4. Chapter Four
Chapter Four
A fter Nick told me the directive Warren and Hudson issued to all the boys at school, Id tried not to believe my brother and friend could be that cruel. For years, Id felt like an outsider, not just in my family but at school too. Joanna was my only friend outside of the MC. I didnt know what it was about me that people didnt seem to like, but the fact none of the boys were interested in me had me feeling insecure and self-conscious. Sure, I never let anyone see that side of me, I was aloof and outwardly showed all I cared about was my studies.
But deep inside, Id longed for someone to want me, even just a few dates. Dammit, a first kiss. I was seventeen years old and not a single guy at school had shown any interest in me. And it was all because the people who supposedly loved me the most made me off limits, made people afraid to approach me.
Connor and Hudson had stayed over. Their bikes were still here. I wasnt ready to face or talk to them about this. But what I had done was text Nick and agreed to the date he had asked to take me on this Saturday. Fuck them if they thought they could stop me.
After making sure Warrens side of the bathroom was locked, I took a shower, did my hair and make-up and scowled at my puffy eyes. I hated crying. I wasnt the type to let emotions take over but I felt betrayed last night and for once, let my tears fall.
Once I was dressed, I sat on the bed, counting down until it was an acceptable time to head out. I packed and re-packed my school bag, fixed the bed a couple of times and was about to start organising my bookshelves when there was a knock on my bedroom door.
Go away.
Wave, its me.
Connor may not have been at the school anymore, but I was sure he knew what my brother and Hudson had done, he wasnt entirely innocent in this mess.
Come on, lemme in, his voice had taken on a whiney quality. Waaaaaave.
God dammit, he wouldnt stop until I let him in. I opened the door and he half fell into the room, I slammed and locked the door after him then put my back to it, crossing my arms over my chest. He walked towards me and ran a hand over my cheekbone where I knew my eyes still looked swollen. I refused to let more tears fall but my chin quivered a little.
Connor and I were always close. Despite his tough exterior, the foster kid with the bad rep who joined a motorcycle club as soon as he was old enough, he had a kind heart and he wasnt afraid to talk about feelings. Often, when Connor and I got into one of our talks, Warren and Hudson made themselves scarce, they hated all the touchy feely crap, as they so maturely put it.
Connor pulled me into a hug. I didnt put my arms around him but I leaned in. Theyre dickheads but they did it to look out for you.
Dont, I pushed away and went to the bed for my bag. I dont want to hear any excuses. They had no right. If they dont like a guy I date they can talk about it with me, but they didnt even allow me the chance to go on a date, Connor.
Yeah, he blew out a heavy sigh, then loped over and dropped onto my bed, messing it up as he put one arm beneath his head, the other rested on his stomach. But theyre idiots.
That, we can agree on. Did they send you in here?
That hurt, Wave. You think I would only come in here on their behalf? he pouted at me. He made a come here gesture with his hand. I hesitated but he waved again. I climbed onto the bed and lay down. He rolled to his side and propped himself up on his elbow.
I dont want you to be sad. It makes me sad. And I didnt like hearing what you said last night about being worthless. Youre anything but, Wave. I never would have been happy here if you hadnt come over to my yard that day. I mean, sure I would have made friends eventually but things were shit for me then, and you took that step to welcome me, to get them to welcome me in.
"Hearing you feel like youre no-one, makes me mad. Youre amazing. Warren is right, boys are dicks. But, he held up his hand when I was about to protest. They went about it the wrong way. You need to make your own mistakes, get your heart broken a time or two, then we can fucking kill them for hurting you. Sound about right?
MaybeIm still angry with them.
Yeah, and Im sure youll get them back for it. Just dont go around sucking dicks left and right, we dont want to get King involved. Hed shoot first, warn them off later.
That was probably true. Still didnt mean my choices should be taken away.
Why didnt you say something about prom? I would have taken you.
Kind of missing the point, Connor, I frowned at him. It wasnt just about missing prom.
Yeah, maybe, he conceded. They were wrong, but they didnt mean to hurt you by doing it.
They didnt care either way what I thought about it, Con. Thats the problem. They didnt consider me at all when they chose to decide about my life without discussion.
He couldnt argue with that. He put his arm around me and hugged me into him. I lay there for a few minutes, drawing comfort from him, then pushed up and got off the bed. I need to go to school.
Want me to help sneak you out? he grinned.
I was gonna climb out the window, I joked. That wasnt going to happen. Id actually planned on walking out and ignoring everyone.
