Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Isabelle
I open my apartment door and a guilty-looking Mackenzie walks in.
I contemplated not letting her in when she first knocked on the door. I was so mad at her that I haven’t answered any of her calls.
I’m only calling a truce because she sent me a hundred messages, and in the last one she said she looked for me at the club and would never have left me alone.
It appears that we genuinely missed each other.
“I’m so sorry.” She clasps her hands and winces. “You have to believe me. I swear on my lucky ballet shoes that I would never intentionally leave you alone in a sex club.”
I close the door and frown at her. “You do realize that wasn’t the first time you left me in a club, so of course I thought you’d ditched me for some guy.”
“No, no. It wasn’t like that. And that other time was because we were at The Verge. I thought you’d be fine. There’s no way I would have done that last night. Although I was praying that maybe you hooked up with that other guy.” She nods with a mischievous smile. “Did you?”
“Really? You thought I’d want my first time to be with a stranger in a sex club?”
Her shoulders drop. “No. But he was hot. So I thought… maybe.”
“I didn’t. I danced with him for about two minutes. Then he got all handsy.”
“Damn it. I’m so sorry.”
“What about you? I’m sure you hooked up, though, right?”
We may have missed each other but I know we weren’t looking for each other at the same time. Mackenzie had probably gone off with her guy for an hour or so before she thought to check on me.
“Yes. Please don’t hate me. He was hot, not a jerk, and he heads back to Australia today, so I thought why not?”
I want to tell her that the Australia thing might not have been true and that she can’t just hook up with random about-to-vanish guys in a sex club, but I stop myself.
Mackenzie is the liberal girl who enjoys life and never allows anything to stop her from doing what she wants. She doesn’t worry unless she needs to and, with the exception of her parents, she certainly doesn’t live by other people’s rules.
In a way I envy her for that.
She wouldn’t have come home last night and worried herself into an oblivion because Kade had jarred her brain.
Men don’t jar Mackenzie’s brain. But maybe she hasn’t yet met a guy who could.
“Did you get back okay?” She brings her hands together and looks me over.
“Yeah. I did. I left after I couldn’t find you, but …”
“But what?”
“Not before running into Kade.”
Her eyes nearly pop out of her head. “W…what? He was there? There’s no way that was a coincidence.”
I wasn’t going to talk about it but I now need to. “He tracked me through my phone.”
Mackenzie’s skin pales and she places a hand to her heart. “Shit, Isabelle, this is getting out of hand. There has to be a way to put a stop to this.”
“I’d love nothing more but… that’s the least of my worries.”
I breathe out a ragged sigh and walk into the living room. Mackenzie follows me.
I sink into the sofa and she lowers next to me. She looks concerned, but I can tell she’s thinking about the time she saw me almost kiss Kade at the football stadium.
“Talk to me, Isabelle. What else happened?”
I think for a moment. There’s so much shit inside my head bursting to break free. I want to scream it all out until my mind is empty. The problem is, once everything is out of my head I won’t be able to put it back in.
“We kissed and…did… stuff.”
Mackenzie’s mouth falls open and her face turns even paler. “What kind of stuff?”
“Stuff that’s close enough to sex that it feels like sex.” That’s the best way I can explain it even though I don’t know what sex feels like.
“Oh…that kind of stuff .” She bites the inside of her lip. “What else happened?”
“Nothing much. I left after.”
“Isabelle…”
“I know. You’re going to tell me I’ve lost my mind and am acting crazy.”
She shakes her head. “Actually, I was going to say I saw this coming.”
“You did?”
“Yeah… the way you guys were at the football stadium was my first clue. With the exception of everything else that happened in between, I thought it was only a matter of time.”
She’s right. I see that now. “What am I supposed to do?”
“What do you want to do?”
“Nothing. I don’t want to do anything. Kade has shown me his true colors and I can’t be stupid enough to keep up this charade.”
“You’re not stupid. We can’t help who we have feelings for no matter how good or bad they are for us. You’ve liked Kade for years. Those feelings don’t just go away overnight.”
