Chapter 27
Lily
Everlong
(Acoustic Version)
Foo Fighters
I don’t remember getting off the plane.
I remember holding Larkin like someone might try to steal her the moment I blinked.
I remember Briana's arms around me at the curb, the smell of her vanilla shampoo, the way she pulled me in like she could glue the pieces back together by sheer force of love.
I remember my voice shaking when I whispered, “Everyone knows, Bri. Everyone.”
I don’t remember the drive.
But I remember the silence that followed.
Even laughter at Bri’s house feels wrong, like I’m trespassing in a life I thought I wanted, normal, quiet, safe.
Only now it feels like hiding. Like being safe is suddenly the most dangerous thing of all.
Even Teddy seems to know something is wrong, hiding in Bri’s bedroom instead of planting himself in my lap.
Larkin babbles on the floor in her little bouncy seat, oblivious and happy, and I swear if I stare at her too long, I’ll either fall apart completely or become stone. Maybe both. Looking at her is a reminder of the beautiful man that helped to create her.
“I’m doing the right thing,” I whisper trying to convince myself. Because I have to believe that. Don’t I?
Except Bri doesn’t buy it for a second. She slides a mug of tea toward me and sits, eyes soft but unyielding. “You left because you’re a mom. Good. That’s what good moms do.” She pauses. “But are you really protecting her right now? Or are you protecting yourself from being hurt again?”
The question hits like cold water poured down my spine. I open my mouth to argue, then snap it shut. I am protecting her, but the words don’t feel right when I try to say them. They taste like fear.
Bri squeezes my hand. “You fell in love with him.” It’s not a question. It’s a mirror.
I swallow hard. “I didn’t want to. I didn’t plan to.”
“Yeah, well,” she shrugs, her lips tilting up into a soft smile. “Love rarely fills out the appropriate paperwork.”
I huff out a laugh despite the ache in my chest.
“Do you really think this is going to last forever?” She continues, voice gentler now. “The noise? The frenzy? It burns hot and fast, then the world moves on.” She shakes her head. “This too shall pass. You and Larkin will become yesterday’s news by tomorrow.”
She reaches a hand out then and covers one of mine. “But him? The way he looks at you? The way you breathe when he’s near?” Her eyes soften. “That’s the thing that stays.”
I look at my baby. I look at my packed bag on the floor. The one I never unpacked, because I couldn’t admit what leaving felt like.
“I’m scared,” I whisper.
“Good.” Bri pats my knee. “If it wasn’t scary, it wouldn’t be worth it.”
“I have to go back.” I confess, my heart thundering at the realization. “I don’t want to lose him, Bri.”
“Then don’t.” She stands, grabbing not only her mug, but mine as well as she starts toward the kitchen. “There’s just one thing you need to know though.”
I tilt my head, wondering what else there could be. “What’s that?
“I’m coming with you.”
Later that night I kiss Larkin’s sleeping head and tell her I love her more than the sky and the stars and sound itself. My mom watches from the doorway, no judgement, only understanding and strength looking back at me.
I’m hoping to leave her with my mom only long enough to see Luc and convince him I want to stay. No matter what. And hope it’s not too late. She promises me she’ll keep her safe and smother her in snuggles.
“Go,” she whispers, brushing my hair like I’m five again. “Find your heart.”
Bri and I walk into the venue with pit wristbands. One of the crew, bless his soul, slips us inside before the rest of the crowd can enter, making sure we score dead-center barricade spots in front of the stage.
My heart is trying to exit my body through my throat.
Bri hands me the sign we worked on in the hotel room.
It’s a huge poster board, the red permanent marker still smelling faintly sharp.
I clutch onto the rolled sign like a life line.
What I wrote will either bring Luc and I back together, or break us apart for good.
My fingers shake around the cardboard. “What if he doesn’t-”
“Stop.” Bri grins. “He will.”
“Will it be weird for you to see Dean?” My question a bit hesitant, not sure I should even bring the subject up, but it’s eventual that they will see each other. “You know, after hooking up with him.”
“God, no!” She laughs out loud, and I think at my obvious embarrassment. “I got exactly what I wanted from that man; an amazing memory. I don’t need anything else from him.”
“You sure?” I raise a brow. “He’s pretty good looking, and nice, most of the time.”
“Positive.” No hesitation in her response. “It was fun, but it was one and done. That’s how he operates.”
“Yeah, that’s definitely what I’ve noticed.” I murmur, cheeks flaring again, glad we at least have this problem covered.
Time drags as we wait for the arena to fill with people, and then for the opening band to come on. They’re not the same band that played in San Francisco and Portland. We’re in Seattle, and apparently, they must change up the band based on the city they’re in.
Maybe it’s a good thing though. Less of a chance for anyone to recognize me and tell Luc I’m here. They finish their set, the lights popping on, the bright light a stark contrast to the darkness we were in just a second ago.
Bri and I both squint at each other, as she reminds me, unnecessarily I might add, what’s about to happen. “It’s almost time.”
“Yep.” I bob my head up and down. I’m beyond nervous.
“You look really cute, if that helps.” She tosses out, smiling at me. What I’m wearing isn’t an accident. I chose it on purpose. To hopefully remind Luc of the night we met. Even though I don’t remember it. I know he does.
The lights drop. The crowd roars. My pulse races and I hold my breath as I wait for the band to step on stage. I know their set list. I know which song Luc will open up with. So, I know he’ll have a few seconds to look out into the crowd before he sings.
What I don’t know, is what he’ll do when he does.