Chapter 19
if there is an us
MIA
September
When the first notes of “Back to You” play, I squeal and turn up the volume.
“What?” Dom peers over at me. “Another one of your favorites?”
Rather than answer, I sing along, tapping my foot.
He sneaks glances at me as he drives, grinning and shaking his head. When he told me I could control the music, I bet he didn’t think he’d have to sit through a Mia Ashton concert, but here I am, singing all my favorite songs at the top of my lungs.
Honestly, after he opened up about his crushed dreams, I was desperate to make him smile, to distract him from the painful memories. So far, my plan is working—even if he thinks I have questionable taste in music.
“Wanna grab breakfast?” he asks once the song ends. “I told Clay we’d be there at nine thirty.” He nods at the car’s display, where the GPS indicates at this rate, we’ll be there an hour early.
“Breakfast sounds good.”
He takes the next exit and pulls into the parking lot of a small diner. The morning air is cold, and I consider putting on my jacket. Knowing I’ll take it right back off inside, I leave it on the passenger seat.
I round the car, rubbing at the goosebumps on my arms. I’m distracted, not watching where I’m going, and I stumble into Dominic’s chest. Instinctively, he wraps his arms around my waist and holds me close.
“If you wanted my hands on you, all you had to do was ask,” he murmurs.
I rise onto my tiptoes, bringing my lips a hairsbreadth from his. “I prefer spontaneity. Now we know you still have good reflexes.”
He closes the distance, and his lips are on mine, kissing me so slowly, it feels like torture.
My body comes to life, humming and throbbing in all the right ways, but a diner parking lot twenty minutes outside of Santa Clara is no place for a hookup.
Neither is the backseat of a vehicle that belongs to Dominic’s NHL-player client.
He breaks the kiss, panting, his pupils blown out as he presses me against the car.
My nerve endings light up in response. The pure power he possesses, the dominance, turns me on and makes it hard to breathe.
“I’m so glad you decided to come with me,” he whispers.
“Me too.”
We stand like that for a long moment, and comfort wraps around me like a warm blanket. My heartbeat slows and steadies, my muscles loosening.
It’s surprising, really, this calm sensation.
We’re both stubborn and dominant in our own ways, but in this moment, it’s easy to believe we might truly have a connection that runs deeper than attraction.
I see right past his rough edges, through his asshole behavior, to the man beneath.
The man with the ability to steal my heart.
“Let’s go,” he says.
Draping his arm over my shoulder, he steers me toward the entrance of the diner. I snuggle closer to him, relishing the scent of sandalwood, coffee, and tobacco.
Ninety minutes later, Dominic and Clay Rodgers stand beside the car while Dom details all the work he did.
They’re the same height, though Clay is a little bulkier.
His tee hugs his broad shoulders in a way that makes it look as though it’s ready to rip at the seams. He’s easy on the eyes, with auburn hair and a neatly trimmed beard.
His genuinely kind demeanor only makes him more attractive.
He tried to talk us into having breakfast with him as a thank-you for making the trip.
I wouldn’t have minded talking hockey with him, but my stomach is still full of the strawberry pancakes I ordered at the diner. So, we politely declined.
I chose to wait near the loaner to give them some privacy, but when Dominic nods in my direction, Clay breaks into a knowing grin, as if he knows something is going on between Dom and me and finds it amusing.
I guess I can’t blame him. After all, I’ve found myself wrapped up in a man who is both my stepbrother and my brother’s best friend.
I can’t begin to imagine which of those truths would trigger a stronger reaction from our family… if they find out about us.
Us…
If there is an us. It seems unlikely, considering our pasts, our current situations, and our family, but it’s still way too early to even think about it.
They shake hands, and Dominic saunters my way. Behind him, Clay shoots me a wink, so I give him a small wave.
Dom stops in front of me. “Ready to go?”
“Back to Monterey?”
He brushes his knuckles over my cheek. “How about a day at an amusement park?”
I scoff, but he only arches his eyebrow. “Wait…you’re serious?”
“Yeah. I’m a sucker for an adrenaline rush.” He leans in. “How about you?”
I wince. “I’m not sure you remember, but I had a mild concussion when I was—”
“Eight. What about it?”
He remembers. My stomach flutters, butterflies taking flight.
I smile. “I have problems with my vestibular system. I get nauseous very easily.”
He curls his arm around my waist and pulls me against his chest. “We’ll only ride the ones you think you can handle. And the Ferris wheel. That one is nonnegotiable.”
I look up and study his face—his hazel eyes surrounded by long eyelashes, his stubble, his plump lips. How could I say no to him? I pop up onto my tiptoes, put my hand on the back of his neck, and pull his face down to me.
“Only if you promise to win me a stuffed animal.”
“Anything for you.” With that, he covers my lips with his.
Clutching a huge pink teddy bear to my chest, I unlock my phone and navigate to the messages app. I have no idea how I’ll explain this giant toy to my family, considering Mom and Matt think I’m staying at Chiara’s. But this is mine, and there’s no way I’m getting rid of it.
Chiara:
Any fun plans for the weekend?
Tessa:
My only plan is to survive. I have a shit ton of homework
Chiara:
Think you’ll have time to hang out?