We stare at each other silently as I contemplate her words of wisdom. I’ve heard people say similar things before but never thought they would apply to me.
“He’s bad for me.” I speak after a few moments.
“I know, so I’d be a fool to tell you to keep an open mind. Kade Gurkovsky is not the kind of guy you give those sorts of chances. He’s volatile, reckless, and you can’t figure him out unless he wants you to. But you also can’t exactly flip a switch on your feelings for him.”
“That’s the part I have to work on. I need to be able to switch off and focus.”
“I don’t think it’s that easy, sweetie.”
“ Mackenzie , you’re not helping.”
She takes my hands in hers. “Trust me, what I’m saying is true.”
“Kade is like a drug with a one-way ticket to hell. If I don’t get myself together there is no way this is going to end well for me.”
“I think you should worry about the things you can control.” She taps my knuckles then releases my hands. “If I were you I’d focus on the important stuff like your project and Cambridge.”
I drag in a little breath to clear my head and nod slowly. “You’re right. And if I’m not careful, time will get away from me and I’ll have nothing. The new lord chancellor starts next week. I at least need an idea of what I’m going to show him.”
“Exactly.”
“But what should I do about Kade in the meantime? What if I end up in a situation like last night again?”
She bites back a smile. “That part will depend on you.”
“Me?” I glance away from her and look at the curtains swaying at the window. Once again she’s right. That part does depend on me.
“If you don’t want him and you know he’s bad for you, simply walk away.”
It sounds so easy. And it is. Walking away from a guy who’s bad for me is a no-brainer. It’s like walking away from a fire so you don’t get burned. “I can do that.”
“Yes, you can.”
“Okay, then that’s the plan.” I nod with reflection, trying to center my thoughts. “I’ll walk away.”
Even if he comes after me, walking away is me using my brain.
“Feel a little better?” She cocks her head and regards me with hope.
“Yes. I think so. At least I have a plan.”
“Good. You know what will help you feel even better?” Her face brightens with the prospect of a new idea.
“What?”
“ Shopping. ” She booms in a game show host voice. “Shopping and lunch. All on me. We could check out that cool Chinese restaurant you wanted to try the other week. Allow me to make up for last night. Please say yes.”
I smile back at her. “Yes. I think I need the distraction.”
“I agree. How about we get ready and head out in an hour?”
“Sure.”
I’ll take the break on the weekend to strengthen my mind and file last night’s encounter under the rug of never agains.
I need to be stronger the next time I see Kade. If I’m not, he’ll take me down that crazy rabbit hole he spoke of.
That’s one place I don’t want to go with him.
It’s six in the morning and, dare I say it, I’m feeling a little better than I did yesterday.
Usually on a Sunday I sleep in until ten and take things easy. Today I decided to head to the library to work on the premise and drawings for my sculpture.
I’ve been here for nearly two hours, looking through the art history section and doing some sketches I’m super proud of.
The plan is to get as much work done as I can today so I’ll be able to focus better next week.
Spending the day with Mackenzie yesterday put me back on track. By the time I went to bed my mind was clearer. I woke up a few hours ago with several ideas in my mind about my sculpture. I realized that my mind was blocked because I kept comparing every idea to the old one.
My mom used to say that sometimes all we need is a little break to give our souls a rest when we’re troubled. It seems that was what I needed to move forward. Resting certainly did the trick.
This week has to be different for me. And I want to be in top form when I meet the new lord chancellor.
I’m aware that he’ll be coming into Raventhorn not knowing much about me except that I’m currently on probation and doing compensation service for setting fire to another student’s property.
I can’t believe I’m thinking those things in relation to myself.
Kade pushed me over the precipice of sanity, then I tainted my perfect student status all by myself.
Now I have to convince the new lord chancellor that I’m not a troublemaker or unfit for his recommendation. What a horrid position to be in.
Bless Chancellor Potalov. He wrote me a supporting letter of recommendation for the new chancellor. I was so grateful to him because he didn’t have to do that for me.
