Chapter 3
Chapter Three
Isabelle
Present day, Boston Raventhorn University
I should be safe here.
I just don’t feel safe.
I’ve come to learn that I’m never safe around him . Physically or emotionally.
My heart is beating as fast as a turbo engine and my lungs are so tight they might actually shatter.
Among the three thousand freshmen, sophomores and juniors here for the welcome back assembly, I’m like an ant swimming in the ocean. And we’re in a colosseum-style conference hall, so he shouldn’t even notice me.
But I know he will.
He already has.
I can feel those piercing, iridescent blue eyes on me.
And I can see him out of the corner of my eye.
He— Kade Gurkovsky —aka my nemesis, is sitting across the aisle from me, looking every bit like the Greek god he is.
His thick black hair is styled to perfection with a lazy lock hanging over one eye. Broad, athletic shoulders fill out his football varsity jacket, which emphasizes the rest of his muscular body. He looks way too built for a nineteen year old. Credit to his football and Knight training.
It’s funny. Greek god was exactly what I thought when I first saw him. Then I found out he really was Greek from his mother’s side.
Three years ago he moved from Orange County to live with his aunt and uncle in New York after his parents died. When he turned up at Raventhorn Academy looking all badass and broody my poor sixteen-year-old heart didn’t know what to do with itself.
I think I might have been obsessed. No. I don’t think. I know I was.
Something sinister whispers to me, telling me that part of me is still obsessed . The acknowledgment sends that annoying heat flowing through my veins.
Back in high school I thought the sun revolved around Kade, and the moon and the stars brightened at his command. I would have given anything for him to notice me. Now I wish he didn’t know me.
Something changed when we came to college. Something bad regarding me that I’m still trying to figure out.
I don’t know what the hell I did to him. All I know is that I don’t feel safe here anymore. Every moment feels like a ticking time bomb waiting to detonate.
And I have to admit that helped my decision to transfer to Cambridge University in England. Things aren’t finalized yet, but I’m practically in.
Two months ago I applied for their special scholarship program taught by my absolute idol, Christian Degas, a world-renowned sculptor.
I never expected to get in. Honestly, I was just trying for the sake of trying, but I got a conditional acceptance pending my entrance exam results, which I did and aced last month, and my application project, which I’m just finishing up.
Aside from that, the only thing I have left to do is the interview with Garner Potalov, the Lord Chancellor here, then a review of my project.
I’m seeing Chancellor Potalov on Friday, then he’ll schedule the review.
If all goes well—and it should—I’ll be heading to Cambridge in six weeks’ time.
It’s exciting to be chosen for something so amazing, but it means leaving the world of the Knights behind. Along with everyone I know. Even though I’m choosing to go, the saddest part about leaving Raventhorn is leaving .
I waited my whole life to come here. Everyone on both sides of my family attended Raventhorn University. I’ll be the first to transfer to a different college.
Conflict and sadness shroud my heart as I stare at the oil painting covering the wall ahead, depicting angels and demons in a deadly battle above the college campus.
I’ve always loved that painting because it captures the art and emotion behind the Gothic Revival architecture and monuments at Raventhorn.
Everything is there. From the pointed arches and gargoyles perching menacingly on the gables to the colossal monolithic statues of the forefathers and Viking gods dotted around the campus.
It’s the kind of painting that usually instills inspiration in me, but today my soul feels as conflicted and dark as the skies surrounding the demons.
The students applaud, pulling me from my depressing thoughts. I switch my attention back to Aleksander Ivanov, the leader of the Knights. Like the great emperor Marcus Aurelius, he’s standing on the platform in the center of the hall delivering his speech.
As always, Aleksander’s authoritative presence is enough to put the fear of God in all of us, no matter who you are, your father’s surname, or his net worth. But whatever he said—which I didn’t hear —has a few people nodding and smiling, and he seems pleased with himself.
With his fuller beard he almost looks like a version of Odin, which I suppose is fitting since the Knights were founded on old Viking beliefs, principles, and philosophies.
I can’t stand that man. There are very few people in this world I hate. He is one of them.
