Prologue
WILLOW
Some things are meant to be others aren’t. That’s what my grandpa told me growing up on the farm. He’s a wise man who I love and cherish, but I don’t get to see him all that much anymore. Unless I go home for a visit.
Well, unless I went for a visit. Seeing as I’m now in my car heading home, it means I’ll see him. It also means I’m running away from things that scare me.
Okay, so it’s more like I’m running from the man who scares the hell out of me more than anything.
He brings out emotions within me I don’t even understand, and they confuse me.
Honestly, they’re mind-boggling. From the first time I saw him come into the coffee shop I worked at, Rise-N-Shine Coffee, I couldn’t get him out of my head.
Then spending time at the clubhouse around him during the whole mess going on with Avery, my boss but also my friend, didn’t help the whole situation I found myself in.
A month and a half ago, I’d been kidnapped, and things weren’t great.
All because Avery’s siblings wanted her to know they could get to her anyway they could.
Meaning they used me in this way. They didn’t think this plan through so well.
I knew this because they waited around. Then again, it could have been their plan to begin with as they waited around to watch the fire at Rise-N-Shine coffee.
I worked there part-time while going to school.
It was fun being a part of her employees.
It sucks I didn’t tell her I was leaving. Instead, I put a letter in the mail and sent it to the clubhouse for her to get in a couple days. That was two days ago.
Turning down the lane to my grandpa’s my heartaches.
I don’t understand this feeling of hurt.
It’s not like he and I were in a relationship.
Shoot, the man is a heck of a lot older than me as it is.
Well, technically, he’s nine years older than me.
But to me, I didn’t see a problem with it.
Too bad he did. Evidently, he thought I was too young for him. It’s why I decided to leave.
Alright, so I decided to run away from the life I’d been starting for myself.
I screwed up by making such a fool of myself with him and am now hurt by the fact I’d been an idiot to fall for a man who could easily push me away.
Okay, so in his defense, he didn’t really know how I felt about him, but still, he made the decision of not wanting me after taking me to his bed that one night.
As the house comes into view, a sigh slips past my lips.
Home.
A place I can escape the pain of seeing someone who means so much to me, show he doesn’t want anything to do with me.
With my feelings so jumbled the way they are, I’m surprised I can see clearly enough to drive straight.
Part of me wants to say this was a drastic decision leaving the way I did.
However, another part of me says it was for the best. Dropping out of school, leaving everything and everyone I’d come to love behind, coming home to the safety of the farm where I can separate myself from the rest of the world.
Here I can ride on the tractor, help my grandpa with the field, get back to my roots and simply be me again—no college to stress about. No Malice to stare at me with that look in his eyes saying I’m not someone he wants to deal with.
This is the part that really confuses me because the night after everything happened, he’d been so sweet with me. Held me to him, comforting me through the rest of the night. It felt nearly magical being in his grasp that something overcame me and he didn’t stop me when I kissed him.
Kissing Malice turned into way more. Like all the way more. To me, this was the most beautiful thing to happen in my mind because he’d been my first. The next morning though, I woke up alone and he went back to being cold and distant, if not more so.
Over the weeks that past so much changed.
Malice stayed clear of me as much as possible.
It got to the point that the moment Hammer let Quinn and I leave the clubhouse to go back to our normal lives, I avoided going back again for anything.
I didn’t want to take the chance of seeing Malice with one of those clubwhores, or as I told Avery, they should be called slobber-crawlers.
It had been hilarious the first time I said it.
Avery laughed so hard she’d fallen out of her seat.
Hammer came over to ask what was going on.
Of course, my friend doesn’t keep anything to herself and told him what I said.
This had him throwing his head back and laughing alongside his ol’ lady.
Avery informed me later on that he’d told his brothers about those skanky women being called slobber-crawlers and they all started using it.
Sighing, I give myself an inward shake of the head and put the car in park.
It’s time to put it all behind me. There’s no going back and I couldn’t if I wanted to.
It would mean facing Malice again and I’m tired of him hurting me with his coldness.
I’ve been through enough in the time I’ve known him.
Okay, so not really. But in my life, I have.
I was called the geeky nerd farmer girl because I didn’t do anything but study or help my grandpa.
I did this because I had no other choice.
My mom and stepdad wanted to sell me to a group of people to pay off their debts and my grandpa put a stop to that.
Grandpa has always been my hero and because of him, I wanted to do my best to show him I was worth it.
Didn’t matter to me how many times he said I just needed to be me.
Getting out of the car, I press a hand to my stomach and look at the beautiful house that I grew up in.
It might look old, but my grandpa takes pride in his home as it’s the heart and soul of this farm.
He told me that all of his family grew up here, including my dad.
God rest his soul. Inside his picture sits proudly in the foyer with him in his military uniform.
I wish I remembered him, but all I have are the memories my grandpa tells me and the pictures of him.
The front door opens, and I smile at the man who comes out the door.
“I might be getting old, but my eyes aren’t fooling me, now are they? My baby girl has come home for a visit finally,” Grandpa says, leaning against the banister.
Smiling, I do my best to hide the emotions within me. “No, Grandpa, your eyes aren’t fooling you. I’m here and it’s not for a visit. It’s time to come home.”
“What do you mean come home?” he demands, not missing a beat as I get closer to him.
He might have silver in his dark hair, but my grandpa still looks as healthy as ever.
He and my grandma had married young. Like really young and had my dad around the same time.
So to say my grandpa isn’t in his sixties is saying something.
“I missed home and need a break from everything else. I need to figure out my next step in life and the best place to do it is right here,” I murmur, holding his eyes.
“Alright, well, I can see it in you, baby girl. The pain you’re trying to hide and the way you’re clutching your stomach.
I’ll give you time to tell me, considering you just got home, but when you do, I’ll be here waiting.
Love you, kid, and whatever you decide to do is good with me.
” I should have known I couldn’t keep it from him.
He’s sharp as a tack and it’s how he got away with negotiating with my mom and stepdad to keep from selling me.
They wanted my dad’s life insurance policy.
This paid off their debt and got them to leave me alone.
Only they didn’t know how much the policy was worth.
So he’d only given them a small portion of it.
Sucking in a breath, I try to keep the tears at bay, but I find myself unable to do so.
Hurrying up the stairs, I rush into my grandpa’s arms and let the pain out.
The pain of knowing Malice doesn’t want me and if he knew, he’d want nothing to do with the child I’m carrying from the one and only time I’d been with him.
How am I going to do this alone when my soul is already split in two?