20. Sam
20
Sam
“ S o, a pill box?”
I groaned. Really, I should’ve known better. Even when our chats had just been online, when had Zeke ever given up on something?
Never. That was when.
“I’ve tried them,” I said. “But they don’t work for me because then I think ‘what if I refilled it after I took this morning’s tablet?’”
“What if I filled it for you? I’m a safe person, and you trust me, right?”
More than I probably should have given how long I’d known him for. But I spent my life looking for the risks and pitfalls.
With Zeke, I didn’t want to do that. For the first time ever, I wanted to jump, even though I didn’t know what was waiting at the bottom.
“It could work.” I bit my lip as I considered it before shaking my head. “But it’s not fair on you. I should be able to look after my own mental health without you helping me.”
Zeke rolled his eyes. “So, what I’m hearing is that you want to accept my help, but your brain doesn’t think you should.”
It wasn’t a question, but I couldn’t help but answer it like it was. “Um, yes?”
“Cool.” Zeke nodded, like it was settled. “In that case, I’m just going to do it until you tell me to stop.”
He finally got to his feet, humming as he went to find his phone. I just stared at him, jaw swinging open. “As simple as that?”
Zeke dropped into a comfy armchair, busily scrolling through his phone. If I had to bet, I’d guess he was browsing pill boxes. “Sure. Why complicate things?”
I touched my forehead lightly. “What I wouldn’t give to live in your brain for five minutes.”
Zeke’s jaw tightened. “It’s not as complicated as yours, but it’s not all butterflies and joy either.”
His earlier comment about trauma came back to me. What layers had Zeke yet to reveal?
Tempted as I was to push him, I didn’t want him to confide in me before he was ready. Instead, I fell back on my good ol’ inappropriate humour. “I’m glad. If you were completely sane, this thing would never work out.”
“That’s good.” The tension left his muscles as he smirked at me. “Because sanity is something everyone in this house is a tad short on.”
My mind drifted back to the kitchen, to all the noisy, bubbly personalities jostling for attention. “They certainly are something. Micah seems pretty normal. Him and Nox are together, right?”
Amusement rumbled in Zeke’s reply. “They are. Bit of an odd pair, but they love each other.”
“That’s nice.” I rubbed at my chest. “I’ve heard that before—that if you love someone, you can make anything work.”
Zeke’s smile told me he knew exactly what I was referring to. “But that hasn’t happened with you?”
“Nope.” My phone buzzed on the desk, reminding me I had work to do. “It hasn’t. Maybe I’m just too much hard work to make the love worth it.”
Zeke caught my hand as I passed him, forcing me to stop. “Or maybe you just haven’t been loved in the right way yet. By the right person.”
I was frozen, staring down at this beautiful man who was giving me so much hope. He couldn’t mean what I thought he did, could he?
Before I could speak, my phone started buzzing with an incoming call. Zeke let go of my hand with a rueful smile, nodding in the direction of my desk. “Duty’s calling you. Quite literally.”
I forced a laugh at his joke, bustling over to take the call. But while I listened to my client describe the special edition cover he wanted, I couldn’t help but replay Zeke’s words.
Was it just that I needed the right person to love me in the right way?
Was there a chance of happiness for me, even with my brain the way it was?
Could Zeke be that person for me?
My mind was as busy as always, but for once, it wasn’t because of my OCD.
It was because Zeke was giving me hope.
G entle hands touched my shoulders and I jumped, knocking my water off the desk.
“Whoops.” One of Zeke’s hands left my shoulder and snagged the bottle before it hit the floor. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“It’s okay.” I spun in my chair, a hand pressed to my chest as I willed my heart to slow. “Nice catch.”
He snorted. “That was easy. Next time try throwing something sharp at me.”
“I’ll remember that next time there’s a knife left out on the side.” I tapped at my temple. “Give my intrusive ideas a bit of variety. Throwing it will make a nice change from stabbing, I guess.”
