Chapter 27
Twenty-Seven
Pure, unfiltered rage rolls off me in waves as I pull apart a bread roll. We had the perfect chance to confront Rhys, and Lawson just handed me off like cattle.
Here you go, Son, take my cow out for dinner. I’ve been milking her for the last two months, but you’re welcome to take her for a ride around the pasture.
Okay, I know I’m being ridiculous. But I can’t help but feel so freaking pissed at how Lawson just told me to go. He didn’t even try .
“You look really good, Luce,” Rhys tells me affectionately from across the table.
I don’t know why his compliment makes me bristle, but it’s a far cry from the way Lawson’s eyes fill with heat as they rove down my body before he tells me everything he wants to do to me.
It isn’t fair to compare them. I know that someday Rhys will be experienced enough to make some other woman feel like his father makes me feel—though right now, I don’t feel loved or special.
I feel stupid and embarrassed.
Actions speak louder than words, and when the time came, Lawson fumbled pretty fucking badly. Yes, Rhys showing up was a surprise, but again, it was the perfect opportunity for us to tell him together as a united front.
“Thank you. You look great, too. Are you still playing football?”
I stopped looking at his Iconic profile before I finished my first year at Berkeley. I was holding on to the past hard enough by continuing to contact Lawson, and despite our breakup, Rhys seemed to settle into college just fine.
“Nah. Got a knee injury, unfortunately. It did push me toward sports medicine, though. I actually got a job at U of C. I’m thinking of getting an apartment in the city instead of commuting every day. Plus, I don’t know if I can handle living with my dad again.”
“Living in the city is great.” I take a sip of my pinot noir. “It’s worth it, in my opinion. Gas alone was awful. I didn’t last two months back home before I was apartment hunting.”
Rhys’ face lights up, misunderstanding my words as an agreement that he should live in the city instead of at home.
Shit.
I hate how awkward this feels. And I honestly can’t believe Rhys isn’t picking up on any of it. He marches on through the forced sentences and long stretches of silence, and I’m relieved when our dinner arrives, so there’s the added excuse of waiting to chew a bite before responding.
“I think my mom will be coming back soon, too. My parents have been talking a lot lately. I think they’re getting back together,” Rhys nonchalantly states.
A piece of steak gets lodged in my throat, and I cough, beating my chest to displace it before sipping my ice water to soothe the ache as the meat rudely scrapes my insides.
“Are you okay?” Rhys’ brilliant blue eyes fixate on me in alarm, yet he doesn’t move from his seat.
“I’m fine.” I wave a hand in the air with a choked laugh. Sipping my water again, I try to hide the curiosity in my voice as I ask, “Why do you think your parents are getting back together?”
Anxiety boils in my veins. Of course, Lawson and Charlotte talk. They have children. And eventually, if we’re going to be together, Lawson will have to divorce Charlotte—something we just discussed mere hours ago.
Still, hearing that Rhys thinks they might be getting back together… There has to be a reason he believes that.
“Ah, it’s nothing really. I just overheard Mom talking about second chances and how Dad seems like he’s ready to forgive her.” His words make me feel sick. The meaty lump that just settled in my stomach now threatens to reappear.
Maybe he’s just being nice because he doesn’t want her to fight him too hard over the divorce.
Yes, that has to be it.
“It got me thinking, you know.” Rhys reaches for my hand over the table, the candlelight flickering across his face, setting a mood I’m in no mood for.
I want to withdraw my fingers, but Rhys’ grip tightens.
“I know we left things on a bad note before college. And I know I don’t deserve you in the slightest. I treated you poorly, and I am so sorry for that. ”
My palms start to sweat, chest heaving with anxious breaths as he heads to a place I don’t want to revisit. “Rhys?— ”
“And I’m willing to go as slow as you want, but, Lucy, I miss you. I’ve missed you since the day I walked out of that playhouse. And I know it’s a long shot, but?—”
Abruptly, I pull my hand from his and exclaim, “I’m seeing someone!”
A few heads turn our way as Rhys’ face turns as red as a tomato. I can also feel my cheeks warming and hide my face in my wine glass.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout.”
“No. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… Of course, you’re seeing someone.” He rubs the back of his neck. “It was stupid of me to think you’d be single. I’m sorry for making it awkward.”
“It’s okay.”
After a few moments, he asks, “Are you happy?”
I can’t help the smile that takes over my face or the heat rushing back to my cheeks—despite how upset I am with Lawson right now.
“Yeah.” I nod. “I’m really happy.”
His lips form a thin smile. “Good. I’m glad you’re happy, Luce. Really, I am.” He changes the subject, and the heavy, unpleasant cloud hovering over us dissipates as he cuts into his steak. “So, uh, how’s working for my dad?”
“Really good. We work well together.” I want to tell him just how well, but I have no desire to make a scene—which would undoubtedly happen—and it’s a conversation Lawson needs to have with him. Whether I’m present or not, he needs to hear the news from his father.
“How crazy, right? That in all of Chicago, it’s your company that his acquired. I never thought he’d come back. He loves New York. ”
He loves me, too.
I breathe a heavy sigh. “Yeah, well, you know what they say, there’s no place like home.”