I saw him a few days after the incident. I expected him to be disappointed in me, but all he did was give me a look of sympathy and said he hoped I’d managed to sort out my disagreement with Kade. I simply smiled and agreed.
I walk down the Renaissance art aisle and scan the books on Michelangelo. I’m looking for a book on his sculpture, La Pietà . I like reading details about sculptures like that. It gives me ideas on the style and materials I want to use when I’m sculpting.
Last time I went with The Lady of Shalott as my inspiration. This time I’ve drawn ideas from something older, mixed with mythology.
I’m going to create and sculpt a water goddess rising from the sea with a spear in her hand.
The idea came to me when I was thinking about that painting in the conference hall of the angels and demons. I was also reading about the Nordic legend of the beautiful selkie seal woman. It’s a folktale from the Faroe Islands. My father took me to see the gorgeous statue of her a few years ago.
I knew I had to come up with an idea that outdid my previous one. So far, so good. And if I’m being honest, this one might be better. I guess it will all depend on what Christian Degas thinks.
I scan the books on Michelangelo and find three about his sculptures that look interesting.
I pick them up and start paging through the biggest one on my way back to my cubicle.
I don’t have to read that much before I’m smiling. The book has all the details I was hoping to find, from the type of marble used to create the sculpture to what the weather was like on the day it was cut.
“Raventhorn, I love you. You have the very best library in this world.” I chuckle to myself.
“And yet the girl wants to leave,” comes that deep baritone voice I’ve been trying to put out of my mind.
When I heard it on Friday night at the sex club, it pierced through the layers of my skin and traveled straight to my core. That alluring, menacing voice does the same thing again now.
I stop midstride and gaze at the villainous man before me who has managed to turn my world inside out.
This time Kade isn’t following behind me like a dark shadow.
He's in front, leaning against my desk holding my notebook in his hands.
My phone— the tracker —is on the desk between him and my bag.
Shit. I should have switched it off. Or better yet left it at my apartment. I didn’t need it while I was here researching. I’ve also been so immersed in my work that I haven’t even checked my messages or socials like I usually do.
Kade lifts his head and his eyes meet mine. He smiles and a lump the size of the moon rises in my throat.
Knowing he’s bad for me was a good starting point, but it doesn’t make it any easier to stop my emotions from running out of control, or those sinful memories from resurfacing in my mind.
“What are you doing here?” There’s a quiver in my voice that I hate.
“The last time I checked the library was open to all students. Even me.”
“Yes, but finding you in here at this hour on a Sunday morning is about as rare as seeing a leprechaun with a pot of gold.”
His lips curl into a wide grin and he flashes his stupid, sexy dimples at me. “I guess strange things do happen then. This looks good. Very impressive.” He raises the notebook and points to the sketches I did earlier.
So far, I have the woman and the sphere. It’s a first draft, but it does look good. I just never imagined getting such a compliment from him. At the same time, it irritates me given that he’s the reason I’ll still be here until second year.
“Well, thanks to you, I’ve had to come up with a new project that will get me into Cambridge.”
Kade lifts his shoulder for an easy, carefree shrug. “This one looks better than the last. So maybe that was a good thing.”
Asshole. I don’t know what kind of person destroys the artistic creation of an artist then says shit like that.
More irritation fills me. I march up to him, set my books down, and swipe my notebook away from him. “That is my private business.”
“Why are you leaving Raventhorn when it’s clear you’re in love with the place?”
His question throws me. I search his eyes and take in the genuine look of interest deep within the bright blue haze. It’s a juxtaposition to our situation.
He shouldn’t look so interested in me, and he shouldn’t have been able to pick up that I’m in love with Raventhorn.
“Cambridge, scholarship with a world-renowned sculptor, the chance to study in England with the finest. The list goes on. So it doesn’t matter what I feel about Raventhorn.”
“It does when you’re this good.” He cocks his head back to my notebook and again throws me with his words. Those words feel like a carefully laid trap waiting to ensnare me. “It means you can go wherever you want and still get what you want.”
“Christian Degas’ program is at Cambridge.”