Tessa:
Maybe. Isn’t there a bonfire tomorrow night?
Me:
That’s next Saturday
Chiara:
Wow. Look who finally joined the chat
Jeff:
How is Dominic?
Tessa:
Wait…WHAT?! Why am I always out of the loop?
Mia left the chat.
Chiara added Mia to the chat.
I scoff and type out a response.
Me:
He’s fine, and I never tell any of you anything
I silence my phone and slip it back into my purse as Dominic approaches. His white tee and worn-out black jeans fit him perfectly. I don’t even mind the smoke curling from the cigarette he holds between his fingers.
“Ready to go home?” he asks.
I nod.
“Did you talk to Monica?”
“Yeah, I told her I’m with Chia.”
He unlocks the car and opens my door for me.
Before I slide in, he takes the teddy bear from me and puts it in the backseat.
As he rounds the hood, I buckle my seat belt, the lightness I’ve felt all day suddenly evaporating.
My heart shrinks inside my chest at the thought of returning to reality.
I don’t want this to end. I want to hug him whenever I want, kiss him and hold his hand.
But at home, I’m his stepsister, and the freedom we’ve been basking in will come to an end.
I’m getting ahead of myself. I exhale, reminding myself that while today has been fun, we’ve yet to talk about what any of it means.
“There’s a spot nearby where you can see the whole city. Want to take a quick detour before heading home?”
“Okay.” I smile, relief washing through me. At least we’ll have a little more time together.
As he drives, I pull my phone out of my purse and text my dad. It’s still early in Milan, and he probably won’t be up for another hour or so, but he swears my texts won’t disturb his sleep. He says he likes waking up to my messages.
Me:
Good morning Dad. How are you? How are your students treating you?
Me:
Where do you plan to go this weekend?
Me:
Miss you
Dominic pulls into the overlook and opens my door. He snags my jacket out of the back seat and guides me to the hood of the car. The view in front of us is breathtaking. The city is lit up, and the sky above is like a painting, orange, pink, and purple brushstrokes broken up only by wispy clouds.
“Oh my God, this is so beautiful.” I drop my head back. “I wish I had a sketchpad and pencils with me.”
“Take a picture. You can draw it later,” he suggests, nudging me gently. “And when you do, I want to see it.”
I pull my phone out of my purse and take a few pictures. Then, I open Instagram and post one to my Stories. It’s too beautiful not to share. Once I’m done, I slip my phone back into my purse and sidle up next to him. “Thank you so much for today.”
“No, thank you. You made this trip unforgettable.”
“Unforgettably annoying?” I tease him. “Since you didn’t get to ride any of the fun rollercoasters.”
“You’re not annoying. And I didn’t mind. More than anything, I just wanted to hang out with you.”
We fall into silence, taking in the view, lost in our own thoughts.
Eventually, Dominic clears his throat. “Why game design?”
Surprised by the question, I stutter, “Uh, w-why not?”
He turns to me, propping his hip against the hood.
“I always thought you wanted to be an actress, or maybe a singer. You lived and breathed drama club, and all you ever talked about was being in plays. You loved singing. Hell, after today, it’s clear you still do.
” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingertips lingering on my skin. “So, why game design?”
“You know how much I always loved video games, and that only grew when I moved to Phoenix. My dad’s collection of PlayStation 4 games is enormous, and I played almost all of them.
” I can’t help but smile at the memory of the hours upon hours I worked to pass levels and defeat opponents.
“Eventually, I realized I could combine my love for sketching with my love for games.”
“Yeah, I remember kicking your ass at Mortal Kombat. You always chose Kitana.”
Head thrown back, I laugh. “You noticed a lot more about me than I realized.”
“It was hard not to. You were always around.” He wets his bottom lip. “Getting used to your absence was a lot harder than I expected, especially because I…” He drifts off, scratching the back of his neck and wincing.
My pulse picks up a little at the unease in his expression. “Especially because you what?”
“I was kind of an asshole to you before you left. I was an asshole to you a lot, I guess, but the last few weeks you lived with us, I was terrible.”
“You were.” My heart clenches at the thought. “And I had no idea why. Was it because I decided to leave?”
He ducks his head and gives it a small shake. “No.”
“Then why?” For years, I’ve wondered how he could be so cruel. Yes, he could be a shit, but he was never mean-spirited. He mostly treated me like an annoyance. Now that I’m this close to the truth, I won’t let it go.
“Remember the party Matt and I threw on your fourteenth birthday?”
I nod. How could I not? That was the day I knew for sure I couldn’t stay there.
“You saw me with Remi, right?”
I nod again, my stomach twisting.
“That night, she told me everyone knew you had a crush on me.” He swallows audibly, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I wasn’t sure I believed her, but I didn’t want you to get any ideas about me, so…”
I blink and take a step back. I’ve moved on from the hurt that night caused me, but to find out it was intentional? That he did it on purpose?
Pain and frustration mingle inside me.
“So you fucked her the whole night, making sure everyone in the house heard, but especially me, since our bedrooms shared a wall. That’s what you mean?”
“I’m not proud of it.”
“That doesn’t answer my question. Did you fuck her like that to hurt me?” I clench my jaw, waiting for his answer.
“Yes.”