2. Ezekiel
2
Ezekiel
“ O oh Jelly Babies.”
“Fuck off,” I pulled the bag away from Nate’s wandering hand and glowered at him. “They’re mine. Don’t make me cut off your fingers. They take forever to regrow.”
I would too. The lessons my father had taught me had been, unfortunately, too deeply ingrained to ignore. I might’ve been in a better mood if this meeting had got underway on time, but that rarely happened with this lot.
“He’s very protective of his sweets.” Rami smirked at me across the conference table. “Won’t share them with anyone.”
I bared my teeth at him. Rami might have been the one I was closest to, but all that meant was that he knew how to wind me up better than anyone else. “Buy your fucking own.”
Rami opened his mouth, no doubt to argue back, but Micah chose that moment to enter the room. With our leader now present, it was time to get down to business.
Like most people, I found meetings to be the bane of my fucking life. Hours upon hours spent dissecting bullshit that definitely could’ve been an email.
To make matters worse, not a single person around this conference table was a human. This meant that not only did we have the standard arguments and tedious interruptions to deal with, we also had the added bonus of supernatural egos to contend with.
We were angels, but our behaviour was far from angelic.
I tried to pay attention to the discussion happening around me, but it was hard. Our exchange from last night was playing on my mind.
“ I haven’t scared you off then? ”
“ Impossible. ”
Sam thought that now, but if he knew the reality of exactly who he was talking to…?
He’d run a mile.
It wasn’t just that I was an angel, but that I was a soldier. One who was often sent all over the world to deal with supernatural bullshit. Even that might not be a dealbreaker, but add in my less-than-sunny personality?
It wasn’t a package anyone wanted to take on.
On top of all that, we weren’t free to choose who we fell in love with. Angels, like demons, had fated mates. Most of the time, that worked out in your favour. You found your mate, fell in love, and lived happily ever after.
But if you gave your heart to someone who wasn’t destined to be yours?
That would end in disaster.
I wasn’t even sure why I was still talking to Sam. It wasn’t like it’d ever lead anywhere…but for some reason, I couldn’t resist. My whole mood now seemed to hinge on whether or not he was online.
Even now, when my attention should have been on other matters, I was struggling to not think about him. My phone was burning a hole in my pocket, begging me to check it.
You’ve got your watch on. It’ll notify you if he comes online.
Did I buy a smart watch simply for that reason? If I did, I’d never tell. That would be absurd. Obsessive.
And true.
Knowing I’d get a notification didn’t help my mood. Mind you, very little did. I think I was born grumpy, and it had just grown worse with each passing century.
That wasn’t accurate. My attitude had changed the day my father finally won.
Everything had changed after that.
It didn’t help that my day job mainly consisted of admin. People might imagine that being an angelic soldier equalled epic battles mixed in with secretive espionage, but the mundane truth was far from that. Sure, those things happened occasionally, but most of what we did was this: Have pointless meetings. Fill out endless reports and paperwork. Play diplomat between warring factions.
The meetings though, they were the worst. If it had been up to me, they’d have been banned entirely. I suspected Micah, the leader of the Seraphim, felt the same. Unfortunately, as the most elite unit of soldiers, there were certain protocols we had to follow.
Given recent events, we were all feeling…reticent about following orders from upstairs.
For centuries, we’d toed the line. Okay, so we’d occasionally nudged over it by involving ourselves in situations we shouldn’t have, but generally we’d done as we’d been told. But when Heaven had tried to come between Micah and his fated mate, we’d refused to allow it. As one, we’d backed our leader and his mate, prepared to pay with our immortality if need be.
Fortunately, it hadn’t come to that. Their issue hadn’t been with Micah taking a mate, but with the fact that Nox was a demon. I mean, I got it, demons were literally on the opposite side of the great divide. They were supposed to be our enemies, not our lovers. But that definition had already been blurred when one of our unit, Dimitri, had fallen. Like Micah, our former second had a demon as one of his fated mates. Not just any demon, but a son of Lucifer.