“But your goal was to get on his internship program after graduation.”
Should I be surprised he knows that? If he found a way to track me so he knows where I am all the time and pretty much what I’m doing, this is no surprise at all. “Where is this conversation going, Kade?”
He leans forward and stops an inch away from my lips. It’s only at that moment I realize I’m too close. I landed myself in this position when I walked up to him to get my notebook— another trap .
And now that I’m so close the scent of his power laced beneath his musky cologne seeps into me, tantalizing my nerves like a hypnotic snake.
“You should stay at Raventhorn. You’ll get the internship with Christian Degas after graduation.”
My lips part and my lungs squeeze. How the hell can he sound so sure? He didn’t even hesitate for a second. “You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do.”
“No. There’s no way you could know.”
“When I was ten years old I knew I’d get the chance to take my pick of any football team in this country. I knew my future would look like whatever I chose. Since then I’ve been scouted by every college to play on their team, and every football team in the NFL has their eye on me.”
“That’s you. It’s different.”
A confident, way-too-cocky grin adorns his face. “Trust me, when Christian Degas saw your application he already picked you for his scholarship program and beyond that. He’s not going to let anyone else take you from him.”
That’s perhaps the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. But I know better than to accept a compliment from the devil. “You and I don’t talk like this.”
“No, we don’t.” His grin grows.
“Then why are we having this conversation? Are you going to destroy my next sculpture, or find some other way to ruin my chance of going to Cambridge?”
“Maybe.”
The simple word slices through my skin like shards of glass. “You bastard.”
He quirks a hard brow and sets a hand on his heart. “I’m a bastard because I want you to stay?”
“You want me to stay so you can mess with my head until there’s nothing left of me.”
He presses a finger to my cheek and caresses my skin. “No, that’s not why I want you to stay.”
“Then why? It won’t be for anything good.”
“You’re right,” he confesses, and a shiver races over me. “It’s not for anything good. Not for you or me.”
“What is it?”
“It’s that fucked-up thing again. That thing that makes me want you.”
Not this again. He’s right to call it fucked up. It is. And wasn’t I supposed to have walked away by now?
“It’s bullshit,” I attempt to throw him off.
“You know it’s not.”
He steps forward and I step back. With a wicked grin he does it again and I do the same.
Instead of repeating the steps like an uncoordinated war dance, Kade slips his hand behind my neck and moves me back into the wall. Then he shoves me up against it and presses his lips to my neck.
His hot breath fans over my skin and he slides his hand up to my throat with raw possession. He kisses his way to my ear and lingers on the shell.
“I want you to stay because I like the taste of you.” His whispered words sound loud in my ears, awakening my desire. That desire I struggled so hard to control. “I like the taste of your lips, your skin, your pussy. And I want more. I want everything.”
“No…” I stutter.
“Yes.” He tugs on my top, pulling it down so the black lace of my bra and the swell of my breasts are exposed.
“We shouldn’t do this here.”
“I don’t care where we are.”
“Kade—"
He doesn’t give me another chance to protest. Before I can take my next breath his mouth crushes to mine for a searing kiss.
Oh my God.
I can’t do this again. I just can’t.
Mackenzie’s strong words ring through my mind, screaming at me to walk away if I don’t want this.
I don’t want this. But I do...
Then suddenly it doesn’t matter because his hot, demanding mouth sucks all the logic from my mind like a remorseless vortex in a maelstrom. The impact leaves my body dizzy and dazed and completely at the mercy of his devouring kiss.
Kade spreads his fingers through my hair, cupping the back of my head to kiss me harder.
Weak from the fire and possession of his demanding kiss, I sink into his body, allowing his tongue to dance with mine and explore my mouth like he wants to taste every inch of me.
He tastes delicious, feels delicious, and the passion in our kiss melts the vicious, devious exterior of the guy who wants to ruin me.
I allow myself to touch his chest and run my fingers over the solid, corded muscles you only find on a hardcore athlete.
Kade feels like forbidden temptation. Like something I could never have but now own all for myself.