Itll be more fun if I occupy them, tell them you will speak to them, and when they come in, you drive off, giving them the finger when they run to the door.
You watch too many movies, I laughed. Theyre only gonna catch up to me at school anyway.
Ill come with, be your bodyguard.
I appreciate the offer, I gave him a kiss on the cheek. But Im not scared of those two morons.
Fair play.
I grabbed my bag and left my room, with Connor close on my heels. The two idiots were in the living room as I walked past. Warren jumped up and hurried after me, but Hudson stayed where he was. His hair was a mess and he looked as if he had hardly slept. What happened with me last night couldnt be the reason for that. Warren had a satisfying bruise on his jaw which made me smile. He deserved it.
Wave, we need to talk about last night, my brother said.
Warren wouldnt cope with me being angry with him and even though I would love to prolong that, I decided to confront a problem head-on, so diverted course and walked into the living room. Both Warren and Connor looked confused. I stood by the coffee table and waited for them to come back inside.
I have a date on Saturday night.
Wa-
No, shut up, I snarled at Warren. Connor sniggered as he sat down beside Hudson on the sofa. Warren crossed his arms over his chest and looked like he wanted to break something, his eyes narrowed but he was waiting for me to go on.
I have a date, that I am going to go on and none of you will intimidate, bully, scare him or do anything that will ruin that. You wont show up where we are, you wont talk to me about it, trying to change my mind, you wont forbid me to go on the date. I do not want to hear anything from any of you about the date, before, during or after.
You already said that.
Shut up, I snapped at Warren. I am entitled to a life and to have fun. I do not intend to do anything other than have fun but if I did want to do more, then its none of your damn business.
I stared each of them down, though Connor was trying to hold back his laughter. Hudson was staring at the floor and I faltered for a second. There was something wrong with him. But I was too mad at them to ask what was up.
Who is it?
If I tell you, you have to swear you will leave him alone. I mean it Warren. I hear youve talked to him, got anyone else to talk to him, even taken a step in his direction, I will tell every last girl in the school you have genital warts and anyone who has been near should go get tested.
Connor actually burst out laughing at that one. Warren scoffed, like he didnt care if I said that shit because no one would believe it. Likely so. So I drew out my ace in the hole.
I will tell dad, that the three of you went down to the Shed two years ago.
You wouldnt, Warren said, dropping his arms. Hudson finally looked up at me, for a second he seemed concerned but his brow pinched, his mind clearly elsewhere.
Youd do me like that, Wave?
Yes Connor, because Im trusting you to keep them in line.
I see your logic, he mused.
You wont tell dad, youll get into trouble too for knowing and saying nothing.
Hey, I wasnt the one who snuck in there and saw that guy they had chained up. I dont think dad is gonna shoot the messenger, and even if he did, it would be worth it.
I cant believe your blackmailing us.
I cant believe I have to, I shouted at him. All because I want to go on a date.
We were at an impasse, but I wasnt backing down. Hudson got up and grabbed his jacket.
Ill leave him and you alone, he said, stepping passed us. I need to go. He walked out the door and we all looked after him.
What was that? I asked. When no one answered I turned to them. What?
Connor rubbed the back of his neck. Ah, in all the excitement we forgot to ask him what happened. He shot Warren a worried look. My brothers face was still thunderous but his fingers were twitching, a sign he was concerned.
What do you mean? What happened about what?
Something to do with his dad, Warren eventually said.
Is he hurt? In trouble?
We dont know, Wave, Warren snapped. Ill talk to him at school. Our discussion isnt over.
He stormed out of the room but I didnt care about that right now. I waved to Connor and hurried out of the house, quickly jumping into the car. Whatever was going on, Hudson was losing sleep over it, he was hurting. I didnt like that. Despite what was going on between us right now, I didnt want them to suffer. Stupid, I know, but that was the way I was built. We could come back to the other shit after I knew he was okay.
I drove to his house, hoping he had gone there. He hated us going there. Especially when his dad was home. Hudson especially didnt like me being around his dad, Id never asked him why, I guess I knew. Hudson was embarrassed of his dads behaviour, ashamed his dad bullied him, hit him and most of the time was drunk, he didnt want me around that.
Fortunately, not only was Hudsons bike parked out front, but his dads car was gone. I stopped at the sidewalk and got out, hurrying up the path. The front door was locked so I rang the bell. Nothing happened at first so I rang again, then knocked. I heard the sound of his boots on the hardwood floor. He pulled the door back and wasnt shocked to see me.
