to give me shit for knowing this whole time, helping her get away from the club. But I’d do it again because that was what Waverley needed and that was all I gave a damn about.
What that girl needed. I let her go. And I swore to her I wouldn’t tell a soul.
And I was more than a little pissed off with you at the time for what you did. ”
“I didn’t know-”
Rosa held up her hand. “She came down a little while ago and told me what happened tonight, what all had come out after she saw that asshole at the party. I know what you believed you saw.” She nailed me with a hard look. “I get it. You were hurting too.”
I nodded.
“And you’re male. Males are dumb as fuck.”
“Jesus, Rosa.”
“It’s true,” she gave me a half smile. “It’s why you pussied out of talking to her tonight.”
“It’s not that,” I scowled. “It’s…I’m not sure she wants to talk to me.”
“Why don’t you let her decide?”
“It’s late.”
“She’s probably still awake. What else you got?”
“No one gets to tell me what the fuck to do,” I snapped.
She shook her head at me. “Sometimes, time and distance don’t matter, Hudson. Feelings that strong don’t just go away.”
“Don’t start, Rosa. It’s been too long.”
“You telling me after everything you heard tonight, after the anger and the rush to beat his head in, you didn’t want to hold her, to try to do what you could to make her pain go away?”
“What the fuck do you think? Of course I did,” I hissed, concerned someone might overhear. “It doesn’t change what happened, what I did, and that she ran.” I squeezed my eyes shut in frustration and guilt. “You’re not a psychologist, Rosa. Don’t head shrink me.”
“I don’t need to be a psychologist to see what’s plain in front of my face.”
“You’re wrong, Rosa. It won’t work. She doesn’t fit in here, doesn’t want to be back here.”
“Don’t be too sure about that.”
“All she’s done since I laid eyes on her is talk about her home, her job, her boyfriend and being away from that life. You think coming back here is the best thing for her, or even what she wants?”
“Like I said, don’t put too much stock in those things. It wouldn’t take much convincing now.”
I didn’t know what she was getting at. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“Let’s just say there may not be as many pros to going back to North Carolina.”
“Will you stop talking around shit and just tell me what you mean?”
“You need to talk to her.”
“Women,” I muttered and without thinking, took a drink. It had cooled down and tasted like bitter shit. I pushed it away in disgust, more than done with this conversation. I rose, but she grabbed my forearm and pulled me back down. For a little thing, she had a powerful grip.
“Waverley told me the plan,” she said. “It’s a good one, Hudson. Sometimes instant gratification isn’t the best way.”
I smirked, and she looked pleased she got something out of me other than my surly attitude.
“Despite everything I did helping her leave here, I felt the same way you did. After she left, I did something,” Rosa set her cup down, pausing for a moment.