CHAPTER 15
SCARLETT
Today’s the day. It’s been weeks in the making, but the boys are finally coming home. Right now, it’s just under a temporary order, but I’ll do whatever is needed to make it permanent. I know the boys hated being in the group home and I hated having them there.
Even though things moved fast, they were also slow in so many ways. I had to be approved by the state, but that was a matter of formality. The social worker, Angie, was always on my side and considering Lucifer was the one standing behind me, I’m not at all surprised.
Angie’s car pulls up and I’m up and off the porch swing in an instant and bouncing on the balls of my feet. I know everything is in order.
We’ve been able to visit with the boys and we took that time to ask them about their rooms and how they wanted them. In my mind it was never a matter of if they were coming home with me, but when. I wanted to ensure everything would be ready for them and it is.
Angie gets out of the car before opening the back door for Ezekiel as Malcolm gets out of the front. Dean steps out on the porch and wraps an arm around my waist. I need his strength and his resolve right now because he’s the only thing holding me back from flying down the stairs and to my brothers.
My heart drops when they go to the trunk and pull out a trash bag each. They should have real bags, real luggage. I know they didn’t have much, but this guts me. As much as I wanted to give to them, Angie told me to wait until they were in my home. Now they are and I’ll make damn sure they have everything they need.
Dean’s grip tightens and it feels like I can’t breathe. His words ghost over the shell of my ear, “It’s okay, Sugar. We’ve got them now.”
I can only nod mutely as the boys tentatively walk toward me. I smile at them and watch as they relax in front of me. Angie takes in the interaction, relief covering her features.
“Hi Scarlett. Hi Frenzy,” she greets us as she steps up onto the porch.
My brothers’ pace is slower, more tentative. I know why. As much as we’ve talked about this happening, as much as I promised it would, they don’t know if they can trust it yet.
I’m sure they’re going to test us and our boundaries. They can, but they’ll also learn that they can rely on us because we love them.
Trust is earned and we’ll keep showing up to prove to them right where we stand.
They’ll never be threatened with abandonment again, which, I learned, is something our father threatened them with a lot. Their worth will always be valued instead of being cut down. Their place will never be questioned.
I look into Malcolm’s eyes and then Ezekiel’s. My voice is soft, but firm, “Welcome home.”
Their eyes light up, but it’s wary as well. I understand it even though it makes my heart twist in an uncomfortable way.
Dean steps back, but his hand remains on my waist as he opens the door and gently leads me inside, so everyone else can follow. I hear Dean’s low rumble as he greets the boys, and I hope that they will come to love and trust him as much as I do.
The men of the DSMC might seem gruff and stoic at first, but their hearts are so damn big. I can’t even remember the number of brothers I had to plead with to not be here for this. They all wanted to be on our lawn to welcome them home, to show them that their family is vast and strong.
I didn’t want to overwhelm my brothers, and that reasoning was the only reason why everyone isn’t here right now. But I did have to promise to let them throw a welcome BBQ at the clubhouse in two weeks. Hopefully that’ll be enough time for them to feel a little more secure and comfortable. Waiting too long would also be a mistake.
Fuck, this parenting thing is not easy.
I’ve been plagued with nightmares as today has loomed closer. I’ve dreamed about my brothers turning on me, on them hurling insults and hatred at me, of them telling me that I fucked them up even more than our father. Whenever I’ve woken up crying and sweating, Dean has been right there to hold me close and reassure me.
“If you don’t mind,” Angie begins, her eyes filled with understanding and knowing, “I need to see the rooms where the boys will be living.”
“Of course,” I breathe, my heart pounding in my chest. “I’d love to show you. We talked to the boys about what they wanted, I hope we got it right.”
I wring my hands together as fear and nervousness tries to take me under. Dean covers my hands with one of his and then twines our fingers together. He grounds me.
Dean leads us through the house, an odd parade of people under the banner of hopes and dreams. I desperately want this to go well, and I know Angie does as well. I just hope that I found my brothers in time to show them that whatever dreams they have, though they may be shattered right now, can be pieced back together and fulfilled.
Dean stops in front of a door and opens his, his voice deep and thick with emotion, “This is Ezekiel’s room.”
He’s been so strong through all of this, for me, but I know he’s had his own worries. He doesn’t want to let me down, but what he doesn’t realize is that it’s not possible. How could it be when he’s my rock and the best thing that’s ever happened to me?