As a unit, we’d had to watch as one of our friends, one of our family , walked away. The instant his wings turned black that day in Hell, we’d all known what it meant.
Dimitri had fallen. He was no longer a member of the Seraphim.
Coming to terms with that had been harder than I’d admitted to anyone. How could I declare I hated all demons when that title now applied to someone I loved as a brother?
Things only got more complicated when Micah and Nox fell in love. At first, I found Nox as irritating as all of his brethren. Truthfully, I couldn’t see the appeal at all.
But then I discovered what he’d done to protect Micah. How he’d learned what our leader had hidden from us for millennia. How far Nox had gone to avenge him.
From that moment on, Nox had my grudging respect. When we’d found out how he’d also been supporting Micah emotionally, helping him escape the burden of command he’d been carrying alone, that respect had only grown.
Didn’t mean I liked the fucker. He seemed to delight in pissing me off as much as the Seraphim did. But my dislike had nothing to do with the fact that he was a demon.
It was because he was a twat.
A twat who, nonetheless, made Micah happier than I’d ever seen him. And if anyone deserved happiness, it was Micah.
I should’ve seen how much Micah was struggling with his role. I should’ve fucking known he wasn’t sharing everything with me. I should’ve pushed harder, insisted that he give me more responsibility.
I’d failed him in every possible way.
Guilt twinged as the angel in question pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply. “Theo, I respect your viewpoint, but no. There’s no scenario in which we can change the boundaries without war breaking out as a result.”
Theo, one of the twins, crossed his arms with a huff. “I’m just saying, it could work.”
“No, it couldn’t.” Noah’s long purple hair swayed as he shook his head emphatically. “The Newsome Clan has held that land for centuries. Changing the boundaries will only exacerbate the issue.”
More debate broke out, voices rising as they battled to be heard. I wasn’t sure why deciding a minor boundary issue had been delegated to us in the first place. Probably to remind us of our place after our recent defiance—basically doing whatever the fuck Heaven ordered us to do.
I watched the argument in silence, trying to decide when to jump in. To be honest, I never really had much of a say as to when it would happen. Usually it was whenever my temper decided enough was enough. The others liked to say my red hair was an indication of the rage I carried.
In reality, it had been born in that chamber, countless centuries before.
This behaviour was pretty standard for our meetings. Noah might have been the newest member of the unit, but he’d slipped into Dimitri’s former spot as though he’d always been there.
His former spot, but not his role. That ‘pleasure’ was mine to claim. It made sense, really. I’d been unofficially acting as Micah’s second for a very long time. Even before Dimitri was mated, he’d often disappeared for weeks at a time, leaving a gaping void in the unit. I’d quietly stepped into his place, trying desperately to fill his shoes.
I thought I’d been doing okay, but it turned out my efforts had been in vain. When everything went down a few weeks ago, it hadn’t just been Micah’s love life that had been under the microscope, but his secrets too.
Namely, how much he needed help. That he needed me and the others to step up and carry the burden so he wasn’t doing it alone.
It was why I no longer protested about these meetings, instead typing up an agenda for Micah and trying to get everyone to stick to it. Rather than leaving the paperwork to him and Benji, I rocked up to the office at seven o’clock every morning, working silently alongside them until we were done for the day.
It was what had led to me downloading that game in the first place. Micah had always tried to encourage us to find a life outside of the unit. I hadn’t really been bothered before, but now he could ask me anything and I’d agree.
It wasn’t like playing a stupid game could make up for how I’d let Micah down, but it was a step in the right direction. Originally, I’d planned on playing it for a few hours just to say I’d tried. For decades, I’d mocked humanity for their addiction to technology, and now I was just as bad. I was completely addicted to the game.
Sure. It’s the game you’re addicted to.
I wasn’t sure whether all inner voices were sarcastic, but mine was.
Anyway, the point was, I was taking a different approach to most things in my life. I was determined to be better. For Micah. For the unit.
