Chapter 3
can i go with you?
MIA
September
“So, what happened?” Dad asks once we’re settled at the table in his small kitchen.
I lower my eyes to my cup of hot chocolate, not sure where to start. What if he doesn’t know about the marriage thing? Do I really want to be the bearer of bad news?
I guess it’s too late for that.
I look up at him and spit it out, no more hesitation. “Did Mom and Allan tell you they got married?”
His eyes soften, and a crooked smile plays on his lips.
The crack in my heart fissures a little more. “You knew?”
He leans back. “Of course.”
“And…how do you feel about it?”
“How do…” He narrows his eyes, looking shrewder than my always-kind father ever has. “Wait, let’s start with you. Why did your mom ground you?”
I cup my mug with both hands, relishing its warmth as I tell him about the announcement at dinner and my reaction.
“Mia…” He blanches then shakes his head. “That’s not okay. You know better than to speak like that to your mom. I didn’t raise you to behave that way.”
“You always told Matt and me to respect other people, to take their feelings into consideration. What they did to you? That’s not what good people do.”
“Baby, you don’t know all the details of our history.
Your mom and I fell in love when we were still in college, and we got married shortly after we graduated.
Matt was born, then you, and for a while, we were really happy.
But with every year, it became clearer and clearer that…
we were going through the motions. We don’t share any common interests; we wanted different things out of life.
We fell into a routine, and for a long time, we fooled ourselves into thinking we were happy. ”
“But…”
He lifts his hand. “Please let me finish, okay?”
I snap my mouth shut and nod.
“Two and a half years ago, I got an offer from a college in Chicago. The pay would’ve been great. They promised to line up housing and help get you and Matt enrolled in school. It sounded perfect to me…but your mom said no.”
I suck in a breath. “What? Why?”
“Because she loves her life here, and I can’t blame her.
” He shrugs. “I always wanted to travel, to see more of the world. I’ve always been hungry for new knowledge and new experiences, but she’s never felt the same.
You have no idea how many arguments your mom and I had because of our trips to Tahoe. ”
“I thought you loved Tahoe…” I frown down at my cocoa.
“I do, sweetie, but going there year after year? For a person who dreams about visiting new places, discovering new countries, it gets old.” He smiles sadly.
“And each year, our arguments got worse. We’d go days without speaking unless you and Matt were around.
” He sips his coffee, his focus fixed on me.
“We tried to work through our issues. We even went to marriage counseling, but it felt like using a ventilator on a person who’s been dead for years.
Having to turn down that job offer was the last straw.
I couldn’t do it any longer, so I asked for a divorce. ”
My heart stops. “You?”
He nods. “Yeah, and she didn’t put up a fight. By that point, we both knew it was inevitable. We just weren’t sure who’d be the one to take that step. In the end, it was me.”
Tears stream down my face. My vision is so blurry, I can’t make out his expression. I had no idea.
“Sweetie, please don’t cry.” He angles forward and wipes away my tears with his thumbs. “It was for the best. Kids need to see their parents happy, and we weren’t.”
“But what about her and Allan? How could your best friend do this to you?”
He drags a hand down his face. “Your mom and Allan have been friends their whole lives. Did you know that? They even dated in high school.”
“What?”
Lips pressed together, he nods. “I never really asked about it. I didn’t want to know.
What I do know is that after they broke up, they remained friends.
They went to different colleges, where Allan met Liz and where your mom met me.
When we all settled here in Monterey, we fell into a comfortable friendship pretty quickly.
” Dad licks his lips. “I admit, I was a bit salty when they came to me—long after our divorce was final—and told me they were dating, but all I wanted was for your mom to be happy. And Allan makes her happy. They’re good for each other. ”
My whole body deflates, my anger dissipating. “Maybe he does.”
“He loves you and Matt, and that means a lot to me. If there’s anyone in this world who can take good care of my kids when I’m not there, it’s Allan.
” Dad takes a sip of his coffee, watching me.
“I don’t hold any grudges, and I’m happy for them.
I swear, sweetie. You don’t need to feel sad or offended on my behalf. ”
I take a sip of my lukewarm hot chocolate and sniffle. “I’m the worst person on Earth.”
A sad smile plays on his lips. “You definitely weren’t kind tonight, but part of the blame lies with me and your mom. We should’ve sat you down and explained everything from the very beginning.”
“I…I’ll apologize to Mom and Allan.” I lower my head, blinking back tears.
He nods. “I know I can trust you to make things right, but don’t get your hopes up about the being grounded thing. Your mom never backtracks once she’s doled out consequences.”
I divert my attention to my nails, cursing the tears that still blur my vision. “Yeah, luck is definitely not on my side. So much for playing Alice.”
“That sucks.” He cups my hand on top of the table. “But take it as a lesson, and try not to make that mistake again.”
I meet his gaze, my lips trembling. “Could you talk to Mom? Please? Try to convince her to at least let me try out? This is important to me.”
He scratches his face, his eyes darting away.
Dread pools in my stomach. “Is something wrong?”
“Remember I told you about my job interview? That college in Phoenix?”
“Uh-huh.” I nod. He mentioned it to Matt and me several weeks ago.
“I didn’t want to say anything until I knew for certain, but…” He clears his throat and forces himself to look at me. “I’m leaving for Phoenix next week to tour the campus and talk to the dean.”
Dumbstruck, I gape at him. The longer I stare, the heavier the weight in my stomach feels.
“What do you mean?” I ask hoarsely.
“The tenured philosophy professor thought he’d teach one more year, but he’s had health issues, so they need to fill his spot quickly.”
I set my mug on the table and stand slowly. Holding Dad’s gaze, I back away, only stopping when I bump into the fridge. “You can’t do this to me.”