Zeke’s lips parted, and for a split second, I worried I’d revealed too much. That fear was washed away with the sound of his laugh. “Good to know I’m useful for something. Anyway, I am sorry for making you jump. I said your name a few times but you were a million miles away.”
“Sorry, I do that when working.” Now I’d stopped, I was aware of how much my muscles were aching. Reaching high above my head, I stretched like a cat. “Did you need something?”
“Hmm?” Zeke didn’t seem to hear me. He was too busy staring at the small sliver of skin that had been revealed as my top had risen with my stretch. He was eyeing my happy trail with an almost predatory focus.
Letting my arms drop, I smirked at how he pouted. That pout morphed into a chagrined smile as he realised I’d caught him. “Busted.”
“Yep.” I got to my feet and kissed him on the cheek before whispering in his ear, “It’s okay, you can stare at me. I like the reminder that you think I’m hot.”
If I were being completely honest, I was still struggling to believe that someone like Zeke found me attractive. Catching him openly ogling me shut up the little voice in my head for a few seconds.
It wasn’t even my OCD, just your run-of-the-mill insecurity.
“Good, because you’d have to remove my eyes from my head if you wanted me to stop.” One of his hands cupped my arse, our chests bumping together. I groaned as my cock stiffened rapidly at the feel of his bulge. Fuck, if he kept doing this, I was going to do something desperate.
Like pinning him against the wall and humping against him until we both came.
“What are you thinking, baby?” I could hear the grin in Zeke’s voice as his other hand came to rest on the side of my neck, right over my pulse. “What’s got your heart racing?”
‘ If you tell him, he’ll think you’re a pervert. ’
“Come on, Sam.” He nipped at my earlobe, sending a shiver through me. “Tell me what you’re thinking. You can’t scare me.”
I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t.
But I could show him.
I pushed back on Zeke’s shoulders, and he let me manhandle him until his back was against the wall. He tipped his head back, the long, lean lines of his neck making my mouth water.
“I like where this is going,” he said.
My hands were shaking at how bold I was being, but I needed this. I needed him. Pressing my lips to his, I let my weight fall against him. His arms wrapped around me immediately, his big hands locking around me, keeping me in place.
I wasn’t even thinking at that point. My brain had left the building, leaving my body in charge.
My very horny, touch starved body.
I was practically climbing Zeke in my need to be closer to him. One of my hands was in his hair, the other clinging to his shoulder. My hips were rolling over and over, my aching cock getting harder at the pressure.
It wasn’t enough, but I couldn’t stop grinding against him. From the low groan Zeke gave, he didn’t want me to either. It might have been better without our clothes in the way, but I couldn’t stop.
I didn’t want to.
But I needed more.
Like he was reading my mind, Zeke slid one of his thighs between mine. His hands pulled harder on my arse as he encouraged me to keep moving.
“That’s it, baby,” he moaned against my mouth. “Fuck yourself against me. Use me. Take what you need.”
I clung to him tighter as we ground together. Our lips parted, but I didn’t pull away. If anything I fisted his hair tighter, our hot breath mingling as I chased my release. The friction should’ve been painful, but with the amount of precum I was leaking, it wasn’t. With Zeke’s hands on me, with him looking at me like he wanted to devour me, I could feel my orgasm bearing down.
Sweat was running down my face, and my silent gasps became quiet whimpers that turned into loud moans.
How was this so hot? We were fully clothed, rutting together like impatient teenagers getting their first taste of sex.
I can’t fucking wait to see what it’s like when our clothes do come off.
“Can I come?” I said, needing his permission. “Please…”
“Come for me, baby.” Z eke squeezed my arse, his fingers dusting over my crease, and it was all over. I tightened my grip, completely uncaring as I came inside my underwear.
“Fuck, Sam,” Zeke said, kissing my forehead as I all but collapsed against him. “That was something else.”
