Chapter 6
god, i hate him
MIA
November
Dad and I sit on one side of the dining room table while Mom, Matt, and Allan sit on the other. I’ve tuned out of the conversation. Instead, I’m trailing my finger over the tabletop, wishing I was in my room drawing. They’ve been going back and forth for an hour already, and I’m exhausted.
I won’t change my mind.
I want to live with my dad.
“Monica.” Dad sighs, his hands splayed on the table. “I get you’re upset, but maybe stop for a second and think about what’s best for our daughter, okay?”
“Are you kidding me?” she snarls, her whole body recoiling. “That’s what I’m doing. Staying here with her family is what’s best for her. She has friends here, her drama club.”
“Interesting you’d mention drama club.” Dad tilts his head to the side.
“Did you know they’re putting on a production of Alice in Wonderland in December?
” He arches a brow. “And did you know that since you forbade Mia from participating in extracurriculars, she couldn’t audition?
Now that she’s no longer grounded, she’s helping Ms. Rodriguez with decorations, but the parts were already cast, so she won’t actually perform. Am I right, sweetie?”
I look up. “Yeah, you’re right.”
Mom pales.
“I don’t know about you,” he goes on, “but in my opinion, making her sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else do what she’s always wanted to do is a little extreme as far as punishments go, no?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mom says, her eyes now fixed on me, full of sorrow.
I shrug. “I did. The day you grounded me, I told you I planned to audition. You said, ‘Not anymore.’”
She hides her face in her hands, her shoulders trembling. In this moment, I wonder if I’m a horrible person. I don’t feel even a little sympathy for her. I just want her to agree so I can go back to my room and start packing.
“Are you living in an apartment or a house?” Allan asks Dad.
“A house.”
“And the college will help you get her into school?”
He dips his chin. “Yes.”
“Mia,” Allan says my name softly, and I turn to look at him. “Do you really want to move to Phoenix? Yes, you’ll have your dad, but you’ll go to a new school and have to make new friends. And your brother and Dom won’t be there to look after you.”
It takes everything in me not to react to his name. My heart hurts, though the rest of my body feels numb. All I need to do is close my eyes, and that redhead’s moans fill my head again.
“I understand. It’ll be challenging, but I want to live with my dad.”
Allan gives me a gentle smile. “Then I think we should let you.”
I nod, all the tension in my muscles releasing.
Mom straightens and drops her hands. She stares daggers at my dad. Clearly, she blames him for this, even though I told her in the beginning that I asked. This is my choice. She can barely stand me, but she’s upset I’m leaving? More than anything, I think she’s mad I’m choosing Dad over her.
She’s always been jealous of my bond with him, yet she’s never shown me unconditional love. She created this divide, not Dad. If it wasn’t for him and Matt, I don’t know what I’d do.
I’m doing her a favor by leaving. Now, she can focus all her attention on her new family.
“Mom.” Matt places his hand on hers. “Let her go. Mia wants to stay with Dad, and we need to respect her wishes.”
“But what if something happens? She’ll be all alone!”
Allan wraps his arm around her shoulder.
“We’ll fly out to help her, or we’ll bring her home.
” He looks at me warmly. “I may not be your dad, and I’d never want to replace him, but I love you like my own daughter.
” Focusing on my mom again, he says, “I’ll do anything to keep her safe and happy.
And now, for her to be happy, she needs to go and live with her father. ”
Mom turns to her husband, her eyes red-rimmed.
“Luke is an amazing dad, always has been.” He nods at my dad. “If he tells you he can do this, he can.”
Tingling warmth spreads through my limbs, my heart full of gratitude for Allan. For months, I’ve been angry about the two of them getting together, and in that time, I’ve forgotten how much I like him. Honestly, remembering that now makes me feel bad about how I’ve treated him lately.
For a long moment, Mom is silent. The rest of us sit there, holding our breath, waiting for her answer.
Finally, she fixes her focus on me. “If you want to live with your dad, if you think you’ll be happier there, I won’t stop you.” She shifts her gaze to Dad. “If you promise to take care of her and make her well-being your top priority, I’ll agree.”