“Mia…”
“You told me they reached out to you. That’s it.” The tears are back, flowing faster than ever. “Why are you doing this?”
I hide my face in my hands, my whole body shuddering. His chair scrapes over the tile, and then he’s striding across the room and clutching me to him, his chin resting on the top of my head.
“Shh, sweetie, don’t cry. At first, we were just talking, discussing the possibility, but the offer came out of the blue a couple days ago.
It’s not set in stone. I wanted to wait until I had definitive answers before I told you.
Maybe I’ll hate the campus; maybe I won’t like the people I work with.
” He sighs, his body curling around mine protectively. “I feel awful for making you cry.”
“What am I going to do here without you?”
I’ve always been a daddy’s girl. I’ve always preferred to spend time with him over my mom.
He understands me, and he’s always shown me just how much he loves me, no matter what.
I’ve always had to earn my mom’s love, and she’s always been quick to take it away when I don’t do exactly what she wants.
Dad loves me unconditionally, but her love comes with rules and restrictions.
I already see him less than I’d like to, and if he moves to Phoenix? My heart pinches so violently, I worry it’s completely cracked in two.
“You’ll visit, and I will too.”
“It won’t be the same.” I sniffle.
“I know, sweetie, but you won’t be alone. You’ll have Matt, your mom, Chiara. And Allan and Dominic too. They’ll all be here for you.”
I rear back, searching his face. “But you will be alone.”
“Unfortunately.” He ruffles my hair, giving me a half-hearted smile. “But that’s okay. You don’t need to worry about me. I promise.”
One thought overtakes me, and the need to voice it burns the tip of my tongue. But I’m afraid to ask, worried I won’t get the answer I want. I swallow the bile clogging my throat and pull my shoulders back, determined to go for it anyway.
“Can I go with you?”
Dad blinks then blinks again. “Mia, I don’t think—”
“I don’t want you to be all alone,” I say. “I can go to school in Phoenix. It’s not a big deal.”
“I shouldn’t be the one to tell you this, because they were going to surprise you all at dinner, but Allan and your mom bought a new house. It’s really big, and it has a pool. And…”
The more he talks, the lower my heart sinks. Eventually, his words stop registering. I don’t want any of this. I don’t want a new house. I don’t want a new family. I don’t want him to leave.
I want my old life back.
“You’ll all have your own rooms. You, Matt, and Dominic.”
That comment sinks in, and my chest tightens, as if all the oxygen has been sucked from the room. Dominic. I’ll be living under the same roof as Dominic fucking Watson.
The guy I’ve been crushing on since I was eleven, for fuck’s sake.
“Dad.” I clear my throat, interrupting his ramblings. “I’ll let it go, but only if you promise one thing. If I ask to come with you again, in the future, you’ll let me.”
“In the future?”
I quickly wipe away my tears with my knuckles. “If after I move into this new house with my…my new family, I realize I can’t do it…if I still want to live with you—you’ll let me.”
“Mia, I don’t think your mom—”
“I don’t care.” I stomp my foot. “She didn’t think about me when she married Allan or when she bought a house, so why should I think about her?” I clench my jaw, holding his gaze. “Please, Dad. Promise me.”
With a long sigh, he dips his chin. “You have my word.”
I bury my face in his chest and wrap my arms around his torso. “Thank you so much.”
“Anything for my little girl.”
Dad side-eyes me, though he doesn’t turn my way as he navigates our street. He called Mom first thing this morning to inform her I was at his place. The yelling I could hear clearly through the phone wasn’t a surprise at all.
Neither was the additional punishment, I guess. I’m grounded for one more month, which means any plans I might have made for my fourteenth birthday have gone down the drain.
Dad pulls into the driveway and kills the engine. “Ready?”
“To be yelled at?” I shrug. “Whatever. It’s nothing new.”
“Sweetie.” He shifts to face me. “She loves you. She just got scared, that’s all.”
“I was with you. Why would she be scared?”
“You snuck out of the house. Anything could’ve happened—”
“If it weren’t for Dominic, I would’ve gone back to my room.” I roll my shoulders, trying to get rid of the tension that’s made its way to my bones. “She’s being overly dramatic, as always.”
“Who do you think you got it from?” Dad chuckles.
Groaning, I climb out of his car with my backpack pressed to my chest. “Are you coming in?”
“Sorry. I have a lot to do before my trip…”
So much for relieving the tension. “Yeah, your trip to Phoenix.” I shake my head and turn away. “Bye, Dad.”
“See you, sweetie. I love you.”
I wave without looking back. “Love you too.”
My feet feel like lead as I make my way to the front door. This is literally the last place I want to be, but for now, I don’t have any other choice. During their phone call, Mom insisted Dad bring me home immediately.
Probably so she’d have more time to torture me.
As I step into the house, I’m instantly surrounded by empty moving boxes. They’re littered all over the foyer and down the hallway.
“Mia, is that you?” Mom yells.
“Yeah.”
There’s a shuffle of cardboard and some footsteps, and then she appears in the doorway of the living room. Eyes narrowed, she studies me. Then, she sighs.
“This behavior is unacceptable. I hope you know—”
“I’m grounded till the end of October. Dad told me.” I rock back on my heels, looking at my feet instead of her. “I’m sorry for what I said. It was wrong, and it won’t happen again.”
“And?”
I raise my eyes to look at her. “And I won’t run away again. I promise.”
“Good.” She nods. “Your dad told me you know about the move.”
Brow arched, I scan the dozens of boxes then nod.
“Okay, then go start packing. I left boxes in your room. We want to be moved in by next Friday.”
She goes back to the living room while I stand in the foyer, once again considering running away from this place and from my mom.