Chapter One
Giana
Beep … beep … beep.
The steady rhythm was the only sound that pierced through my unconscious as though it were my sole lifeline to the other side, to a world I knew before.
Vague memories and voices clamored for my attention from the recesses of my mind, but as soon as I tried to grasp them, they faded away like a puff of black smoke, returning to the shadows once again.
I attempted to form a name, summon a face, but there was only a peace, a reassurance that settled over me, like I had done what I’d set out to achieve, as though my purpose was complete.
The abyss smiled back at me, cold and haunting, ready to welcome me into its icy embrace, but there was something that stopped me.
The murmur of familiar tones that sometimes penetrated the emptiness, sending a pang of longing through my chest before they faded away again, replaced by only the steady beep.
Time slipped through my fingers like fine grains of sand. I had no idea how long I had been stuck like this, whether it had been hours or days.
But why did I care?
I shredded through the shadows that were closing in on me, threatening to cut off the air from my lungs.
My lungs—
Was I even breathing?
With that thought, my awareness swept out around me, searching for something.
I was more than a collection of thoughts lost at the mouth of the abyss. I was a person with a body, a heart, a soul, and people I loved.
I tried to take a breath, to feel the telltale expanding and deflating of my lungs that would send my consciousness hurtling back to where it belonged, but nothing happened.
How could I be alive but not breathing? Was I—?
No.
I pushed down the surging panic and tried again, putting every ounce of my willpower behind it as I tried to remember how to breathe.
Fire scorched a line straight down my throat as reality came crashing into me. A cough wrenched its way past my lips as I sputtered for air, but there was something in the way, something choking me.
As my eyes opened, the void instantly vanished and was replaced by a burning light.
“Help!” A man’s voice shouted from beside me as I struggled to breathe.
Was it him who was choking me? Something was stuck in my throat, but despite the blockage I was still alive, still getting the air I needed to live.
“She’s awake!” Another man yelled, his familiar tone a mix of awe and terror. “Get this thing off her!”
Thing? What thing?
I couldn’t see anything past the light burning my retinas. I squeezed my eyes shut, attempting to trust the men as footsteps pounded in the distance, closing in on me.
Threadbare sheets scratched against my palms as my fingers curled into fists and I suppressed the urge to claw at my throat.
“They’re coming, Giana. Just stay still.” Warm hands grasped my arm, a familiar comfort sweeping over me at the touch.
A name. My name. It rolled off his tongue with practiced ease as though there hadn’t been a day that it wasn’t on his lips.
Lips I’d spent years fantasizing about before finally crossing that line, before hurtling myself into his arms and wishing he’d never let go.
Kellan.
I tried to speak, but nothing came out.
Too soon his comforting touch was wrenched away as a flurry of voices sounded around me.
“She wasn’t supposed to come out so soon,” a man said as he steadied my thrashing limbs. I hadn’t even realized I’d been struggling until his icy hands pinned my arms down.
“What the fuck is happening?”
Merrick. That was Merrick’s gruff tone mere feet away, but it was now muffled as the door clicked closed and more people surrounded me.
“He can’t be out of bed,” a man I didn’t recognize said.
Why did they shut him out? I wanted all my men with me, not whoever these strangers were.
“They need you to stay still, sugar.” Spade’s lulling, drugging tone filled my mind, but he was too far away, his hands missing from my skin.
It took a moment, but I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to relax as reality came slamming back into me like a freight train.
Merrick was shot. Tommaso was dead. The last thing I remembered was the flames flickering too close for comfort, the heat blistering my skin, the agony threatening to consume me whole as smoke filled my throat, and the fire that devoured everything in its path.
Agony scorched along my windpipe as they removed the tube supplying air to my ravaged lungs. Pulling in each breath felt like someone was scraping my insides with sandpaper, but the familiar inhale and exhale of precious filtered air helped to ease the tightness clenching at my chest.
I pried my eyes open, fighting against the bright light and the burning dryness. I had to see their faces to know that they were truly with me, that we all got out of there alive.
“Giana,” Kellan breathed, my name on his lips like a prayer.
“Kellan, Spade.” My voice came out on a choked rasp, with pain chasing every syllable.
“Shh,” Kellan soothed as my hazy vision came into focus. Spade nudged one of the nurses to the side in his haste to get closer.
