Chapter 22 #3
My confusion must’ve shown since she broke through the maelstrom of emotions wracking my chest and invading my mind.
“I want this place to symbolize love and hope, not pain and betrayal. So I asked Kellan to draw something, but of course if you don’t like it, I’m sure he can design something else for you.
And I wasn’t sure what you wanted on the plaque, so you can change that too. ”
The drawing was a rough sketch, but that didn’t detract from its beauty. It was an angel, sword clasped in her hands, long hair trailing down her back as she stared up at the sky.
“You said there were only sticks to mark your sister’s grave, so I thought, if this place was going to be built in her memory, we could make a proper memorial for her.” She wrung her hands together. “If you don’t want it here, we could—”
I cut her off by pressing my lips to hers, stealing away the nervous words babbling past her lips. “It’s perfect.”
She smiled, lighting up my chest like the stars break through the gloom of night. “When we were designing it, I had a thought…” she trailed off like she wasn’t sure she wanted to ask the question.
“You can ask me anything,” I said, kissing her forehead. She melted into me, like with just a simple kiss I was able to chase away all the indecision and worry, just like she always did for me.
“I realized I never asked about your name.” I stared at the inscription she’d written.
‘To a beloved sister who was taken from this world far too soon. May the horrors of this world never claim another soul like hers. Anne Spade.’
“I assumed Spade was your last name, and I wanted to respect your wishes if you didn’t want to think about your other name.”
I smiled, despite never thinking I’d have any happiness when I thought of that name again. “They only ever called me boy or you. Anne was the only person who ever called me by Ryland, and it was too hard after losing her to have anyone else speak that name again.”
She stroked my chest, unknowingly easing away the ache that had formed there.
“And Spade? You didn’t want to choose a new name altogether?”
“Spade was our last name, but I never knew that until I hunted around the house and found my birth certificate… and death certificate. Apparently they’d bribed someone to pretend I was dead so no one ever came knocking.”
I smoothed out the furrow between her brows, not wanting to dwell on that tonight. I wanted to focus on the love of my life and the beautiful gift she’d given me. “So when I took their lives, I took the name too. I saw it as poetic justice. I reclaimed it as mine, just like I reclaimed my life.”
Her fingers shook as they trailed over my cheek. I rested my face on her warm hand, my skin beginning to chill with the night air.
Anne was never far from my mind. But ever since the fire, since Giana was almost trapped up there because we left her, I hadn’t been able to shake the icy talons of fear that gripped me anytime she was in danger.
“Watching you slay our enemies is one of my favorite things, you know that, right, sugar?”
“Yes?” She lifted her brow, her amber eyes daring me to continue. She should know by now I never backed down from a challenge.
“But this—with Angelo—I can’t lose you.” I knew she was doing this because she wanted me to have a purpose outside of her, but I couldn’t live; I wouldn’t be able to breathe if she were taken from me.
“Spade.” She sighed.
I almost wished I could take back the words, but she had a right to know what was on my mind. I couldn’t stop seeing those elevator doors rolling closed, shuttering me from the chance at getting to my sugar.
“You helped me find the strength I’d forgotten for so long. You helped me become the person I always wanted to be, the woman who didn’t let anyone walk on her. Not anymore.”
I squeezed my eyelids shut, trying to hold on to that.
It was the reason I fell for her the second I saw her, the steel in those amber eyes as she tried to hide it away under a mask of civility.
She wouldn’t be my Giana if she stayed behind, and I knew it.
But it didn’t stop the thought of her being hurt or killed from tearing my heart in two.
Silence settled over us as we gazed up at the night sky and I grappled with the love of my life throwing herself into the lion’s den once more. Because this couldn’t continue on much longer. Either Angelo would make the final move, or we would.
“The monument would be perfect here.” I broke through the silence, filled with a sense of rightness I only ever felt in her presence.
“I thought so.” She smiled, making my pulse race with just one look. “She deserves to be honored, and I need you to remember why you need to keep fighting and why it’s so important that anyone in a vulnerable situation can defend themselves.”
“Thank you, sugar.” I captured her lips with mine, letting our kiss surround us in a bubble of warmth.
I loved the gesture, but she was crazy if she thought I could ever move on if she were taken from me.
I would follow her to the depths of hell and bring her back kicking and screaming if I had to.
She was mine forever, and I was never going to let her go.
Even death itself couldn’t take her from me.