Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
Isabelle
Kade and I walk down the quiet road of Hemenway St. hand in hand. The moon shines bright in the sky, mingling with the streetlights and charging the air with excitement.
I haven’t been down here in months, and this is the first time I’ve been here at night.
I have no idea where Kade is taking me, but I’m so excited to be off campus with him that he could be leading me to the end of the earth, and I wouldn’t care.
At the same time, I’m anxious to know where we’re going.
This feels like another date, but we haven’t called it that. He called me earlier in the day and told me to be ready to leave at six. I was to wear a nice dress and have my hair down. I obliged him.
First, we went to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. Now we’re here, and it’s nice just being with him.
We’ve been so wrapped up in each other for the last two weeks that nothing else mattered but us.
It’s been beyond amazing. We’ve been inseparable, and I can’t even remember how I lived my life before him.
Everything feels easy with him. Even the hard stuff.
“This way.” He tugs on my hand with a bright smile.
“Kade, where are you taking me?”
“Don’t you like being surprised?” He throws me a cocky smile.
“No. I hate surprises.” I giggle.
“I don’t believe you. If you hated surprises, you wouldn’t look so excited every time I surprise you.”
We both laugh.
“Okay, maybe I don’t like the suspense before a surprise.”
He stops and takes both my hands into his. “It will be worth it. I promise.”
“Okay, I'll wait.”
“We’re nearly there.”
I answer with a smile, deeply enjoying this moment.
We round the corner, and then we’re on Huntington Ave, where the Museum of Fine Arts is situated.
“Here we are,” he says in an announcer voice.
“The art museum,” I beam. “I haven’t been here in a long time.”
“Oh, but there’s more. There’s an exhibition here tonight that you’re gonna love.”
I hug him. “Thank you so much. This couldn’t be more perfect. When we first started college, I signed up to be notified about the events. I managed to go to one before Christmas. I was hoping to see another, but time ran away from me.”
“Well, here we are.”
“What exhibition are they holding?”
“Let’s go in and see.” He waves me forward with a dazzling smile.
Feeling lighter, I follow his lead. I’m immersed in more excitement and placed right in my element from the moment we walk into the building and I see a poster for the Classical Art section.
I’ve always been this way when I’m around art. Something unlocks inside me and calls to my soul.
That’s why it hurt me deeply when Parker shook my dreams and confidence. It felt like he was attacking my identity.
Nothing more has happened with him since the other week. He seemed to be more careful with Lana after that day when I stopped by his office.
But my eyes are still open. People like that always leave loose ends.
Kade leads me into the foyer, and I nearly collapse when I see a poster advertising that tonight’s event is Christian Degas’ Shades of the Mind exhibition.
My breath stalls in my chest, and I look at Kade, who is staring at me with a wolfish grin on his face.
“Oh my God, Christian Degas?”
“I thought you’d like this. He’s actually hosting the exhibition.”
“He’s here?” My scalp tightens with more excitement.
“He’s here, and you’re gonna want to meet him.”
“Oh my gosh. I can’t believe this. How did you know he’d be here, and I didn’t?” I laugh nervously.
“You’ve been busy. I’ve been busy, too. Come on. Let’s go meet this idol of yours.”
Kade puts his arm around me and leads me to the hall where the exhibition is being held.
We walk in, and I see several of Christian Degas’ sculptures that I recognize. There’s his Weeping Mayor, Lady in the Cave, Haunted Lovers, and Tainted Father. Those are some of my favorites.
I’ve been following his work since I was ten. Mom loved him and was fortunate enough to do a summer placement with him when she was at Raventhorn. She got me hooked on him.
I can’t believe I’m here in the presence of his work and I’ll get to meet him.
It dawned on me the other day that I’d be in England now if things had gone to my original plan.
Now I’m here with guy who wreaked havoc in my life and captured my heart.
We move from sculpture to sculpture with the admiring fans, then I hear Christian Degas’ hearty voice. He speaks with the hint of a French accent.
He’s talking to a group of people up ahead, looking exactly like his pictures online. If not better for someone in their late fifties.
Long black hair adorns his head with a Van Gough beard on his chin. He’s wearing a black elegant turtleneck sweater under a Kiton suit. He looks every bit as sophisticated as his art.
I get star struck, but when he looks my way and smiles, my head spins.
I grab Kade’s arm, and he strokes my back.
“You’ll be fine.” Kade smiles down at me.
“There she is,” Christian announces to the people around him, but he’s looking at me.
Why is he looking at me?
And who is he talking about?
Surely, she can’t be me?
But he’s looking at me like he’s talking about me.
“Kade—”
“Come on.”
I tear my gaze away from Christian and glance up at Kade.
He’s not smiling anymore. There’s a contemplative look on his face, but his eyes are soft and less guarded than I’ve ever seen them.
I allow him to guide me toward Christian. When we reach him, Kade releases me and steps back.
