Chapter 21
Lily
Head’s Carolina, Tail’s California
Jo Dee Messina
“You want me to do what?” My mouth hanging open in disbelief at Luc’s request.
“I know it sounds crazy, but it’s not. It won’t be. I promise.” The plea that falls from his lips so full of desperation, I almost say yes immediately. Almost.
“Luc, I can’t drop my entire life at a moment’s notice to follow you around on tour.”
“Join me on tour.” He corrects as he takes my hand in his, wrapping his fingers around mine. “Not following me. We’d have a whole bus to ourselves, so plenty of privacy and room for you and Larkin.”
“I have a job. Larkin has a schedule. I have a home. The only one she knows.” All facts that are important to the life I’ve worked really hard to provide for my daughter.
“Take a leave of absence. We can keep her on her schedule. And we’ll make the bus a home for her. Make sure she has all her things. Everything she needs. I can pay for your house expenses while you’re away.” He counters, an answer for every concern I have.
“Luc, this is too much, too fast, too soon.” I snake my hand back, wringing it with my other as I shake my head. “We don’t even know each other. Not really.”
“That’s what I’m trying to change.” He states like it’s really that simple.
“I can’t.” My head swinging back and forth with my response.
“Why?” He peppers back. “Tell me three good reasons. Because the last three you tried, I already gave you solutions to.”
“You just expect me to walk away from my entire life and immerse myself in yours?” I throw my hands up in the air with a huff. “You’re crazy.”
“Maybe.” He murmurs, stepping closer to me.
“Lily, you were never even mine to lose, but I lost you all the same. I thought about you so much that I wondered if you could feel it. And yes, it would be so much easier for me to walk away, to not care. But our souls found each other again. I have to believe there’s a reason for that. ”
“Luc…”
Jesus. I think he just stole a piece of my heart with that speech.
“Just say yes.” He is practically begging me and yet, I still can’t find it in me to say the word he is asking for.
“It’s easy to see how I could have spent two days with you. Slept with you.” I muse out loud, my mouth quirking down in one corner as I openly assess him, listing off the obvious reasons. “You’re gorgeous. You know how to work your charm. You know all the right things to say.”
He says nothing, just crosses his arms and leans against my kitchen counter, waiting for me to continue.
“That me wants to say yes. Wants to hang out with the incredibly cool rockstar and live life on the road and see what could happen.”
“But?” His lips purse into a tight line.
“The mother in me is screaming at me to run. Screaming for me to keep my daughter away from that life, from-”
He cuts me off, pointing to himself, “me?”
“No.” I shake my head. I wasn’t saying this the correct way. “I wouldn’t do that to you. Or to her. I want my child to know who her father is.”
“Don’t you want to know who her father is, too?” He asks softly.
“It’s not that simple.” I exclaim, groaning in frustration.
“It’s as simple or as difficult as you want it to be.” His response curt.
“Do you have any idea what a day in the life of a one-year-old is like?” I snap back at him.
“No.” He drawls, pushing off the counter to come closer to me, his voice low. “But I would very much like to, hence this request.”
I close my eyes and shake my head, just looking at him making it that much harder to stay firm in my decision.
“Lily.” He’s close enough that I can feel the heat coming from his body. “Look at me.”
I open my lids and stare across at him. Ugh. Those damn eyes.
“Give me one week.” He holds up a single finger. “If it’s not working, if Larkin can’t adjust, or you and I discover we can’t stand each other, then you can go home.”
He sighs tiredly. “It’s all I’m asking. Just one week. I’ve already missed the first eleven months of her life. I don’t want to miss anymore.”
Christ on a cracker. That was like a knife to the heart.
I couldn’t imagine going more than two days without my girl.
I should be jumping for joy that this man, this man who had no idea until yesterday he even had a daughter, wants to be her father.
Wants to spend time with her, with us. It’s what I have prayed for a thousand times and more.
Why then was I fighting against this so hard? Was it because of the band? Or who he is? Or was it more than that? Was I afraid to share Larkin after her belonging only to me for so long? Or was I afraid of what he could also mean to me?
“Can I think about it?” It’s the best I can do right now and I owe him that much.
“Yes, of course.” A wide smile breaks across his face, and it’s surreal to see the same dimple in his cheek that my daughter has. “I have to fly to L.A. for our show tomorrow night no matter what. But if you need more time, then okay.”
“Just give me a day.” I finally concede, unable to not match the smile he’s beaming at me.
“Thank you!” His hand is suddenly cupping my cheek, his lips pressing against mine, the action so unexpected and quick I barely have time to react.
But I do. An electric current zaps all the way down to my toes and I find myself leaning into him to return the kiss, my fingers clenching the material of his t-shirt.
And then, he’s gone, cold space between us, his eyes wide as he takes two steps away from me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t-”
“It’s okay.” I bow my head, my cheeks flaming at my own reaction to him. When I swing my gaze back up to him, his fingers are brushing over his lips.
Yep, it was real. And holy hell, now I know why I slept with him so many times in such a short time. That was barely anything and I swear to all things holy, there’s a heat at my core I haven’t felt since before my accident.
“Larkin should be awake any minute from her nap.” I stride over to the baby monitor on another counter, praying for it to squawk to life and save me from trying to make small talk with Luc.
“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” His voice gravely as he stands statue still.
“You didn’t.” I lie, not making any kind of eye contact so he can’t read right through me, busying myself with washing a cup in the sink.
“It’s just-” He pauses, a sigh sounding before he continues. “I forget sometimes. That you don’t remember what happened between us.”
