28. Ezekiel
28
Ezekiel
I thought I’d found Nirvana as I came inside my mate, but I was wrong.
I found it later, when he fell asleep in my arms.
After taking a shower together, we’d talked into the quiet hours until sleep finally took him. I was flat on my back, Sam on his side, snuggled up close. His head was on my chest, his breath dusting over my skin. One of his legs was flung over mine, his fingers digging into my pec like he was afraid I might leave.
He had nothing to worry about. I wasn’t going anywhere. I was as wrapped around him as he was me. My arm was under him, holding him tight to my side. My other arm rested on my stomach, my fingers laced through his.
It was quiet. Normal.
Everything.
I had my mate in my arms, and if I didn’t fuck up, it was where he’d spend the rest of our nights.
I didn’t plan on sleeping. I had too much on my mind, too much to consider. Gloria’s threat. Telling Sam the truth. How he might react. If he’d even want to be my mate. How he might feel explaining his condition to the Seraphim. What strategies I might be able to put in place to help him.
There was so much to think about. So many problems to solve. I should’ve been kept awake for hours.
But then there was Sam’s comforting weight on my chest. His slow, reassuring breaths. The scent of the honey shampoo he used filling my nostrils. All of it combined did something almost completely foreign.
It relaxed me.
For the first time in centuries, despite all the obstacles we faced, I felt content.
Without even realising it, sleep dragged me under, the fears forced to wait for the daylight.
I had one final thought as I slipped into darkness.
Everything will be okay.
It has to be.
“ Y ou don’t have to do this.”
“I know.” Sam rolled his eyes at me, likely because this was the fifth time I’d said that in as many minutes. “But you were right last night. I have to be honest with them. It’s not fair, otherwise.”
“You don’t have to do it face-to-face though.” I kissed his temple. “Honestly, it might be easier to do it in the group thread. Less of them talking over you.”
Sam worried at his lip, flipping his phone over and over in his hands. “What if they judge me for doing it that way?”
“They won’t,” I said firmly. “I promise.”
We were sat in the living room of my suite, our empty breakfast plates on the coffee table. I’d gone down for food myself this morning, knowing it would make Sam more comfortable than having one of the others bring it up for us.
I’d also known he wouldn’t want to face them until he’d opened up about yesterday. While I’d been all about the idea last night, seeing his anxiety in the light of day, I couldn’t help but worry.
Telling them was the right thing to do, but I hated that it had come to this. That Sam was having to tell them because of something that had happened, not because he felt ready to.
“Hey”—Sam squeezed my knee—“I can hear you worrying from here.”
I gave him a grim smile. “Literally impossible, but okay.”
“I do want to tell them,” he insisted. “It’s not something I hide. And you’re right, they won’t understand me if they don’t know what’s going on.”
“I know.” I wiped a hand over my face. “I just hate that it’s making you anxious.”
Sam laughed at that, the light sound easing the tightness in my chest. “Hun, sometimes even my breathing makes me anxious. If you’re hoping to prevent everything that causes me anxiety, you’ll never get anything done.”
“I’m failing to see a problem with that.”
He tickled my ribs. “You’re such a joker.”
But I wasn’t joking. Not about this. Sam had fought against his OCD alone for so long, but he didn’t need to now. He had me. Forever.
He doesn’t know that yet, you moron .
I cursed myself internally. That was another conversation on the agenda for this morning. I’d planned on bringing it up first thing, but it had been clear where Sam’s mind was from the moment he opened his eyes.
Regardless of everything Benji had told him, of what I’d added when I’d got home, he was convinced everyone hated him.
Until we fixed that, he wasn’t going to be able to focus on anything else.
It’s fine, I reminded myself. You’ve got time.
Four whole days of it.
Fuck my life.
“Maybe over text is best,” Sam said, drawing me back to the current conundrum. “Are you sure they won’t mind?”
“Of course not.” I started a fresh group thread, free of any… work discussions that might cause alarm bells, and added the Seraphim. With one final click, I added my mate. “There, the floor is all yours. Unless you want me to tell them?”
“No, I can do it.” He smiled at me tentatively. “But thank you for offering. It means a lot that you did.”
I put my arm around his shoulders as he tapped out his first message. I couldn’t wait until we were officially bonded. Until Sam truly understood the lengths I’d go to for him.
Sam
hi, I’m sorry for freaking out yesterday. And I’m sorry for yelling at some of you.
“You don’t need to say sorry,” I huffed. “You don’t apologise for things out of your control.”
Sam rolled his eyes, likely about to argue with me. Fortunately, the Seraphim once again had my back, just as I’d known they would.