Christian’s smile widens, and the welcoming expression on his face is something I won’t forget.
“Welcome, Isabelle Kolyav,” he says, taking my hand with both of his.
He knows my name. There’s something going on here. There’s no way he’d recognize me just from my application for the scholarship. There were fifty students on the program, and I basically didn’t make the cut. Maybe that’s why he knows me.
No. That makes no sense.
And I realize I’m just staring.
“Mr. Degas. I’m such a huge fan of your work.” I can barely get the words out. “It’s so wonderful to meet you.”
“The pleasure is all mine, my dear. I was so thrilled to receive your sculpture and even more excited that you agreed to have it featured in tonight’s exhibition.”
My chest constricts and my skin suddenly feels like it's too tight for my body. I stare at him and wonder if I’ve fallen asleep. Because what is he talking about?
“My… sculpture?”
“Yes, come have a look. Everyone is as fascinated with it as I am. I couldn’t wait to meet you tonight.”
I blink several times in utter disbelief but will my legs to move when he ushers me forward.
We walk ahead, passing a few of Christian’s newer creations, and there, right there in the center of the room, is my sculpture. My lady in the meadow.
But how?
Kade smashed it. I saw the pieces on the ground.
But it’s here.
“It’s absolutely marvelous work.” Christian raises his hands as if in praise to me.
“Thank you.” My voice is hardly audible.
“It’s a shame you can’t start with us at Cambridge until September, but as far as I’m concerned, you will always have a placement with me.”
“Oh my gosh, thank you so much from the bottom my heart.”
“Like I said before, the pleasure is mine. I’d love to meet in the week to talk about your future plans, if you're free.”
If I’m free… “I’m absolutely free.”
“Wonderful. I’ll tell you all about my internship program. I usually take interns I’m interested in for work in the summer. We work together every summer until graduation, then all the fun starts when we tour Europe for the fulltime internship.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Take that, Parker, you asshole.
“That sounds like a dream to me.”
His smile brightens. “Then I look forward to the future. Enjoy the night.”
“Thank you.”
He gives me a curt nod then is whisked away by a woman I think is a journalist.
Shaking from anticipation and shock, I turn around and look back at Kade. He’s still standing where I left him.
He staring back at me, watching me piece together what just happened.
He didn’t destroy my sculpture. He sent it to Christian Degas, who now wants me on his internship program.
I make my way back to him, my legs shaking, but when I reach him, I throw my arms around him.
Tears of happiness stream down my cheeks and my heart sings when he pulls me flush against him.
“You…” I mutter in his ear.
“What me?”
“Surprised me.”
His hot breath tickles my skin. “Told you you like surprises.”
I laugh through my tears, and we part.
“It turns out I do.”
“I was right, wasn’t I? He wants to keep you, doesn’t he?”
“Yes. He wants to talk about his internship program. How did you do it? I saw the sculpture smashed.” I pull back to stare at him.
“I made a mold of it and took the real one away.”
“Why would you do that, Kade?”
“I told you. I didn’t want you to leave Raventhorn.” He presses his nose to mine.
My heart squeezes. “You wanted me to stay that much?”
“Yes.”
“I torched your bike.”
He grins back at me. “Don’t worry about that.”
He pulls me back in, close to his heart, and I savor the sound of the steady beat.
Warmth surrounds my heart. It starts right there in my core and spreads over my skin like wildfire. If I thought I could stop myself from falling for this guy, I was wrong. I never stood a chance.
And I feel happy. I actually feel happy. It’s been so long since I felt anything close that it feels foreign to me, yet so right.
Just like Kade.
I wake the next morning to the rays of the radiant sun drifting through my bedroom window.
Kade stayed over last night.
I can hear him downstairs padding around, so I get out of bed and pull on my nightshirt.
Quickly, I freshen up and make my way downstairs.
After last night, I’m still on cloud nine. My mind is buzzing with ideas, hope, and excitement.
I can’t believe I met Christian Degas and have my future laid out with him. I feel like I’m walking around in a dream.
When I reach the living room and see the handsome man standing next to my sofa fixing my notebooks, I fully believe I’m living that dream.
He’s dressed and ready to go. It’s Sunday, my lazy day. So, I hope to spend it with him.
I walk up to him, and he pulls me in for a kiss.
“Morning,” he whispers over my lips.
“Morning. Thank you for last night.”
“Which parts? Christian Degas? Or all the things we did here?”
“All of it.”
He presses a tender kiss to my lips. It feels different to the passionate kisses we usually share.
When he inches away, there’s a troubled look in his eyes that grips me.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, holding his gaze.
He reaches out and touches my cheek. “If I asked you to be my girl, what would you say?”
My heart nearly drops into my stomach and the skin on the back of my neck stands on end.
We stare at each other, our eyes locked in the moment as I search his, checking to see if I heard him right. “What did you just say?”
“You heard me, Lolita.”