That wasn’t to say I was perfect. Far from it. But I was trying . That had to count for something…
Right?
Theo got to his feet, his lips pulled back in a snarl, and my temper snapped. “Theo, sit the fuck back down before I make you. Micah has answered your question already.”
Theo turned his glare on me. “But?—”
“No buts.” Micah looked like he was going to intervene but stopped as I raised my hand. My temper, while high, was under control, the monster barely sniffing at the air. “Are you asking Micah to explain himself again? Doesn’t he deserve your trust? Your respect?”
Okay, so maybe I was hitting a little below the belt with that one, but it had the desired effect. Theo muttered an apology in Micah’s direction as he slumped back into his chair.
I didn’t give anyone else a chance to speak, picking up the agenda pointedly. “Right, moving on to the final item. The regents have officially returned to their former positions. However, we’ve offered to give them sanctuary if ever needed again, and to intervene on their behalf when necessary. Any objections?”
Not a single one of the eight angels seated around the table made a peep. Not that I expected them to. Thanks to the assistance the regents had given us up in Heaven, they’d needed a place to lie low for a while, and we’d been more than happy to provide it. The risk Amelia, Damon, and Arthur had taken by defying Heaven to stand at our side meant it was the least we could do. I didn’t need their confirmation that we’d have their backs in future. The loyalty they’d earned from us that day was absolute.
“Excellent. Micah, any other business?”
“Nope,” he said, his lips twitching. “I think that’s everything. Once we’ve done our tradition, that is.”
I groaned inwardly. After big meetings like this, we’d go around the table and say one good thing that had happened this week and what our plans were for the rest of the evening.
Ironically, as he’d confessed recently, Micah had started this tradition because his own life revolved around the unit. Despite not knowing how to change this, he did recognise how unhealthy it was.
Not wanting the rest of us to end up as unhappy and lonely as him, he’d started ending our meetings this way to encourage us to find happiness outside of our jobs. To focus on the positives in our lives. To plan for the future.
Even if that future was never guaranteed. We might be amongst the most powerful beings to walk any plane, but all that meant was we were a bigger target. There were always those looking to pull us down.
Immortal we might be, but that immortality could be taken away. Unlike humans, there was no afterlife for us. If we were executed, our souls returned to the fabric of the cosmos, leaving no trace behind.
This tradition of Micah’s was something I’d barely participated in before, but like I said, I was all about making changes. Or trying to, at least. That was why I’d downloaded the game in the first place. I’d wanted to have something to share about in these meetings, so that Micah would look at me with something other than disappointment or concern.
Strangely though, I hadn’t been able to share about it. Six meetings had happened since the day I’d first gone online and landed in that chat with Sam, and I’d not mentioned it once. Just like with my sweets, I wasn’t about to share him. Not even with those I considered my family.
Only one person here knew of his existence, and that had happened by pure accident.
The need to check my phone was making the back of my neck itch. I paid attention to the first few angels to speak, but by the time it got to Breann, I gave in to temptation. I slid my phone out of my pocket, and frustration uncoiled in my gut at the blank screen.
Come on, Sam. Where are you?
“Ez?” I looked up from the screen to see every face turned in my direction.
I focused on Rami, who’d been the one to say my name. “What?”
“It’s your turn.” A chuckle rumbled in the angel’s broad chest. “Unless there’s something or someone else who has your attention right now.”
Aside from Benji, we were all tall and well built. Rami though, he took it to a completely different level, but the truth was he was just a giant teddy bear.
Unless you wronged him or someone he cared about. In which case, he would prove that he could be just as scary as he looked.
“Sorry. Was just checking to see how much longer I had to put up with you all.”
Everyone muttered and rolled their eyes. Everyone, that was, except Micah. The only one who knew the truth. He held my gaze knowingly but didn’t press me on anything.
Just as he’d promised he wouldn’t. Micah had discovered my little secret a few weeks ago, when I’d snuck away from my own birthday party just to chat to Sam.