Neither of us said anything. He turned and went back inside the house. I followed and closed the door. The house smelled musty, faintly of cigarette smoke and sweat. To the left of the hallway was the living room, I glanced in as I walked past, noting the upturned coffee table and broken lamp. It made my heart hurt.
Hudson went out the back of the house into the rear garden. I decided not to look around any further and followed him. Hudson was standing down on the grass, his hands on his hips.
What are you doing here? he didnt even look at me when he asked.
Checking on my friend.
I thought you hated me, he tilted his head so he could see me over his shoulder.
Consider this a hiatus. Ill go back to hating you once I know youre okay.
He huffed out a laugh but there was no humour in it. He glanced back at the house. It had changed a lot over the years. Mrs Kelley had always kept the gardens nice, front and back. She took a lot of pride in the house. Hudsons dad built a deck out back where they used to have A grill and seating area.
There was an old sand pit from when Hudson was a kid, but it was empty apart from rainwater and dirt. The decking was green in places where it hadnt been washed for a while, there wasnt much of a lawn anymore, the grass dry and patchy, a straw like yellow colour, with lots of weeds growing around the edges.
Hudson watched me taking it all in and I could see the shame. I hated what he was going through but I didnt pity him. There was a bench at the bottom of the garden, surrounded by potted plants and little figurines of fairies and gnomes. When we were younger wed always enjoyed his mom telling us stories on nice days, sitting out here eating sandwiches.
I walked over and took a seat. Hudson stood in the middle of the garden with his head hanging. After a few minutes he trudged after me and sat down. We sat in silence for a little while. Hudson was the type who needed to work things through in his head. I didnt want to rush him. Whatever it was, was troubling him.
Dad got into some shit. Hes been gambling, cant afford to pay off his debts.
My lips parted but I didnt say anything. Id like to say I was shocked but I wasnt. Not really. Mr Kelley hadnt been the same man for a long time. I didnt feel any sympathy for him either, any man who could treat his child the way he treated Hudson didnt deserve anyone feeling bad for him.
Im not sure how serious it is but the club got involved. Ballistic said dadd put me in danger.
Danger? What does that mean?
Presumably that they will get what theyre owed by any means necessary, he leaned back, his legs were spread wide with his palms on his thighs, he tipped his head back to look up at the sky. With something, or someone he cares about.
I sucked in a breath at the thought of these people taking his dads problems out on Hudson.
Jokes on them though, my dad doesnt give two shits what happens to me.
That isnt true.
Isnt it? he rolled his neck so he was looking at me.
I half shrugged, realising Hudson was right, his dad checked out when his mom died, hed treated Hudson awfully, but hed never kicked him out, he still paid the bills and kept a roof over his head. I didnt think he would be happy for anyone to physically hurt his son. Except himself I hadnt seen or spoken to Mr Kelley in at least three years now, Hudson knew him better than I did. It killed me knowing Hudson thought his dad didnt love him enough.
King offered to pay off his debts, get him straightened out but nothing more, he leaned forward putting his elbows on his knees, his head dropped down. If he ends up back the way he was, theyre just gonna leave him to it. He wont get a second chance. And theyre not about to sit him down and have a heart to heart about how to be a dad, he laughed, but again, it was sad with no amusement in his tone. Theyll just pay off the guys and warn them to leave him alone.
Where does that leave you? I frowned.
He didnt answer for a long time. I was about to suggest he moved in with us when he got to his feet and kicked one of the fairy statues. It flew across the yard and smashed against the back wall of the house, making me jump. This was Hudson all over too. He lashed out when he was angry, never physically towards a person, unless it was warranted, but his temper sometimes got the better of him and he needed an outlet.
Id known him long enough to know it was best to let him get this out of his system, so I stayed where I was. He began pacing the yard, like a caged animal, running his hands through his hair and glaring at the house.
Eventually he stopped, running his hands over his face. You should get to school, Wave, he said.
Im not leaving you like this.
Youll be late, his lip tilted up in a weak grin.
I was already getting hives thinking about it but this was more important. I got to my feet and moved closer. School isnt going anywhere. What are you going to do? I indicated the house.
Ballistic and Rosa asked me to move in with them, while dad straightens out his shit.
Wow, thatsnice of them? I wrung my hands together. Rosa was one of the best people I knew, she was tough and sassy and whipped the brothers into shape when they were being assholes. She had always been good to us, treated us like her own when we were growing up. Scary too, I added, thinking of Ballistic. It would be cool to be around Rosa, not so much her husband. Not to say he was a bad guy, he had never said much to me over the years but everyone knew his reputation.
