Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
Vanessa
I reared back like he was the one threatening my sister.
"How…" I cleared my throat and placed my food on the coffee table. "How do you know that?" It felt like there was a boulder sitting on my chest all of a sudden.
"Easy now." Nolen was out of his seat and kneeling down next to me within seconds. "Just take a few deep breaths."
I did as he asked. I even made sure to match his breathing. It took a few minutes, but eventually the weight on my chest started to lessen.
"Attagirl."
I didn't know what it said about me that I liked the praise, but it definitely did things to my girly parts.
"You okay, now?"
All I could manage was to nod my head.
"You sure?"
I took one more deep breath even though it hurt, then answered, "I'm sure."
Nolen took his seat before asking, "What was that all about?"
"I don't know. I've never had it happen to me before."
In my head though, I was screaming for him not to ask me about my sister again. As it would have it, the begging didn't help.
"Are you ready to tell me about your sister?"
"And if I say no?"
Nolen looked at me with part disappointment and part hurt. It was a look I didn't want to see aimed at me.
"I thought you would've realized by now that you can trust me."
"This isn't about trust." Not entirely anyway.
"Then what is it about?"
How did I explain that most of my life had been spent taking care of my sister, and there was no one else I wanted to put that kind of pressure on?
"My sister has some problems…"
"Don't most people? I just told you about my brother and his issues."
He did, and while that information was given freely, I still felt the need to reciprocate.
That's likely why he did it.
"Yes, but your brother is nothing like my sister." Not even close. "At least he can hold down a job," I grumbled to myself.
"Why don't you let me make that decision?" He quirked his one brow as if he were challenging me.
I thought about it. I could easily tell him some things without giving it all away. One look at Nolen and I knew I had to give him something.
"I lost my mother when I was nine years old. She died while in labor with my sister. The doctors said she was lucky to survive. My father was heartbroken after that and didn't really know what to do with two girls, so he left dealing with my sister up to me."
Now that I was saying it out loud, I realized how unfair that was.
"I spent my life trying to overcompensate for the loss of our mother. So much so that I became a helicopter sister. I thought I was protecting her, but as it turned out, I was just giving her reason to rebel."
Nolen reached his hand across the table and linked our fingers together. "You don't have to continue if this is hard for you."
It wasn't until he said that, that I realized there was a tear running down my cheek. I quickly swiped it away. "No, it's okay. I need to at least tell you some of what's going on."
"Okay. Go on."
"It wasn't until she was in college that I realized something was wrong."
It was actually the first time I dug my head out of the sand and faced what I had secretly known all along. My sister was a drug addict.
I thought back to when I had found my sister in the bathroom with a needle hanging out of her arm. I had been so sure that she had overdosed and died on my watch. Thankfully that wasn't the case, but after that, things went downhill fast.
"How bad was it?"
I let out a humorless laugh. "As bad as it gets," I admitted honestly. "My sister has been in and out of rehab since she was twenty."
I could see that I surprised him. It was good to know he didn't already know everything about me like I’d feared.
"What's her vice?"
"Heroin mostly, but from what I gather, she's dabbled in a little of everything."
"You know it's not your fault, right?"
Nolen wasn't the first person to tell me that. My therapist liked to remind me of it often whenever I was forced to put Hannah back in rehab.
"It's hard not to feel responsible when I raised her."
"You never should've had to raise her to begin with."
Another thing my therapist liked to tell me.
"I know that, but I did and look how she turned out? She can barely go six months without turning to drugs."
Nolen didn't look at me with pity like I expected him to. "I don't have any personal experience with this, but I've heard plenty of people say you can help a person as much as you want, but they have to want it themselves before a change can ever be made."
Wow, at this rate, I wouldn't need to pay a therapist when Nolen could give me the same advice for free.
"You're starting to sound an awful lot like my therapist."
Nolen gave me his signature crooked smile. "I don't think I've ever had anyone tell me that before."
Suddenly the atmosphere in the room was much lighter. I was actually able to chuckle about the current situation.
"Well, I'm glad to be the first."
The smile on Nolen's face didn't last long before he got serious on me again. "You know you can trust me, right? Whatever is going on; I want to help you."
If only it were that easy.
"Like I said before, this isn't about trust. It's about protecting my family, and only I can do that."