Ezekiel steps into the room with Angie following close behind. My littlest brother spins around in the room taking in the light blue walls and the baseball theme he said he wanted. I guess the only thing our father let him do was play T-ball one year. He was never allowed to play again, but it stuck with him.
He can play again, I’ve already looked into local leagues for kids, but I didn’t sign him up. I won’t do that without talking to him first. Too many of his choices have been taken away from him and I won’t be another adult to do that.
“This is my room?” There’s awe and a little disbelief in his voice.
Malcolm stands at the threshold of his little brother’s room, his eyes taking in everything like a hawk. Angie watches Ezekiel carefully, a smile playing on her lips.
I clear my throat and hope it sounds steady. “Yup,” I assure him, “this is all yours.”
He turns to Malcolm with so many questions in his eyes. Then he looks at me and blurts, “We don’t have to share a room anymore?”
“No,” I shake my head and point to the door across the hall, “that’s Malcolm’s room.”
Malcolm spins around and stares at the door, his eyes wide and a little glassy. He looks at the door for what feels like forever and then he snaps his gaze over to me and Dean.
I nod slowly while offering, “Go ahead and check it out.”
He’s old enough. He knows and he’s had to grow up far too fast for his young age. I want this to be on his terms, to be his choice.
With only a few strides he’s at the door and wrenching it open. Angie steps into the room behind him and I watch with Dean from the doorway. His room is a dark hunter green, a color he picked out. Everything in the room has to do with music, the one escape he was able to find and hold onto while everything else in his life felt like it was unstable.
I’ve found a guitar teacher who comes highly recommended. Malcolm mentioned wanting to learn and I want to foster that in him. Who knows what kind of beauty could come from him? I won’t be the one to stifle it, I want to watch it grow.
Angie nods decisively like everything is exactly how she expected it. Malcolm turns to us with guarded eyes.
“This is really mine,” he challenges? “You won’t take everything away once Angie is gone?”
I stiffen at the accusation and the pain behind it. So much has already been taken away from him and my heart aches for him.
Angie doesn’t say anything. She arches an eyebrow as if to say ‘the ball is in your court’.
“Nothing will be taken away from you, Malcolm,” I vow.
“Unless you disobey the rules, and you will have rules,” Dean lets my brothers know since Ezekiel has now joined us in the hallway. “You will respect your sister, me, the home we all share. You will go to school, and you will do the best you can. We’ll help you with whatever you need. You’ll be here for dinner, and you’ll run plans by us before you commit to them because we want to keep you safe.”
“Your rules are shit,” Malcolm spits and Ezekiel gasps.
I look at my littlest brother and his eyes fill with tears and fear. He knows what Malcolm is doing just as much as Dean and Angie knows. When I wrap an arm around his shoulders, he burrows into my side.
Malcolm’s eyes flash with remorse and jealousy before he masks it. For a moment, I’m stunned.
“Language,” I chastise him and then bite my lip because that’s really the least of our problems at the moment.
“Our rules might be shit, but you will still follow them,” Dean’s voice holds a note of authority, one I love and cling to. “This is our home, all of our home. It won’t be easy at first, we all need to learn about each other, but this is your home. You are safe here and you won’t be going anywhere. You are home,” there’s a finality in Deans words and I feel it to my marrow.
Malcolm’s eyes fill with tears and then they start to fall down his face. When I hold an arm out to him, he steps closer and then wraps himself around me and Ezekiel. I feel the weight of his pain, the weight of his trauma, and I hope that slowly he’ll be able to free himself of it.
I’ll help however I can.
Dean’s arms wrap around us all and I can’t stop the tears now. Finally. My brothers are home and I’m never letting them go.
Angie steps closer, her voice soft and thick. “I can see these boys have found the home they were meant to find. While this is temporary, you better believe that I’ll make sure it becomes permanent.”
I look into her eyes to find her eyes filled with tears that she’s barely holding back. “Thank you,” I rasp, meaning it with all that I am.
“I can see myself out. Let me know if you need me for anything and I’ll keep you informed.”
My arms tighten around my brothers. It feels like I can finally breathe again. Ever since that morning when I found out what was truly behind the destruction of my bakery, I’ve been waiting for this moment.
Now it’s here.
I relax against Dean, whose solid presence at my back gives me peace. This won’t be easy, he was right about that, but sometimes the most worthwhile things are things you have to fight for.