I tensed as what I’d done caught up with me. “Sorry, I kind of just used you and?—”
He cut me off with a kiss. Before, he’d let me take the reins, but there was no denying that Zeke was in full control now. When my head was spinning and my cock valiantly trying to rally, he finally pulled away.
“You can use me however and whenever you like, Sam. What we just did right there? The way you just took what you needed? That was fucking hot. I’m so here for it.”
I shifted and felt his very hard cock against my thigh. “You haven’t even come.”
Zeke shrugged. “That doesn’t change the fact that that was one of the best sexual experiences of my life.”
“If that’s the case, maybe you’ve had an even more sheltered sex life than I have.”
Zeke thumbed at my lip. “Maybe I have. Maybe you’ll have to teach me everything you know.”
Teach. Suddenly my brain was full of all sorts of fantasies, but none of them involved me teaching Zeke anything. But ones where he put me on my knees to ‘earn my grade?’
Those were in plentiful supply.
Speaking of knees…
“As much as I’m calling bullshit on that being the hottest experience of your life, I can definitely make it better.” Shooting him a smirk, I stepped back and started to lower myself to my knees. Unfortunately, doing so had my underwear shifting, and suddenly, I was all too aware of the sticky predicament I was in.
Just ignore it. You’ll be fine. It’s not going to hurt you.
Exhaling slowly, I continued down. My knees hit the floor, and I gave a small wince as the cold material settled over my groin. Okay, so maybe this wouldn’t be the most pleasurable experience, but this wasn’t about me. I’d got mine, and now I wanted to return the favour. I wanted to make Zeke feel as good as I did.
Well, as I had up until ten seconds ago, anyway.
Strong fingers gripped my chin. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I said brightly, palming his dick. “Unless you have an issue with me getting up close and personal with this?”
The smile I was expecting didn’t appear. Instead, Zeke’s lips thinned. “I have an issue when you’re keeping something from me. I can’t read minds, Sam.”
“And it’s a good thing you can’t,” I teased, aiming for a lighter note. “You’d go running a mile if you could read mine.”
Zeke didn’t budge. “Sam, tell me what’s bothering you.”
I deflated, knowing when I was beat. “It’s nothing. I’m just…all sticky.”
There was a pause, and then, somehow, I was airborne. Unlike when he’d lifted me at my place, this time I was very aware of how far away the floor was.
“Zeke!” I scrambled to lock my hands around his neck as I clung to him. “What the fuck? Don’t drop me. I can’t go to hospital, my brain won’t cope.”
Zeke’s chest rumbled with a laugh. “No fear, I’ve got you.”
“I don’t even want to know what you lift,” I muttered darkly as he strode into the bathroom, then gently lowered me to my feet. I poked enviously at one of his biceps. “If I didn’t find these hot as fuck, I’d die of jealousy.”
Zeke flexed, waggling his eyebrows in a way that had me laughing. “These muscles? These are nothing. Wait until you see everything else I’m hiding.”
Just like that, the heat from earlier returned. My gaze went to his crotch, my voice dropping an octave. “I think it’s about time you show me.”
Zeke tilted his head. “In the shower, perhaps? We can get you clean while you dirty me up.”
“Fuck yes.” I was hauling my shirt over my head before he’d even finished speaking. “Shower sex is the best .”
“The temptation to make a completely inappropriate joke about your OCD is high.”
I grinned, dropping my joggers. “The fact you even thought about that makes me so happy.”
Zeke moved to turn on the shower. Still fully clothed, he jerked back quickly to avoid getting soaked. “Really?”
“Really.” I winced as I peeled the wet fabric from my skin and chucked it aside. Yeah, I needed in that shower. It felt like ants were crawling all over me, leaving behind a trail of fire I couldn’t ignore. “There’s a fine line between laughing with me and at me, but if you land on the right side of it, it’s great.”
“I’d never laugh at you.” Zeke rested his hands on my naked shoulders. The insecurities about being naked in front of him never surfaced. How could they when he was looking at me with such intensity? “Never, Sam. But if joking about it makes you feel better, I can do that.”