Rami
you don’t need to apologise
Benji
You shouldn’t apologise for things you have no control over
Grace
trust me, no one is upset
Breann
if anything, the twins need to be yelled at more
Theo
I’m with Breann. I liked you yelling at me
Nate
yeah, it was kind of hot. If I pay you, will you do it again?
That had me growling and adding my own message to the thread.
Ezekiel
say that again and die
“So overprotective,” Sam muttered, but from the secret smile he tried to hide, I knew he loved it.
Micah
I’m so sorry you were put in a situation where you weren’t comfortable, Sam
Micah
I’m sure that wasn’t anyone’s intention
Noah
Micah’s right. it’s our fault, really. none of us reacted in the right way
Sam took a deep breath before returning to his typing with determination.
Sam
it’s my fault for not being upfront with you all. I have OCD.
Theo
is that the thing where you like all your books organised by colour?
Nox
want me to punch him, Ez? He’s right next to me
To my surprise, Sam chuckled.
Sam
what’s with you guys and violence? Theo, that’s a very common misconception. obsessive compulsive disorder is when you have intrusive thoughts that you obsess over. This causes anxiety, which in turn, can lead to me doing compulsions to try and alleviate it.
Noah
is that what you were doing last night? When you wanted to try and clean up the glass?
Sam hesitated, and I knew he’d been right to do this over messenger. It was easier for him when he wasn’t having to think about his own expression or reactions.
“You’ve got this, baby. Be as honest as you need to be. You won’t scare them off or upset them,” I said.
Sam
yes. I had the intrusive thought that one of you would be hurt, and therefore I had to be the one to clean it up.
Rami
but what if you got hurt cleaning it up?
Noah
yeah, I’d rather it was one of us than you
Sam
it doesn’t work like that in my brain
ideally, I don’t want anyone getting hurt
but if someone’s going to be, I’d rather it be me
There was a long pause in the chat. I could almost hear them all collectively thinking I think the fuck not.
And not just because Sam was human, but because he was one of us now. He might not be bonded yet, but that didn’t matter.
He was ours, and we protected our own.
Eventually, Noah responded.
Noah
was there anything else that triggered you?
His use of the word trigger had me pausing. Was he just aware of the term? Or were triggers something he or someone he knew had experience with?
Sam
umm, so I also have sensory processing disorder. It’s fine, normally it doesn’t bother me, but it got a bit too much yesterday.
Benji
in other words, all of you yelling, singing, and having music on, along with the normal kitchen sounds and bright lights, was overwhelming
Rami
fuck
Noah
I’m so sorry Sam
Micah
what can we do to make you more comfortable in future?
Sam stiffened in alarm. “Why is he asking that? I don’t need them to do anything.”
I chuckled. “They don’t need to, but they want to. There’s a difference, Sam. You’ve been treated appallingly in the past, but that’s not what’s going to happen here.”
He muttered under his breath, his cheeks crimson as he typed.
Sam
it’s fine, really. it’s my issue to deal with
Okay, time for me to step in.
Ezekiel
let’s try and be mindful of noise inside the house
no one use Sam’s mug
and make sure he’s given a seat where he can see all entrances to the room and his back is to the wall.
“Zeke,” Sam hissed, mortified. “You can’t ask them to do that for me.”
I paused. “Are you upset because I’m sharing your triggers? Or because your brain is telling you you’re not worth the hassle?”
A muscle jumped in his jaw as he stared at me mutinously. I calmly waited him out, doing nothing more than raising a brow.
It didn’t take long before he exhaled and folded his arms over his chest. “The second one.”
“Fuck, you’re adorable.” I stole a quick kiss. “Keep pouting like that and I’ll suck you off right here on this sofa.”
Sam’s pout morphed into a wicked smirk. “Dare you.”
“Oh I will.” I pointed down at my phone. “As soon as I’m finished with this, I’m gonna make you moan so loudly that you won’t be able to hear your own thoughts.”
Sam groaned, but this time it was full of need. He licked his lips as he nodded at my phone. “Hurry.”
Ezekiel
Most of all, if he tells you something, LISTEN. Even if what he’s saying or asking for seems illogical, listen.
Benji
I’ll fill them all in on what they need to know
Micah
Sam, please let us know if there’s specific triggers you want us to avoid
Sam’s voice was thick as he blinked rapidly at the screen. “They’re all so…nice. I wasn’t expecting this.”
I smiled. “Told you so.”
Nate
yeah, we might fuck around, but we genuinely don’t want to upset you
Theo
we’re twats, but not cunts
Trust the twins to bring us back to earth. Sam’s laugh rippled through the air as he typed a reply.
Sam
what’s the difference?
Theo
cunts upset people more than twats
Nate
it makes perfect sense
Rami
it does not. Don’t worry Sam, none of us understand them either.
I tilted my screen away from Sam subtly as the Seraphim thread popped up.