I turn as he explains further, his head bowed as he stares down as his feet. “I’m haunted by it. How you felt in my arms. What you tasted like. The curve of your waist as I held you down and lost myself in you. What you sounded like when you moaned.”
My breath catches in a gasp and his head snaps up, our eyes colliding.
“Yeah, it was something like that.” He nods, stepping slowly toward me.
“Luc.” I breath, not entirely sure if I want him to keep coming or stop.
“My name-” He prowls closer, “on your lips.” He narrows his eyes, as he drags a hand down his chin. “I’ve dreamed of hearing you say it again and again.”
I take several steps back to counter his forward ones, my heart fluttering like a hummingbird’s wings, my chest rising and falling rapidly. I hold a hand out in front of me to stop him, but he doesn’t reach it, both of us freezing when a voice sounds over the monitor.
“Mama.”
Luc arches a brow, a wicked smirk appearing. “Saved by the baby?”
I laugh nervously, knowing my cheeks are flushed by the heat I feel in them. “I think so.”
“Let me go get her.” He offers, and I nod, needing a few minutes to recover from what just happened.
What in the hell would being on the road with him be like? Stuck on a bus together. For hours at a time. Was I actually considering this? And was I doing this for Larkin or for me? Because holy hell, I’m quite sure I would have let him throw me up on the counter if he had come any closer.
This man was pure sex on a stick. Danger should be stamped on his forehead in bright red letters. He’s the reason “unholy” is a category on playlists. There’s sex appeal, and then there’s Luc, the kind of man born entirely of chaos and bad decisions.
I needed to make sure I would be able to make good decisions when it came to my daughter. And that did not include how amazing I know he would feel on top of me.
“I think she might need a new diaper.” He’s holding Larkin under the armpits, both of his arms extended. He looks like he’s holding a bomb that might explode and has no idea what to do with it.
Larkin’s little legs dangle, toes tapping air, her eyes big and round with interest, not fear. She’s perfectly calm. He is not. His brow is pulled tight as he keeps repeating, “it’s okay, it’s going to be okay.”
Her tiny fist curls around one of his thumbs, and that’s when he freezes. Doesn’t pull her closer, doesn’t pull away. Just… pauses. Like he’s been manually unplugged.
I watch, caught between utter amusement and fascination. And I can’t help it. I smile. Not at the awkwardness, but at the care. The way he’s hyper-focused, hyper gentle. As if she is made of spun glass and silk.
He has no idea that it’s the single most endearing, disarming thing he’s done so far. He also has no idea that I just decided we’re going on tour with him.
“I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard that correctly.” Briana cocks her head, wide eyes gawking at me from across the table. “Larkin’s father is Lucifer Sarris? From Devil’s Halo? My Devil’s Halo? The band I love and you hate?”
“Uh-huh.” I nod, taking a fortifying gulp of the wine in my glass. “Yep. One in the same.”
“This is a joke, right?” Her hand slams down against the wood, not in anger, but in disbelief, her mouth hanging open.
“Nope.” I take another swig. “And guess what?”
“Oh, I can’t even imagine what.” Her response snarky.
“He wants me and Larkin to go on tour with him so he can get to know us better.” The words rush out because this, I know, is going to push her over the edge.
“I need something stronger.” She gets up and heads straight to the cabinet she knows I keep the hard stuff in. She grabs the bottle of Patron, two shot glasses off the shelf and plops back into her seat, brows drawn tight.
I watch as she pops the cork off the bottle and sloshes clear liquid into the short glasses. She doesn’t wait for me, she grabs one and tosses the tequila in one swallow, pouring another immediately.
Her eyes snap up to mine. “I need to know everything.”
So, I tell her. How Luc and I ran into each other at Sapphire Resort when I was working.
How I knew almost in an instant he was Larkin’s dad; the eyes a dead giveaway.
I share everything he told me about our time together, how Larkin came to be.
How we supposedly wanted to try and keep seeing each other.
How I was the reason he bottomed out at the end of his last tour. How their album, Ashes & Echoes is apparently all about me. Him meeting Larkin, and finally asking me to go on tour with me.
“Holy shit, girl.” She swigs another shot. “This is something that would happen to me, not you.”
“You’d think, right?” I huff out with a shake of my head, then lower my voice to a near whisper. “I don’t know what I should do. I think I’m going to go. Do I do it?”
“Lil, if you don’t get on that tour bus with him, I’m going in your place.
” She points a finger at me, her expression stern.
“You’ve wondered for over a year who her dad is.
You finally know. You owe it to yourself to see where this goes.
” She lowers her hand, mumbling sulkily as she does.
“And you owe it to me. I want to go on tour.”
I laugh, because it’s so like Briana. The wild child who doesn’t want to grow up.
“He kissed me today.” I blurt out, needing so badly to share what I’m feeling with someone.
Her mouth quirks up in a smirk. “And?”
“It was literally five seconds long and I think my panties melted.” I sigh, hiding my face in my hands as I feel my cheeks heat.
“I mean, Lil, he’s the kind of guy who would fuck you stupid and then you’d thank him for the brain damage.”
“Bri!” I cry out, coughing as I almost choke on the sip of wine I was taking.
“I’m just saying.” She practically snorts. “Don’t go thinking you aren’t going to have sex with him. You know you will.”
“I’m not some kind of slut who’s going to jump into bed with him after one kiss.” I defend.
“Didn’t you though?” She teases, another smirk on her lips as she challenges me.
“Ugh!” I groan out. “I hate when you’re right!”
“Guess I should help you pack?” She giggles, the tequila definitely hitting her.