I’m sure he hates me, too. He went to school with my parents and would have been one of those who looked down on my mother for being with my father.
The leader of the Knights is also the Pakhan of the Komarovski Bratva. So it’s beyond me that the Knights treat the Bratva like a completely separate organization when it suits them. I’m sure that has a lot to do with our revered leader.
Asshole. It was him who called off the investigation after Mom’s death. He looked me in the eye and told me I’d made up hearing another person in the room the night Mom was killed.
“Excellentiam contende in omni tempore, in omnibus locis, et in omnibus qu? agis,” Aleksander booms in Latin, reminding us of the college motto, which translates to ‘ strive for excellence at all times, in all places, and in all that you do.’
“Always remember that,” he continues. “This year I have a lot of expectations for you.”
He goes on to discuss what those expectations are and pumps us with positivity, reminding us who we are.
Like Raventhorn Academy, the university was specially set up for the heirs of the Knights, the Bratva, and their allies. But they take pride in being on par with, if not better than the Ivy league colleges and elite universities around the world.
Aleksander rehashes that fact, speaking fervently about goals and greatness, and I have to admit that regardless of my feelings toward him I’ll miss assemblies like these, too, when I’m gone.
Most of all I’ll miss my friends.
Mackenzie, Annika, Eilish and the twins, Sawyer and Savannah, have become like a bunch of sisters to me.
With the exception of Annika I’ve known the other girls all my life. We grew closer in our senior year of high school when we met Billie—who moved to Russia a few weeks ago with her boyfriend/soon-to-be husband.
I glance at my friends, a pang of guilt hitting me because I haven’t shared my plans with them yet. I’ve decided I’m not going to tell them until everything is finalized.
Going to Cambridge to study with Christian Degas is a great opportunity so I don’t want anyone reminding me that no one obsessed over going to Raventhorn more than me.
Mom made Raventhorn sound like something magical. And it is. It’s everything she said it would be.
I think she’d be as sad as Dad that I’m not going to finish my studies here. But like him, she’d understand the opportunity.
And like him , she might have picked up that I wasn’t being completely honest when I told my father that I’d be happier in England. I also said that there was nothing for me at Raventhorn.
I lied about those things because of Kade. Dad doesn’t know about my problems with him and I want to keep it that way.
My father and I have the kind of relationship where we can tell each other everything, but I kept Kade a secret because Dad has been through enough with the Knights over the years.
Dad doesn’t need my shit and I’m old enough now to make my own decisions.
Honestly, part of me has also had enough of the Knights, too.
I wanted nothing more than to carry on my parents’ legacy, especially Mom’s because she first fell in love with art here. But I’m tired of everything.
I’m tired of trying to fit in. And I’m tired of being treated like an outcast just because my mother didn’t marry a Knight. It’s all bullshit to me, so maybe the time has come for a change.
At Cambridge they won’t care about those things. Best of all there will be no Kade to drive me crazy.
Feeling like he’s watching me again, I look past Mackenzie, who’s on my left, and brave turning my head a little more so I can check to see if I’m correct.
I’m not. He’s not looking at me. Not right now .
Maybe I’m being a little paranoid but I can’t help it. Every time I see him or am anywhere near him I remember the vile, vicious words he said to me last year after I built up the courage to speak to him.
All that time in high school, we never spoke. When we started college I made a stupid bucket list and placed him at the top. All I had to do was speak to him before the end of the year.
When I did, Kade fucked with my mind.
He told me I didn’t deserve to be at Raventhorn and barely deserved the miserable life I had— as in I shouldn’t be alive . He said I should stop obsessing over him like a dog and find someone else to moon over.
I’ve never had anyone speak to me like that before. And that was at a party where we were playing a game like seven minutes in heaven. The asshole specifically picked me so he could talk to me like shit.
Sadly, that was just the beginning. The weeks that followed saw him ruining every chance I had to date anyone.
Every single guy I was interested in headed for the hills after Kade apparently threatened them. Then he did other things, like making sure the Theta president gave me the worst tasks to complete for my sorority challenges. He also ensured I had near Carrie experiences at every party I attended.