“I’d say yes.”
“Could you be mine and we move forward, forgetting the past?”
I’m about to say yes, but the elephant between us stops me.
That plan of mine to clear the air between us floats into my mind, and I freeze up.
He’s offering me what I wanted—to be with him.
If I mention that thing, will it take us back to that push and pull of tension and angst? Will it spoil this?
He hated me back then. I don’t want him to hate me.
But I want to find out why he did.
On seeing my hesitation, he strokes my cheek.
“Tell me. I know there’s a lot we have to talk about.”
“You never told me what I did to you. I’ve searched my mind looking through every corner for the answer, but I can’t find it. What did I take that I can’t give back?” My heart speeds when I remember back in January when we were at each other’s throats. He wanted to ruin me. “I have to know why you hated me so much.”
Kade hangs his head, and when he lifts it, he nods. But he looks like a person who's seen the outcome of a situation and is hoping for something else to happen.
“Sit. I’ll tell you.” He guides me to sit on the sofa and joins me, facing me.
“If we have to sit, it must be bad.”
“It’s… not good.” He waits for a moment, staring at the patterns on my rug like he’s contemplating his words, then his eyes finally meet mine. “Remember when you told me about meeting a hacker at the gallery when you were fifteen?”
“Yes.” I keep my eyes on his, wondering what that has to do with him.
“I knew about him before.”
A lump rises in my throat. “What do you mean? I’ve never told anyone that story. Only my father.”
“I knew because when I was trying to find out what happened to my parents, I tracked things back to that event.”
I stare back at him open-mouthed. “What do you mean? What are you saying to me?”
“My father was at the same gallery hosting an exhibition for my mother. The hacker was trying to get to my father. I know about the code you put into the system. I believe the hacker was from the Malina. They used that code to track down my father in Greece, then they killed him and my mother.”
I bolt up, feeling bile rise into my throat. It burns, but nothing hurts more than the realization of what he’s trying to tell me.
I shake my head. “No. Don’t tell me… Don’t tell me that I…” I can’t say it.
My nerves feel like they're ripping apart strand by strand, and I cover my mouth as dark dread clamors up my chest.
My eyes meet his again, and the memories of the last few months flow into my mind. Every single one of them.
It started at that party when the freshman year began. That was when he said I was beneath him, and when we came back after the Christmas break, I caught him watching me. He looked like he wanted to kill me.
I took something from him I can’t give back.
His parents.
“It was me.” I mouth the words as a tear tips over my lids. “I helped the people who killed your parents. It’s because of me they're dead. It’s my fault.”
Saying the words outside my head feels like damnation, and I should be damned.
I remember when I first saw him. He was there at Raventhorn Academy because of me, and I never knew it.
He moved from his life in Orange County because of me.
He spent the last few years of his life as an orphan because of me.
Oh God, what have I done?
And he knew. He knew this whole time.
Kade stands and rests his hands on my shoulder. “I don’t blame you. You were used. You were trying to find out what happened to your mother. The same as me.”
“It’s not the same thing. My actions, my foolish, foolish actions did this to you.” Tears pour out of my eyes like heavy rain.
“You didn’t know. That’s why they used you.”
“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you or anyone.”
“I know you are.”
I gaze into his eyes, and my mind tracks back to his original question. He asked me if I could be his and move on from the past. I understand the question more fully now.
“You still want to be with me, knowing what I did?” I look at him in disbelief.
“I know I don’t blame you.”
“But you were right to do so.”
“No. I’ve moved on from that.”
“Why? How can you?”
“Because I love you.”
Rugged breaths ripple through my chest as his words wrap around my mind. There was a time in my life when I would have sold my soul to hear those words. I still would—more than ever. Back then, I didn’t know what it was like to be with him, or to be in love with him. Now I do.
And I can’t have him.
“I love you, too. That’s why I can’t do this.” The tightness in my chest returns, feeling like a thousand clamps are pressing down on my lungs.
That cautious look in his eyes returns, too, telling me he knew what I would say.
“You’re mine, so I’m not gonna let you go.”
“You have to. You can’t forgive me for this, Kade. It doesn’t matter why I did it, or how sorry I am. You mustn’t forgive me. I can’t even forgive myself.”
He releases me with a heavy sigh and shrugs. “I meant what I said. I’m not gonna let you go. Take whatever time you need. I’ll be waiting. You liked me first, but that was because you saw me first. When I saw you, I loved you. I just didn’t know it at the time, Lolita.”
He steps away from me, but his words stay in my heart.
I watch him go, and my soul crumbles under the weight of the truth.
I don’t know what to do. The darkness surrounding my heart feels like it’s going to swallow me whole and leave nothing behind, so I’ll never be able to breathe again.
I made bad decisions because of Parker. I couldn’t even tell Kade about him. I’ve done enough.
All the things I did back then are on me. Not Parker.
And now everything is a mess, and I can’t fix it.