Chapter 9
Nine
Two days pass before I finally give in and talk to Rhys.
Forty-eight hours of non-stop calls and unannounced visits that I deny.
It took Liam threatening to break Rhys’ arm for him to finally cool it and give me some space.
Two thousand eight hundred and eighty minutes to process what his dad and I did.
I haven’t heard a word from Lawson.
“Luce?” Mom’s voice questions from the other side of my bedroom door.
“Yeah? You can come in.” I sit up, clutching my favorite decorative tangerine pillow.
It has a beaded elephant on it that I like to run my fingers over when I’m thinking about things, watching a movie, or scrolling Iconic.
I’ve had it for so long, it’s lost half its beads.
But it’s still a welcome comfort, like a baby blanket or an old stuffed animal.
“Hey, honey. Rhys is here. He’s waiting in the playhouse,” Mom says his name the same way she says raisins—with a thick layer of revulsion.
The sight of her hair thrown up haphazardly and a dusty smear of flour on her right cheek puts a smile on my face, even as instant anxiety sweeps through me at the reality that I need to talk to my ex face-to-face.
Not only because there’s a part of me that needs to know why he cheated, even after we worked so hard to have healthy communication in our relationship, but because I don’t know how to look at him without being instantly reminded of Lawson.
My feelings must show on my face because Mom sits on the edge of my bed to brush a hand through my hair. I wave her away, mindful to keep the mark on my neck hidden.
“I can tell him you decided that you don’t want to talk after all if you’d like?”
Groaning, I flop back against my pillows, shaking all my limbs out in frustration—something Mom and I have done since I was little. “ Shaking away the ickies ,” as she always calls it.
When I’m done, I place my elephant pillow over my face and scream.
“Feel better?” Mom asks with an arched brow as I sit up again.
Expelling a long sigh, I nod. “Yeah. Ugh. This is gonna suck.”
“You’re handling it a lot better than I would have expected.” From the reflection of my full-length mirror, I can see her appraising me as I get up to grab my cheer sweater.
“I don’t know. I’ve thought about it a lot. I guess breaking up just seems like the right thing to do anyway since we’re going to different colleges.”
Mom nods, biting her lip. “You know, I ran into Bethany yesterday at the store. She asked how you were.”
“Yeah. Everyone already knows because I changed our relationship status on Iconic. I didn’t realize it would blast the news to everyone on my feed.” Going into my bathroom, I peel off my sleep shorts and pull on a pair of black leggings.
Mom hums. “She mentioned everyone went home around ten, which wasn’t long after we dropped you off. But you didn’t come home until after midnight.”
I wondered when this line of questioning was going to start. Like Rhys, I’ve avoided everyone for the last two days, choosing to stay in my room unless absolutely necessary, like going to get a pint of cookie dough ice cream and an entire box of Girl Scout cookies—thin mints, obviously.
Freezing in my doorway, I don’t turn around as I ask, “Is there a question in there somewhere?”
I’ve always had a great relationship with my parents. Liam is the problem child, not me. I know what Mom’s getting at, and I don’t want to lie to her.
“I locked myself in Lawson’s office and waited until Rhys left me alone long enough to get my purse and call a Lyft.”
There. It’s not the whole truth, but it’s definitely not a lie.
“Where was Lawson during all of this?” Her tone isn’t accusatory, but it holds an edge I don’t really understand. She’s never been much of a fan of Charlotte’s, but my parents have always gotten along with Lawson .
“I don’t know, Mom. Maybe in his room?” I turn and slump against the doorframe, rubbing my forehead exasperatedly.
I am—not with her, but with the situation in general. A question about where Lawson was that night is the last thing I need to field right now.
Her eyes narrow slightly, lips pursing to the side as she studies me. It’s the same look she gives Liam when she’s trying to figure out if he’s lying about something.
“I thought you liked Lawson? Why are you being all weird about him now?”
“I do like him, but I also know what you wore when you went to that house. It wasn’t exactly appropriate attire to be wearing in the same room as a grown man.”
Oh, Mom. If you only knew.
“Mom! Where are my headphones?” My gaze snaps to where Lorraine stands in the doorway of her room across the hall, just out of Mom’s line of sight, pulling her headphones from around her neck and tossing them on her bed.
Thank you, I mouth.
She mouths back, I got you .
“Did you seriously lose those already, Lore? We just bought them.” Mom forgets about her interrogation and goes to help my sister without another word.
I know she’ll ask about it again later, but at least for now, I have a reprieve.
The playhouse is massive—nearly as big as the Morgans’ pool house—and was built when my siblings and I were younger, but it’s still used as a hangout spot. Now, it’ll be the final resting place of Rhys’ and my relationship.
Rhys is sitting on a picnic table, and to say he looks like shit would be putting it nicely.
His pallor is gray, and there are dark purple circles under his eyes.
There’s so much grease in his hair that it looks like he hasn’t showered in days, and I briefly wonder if that means he’s still got Allison’s body fluids on him.
Gross.
But then he lifts his head when he hears my footsteps, and his beautiful blue eyes fill with tears, his face crumpling. It sends every negative feeling I’ve been harboring over these last two days flying out the window.
“I’m sorry, Lucy. So fucking sorry,” he sobs, never breaking eye contact.
Part of me wants to embrace him, to comfort the boy I’ve been in love with for years. Yet, the other part of me screams that it shouldn’t be me who comforts him in this scenario.
Rhys sniffs, attempting to get himself under control, when he sees that I’m not going to just jump into his arms and tell him everything will be alright. “I know there’s no excuse for what I did.”