I mean, it’s likely I would’ve run away and hidden regardless. I had a very limited social battery and at that point it was completely drained. But knowing that Sam had been online? There’d been no way for me to resist. What had started as a chance pairing during a game had led to casual chatting. To deeper conversations. To late nights smiling at a screen.
I wasn’t sure when it had become this…this addiction. There was no other word for it. I spent far too much of my time either messaging him, or waiting for him to come online.
“How about you tell us your good thing, then we can all get on with our evenings,” Nate, Theo’s twin said, stretching his arms above his head until something in his back cracked. “Don’t know about you, but I’m gonna get laaaaaid.”
“Yes, you’ve already told us,” Noah said mildly, batting at one of Nate’s arms. “Can you not? Some of us like our own personal space.”
Nate dropped his arms, winking lasciviously at Noah. “What if I like your personal space too?”
Breann checked her watch and banged on the table. “Nate at 7:42 p.m. Hand over your money, folks.”
Nate narrowed his eyes. “Hang on, what exactly were you betting on?”
I was the one who answered, smirking lazily at him. “Who would hit on Noah first—you or Theo, and what time it’d happen.”
“Fuckers,” Nate said with a huff. “We’re not that predictable.”
“Except we are,” Theo pointed out as the rest of us pulled cash out and shoved it in Breann’s direction. “Or, to be specific, you are.”
Nate turned his big eyes on Noah, pouting dramatically. “Does this make you feel sorry enough to sleep with me?”
Noah lifted his delicate nose high in the air. “Like I’ve said, it’s never going to happen. I have standards and you fall incredibly short.”
Nate opened his mouth, but Micah stepped in. “Nate, enough. No means no, as you should fucking well know.”
Suitably chastised, Nate shot Noah a sheepish smile. “Sorry. I’m just messing with you, but I’ll stop now.”
Noah smiled, softer than before. “It’s okay. It’s flattering really, but I don’t shit where I eat.”
Micah and I exchanged a private look. Once upon a time, Micah’s obsession with Dimitri had threatened to topple everything we’d built. Neither of us wanted that happening again within the unit.
Besides, what was the use in getting into a relationship with someone you knew wasn’t your fated mate? It’d only lead to broken hearts further down the line if or when fate decided it was time for the two of you to meet.
It was why I’d never let this…thing with Sam move into the real world. With a screen between us, there was no danger of any feelings becoming involved.
The tension in the room was broken by Breann fanning the notes dramatically in front of her face. “Grace and I are going to have a cracking night out now, thanks to you.”
Grace smiled indulgently at her mate, leaning her chin on Breann’s shoulder. “It’s always a cracking night when we’re together.”
Fate had blessed the unit with one pair of mates, and that was enough. They were sickeningly in love, and very happy to rub it in everyone else’s faces.
Just then the door opened, and Nox slipped inside the room. The demon’s eyes went straight to his mate, sweeping over him as though assuring himself that Micah was fine.
Micah, our normally unflappable leader, blushed under his attention, shifting in his seat. It was amusing really, seeing how his stern, capable exterior crumbled and he turned into nothing more than a pile of goo around his mate.
I couldn’t see it happening for myself. Even if I met my mate—which after all this time felt unlikely—it’d be a disaster.
Let’s be frank, I wasn’t a good person. I was an excellent soldier. A powerful angel. A loyal friend. But my flaws outweighed all of that. Thanks to my father, I had a temper that was destructive. I was possessive. Obsessive. Temperamental.
Having a mate wouldn’t bring out the best in me. It’d bring out the worst.
My watch pinged to life on my wrist, and for the first time in hours, I felt calm.
“My good thing is seeing Breann win the bet,” I said quickly. “And now I’m going to take a shower.”
It was only after I got to my feet that I remembered myself and glanced at Micah. “Unless you need me for something?”
“No.” Micah’s lips twitched in amusement. “Go and enjoy your shower .”