That thought shoves me straight into the crazy rabbit hole I’ve been trying not to fall into. I plunge in headfirst and I know I’m in more trouble than I previously realized.
Kade grips my hair and wraps its length around his fist like rope. The tug heightens my arousal, making my pussy throb.
Damn it. I’m lost and I don’t know which way to turn or what I should do to find my way back. Or if I even want to go back.
A kiss like this can only have one conclusion, and I crave that.
His large hands leave my hair and trail down my body, finding my breasts.
I moan into his mouth when he squeezes them. Then he pins me in place and breaks the kiss so he can suck on my nipple through my clothes.
My entire body erupts with a deadly combo of fire and pleasure, and suddenly, like him, I don’t care where we are.
A desperate whimper falls from my lips like the notes of a song, and he stops sucking on my nipple to look at me.
“Still think you don’t want me?” His grip tightens around my waist.
“I… shouldn’t want you.”
“ Shouldn’t. That’s the second time you’ve said that word. That means you want to.”
“Let me go.”
“Fuck that. You’re not going anywhere. I’m just getting started with you.” With a mirthless grin, Kade takes my hand, guides it to the noticeable bulge in his pants, then clamps my fingers around his massive erection. “See what you do to me, Isabelle ?”
My mouth drops open and my entire body goes as rigid as steel when he forces my hand to move up and down the length of his cock through his pants.
Until Kade, the only thing I’ve ever done with anyone is kiss. Now I’m stroking Kade’s cock and the pleasure-filled look on his face is enough to drive me insane.
There is no way on this green earth that I would have ever believed that I—sweet little, Goody Two-Shoes Isabelle Kolyav—could make Kade Gurkovsky look like that for me.
A deep groan rumbles in his chest and he releases my hand to pull me close and kiss me again.
It’s a teasing kiss this time. One where he nibbles on my bottom lip then pins me again so he can place fiery kisses along my neck.
He buries his face between my cleavage and licks the tops of my breasts. “Show me.” His voice curls with longing and lust. “I want to suck your tits properly. I want you to take this off for me.” He pulls on the edge of my top again and his fingers flutter over the bare skin of my stomach.
Lust burns my brain, clearing away my last resolve and I obey. There’s nothing left inside my head telling me to stop.
All there is, is that insatiable greed of wanting more.
His eyes widen slightly when I pull my top off. But the way he looks at me when I undo the clasp on my bra and my breasts fall out is unreal.
It’s the way you’d look at a person when they’ve truly mesmerized you. It’s the way you’d look at captivating art, or when you hear a powerful song that pulls on your heartstrings.
“You’re beautiful,” he husks, then he picks me up and sets me on the table next to us.
He bends down and catches my nipple between his teeth, then he closes his whole mouth over my breast, taking in as much as he can.
His mouth on my bare skin bows my body to the sweet sensation.
Hot pleasure shoots through me and curls my toes. My back arches and Kade sucks harder, then alternates from one breast to the other.
I hold onto his shoulders but the pleasure becomes too much too soon, and I have to rest my hands on the table.
I grip the surface, gasping at the air as more mindless moans pour out of me.
“Oh God,” I cry.
“Do you like that, Lolita ?”
“Yes,” I hear myself say. It sounds like someone else is talking for me. I’ve either been possessed by a wicked demon or I’m under the control of a very evil puppet master.
Kade returns to my breast and sucks. I throw my head back, reaching for him again. He slips his arm around my waist and feasts on me like he’s devouring my entire body.
I can’t believe this is us. Or that we’re doing this in the library.
A moment of awareness passes through my mind but it’s not strong enough to bring me to my senses. There’s no chance of that happening when he nibbles his way down my body, pulls my skirt up to my waist, and props me up so he can nuzzle his face between my thighs.
He positions himself so he’s right between my legs, then he moves aside my panties and pushes his tongue right into my pussy. And holy fuck, it feels good.
I come straight away, all over his face, with his tongue teasing more pleasure out of me.
“More, Lolita?” His voice with the offer of more is the destroyer of my being.
“Yes.”