“I will. You don’t even need to ask me.”
She chews on her bottom lip. “We should get in contact with the local school, find out when she can start.”
“I did a little research on my way here. Looks like all we need to do is fill out some paperwork. I can have her bedroom set up in two weeks.”
“In two weeks?” Mom yelps. “Is—”
“Monica, you promised,” Allan tells her firmly.
“Fine,” she snips. “Matt, Mia, go to your rooms. We have details to discuss.”
Without another word, Matt and I stand and hurry out of the room. Dad has my back, and from the looks of it, Allan does too, so I don’t think I have to worry about Mom backing out of the agreement. Even so, I just want to be out of this room.
“I’ll help you pack,” my brother says as we climb the stairs. “Want to spend as much time as I can with my little sister. If that’s okay with you, of course.”
My heart pangs. I really will miss him. “I’d really appreciate it.”
Just as I open my bedroom door, Dominic’s swings open, and he steps into the hall.
“What’s the verdict?” he asks.
“I’m leaving in two weeks.”
He smirks. “Congratulations.”
“As if you care,” I mutter as I step into my room.
I linger just inside, debating whether I should say something.
Of course, my pettiness wins, so I whip around and shoot him a glare.
“And next time your girl is over, ask her to keep it down. She was yelling so loud, I thought you were butchering her.”
“Burn.” Matt bursts into laughter and follows me into my room.
Though it’s tempting, I don’t check for Dominic’s reaction before I close the door.
As I stand in my mostly-empty bedroom, my chest hurts.
I want to live with my dad, but leaving is bittersweet.
Most of my things are already waiting for me in Phoenix—Dad had them shipped—while some are packed in the suitcase beside my bed.
The room won’t be totally empty. I’m leaving the furniture so I can visit during holidays or long weekends.
“Anytime you want to come home, to visit or to stay, you’re welcome,” Allan told me this morning.
The thing is, I’m not sure I want to.
“Hey, little one.”
I turn my head and meet my brother’s eyes. He has his hand pressed to his chest, like he’s trying to catch his breath.
“Hi,” I say as he steps in and closes the door behind him. “How was practice?”
“Good. Coach made us run an extra mile after he overheard a few of the guys making crude jokes. I was afraid I’d be late…” he huffs.
“Did you run here?”
“I did.” He crooks a smile, but it dies almost instantly. “Mia, do you really wanna do this? I mean…we can visit Dad on holidays, on—”
“I’m not happy here.” We’ve been over this a million times in the past two weeks. He won’t leave it alone. “Besides, Dad deserves to have someone by his side. Moving to another state, starting his life over from scratch…I want to be there for him.”
He threads his fingers through his sweaty, tousled hair, head lowered and shoulders sinking.
Taking a deep breath, I step into him and hug him tightly, ignoring the sweat soaking his T-shirt.
“You’ll always be my big brother. Living in different states won’t change that.”
He squeezes me so hard, it forces all the air from my lungs. “I’m just… How am I supposed to keep an eye on you if you’re not here? What if someone wants to hurt you?”
Head dropped back, I bark out a laugh. “My big, overprotective brother.” I lean away, looking up at him. “Not sure if I’m going to miss that part.”
Laughing, he presses his cheek to the top of my head. “Well, I’m gonna miss you. For real. Never thought it was possible. You were an annoying little monkey who I needed to look after constantly. Now? It feels so weird that you won’t be around.”
I take a step back and give him a skeptical look. “Your best friend—your stepbrother—will keep you company. I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to have me out of the picture.”
“Don’t say that. Dom cares about you, just like I do. Don’t forget, he helped me bring it up to Mom and Allan in the first place.”
With an eye roll, I saunter to my suitcase. “Yeah, probably so he could get rid of me. Anyway, we should go. I don’t want to be late.”
He studies me in silence, a deep frown etched onto his face. “Is Mom coming home to see you off?”