All of that was bad, but the thing that pushed me over the edge was the eerie-as-hell moment at the welcome-back party two weeks ago when I caught him watching me as I danced around the ice sculptures.
The way he looked at me was…
…Like he wanted me dead.
Within his dark gaze I could clearly see he had a very personal vendetta against me. The kind you have when someone has wronged you.
I never expected to be bullied at eighteen and definitely not while at college. Sure, I might attract the wrong kind of attention sometimes with my Lolita doll dress style and my bohemian personality, but I’ve never experienced anything like Kade.
I worry things will get worse. That he will get worse.
Raventhorn University is not an ordinary college.
The guys here from Knight families like Kade’s become Knights. Meaning that no matter what they become in life, be it a jeweler or fisherman, they’re Knights first. Men trained to kill to ensure they always have power.
The illustration of who’s who is right here in this room. Although arranged by college year, we’re all seated in the categories we’ll be placed in for the rest of our lives.
As such, Kade is sitting with his Sigma fraternity brothers, but he’s also in the Ivanov elite group—meaning he’ll be part of the Knights leadership one day.
I’m only with the Thetas because of Mom’s background. Everyone else who doesn’t have a claim to Knight heritage is in a category on their own.
A guy like Kade wouldn’t hesitate to get rid of me. I feel his eyes on me again.
This time I look right at him and find the beautiful devil staring straight at me. His gaze is so intense my insides freeze.
He keeps his eyes on me and I half expect his face to morph into the demon from The Exorcist and his head to keep on spinning around and around.
My nerves scatter and my pulse throbs in my throat, fueled with fear I wish I didn’t feel.
Summoning courage, I tear my gaze away but Kade stares at me for a long time after. Almost until the assembly is over. By then my hands are sweating buckets, my heart is drained of all its energy, and my lungs are locked tighter than an activated bear trap.
I just about hear Aleksander’s closing remarks in which he acknowledges Chancellor Potalov’s years of service. Chancellor Potalov retires in a few weeks. My transfer to Cambridge is one of the last few endorsements he’ll be working on before he leaves. I focus on that and calm myself.
Minutes later, the assembly ends, and the students file out of the hall. I leave with my friends, ignoring my shaking legs just as much as I pretend that I can’t still feel Kade’s eyes on me.
The girls and I stay in our little group as we walk into the courtyard and stop by the benches near the biggest oak tree.
The wintry air outside is cold but fresh. It helps soothe my mind.
“That meeting was way too long,” Mackenzie complains, shaking her golden-blonde hair.
“Agreed,” Sawyer and Savannah say in unison, slumping their shoulders. Watching them always fascinates me. Sometimes they’re just as identical in mannerisms as they are in looks.
“I didn’t know Aleksander was going to talk the whole time.” Annika frowns, walking closer to the twins. Since she has the same platinum hair color as them and dainty features, she looks like she could be their sister.
“That was actually short .” Mackenzie’s frown deepens. “Back in high school when the football team won the state championship he spoke for two hours straight.”
“ Two hours ?” Annika’s mouth drops. “What the hell?”
That was a day no one will forget. Annika never experienced crazy incidents like that because she went to high school in L.A.
Mackenzie purses her lips and gives Annika a sidelong glance. “He’s pumped about the football team. So God knows what he’ll be like for the rest of the year.”
That’s because of Kade and Dmitri. They were all the talk from the moment we started our freshman year. Kade was the quarterback and Dmitri a linebacker for the high school team. They took the team to victory every single year.
Raventhorn University has a great football team, but they didn’t do so well last season after their star players graduated.
Kade and Dmitri didn’t even need to try out for the team, and they more than proved their worth at the start of the season when the team started winning again.
“I can’t believe we’re already in the second semester of this year,” Eilish says, tossing her lilac hair over her shoulders.
She’s in her junior year but she’s the Thetas’ student counselor. Because we know each other so well she took us under her wing right from the first day of college. Things would have been a million times worse for me during the hazing period if she hadn’t been around.
I smile back at her and nod. “Before you know it, it will be summer and we’ll be moving on to the next year.” I sound like a hypocrite. I won’t even be here at that time, so I have no right to say anything.
