Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
PATRICK
Istand there frozen, as I watch Jillian Leonard tell me that she sincerely likes me—more than likes—before she takes off toward the powder room. I remain frozen as I hear the door close and then the snick of the lock as she secures herself inside.
Love? Did I hear her right? I’m positive I heard her say I like you so much that it hurts sometimes to admit it. But love shouldn’t hurt—should it?
My mind goes back to the moment I met Jillian—I knew, right then, that she was going to be mine.
However, I wasn’t going to express my feelings to her then—it was way too early and I didn’t have the heart to hear her rejection.
So I kept going over there, my feelings growing bigger and stronger each time we were together.
Don’t get me wrong, I like hanging with Jamie.
He’s cool—an all-around nice guy and we get along great.
It doesn’t matter to me if he’s gay, because I don’t judge a person on their preference in a bed partner.
But the main reason I kept accepting his invites was his sister. I was falling in love with her.
Hmm. When Jamie told me his plan for the guys to ditch the girls and head to the gay bars in Boystown, I asked if it’d be okay for me to stay at The Limelight with the girls.
He’d clapped me on the shoulder and said, “Yeah that’d be awesome.
You can watch out for Jilly.” I wonder if he knows my feelings for Jillian.
Is that why he agreed? Am I that transparent?
My mother always says that I wear my emotions on my sleeve.
But the idea that Jillian’s love for me hurts her bothers me more than anything else. I need to change that now. I don’t want her to hurt for me. She needs to know how I feel and the only way for her to know that is for me to tell her the truth. The neon spectrum of my true feelings.
With my decision made, there’s only one thing left to do. I walk over to the powder room and knock on the door. “Jillian.” I hear muffled cries. I knock again. “Please come out, sweetheart.”
“Jillian isn’t here,” she mumbles.
“Yes, you are. Come out here, please,” I coax.
“No.”
Jamie told me once that if he wanted something from his sister, he had to persevere or else she would run him over like a Mack truck.
It appears that tonight I will have to be the Mack truck.
“I can’t tell you how much I care for you when there’s a closed door between us. Now come out and talk to me.”
“N-no.” Her word falters, but it’s a little louder, like she’s much closer to the door.
So, I lean in and rest my forehead on the door.
“Okay. If I need to tell you the truth with a door between us, then I will.” I take a deep breath and let out what I’ve been holding in for over a year.
“I’ve liked you from the moment I saw you that first day in your flat.
The moment you wrapped your long, lovely hair up in a bun on top of your head and stuck a chopstick in it, I was mesmerized.
Since then, whenever you look at me and smile, I feel like heaven shines down on me.
When you tell your brother off and then hug him right after, I’m jealous because I want your arms around me.
You’re kind, sweet, stubborn and oh so beautiful.
I’ve fallen for you, Jillian Leonard. And I would like to get to know you more.
Learn about your likes and dislikes. I want to date you, and see where this will lead.
I want to learn what noises you make—what makes you hum, in and out of bed.
How about it? Will you come out here, be brave and take this adventure with me? ”
A soft hitch and a hiccup reach my ears and I step back, waiting to see what Jillian will do. I just poured out my heart for this woman—exposed a vein, so to speak. In doing so, I made myself vulnerable, and I hope she knows I meant every word I said.
Please. Take a chance with me.
The click of the lock has me standing still, my eyes on the doorknob, watching oh so closely as I wait to see it to turn. Then it does.
The door slowly swings open, and my attention slides upward until I’m met with watery brown eyes.
“Do you mean it?” Her lower lip trembles.
“Yes,” I say with utter conviction.
She wipes her eyes with the tissue balled up in her hand and steps out of the powder room. “I wish I knew you felt this way sooner, then I wouldn’t have swollen, raccoon eyes. My face has to look horrid.”
“Then this night wouldn’t be as memorable… And your face is beautiful—you are beautiful,” I say, extending a hand, hoping she takes it. I’d rather wrap her up in my arms, but I’m not sure if she’ll let me. And she needs to take the next step.
As if she heard my wish, Jillian tosses the tissue into the trash can and then rushes to me, sliding her arms around my torso and snuggling her face into my chest. My arms wrap around her and I bend my neck down and kiss the top of her head.
Her hold is strong, but I don’t mind, because she is mine. Yes, she is finally mine.
“Jillian,” I whisper into her hair, needing her affirmation. She has to say yes to moving forward—yes to us.
She tilts her chin up and our gazes meet, and her smile has me grinning like a loon. “Yes, Patrick?”
“Stay with me tonight. I just want you with me, here in my arms.” I hold my breath, as my heart batters against my ribcage while waiting for her answer.
It feels like ten minutes pass. What does it mean that it’s taking her so long to reply?
Finally, I hear, “Yes.” And her arms go even tighter around me. “Yes.”
Releasing the breath, I’ve been holding, I exhale with relief. I don’t hesitate and bend to sweep her up into my arms. I carry her to my bedroom, then gently place Jillian on her feet.
“Are we?” she asks in such a soft voice that I barely hear her.
“Are we what?”
“Having sex?”
“You want to?” I sound a little surprised, because that wasn’t my intention when I brought her in here. But if that’s what she wants, I’m not going to say no to making love to my girl. “We don’t have to. All I planned to do tonight is hold you.”
“Do you want to, though?” Pink suffuses her cheeks as Jillian drops her eyes to my chest.
“Look at me, love.” I cup her face between my hands and feel a slight tremor from her body.
She meets my gaze, and I see tears slipping down her cheeks. “Am I dreaming?”
That’s an odd question to ask. “No. Why? Should I pinch you?”
“No,” she chuckles.
“Then why say that?”
“Because there’s no way a man like you is real,” she says.
She starts to take a step back, but I refuse to let her go.
“You protected me from John. You rubbed my feet when they hurt. You carried me down the street like some superman. You didn’t hesitate to bring me inside when I said I was afraid of heights.
You’re not pushing to have sex, like most guys would.
And now you’re treating me like I’m fragile, and caring for my feelings. Who does that?”
“Me. I do that. For the woman I care about. And Jillian, you are that woman. From the moment I saw you, I hoped you’d be mine. My feelings for you are like a neon sign. They are bright and glowing, and I want everyone to know how I feel about you.”
Her eyes are welling up again with more tears. “And that is?”
“I’ve been in love with you from the very moment we met.”
“Oh, god,” she whispers. There’s a long moment, where we stand there and look at each other, before she says, “I like it when you call me love,” as she wipes the wetness from her face.
“I like calling you my love.”
Jillian might not have said—yet, that she loves me back, but from the look in her eyes and the way she feels in my arms, I feel every ounce of her emotions—her love, in my chest.
“Let me hold you tonight and we can talk about the rest of our lives tomorrow.”