“I know you hate to fish, but I plan on going out on the lake early tomorrow. Wanna come with me? I’m sure Dad can spare you for a few hours,” Rhys asks as we walk through the front door.
There’s no sign of Lawson. The kitchen is spotless, and all the lights are off except for the recessed lighting underneath the cabinets. “Maybe you should ask your dad to go. I’m sure he’d like that.”
He hums in agreement. “Looks like he went to bed. I’ll ask him in the morning. Are you in the guest room on that side of the house?” He points to the left hallway, opposite the one that leads to his room.
“Yeah,” I lie.
After we say goodnight, I wait for Rhys to close his door before walking down the dark hallway. As I pass the guest bedroom, I realize that I didn’t lie to Rhys at all.
My bag is on the bed, and my clothes are hung up in the closet as if I’d been staying there all weekend. An icy cold feeling grips my heart as I peer into the guest bathroom and see all my hair and body products strewn across the vanity.
He kicked me out.
Tears line my eyes, and my throat feels thick as I try not to let them fall. There’s a soft click, and I whirl around to see Lawson standing there with remorse painted across his features.
“Lucy… I… I’m sorry. I thought it was for the best.”
He scratches his neck the same damn way Rhys does, and I blink away my tears at the unfairness of it all. When I don’t respond, he asks, “How was dinner?”
“Fine,” I sniff.
“Baby.” He strides forward, reaching out like he’s going to embrace me, but I step back.
“Why is Rhys under the impression that you and Charlotte are getting back together?” I wipe away my tears before wrapping my arms around my middle, leaning against the doorframe.
“What?” He genuinely looks surprised. “Lucy, no. I told her I wanted to see her. To discuss things. It was after the Fourth of July. She obviously took it the wrong way if that’s what she thinks.” He sounds disgusted, but I have to wonder why I didn’t hear about this before.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Lawson leans against the wall opposite me, expelling a deep sigh before scrubbing a hand over his face.
“I don’t know, rainbow. Because I didn’t want you worrying about the hell she’s going to put me through.
I wanted to…” He looks down the hall at his room.
“I wanted it to be a surprise. I was hoping to get it over and done with quickly, and then I wanted to surprise you with the news.”
My body screams for me to go to him. I want to wrap my arms around him, to comfort and kiss him, but I remain rooted where I stand. “We could have told Rhys?—”
“I know. I’m sorry, I wasn’t prepared. I panicked.” His voice is barely audible, laced with intense guilt .
It breaks my fucking heart, but I still push, hating how desperate I sound as I plead, “This is the perfect time to tell him.”
Lawson shakes his head, refusing to meet my eyes. “I don’t… I’m not… ready.”
Not ready to commit.
Not ready to ruin things with my son.
The words he doesn’t say are so much louder than the ones he does.
Hot, salty tears prick my eyes again, swelling my sinuses. I want to argue. Want to cry and demand, “Why?” But I know why. Lawson has a lot to lose by going public with our relationship. I’m only gaining.
I see where he’s coming from. I really do. But I’m ready to jump all in, and Lawson has the chance to prove that he meant what he said when he told me he loves me. Yet, at the first opportunity he has, he doesn’t.
How long will it be like this? It’s so different when it’s just us or when we’re around people he trusts. But everywhere else, we have to pretend.
I’m so sick of pretending.
I know it’s selfish of me to want him to come clean. It’s so fucking unfair and thoughtless, and I know… I know it shows my age.
And I think that’s what hurts most of all.
It’s a glaring reminder of our vast age difference. Lawson has adult responsibilities that I can’t even imagine—his job, his kids, his wife. How could I possibly begin to understand the depth of his choice to be with me?
“Lucy…” Lawson pushes off the wall, looking down the hall to ensure Rhys is still in his room.
My heart thumps, anguish ripping its way through my chest. I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want him to see me this way.
“I’m fine.” I quickly wipe away the stray tears starting to fall and step back into the guest room. “Goodnight, Lawson.”
He steps forward, his cloudy gray eyes glowing with vulnerability as he begs, “Just give me some more time.”
Before he can enter the room, I close the door. “Take all the time you need.”
I hear him whisper, “I love you,” through the door, and my hand flies to my mouth in an attempt to hold back my sobs as I crawl into the empty bed and curl into a ball.
I don’t know how such a perfect weekend got away from us—how we went from saying I love you for the first time to sleeping in separate beds.
But how am I supposed to face them both tomorrow and pretend I didn’t spend the night crying?
As the night goes on, I toss and turn in the cold sheets, becoming more uncomfortable with every passing minute. Finally, as the clock on the nightstand turns to two in the morning, I pack my things and write a quick note to Lawson.
I’m not going to suffer through a morning with both of them—pretending to be friendly with Rhys and hiding the fact that I’m in love with his father.
I’m not going to sit there while Lawson treats me like I’m nothing to him—like he didn’t just tell me twelve hours ago that he loved me for the first time and that we would figure this out.
I’m thankful for the quiet purr of the engine as I start the car and equally grateful Rhys didn’t park behind it, so I don’t have to do a crazy million-point-turn to get out of the driveway. Lawson will probably be upset that I took his vehicle, but at the moment, I can’t bring myself to care.
I need space.
And Lawson needs time.