“Bittersweet truth.” She giggles. “I don’t want the time to go so quickly, but at the same time, I do.”
“Me too.”
Annika and I glance at each other, biting back knowing smiles and the secret that the only reason Eilish would want time to fly by is so she can see Lucian again.
According to the world they’re quote unquote best friends who grew up together.
But unknown to them and the rest of the world, Annika and I caught them kissing on the night Lucian left for his internship in Russia.
He’ll be gone twelve months so he’ll return this time next year when they’re in senior year.
Despite the discomfort I previously felt over Kade, thinking about what might transpire for Lucian and Eilish warms my heart. They’re just one of those couples you want to see together because they’re so well matched you know they’ll share true love.
I suppose Annika would know what that feels like, too. She’s been dating— is basically engaged to —Thorne Ivanov since last year.
I grew up with Thorne, who is also friends with Eilish and Lucian. He’s also Aleksander’s nephew. I’ve never seen him treat anyone as special as he does Annika. The guy worships the ground she walks on.
It’s nice. At least I know some of my favorite people will be taken care of when I leave.
As if on cue Thorne rushes up to Annika and places an arm around her, pulling her close to him. With his sharp appearance he looks like a cross between a Ken doll and an anime villain.
“Time to go to lunch, Bambi,” he says to Annika, referring to her by the nickname he gave her when they first met.
“Where are we going today?” Annika beams, giving him her dreamy-eyed stare.
“Pizza.”
“Yayy.”
“You too, Eilish.” Thorne nods at her. “I’m supposed to look out for you.”
Eilish rolls her eyes at him. “I’m not ready to eat yet. And I’m not having pizza.”
“Too bad. You’re coming with us. Lucian will never forgive me if I allow you to perish on that shit diet you’re on.”
Eilish blushes at the mention of Lucian but tries to frown. “The Atkins diet is not shit.”
“Whatever. Come on, let’s gooo.”
“Fine.” She joins him and Annika, who links her arm with hers.
“We’re going shopping,” Sawyer announces, glancing mischievously at Savannah.
“Yeah. We have one of our special errands to run,” Savannah concedes. “So we’ll see you guys later.”
Sawyer tugs Savannah’s arm and the two saunter away while giggling like pixies.
Mackenzie and I look at each other, then shake our heads. We've come to know that those ‘special errands’ they’re talking about mean they’re going to swap places. They’re probably going to fool some poor guy who won’t know what hit him until it’s too late.
The last two people standing from the group are Mackenzie and me.
Since Annika started spending more time with Thorne, these days Mackenzie and I pretty much find ourselves like this. By ourselves.
I’d be inclined to worry about her when I head off to England but Mackenzie is the sort of girl you never have to worry about. She’ll always be okay and always have friends.
In high school she could still be the queen bee captain of the cheerleading squad and hang out with people like me.
She looks at me with perfectly arched brows. “Cake and coffee? Please say yes. I’m desperate. You look kind of desperate, too. I noticed Kade doing his creepy thing again.”
A chill crawls over my skin at the mention of Kade. “Yeah. He was.”
“Are you okay?” She holds my gaze, seriousness washing over her face.
“I’ll be fine.” I’ve been saying that for months and every time those words pass my lips I’m less okay than I was before.
“You don’t look fine, Isabelle.”
“I will be. Kade is just being an asshole again. I just have to ignore him.” If only it were that simple. “Also, when have I ever said no to cake?” I grin, ruffling the black lacey hem of my dress so my obvious need for a subject change doesn’t look as obvious .
“Never. Which is why I love you. You’re the perfect cheat-day partner.” Mackenzie pumps her fists as if she’s doing a cheer. She also seems to sense my avoidance tactic. I’m glad she goes with it. Kade is the last person I want to talk about. “I just wish I could eat as much as you and never gain a pound. I’m the one who’s doing ballet. And cheerleading on top of that.”
“Which means you’ll burn off the extra calories when you train.” I nod vigorously. We have the same conversation almost every day.
“I guess so.”