“Mom and I said our goodbyes before she left for work this morning.” I walk out of my room with Matthew in tow, head lowered, watching my feet. “Allan too.”
“What’s going on?” he asks, knowing me well enough to notice the change in my mood.
“Nothing.” I shrug, not bothering to look at him. “Her goodbye included reminding me of how disappointed she is I made this decision and telling me she hopes Dad screws up so I return home.”
Groaning, he catches my elbow and turns me to face him. “I’m sorry. Mom is—”
“Mom,” I finish for him, giving him a small grin. “Stop worrying. Everything’s going to be fine. I’ll be with Dad; he’ll look after me.”
His lips tug downward, and his eyes go misty. “I wish things were different.”
“It’s fine, I promise. This is what I want,” I say, forcing my chin up.
He opens his mouth to say something but then closes it again, as if he changed his mind.
“Let’s go,” I say. “Dad had to run a couple of errands. He’s meeting me at the airport, and I don’t want to be late.”
Silently, Matt takes my suitcase from me, and we head downstairs and out the front door.
The crisp November wind lashes at my skin, sending goosebumps skittering all over my body.
Biting my bottom lip, I scan the street, soaking in all the details.
As I commit it to memory, my eyes prickle with unwelcome tears.
I press my teeth harder into my bottom lip to stop the waterworks. And here I thought saying bye to Chiara was hard.
As I force my chin up, ready to move on from the emotion, a familiar frame catches my gaze, its annoyingly beautiful eyes on me.
Dominic.
Damn him. I did so well avoiding him for the last two weeks, but of course, he shows up when it’s time to leave.
“Hey.” He stops next to us, hands in his jeans pockets, a white hoodie making his sun-kissed skin stand out. He assesses me, the scrutiny making annoyance bubble inside me. “Leaving already?”
“Don’t pretend like you’re gonna miss me.”
“Didn’t plan to, actually.” He crooks a smile, making me want to punch him in the face.
Beside me, Matt sighs. “Don’t you two think this would be a good time to stop arguing?”
“No,” Dominic and I say at the same time.
Cheeks heating, I flip him off and fold my arms over my chest. God, I hate him.
“I’m kinda sad you’re leaving.”
“What?” I ask. “Disappointed you won’t have anyone to make fun of anymore?”
Disappointed you won’t have an audience to hear you fuck your girl in your room?
There’s no way I’m saying it aloud, even though it’s tempting.
After the party, it was like he was trying to prove something, bringing that redhead to his room almost every night once our parents went to bed, banging her for several hours straight.
They weren’t nearly as loud as that first night, but since we share a wall, I still heard way too much.
It got so bad, I had to resort to sleeping with my headphones on.
Every night, my resentment for him grew, even if it’s been hard to convince my heart he’s an asshole.
He looks down at me, unblinking, then runs his fingers through his blond hair. “No. I think I got used to you.”
My heart skips a beat at the gentleness in his tone.
Instantly, I scold myself. He no longer matters, I repeat in my mind. He no longer matters. He no longer matters. Damn…I’m lying to myself again.
“You’ll be fine,” I mutter.
“Let’s go, little one. We need to leave.” Matt heads to his car.
Nerves rush through me, as if it’s only now dawning on me that I really am leaving my old life behind. My brother. My mom. My friends. Dominic. My mouth goes dry, and tears threaten to fall. That’s when I turn and follow my brother. I won’t let Dominic see me upset.
Matt puts my suitcase in the trunk, and once we’re both buckled in, I look out the window as he drives away from the house.
Dominic stands still, focused on the car.
He and Matt are opposites, like yin and yang, when it comes to looks.
Golden blond versus jet-black. Hazel versus dark blue.
Matthew is bulky; Dominic is lean but still muscular.
They’re so different, yet they share so many traits.
Sadness overwhelms me, and my heart constricts painfully.
I’ll miss Matt so damn much. Not seeing my brother every day will be the hardest thing to get used to.
Unlike not seeing Dominic.
That will be good for me. It’ll give this crush time to go away.