Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
GRAMERCY
Ispend a couple of days hold up inside, having a giant pity party.
I check on Grandpa a couple of times, but he’s much better at dealing with life than I am.
Finally, I realize I’m out of coffee. I throw on jeans and a t-shirt and head over to Zabar’s.
I love this place. No one cares who you are, they only care about giving you the best food experience, and they are always consistent.
Two chocolate babkas, three pounds of coffee, a dozen bagels, finish that off with two pastrami sandwiches, and I’m out the door.
When I get back home, Grandpa is waiting by the door. “Is everything okay?”
“Calliope called; they caught Mr. Con Job. It was that guy Glen she hooked up with. She wants you to call her. I told her to just come over for lunch. Truth be told, she hasn’t been here in a couple of days, and I think Chica misses her.” More like he misses her.
“I’ll start the coffee. There is enough of the pastrami sandwiches for all of us.”
The coffee finishes just as she gets in the door; her impeccable timing never disappoints.
“Hey, Grandpa told me they caught the guy. I’m glad that’s over and you didn’t become another one of his victims.”
“I think now that he is caught, we can put it in our blog. I think you should start with the dog, since people are always into dog stories.”
“I agree. Maybe more people will come forward.” Calliope clears the table while I wrap up what’s left of the sandwiches, and Grandpa gets the babka and coffee.
“Gramercy, does this mean I can take that lady up on ballroom dancing?”
“You can’t be serious, Grandpa.”
“Jerry, remember? Now, cut the cake.”
I dish out the cake and we are all basking in a savory food coma.
“Gramercy, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Have you decided what you are going to do about Rian?” Calliope knows I’ve been processing everything, hell—they both do, but they want answers. I can’t blame them, so do I.
“After the initial shock, I thought about what it all means. Rian and I are still married, except only in the eyes of the church. In the eyes of the law, I’m a widow.
On the other hand, I took all the military benefits that were offered to me as a widow.
Now that I know I’m not, what do I do about that?
All of this stuff is running through my head, not just the fact that he lied and kept it all from me.
It’s everything else that goes along with it. ”
“He changed his identity. The man you married is legally dead. If this ever comes out, he would lose his job and could possibly be court-martialed for it. Is that what you want?” Grandpa squeezes my hand.
“Think about the whole picture, not just your pain. What he must have lived through to get himself to this point. Don’t forget, I’ve known him since he was a little boy. I saw him grow into a fine, young man.”
“So, you think I should just sweep it under the rug?”
“That’s not what I’m saying. I’m telling you to tread lightly. Calliope, what do you think she should do?”
“Wow, Jerry, I understand everything you’re saying, however, right now I’m reminded of something you told me Frank Reagan said, ‘The world is not fair and doesn’t owe you strings of happiness.’ I kind of think he’s right. Does this suck, absolutely.”
“Who says I have to make a choice? Rian chose all of these secrets, that’s on him, Calliope.”
“You’re right, but you doing nothing is also a choice. Maybe you should talk to him and let calmer heads prevail.”
I pull his card out of my back pocket and stare at it for a long time. Finally, I pick up the phone and call him. He answers on the first ring.
“Ben Fresno, how can I help you?” I freeze.
“Hello, is anyone there?”
“It’s Gramercy. I was wondering if we could meet for coffee.” I close my eyes and try to calm my breathing. Instead, my brain is going through everything that could go wrong.
“I didn’t think I would ever hear from you again. Yes, I would like to meet for coffee. When and where?”
“I will meet you at The Union Square Cafe in an hour.” I don’t give him a chance to respond I just hang up. I know he will be there. We have way too much that’s still left unsaid.
“Do you need me to help with your blog post today?” Calliope asks.
“No, I’ve got it. If I run into a problem, I will call you.
” Truth is I already have it written. I was waiting to post it.
Grandpa walks her to the door as I clean up.
I head upstairs to get ready to meet Rian, and Grandpa heads back into the living room with Chica to blast his favorite soap opera: General Hospital.
The hour goes by quick. I’ll probably be a little late but if he really ever loved me, he’ll wait. I get to the cafe, and it’s crowded. I look around but I don’t see him. I guess that’s my answer. As I turn to leave, I bump into him.
“I thought you left.”
“I went outside to look for you. You know I wouldn’t leave.”
“Do I? Right now, Rian, I don’t know what to believe. I have so many questions.” He slips his arm through mine and leads me to a table.
“I ordered coffee and dessert. I promise to answer all your questions.”
“I’ve always thought I was a widow, but now you’re sitting here in front of me, so what am I?”
“You are a widow. As far as the world is concerned, Rian is dead.”
“I collected benefits, Rian . . . I mean, Ben. How is that right?”
“It’s right because in your mind and your heart, I died all those years ago.”
“Are you with anyone?” I feel a lump in my throat waiting for him to answer.
“Would it matter to you if I was?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. The only thing I do know is you promised me the truth.”
“Yes, I was married. My wife died last year from breast cancer.” On one hand, I want to feel sorry for him but on the other hand, I feel betrayed.
“So, you found it in you to love someone else more than you ever loved me? Now you’ve come back to try and rock my world, why? What do you get out of all of this? Are you on some twelve-step program or something?”
“Yes, I’m on step five. Admitting to God, myself, and to others all of the wrongs I’ve committed. I can’t move forward, Gramercy, until I make things right with you.”
“What if I say no, have you thought of that?”
“I will have to keep trying in the hopes that someday you will accept my apology.”
“Faking your death is a pretty big wrong.” I don’t realize I’m raising my voice until I notice the people at the table next to us staring at me.
“Maybe we should go for a walk.” He puts some twenties on the table and extends a hand toward me. I don’t take it. I get up, smile at the people next to us and walk out. He quickly catches up to me and now we are walking in step with each other.
“Do you have any kids?”
“I wanted to but after the explosion, I wasn’t able to. I think that’s what put me on the path with the bottle. So much guilt and sorrow. So many what ifs in my life.”
I stop walking and turn toward him. “When it comes to our relationship, I held up my end of the bargain. I loved you so much that, honestly, I could never stand in the way of your recovery. I’m sad that you didn’t trust that love enough to see us through all the pain and suffering.
I would have stayed by your side no matter what.
You’re right, Rian, I am still a widow. That man that was my first love.
The man I gave myself to for life died that day in Fallujah.
I wish you nothing but the best.” I stretch up and kiss him on the cheek.
He wipes the tears from my cheeks and pulls me in for a hug.
I finally let go, turn and leave, closing that door forever.
When I get home, I find Grandpa fast asleep on the couch, watching yet another episode of Blue Bloods.
Why can’t I find a man like Frank Reagan?
Do they even exist? This show has only been on for one season, and I swear Grandpa only makes up Frank-isms and says they are Frank’s.
Gently I wake him up, shut the television off, and help him into his bedroom.
I am blessed that I still have him in my life.
Crimes of the Heart
The Cold Hard Truth
Today I come to you with some good news.
The man who has been conning women out of their life savings has been caught.
It all came to a head when he tried to pull his scam on my blog partner Calliope.
I took a couple of days to try and process this all.
How did so many women fall for this man?
The truth is: it was easy. He started by pulling at our heart strings with a picture of his dog.
Yes, the cold hard truth is we all fell for the dog.
Sadly, it could happen again. Women are compassionate and caring.
I believe that it’s in our DNA. What we need to remember is this: don’t let this stop you.
Looking for love is a choice that we make.
We all want someone to share our stories with.
Someone to make memories with. And, lastly, someone to grow old with.
Love might not show up right away, but it doesn’t mean you have to close your heart to it.
Hugs,
Gramercy