Mackenzie is always on the latest diet, but she looks like a Barbie doll. There’s not an ounce of fat on her for her to worry about, but I suppose I would be worried about my weight, too, if I were around a group of entitled girls who talk about body image all day every day .
She sighs and blows out a ragged breath. “At this point, I almost don’t care. This is an emergency so I need strong, strong coffee and triple chocolate cake. Consequences be damned.”
“What’s going on?” Something must have happened for her to turn to triple chocolate cake.
“Let’s talk away from here.” Cautiously, she glances over her shoulder at the group of Delta Kappas standing by the conference hall.
When Levi Sluskia Ⅳ looks back at her, I sense something is up.
She slips her arm through mine and we walk down the path.
“My dad wants to marry me off,” she explains when we reach the riverside and are away from everyone else.
I look at her, my lips parted in shock. “Are you serious?”
“Serious as fuck.”
I would hate to be in such a situation. Dad has always been open with me on the subject of marriage. While it’s the expectation, he promised he’d never force me to marry anybody. “Has your father picked someone for you?”
“Not yet, but he mentioned Levi, who I absolutely can’t stand.”
Now I see why he was looking at her. “I’m guessing your father spoke to Levi’s dad?”
“Of course he did. And long before he spoke to me.” Her jaw tenses and her expression hardens. “I knew I was going to have an arranged marriage at some point but my parents always said it would happen after college. They said they’d give me a few years to dance. Now they’ve changed their minds. They’ve agreed that I can get married after graduation, so I have a few years but they want me engaged by the end of the semester.”
My eyes grow even wider. “That’s ridiculous.” And it doesn’t sound like her parents at all.
Her father is a media mogul and a judge, one of the highest-ranking Knights on the council. Her mother is first lady material with the perfection of a Stepford wife. Neither of them likes to do anything spontaneous, and everything they do is scheduled sometimes years in advance. Something like this is completely out of character for them. “Did they give a reason?”
“No. You know what my dad is like. He tells me stuff on a need-to-know basis. Mom just goes along with everything he says. Something’s up, though. I can sense it.”
“What do you think it is?”
“I have no idea. But you see the need for triple chocolate cake?” Her shoulders drop and her chest caves.
“Of course. What are you going to do?”
She shakes her head and that look of defiance she’s known for spreads over her face. “My parents aren’t going to rule my life. Not when I have big plans for the summer with the New York City Ballet.”
Usually I’d encourage her to steer clear of trouble. Especially with her parents. But on this occasion I have to agree with her.
She got into the New York City Ballet’s summer show. Getting into something like that is practically unheard of. I’m no expert but I know from what Mackenzie has told me that the New York City Ballet usually selects graduates or dancers with years of experience behind them. Mackenzie was just that good they snapped her up.
And if she’s doing their summer show it means she already has a spot lined up in the main show when she graduates.
“Right now Dad likes Levi because his family owns a real estate empire.” Her voice echoes the tension splayed across her features. “But I can’t marry a bastard like Levi.”
Again, I have to agree with her. Levi is a known womanizer with no possibility of changing. He’s also the same breed of fucked-up asshole as Kade. So I get it. “No. You can’t marry someone like him.”
“Also, spoiler alert: the women in Levi’s family aren’t allowed to work. Ever. I can’t let anyone steal my dream. I’ve wanted to dance with the New York City Ballet for as long as I can remember. So I have to figure this out.”
“You will.” I sound sure, because I am. Mackenzie isn’t like me. When she comes up with a plan she always fixes any problems with no regrets. “Come on, let’s go grab that cake. Getting a treat should calm you down and help you think straight.” Maybe it will work for me, too.
Mackenzie nods slowly and we leave.
As we continue down the path I think of my own conundrum.
I can’t allow anyone to steal my dream either. I don’t come from an excessively wealthy family like many of the students here. And I can’t afford to screw around at college just to have something to pass the time.
My art is my world. It’s everything that makes me me.
Art is the one gift my mother gave me when she taught me to paint and sculpt. Being an artist makes me feel like I’m carrying a piece of her with me, always.