Im not scared of Ballistic, he said, his cocky grin reappearing. It fell off his face as quickly as it appeared and he glanced at the house again. This place is his brow pinched as if he was in pain.
I finally got it. He wouldnt just be leaving his dad. Hed be leaving his mom too. This was where they all lived together, where theyd been happy and moving out meant leaving all of that behind. I reached out and rubbed his shoulder, my hand moving up and down gently. He drew in a deep breath then pushed it out through his lips, he reached back and took my hand, giving it a squeeze.
I cant help him, he said quietly. Its like he doesnt see me anymore. Im just a body when he needs to lash out.
Then you should think about what is best for you, I moved around so I was in his line of sight, his eyes lifted to mine, he was so conflicted it was painful to see. You havent been happy here for years, Hud. The bad memories here outweigh the good now, I waved a hand at the house. Then I touched his chest. The good memories are here. You can take them with you. We stared at each other for a long moment, then I gave him a small smile. Need help packing?
You gonna ditch all day? he arched a brow.
Just this once, dont make a big deal of it. And while were doing so, you can tell me all about why you thought it was a good idea to tell people not to talk to me.
Fuck, he groaned. I think Id rather stay here with my dad.
I elbowed his stomach. Ass. I started for the house but he grabbed my hand and turned me back to face him.
We didnt do it to hurt you, he said. Warren wasnt lying about the assholes at school.
For every ten assholes, there has to be at least one decent guy.
Debatable.
It wasnt your decision to make.
Yeah I get that. Warren wont let it go so easy. He thinks he has to shelter you.
My father runs a criminal empire. I think I can manage if a guy is a dick to me.
He laughed. Criminal empire. This isnt a mafia movie.
Good as, I sniff. Either way, Im not a naive little Princess, Hudson. I know people can be assholes, but that doesnt mean I should have my options taken away from me.
I get it. Youre right. We shouldnt have done it without discussing it with you first.
Discussing it wouldnt change the fact it is wrong.
I started walking to the house again and he fell in step with me. We headed straight up the stairs to his room, he stopped at a closet on the landing to grab black bags and handed me some as I stepped up to his closet. He pulled a suitcase out from under the bed. We worked together in silence. Id started to open the bureau drawers when he stopped me.
Why dont you go get my stuff from the bathroom.
Got something to hide? I laughed.
You want to root around in my underwear, be my guest, he held out his hand.
My cheeks flushed and I got a very vivid reminder of him in his underwear two nights ago. He laughed. I let it go, because seeing him laugh was better than seeing the way he was downstairs ten minutes ago. We worked quickly, packing up everything he wanted to take.
Downstairs he went into the living room and gathered up some photographs which he carefully placed in a bag. Then he looked around to see if there was anything else. I waited in the hallway with four black bags and the suitcase. He came back out and looked down at it.
Ill go get the car open, I touched his sleeve, grabbed two of the bags then headed outside, giving him some privacy.
He didnt hang around, coming out within a couple of minutes with the rest of his stuff and locking the door. I was putting the bags into the trunk when he took out his keys. He fiddled with them for a minute, then bent and shoved them underneath the door.
I glanced away as he turned and headed down the path with the rest of the bags. We put them in the trunk and then got into the car. He sent Ballistic a text to let him know he was heading over. He got one back straight away which he read then put the phone in his pocket.
Rosas place?
Yep. Ill come back for the bike later.
I started the car and pulled away. I had not expected my morning to go this way. My teachers would be wondering where I was. Joanna would be freaking out and Warren, if hed headed straight to school, having no idea where Hudson and I went. I began thinking how I would make up the classes I was missing.
Thanks Wave. I appreciate this.
What are friends for.
He flicked on the radio, Can You Feel My Heart by Bring Me The Horizon was playing. He rolled down the window and watched as the scenery flew past. Ballistic and Rosa lived off the compound. They had two kids of their own, Cassie was still in college, Ransom was older and had graduated college two years earlier. Rosa wanted them to have something separate from the club, but they were all fairly entrenched in it, Ransom wasnt a member but he worked for them. Id heard dad was putting Cassie through law school because it would be invaluable having a lawyer he can trust.
As we neared, Hudson turned to look at me. So?
So? I flicked my eyes to him then back to the road.
Who the fuck is it I need to prevent your brother from murdering?