“You already have been,” I reminded him. “It’s one of the things I like about you.”
“One of the things? Can’t believe you’ve got a list.”
I tugged at the bottom of his shirt. “Maybe you should lose this so I can add a few more things to that list.”
“Ah, I see how it is. You just want me for my body.”
He reached behind him and grabbed the back of his shirt. With one swift pull, he revealed miles of taut chest and abdomen muscles covered in a dusting of hair. I’d seen it in the photo he’d sent, but that had nothing on seeing it in the flesh.
When I finally found my voice, it came out as a strained croak. “It is a mighty fine body.”
“You’re one to talk.” Zeke’s eyes were hot as they swept over me. “I can’t decide which part of you I want to taste first.”
My blood rushed south, immediately reminding me of my predicament. “Hold that thought.”
Ducking past Zeke, I slipped under the spray. Relief immediately flooded me as the hot water rinsed me clean. It didn’t last long, the icky feeling creeping back in, but I knew as soon I washed properly it would leave.
I was so focused on soaping myself up and rinsing off that I didn’t realise Zeke had joined me.
Large fingers wrapped around my biceps as his lips landed on the back of my neck. “All clean?”
“Yep.” I twisted to face him. “Clean and ready to return the favour.”
“Not quite.” His lips twisted in amusement as he plucked the scrunch from my fingers. “You’re ready, but I’m not.”
He kept his gaze fixed on me as he cleaned himself with quick, efficient movements. I was distracted by the full beauty that was Zeke, so much so that it took me a moment to realise what he was doing and why. A lump filled my throat when it finally hit me. “You didn’t need to do that.”
“I know.” He hung the scrunch up on its hook and pulled me against him. “But now your brain won’t worry about germs, and mine won’t stress about whether you’re stressed. We can just relax and have fun.”
Heat burned behind my eyes, making me grateful for the spray of the shower. “Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me for being aware of your needs,” Zeke said. “But if you want to thank me by letting me see how far I can get your cock down my throat, I’ll allow it.”
My dick twitched but I didn’t give in. I wasn’t letting him distract me before I’d got what I truly wanted. “Maybe later. Right now, I believe I owe you an orgasm.”
There was nothing stopping me from sinking to my knees now. Zeke’s cock was engorged, hanging heavy between his thighs. A self-confessed size queen, I couldn’t believe my luck.
I wrapped one hand around his shaft, marvelling at the girth. “You really weren’t exaggerating. Fuck, I can’t wait to feel this stretching me open.”
Zeke didn’t say anything. I blinked up at him through the spray to find his dark, hooded eyes on me. The veins in his arms and neck were prominent, his hands in trembling fists at his sides. “Zeke? You okay?”
His throat bobbed. “Yep. Just trying not to come before you’ve put your mouth on me.”
I squeezed his shaft lightly. “I’ve barely touched you.”
Zeke shivered. “Baby, you’ve been edging me all day. If you don’t want me coming all over your face, you’re going to need to move back or get your mouth on me.”
The choice there was obvious.
Smirking up at Zeke, I ran my tongue up the underside of his shaft. When he cursed, I batted my eyelashes innocently. “Sorry, did you think I’d put you out of your misery fast?”
Zeke’s mouth popped open. “What?”
My smirk deepened. Most people assumed I wanted sex to be quick and perfunctory, that I needed it to be over swiftly to avoid my triggers.
Nothing could be further from the truth. I loved sex. I loved getting filthy with my partner, edging them until they hit their limits. I loved being handled. Pinned down. Fucked roughly. I loved it all.
It was rare that I could relax enough to actually enjoy it as much as I wanted though. The thought of having to stop and wash up could crop up at any moment, and nothing was a mood killer quite like dashing off to the bathroom.
But with Zeke? He’d already proven that wasn’t a dealbreaker for him.
Which meant he was about to learn just how filthy I could be.