That’s why I can’t allow the likes of Kade Gurkovsky to mess with my head.
It’s eleven o’clock at night when Mackenzie and I return to Myrridin House, our dorm. We got in just before the rain started to pour.
We grab a quick cup of hot cocoa from the communal kitchen before we say good night and head to our separate apartments.
Mackenzie’s is on the top floor and, courtesy of her mom, it looks like one of the luxury million-dollar penthouse apartments in Manhattan.
Mine is on the third floor. The design is pretty like the rest of the dorm with its wrought-iron fixtures and French Proven?al design, but it’s more down to earth. I also decorated it to my own artistic taste by adding a few Japanese-style additions like my Geisha fans on the wall, Samurai swords, and the cherry blossom Byōbu screen. Of course I have a whole section for my Lolita collection.
My mom got me into that, too. She used to dress me like a doll when I was little. As I got older I just adapted my style. It helps that there’s a whole Lolita subculture that has a huge following.
When I walk into my apartment the lights snap on. I take a moment to absorb my surroundings, feeling… safe.
This is the only place where I truly feel at ease. Right here within the confines of these walls.
I suppose the only other place is the art studio, but it’s not mine.
The students have access to their work twenty-four/seven. So even though I tend to work on my projects in the early hours of the morning when it’s less likely to be busy, anyone could walk in at any time.
Here, though, I can let my guard down without feeling like everyone is watching me. And I can regroup.
I go to the living room and drop my bag on the sofa, then I head to the ensuite and strip off. I need a nice hot shower.
Once I do that and change into my PJs, I head to my desk and switch on my computer. There are a few emails I need to check.
While they load I allow my gaze to drift to the photo next to the computer of my parents and me when I was eleven.
We’d gone to Russia for Christmas and it was beautiful with all the snow. That was months before Mom died, so that holiday was one of our last happy moments together.
Things changed after we returned. Mom changed. She became secretive and cautious. Fearful. I remember Dad trying to ask her what was wrong and her telling him she was fine.
My father knew my mother like the back of his hand. They’d known each other since they were kids. So it was always clear to him that she wasn’t okay.
Things got worse, and neither of us knew why. Then everything went to hell that horrible night in a warehouse at the docks. A place where neither Mom nor I should have been.
I still remember her screaming as the bullets pierced her body.
It’s a sound I’ll never forget. It continues to haunt me in my sleep and in my waking moments.
In my heart I know I’ll never forget it as long as I feel that justice hasn’t been truly served.
I kept my promise to my father from all those years ago. I’ve stayed away from Parker Federov but I never stopped thinking about what part he played in my mother’s death.
I also never forgot the mysterious nameless man I met at the gallery.
I never saw him again—no surprise there. And no one was able to identify him or locate him on the camera recording at the gallery—no surprise there either. It was clear he’d been very strategic.
He was a mind-boggling mystery, but the little information he gave me on Parker stayed on my mind.
Lightning crackles in the sky then thunder rumbles, making me jump out of my reverie.
I look through the window as another flash of lightning strikes, illuminating the night like a spotlight on stage. The almost ethereal light captures the distinct figure of a man standing by the grove of trees, watching me. He’s looking right at me and the light is just bright enough for me to know that it’s Kade.
My heart seizes in my chest just like it did the other week. My breath slows like a car rolling to a stop and goosebumps rush over my already clammy skin.
Fear steals my senses, swells within my throat, then, like a noose around my neck, it suffocates me.
How long has he been watching me?
The brightness from the lighting fades, leaving behind a sliver of moonlight, but I can still see the wealth of malice on his face. He looks just the same as he did the other week. Like he wants me dead.
What the hell is this, Kade?
Why are you fucking with me?
In the rain, he lights up a cigarette. He keeps his focus on me for a few seconds that feel like eons then he turns and walks away, blending into the shroud of darkness like some kind of hell god.
It’s like he just wanted to make sure I saw him.
I did. And I didn’t miss the unspoken threat he left behind. Along with a promise that felt like he wasn’t done with me yet.
Six more weeks, then I’m gone.
But what will I do about Kade in the meantime?