A snort leaves my mouth as I cross my arms. “You got that right.”
“I know I fucked up. I’m sorry,” he repeats, sounding frustrated.
“What do you want me to say, Rhys? That I forgive you? Because I don’t. We’re better than this .” I swing a hand between us. “At least we were. I mean… what the actual fuck?” I angrily pull at my hair in an attempt to keep my hands busy, so I don’t punch him in the face.
“I know, Luce! I know! I’ve just been so fucking… angry at you!” He clutches the edge of the picnic table so hard the orange plastic gives under his strength, turning a creamsicle color as it warps. “We had plans, and you just went and ruined them and expected me to be okay with it!”
“Then you should have talked to me! How many times did I try to get you to tell me how you were feeling? This isn’t on me, Rhys!”
“I know it’s not. I… fuck!” He jumps off the table and begins to pace. “Allison was just there. And you… you weren’t. It’s almost like as soon as you made up your mind about Berkeley you’ve been intentionally pulling away.”
My mouth falls open as I stare at him, completely dumbstruck. “We spend nearly every waking moment together. I eat dinner at your house more than I do my own. Spend more time with you and River than with Liam and Lorraine. What more do you want from me?”
“I want you to stick to our plan and come to Ole Miss with me,” he says, dead serious. His jaw tenses as he fixes me with a dry-eyed stare.
“You’re pathetic.” Angrily, I spin around and head for the door. “I’ve always been there for you. And the moment I choose to do something for myself , you throw a fit.”
“Oh, come on, Lucy! It’s not like it wouldn’t have happened anyway, right? One of us would have cracked. We never would have lasted long distance.”
I spin on my heel, getting in his face. “Okay, Charlotte !” Even though my feelings about our college situation are the same, I would never have fucking cheated on him.
You came awfully damn close, though, didn’t you? And with his dad, no less.
“I will never be your mother, Rhys! I will never sit on the sidelines and demand you buy me all the nice, expensive things I want but never use. I will never spend my days wine-drunk, waiting for you to pay attention to me and then complain that it isn’t enough.
I have dreams, okay? Things I want to do and see.
You know this! So is it really that big of a surprise that I wanted to go to a different college? ”
“No one is asking you to be my mom, Lucy. All I wanted was a little support!”
“And what about my support? What about what I want? Our future has always been about you. What about me ?”
“You should have talked to me about it!”
“And you should have broken up with me before you fucked Allison, but here we are! You completely embarrassed me in front of all our friends. People said you two were all over each other.”
His lip curls. “Is that what you’re worried about, Lucy? Me embarrassing you?”
“No, it’s just an unfortunate bonus to a shitty night I’ll never be able to forget.”
Okay, so not all of it was shitty. Fuck, I’m just as bad as he is. At least I didn’t do any physical shit when we were actually together, though.
“Yeah, a night you spent with my dad in his office. Dressed in slutty lingerie and his fucking shirt! Wanna tell me how that happened?”
Blinking rapidly, I try to keep myself from stammering as I reply, “I-I was angry with you, so I cut up your jersey. I didn’t even know he was in there until I’d already done it. He offered me his shirt when?—”
“When he’ d already watched you get undressed?” he questions, eyes scanning down my body for effect.
I rear back and glare at him. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“I’ve seen the way you look at him, Lucy. And the way he is with you… it’s fucking weird. And I am telling you right now that I would hate you forever if something happened between you two.” Rhys pins me with a cold, hard glare, searching for any hint that he might be right in his accusation.
My hands clench into fists, fingernails digging into my palms. I want so badly to yell, “You got me! I fucked around with your dad!” Just to get back at him. To see the look on his face when he realizes I’m not lying.
But I’d never cheapen my experience with Lawson.
And at the end of the day, Rhys is his son—I don’t want to ruin their relationship.
“Fuck you, Rhys. Your dad was respectful. And I spent the night crying on the couch.” I shove him away and turn around as angry tears fill my eyes. Partly from lying to him and partly because this is everything I never wanted to happen.
This sucks.
This isn’t us.
As I dig the heels of my palms into my eyes, I don’t flinch when Rhys’ arms wrap around me from behind.
“I’m sorry, Lucy.” He pulls me close, resting his chin on my shoulder as we both shake with grief. Some might say we’re way too young to feel this much for our ruined relationship, but Rhys and I were friends long before we started dating .
We aren’t just losing each other as lovers. I don’t see how we can ever possibly be friends after this. And I’m just as much to blame for it as he is.
I turn, wrapping my arms around his waist as I rest my forehead against his chest. “This is for the best.” I huff a watery laugh. “I wish it were under different circumstances, but it’s better it happens now.”
Through sniffles, he hums in agreement. “Maybe we can try again one day.”
I say nothing, knowing that there is no way I’d ever be able to be with Rhys again in this lifetime. Not after what happened between Lawson and me.
“I think it’s best if we don’t see each other for the rest of the summer. I need… time… to process everything,” I state when all our tears dry.
Rhys lets me go. “I love you. You know that, right?”
I nod, and a sense of calm relief rushes through me as I reach up to brush his hair out of his eyes one last time. “I love you, too.”
We leave the playhouse together, sharing one last hug before he departs.
It feels like a huge part of my life is over. Instead of feeling sad about it, though, I’m filled with a strange sense of exhilaration for what’s to come—like I’m getting a new slate.
I confidently let go of my past and enter the next phase of my life as a brand-new woman.