Kellan’s black curls fell around his handsome face as he hovered over me, his expression twisted in concern as though he still didn’t think this was real.
Well, neither did I. As the smoke filled the penthouse, my tenuous grip on my consciousness slipped away.
I was sure those were my final moments, that the flames would devour my body, sending me to Hell right alongside Tommaso.
Spade pressed in closer, the familiar violent glint in his violet gaze absent, his mouth set in a hard line, like he was barely keeping his slippery grip on his sanity.
“Don’t crowd her,” the nurse said in exasperation. “And please don’t try to talk just yet, Ms. Bardot. The swelling has come down, which is why we were easing you off the sedation, but you’ll still experience some pain for a few days.”
She passed Kellan a cup of ice. “Let these melt in her mouth, and it should ease some of the discomfort. We’ll give you a few moments, but the doctor will need to examine her soon.”
“Thanks.” Kellan dipped his head in acknowledgment before his attention returned to me, his sable eyes scanning my form as though I’d somehow gotten another injury in the few seconds he’d been distracted.
A ragged exhale tore from his lips, his shoulders dipping in exhaustion as he gripped my hand in his.
He gently tipped the cup to my mouth, letting one of the ice chips slip past them.
The cold was a shock to the system, but I pushed past the initial discomfort and let the soothing water drip down my throat, momentarily easing some of the irritation.
I grimaced as I considered asking the hundreds of questions forming in my mind, debating if talking again would really be worth it.
Kellan, as always, seemed to read my thoughts and slumped into the chair by my side.
There was an open sketchbook and pencil strewn on the bedside table, like he hastily threw it down the moment I woke up.
An oxygen cylinder and mask were beside him. Had he been hurt too?
“As soon as we got Merrick to Zane and the waiting medical team, I went back up to the penthouse for you.”
I sucked in a sharp breath before realizing what a horrible idea that was. Pain lanced down my windpipe, and I motioned for the ice chips, tipping another one into my mouth.
“The fire had already started by the time I got up there.” He squeezed his eyes shut as a pained expression twisted his handsome face, as though he was trying to block out the maelstrom of memories bombarding his mind.
“Tommaso was dead, and you were crawling to the elevator, but you passed out just as I was coming to help you.”
Spade let out an animalistic snarl that drew my attention to him. His fists were clenched at his side as if he was physically restraining himself from launching at me and gathering me up in his arms to remind himself I was here, I was breathing.
“I got us out, but with the stab wound and the smoke inhalation, they kept you sedated for a few days to allow your body to heal. Otherwise there was a risk of your throat closing up from the inflammation.”
I pointed at him and the mask beside him with a scowl. I had to know he was okay, that he hadn’t gotten himself hurt by coming after me.
Kellan scowled and captured my free hand, leaning forward until his stern expression was the only thing I could see. “You’re seriously worried about me? You almost fucking died, Giana.”
His words rang through the air, as though the entire world had gone silent around us.
“You told us to leave. You told us you’d never forgive us if we didn’t. You made our choice for us. You almost sacrificed yourself again.”
I flinched. Every ‘you’ stabbed through my chest, slicing me to my core.
Kellan’s eyes darkened, his outrage and fear boiling to the surface.
“How many times do we have to tell you that your life matters, you are loved, and if we lost you, our entire world would shatter around us? Do you think Merrick would ever forgive us if we lost you? Do you think we’d ever forgive ourselves? ”
His questions came in such quick succession, I could only sit numbly and let the words burrow under my skin.
My cheeks heated, and a flicker of indignation lit in my chest, rising to meet the fury blazing in Kellan’s eyes.
But when I met Spade’s violet gaze, they didn’t spark in challenge.
Instead, his features slackened, and his limbs trembled.
“You have the power to bring your enemies to their knees, but you also have the power to utterly destroy me, sugar.” Spade scrubbed a hand down his face, his eyes wide like he was trying to plead with me.
“Leaving you there tore my heart from my chest. We almost lost you, Giana, and losing you would obliterate the tattered remains of my soul and my sanity.”
And then I understood. The bone-chilling terror that clanged through me when Merrick was shot was exactly what they were feeling when I asked them both to leave and to keep Merrick and Sophia safe for me.