Micah
we need to start looking into some solutions for our Gloria problem
Micah
Rami, I want you to track down the regents. I want any and all intel they have on her.
Micah
Grace and Breann, go up to Madison in Scotland. See if she can offer Sam refuge if needed
Micah
Benji, you’re on research. Dig up everything you can about protection of mates and see if you can find anything that prohibits harming a mate before they are bonded
Micah
Nate and Theo, you’ll stay here too, on guard duty. No one in or out.
Micah
Noah, you’re to stay and keep an eye on the twins
Nate
rude
Theo
innit – it’s like they don’t think we can behave
Rami
tbf, we have centuries of evidence that suggests you can’t
Theo
he’s got a point there
Rami
what are you and Nox going to do, Micah?
Micah
we’re going to pay a visit to some old friends.
On the one hand, I’d never been so grateful for my unit. They were rallying around me, trying to find a way out of the clusterfuck we were in. Not only that, but they were doing so in a way that meant I could spend time with Sam. But on the other hand, it was a reminder of what we were up against. Of the ticking clock that fucking bitch was holding over our heads.
“Everything okay?” Sam asked. I looked up to see him staring at me.
I turned the screen to black, trying to ignore the knot in my gut. What the fuck could we do about Gloria? If he didn’t want to be my mate, I wasn’t going to force him. What would we do then? Go on the run to Scotland? Ask Lucifer’s sons for help again? They’d helped us before, but that was mostly because of Micah’s history with Dimitri. Was that who Micah and Nox were going to visit? “Yep.”
“Good.” Sam leaned back on the sofa, spreading his thighs wide. “Because I do believe you have a promise to follow through on.”
He didn’t need to ask me twice.
I spent far longer working him over than I had last night. Pulling out every tool in my arsenal, I deep throated him until he was gasping and tugging on my hair.
And, just as his legs began to tremble, I pulled off.
Fuck, the whine he gave was delicious. So delicious, in fact, that I did it a second time just to hear it again.
Then a third.
“Zeke, I need to come.” Sam’s hands yanked at my hair as he fruitlessly tried to guide me back to his cock. “Please. Please let me come.”
He was pouting again. It was turning out to be my fucking kryptonite. My tongue darted out, flicking over his glans with a featherlight touch. “But this is fun.”
Something shifted in Sam’s face. His pout turned knowing. “How about I finish things myself, then?”
I think fucking not. He didn’t even manage to touch his shaft before it was down my throat once more. I didn’t hesitate this time, didn’t pull off, didn’t tease. I hollowed my cheeks and took him as deep as I could. The head of his cock slid snugly into my throat, but that was fine. I didn’t need to breathe as often as a human.
For Sam’s pleasure, I’d hold my breath for hours if he wanted me to.
It didn’t take that long. Thanks to my edging, Sam was filling my throat within seconds.
I swallowed him down greedily, the scant tastes I’d had of him before nothing compared to now. Pulling back, I caught some on my tongue, relishing the taste of him.
My mate.
I kept suckling at him as he softened, mapping the changes with my tongue. Only when he hissed due to oversensitivity did I finally pull off.
“You did not come to play,” Sam said drowsily. He was sprawled back against the sofa, looking thoroughly debauched. “Remind me to pout at you more often.”
I opened my mouth to quip back but a shrill ringing filled the air.
Shit.
Sam sat up, fear filling his eyes. “What’s that?”
It was the fucking alarm for when the twins started fighting. Were they really so stupid that they’d get into it so soon after promising to behave?
What was I saying? Of course they were.
“Zeke?”
I realised I hadn’t answered Sam’s question. I smiled at him reassuringly. “It’s nothing to worry about, it’s just one of our security systems. One of the others will turn it off shortly.”
But the seconds ticked past, and the alarm continued to blare.
“Should we go and check?” Sam said, twisting his hands together. “What if someone needs help?”
“No, there’s plenty of others…” My voice trailed off as the realisation hit me. There weren’t plenty of others. There was Noah, Benji, and me.
And the alarm was still ringing.
Motherfuckers. I was going to drag the twins somewhere far from Sam’s sight and throttle them properly this time.
“Stay here,” I barked at Sam, the monster pulling at its leash. Sam’s eyes widened, and the monster calmed.
“Everything will be okay,” I said, quieter this time. “I’m just going to check things out, but stay here.”
I didn’t wait to see if he agreed, trusting he wouldn’t follow.
As I raced through the house, poking my head into various rooms as I passed, I imagined every way I was going to wallop the twins for scaring Sam.
The alarm continued as I neared the gym. Why hadn’t Benji or Noah disabled it?
The answer to that became clear as I skidded to a stop in the doorway.
Noah’s body was bent in an unnatural manner over a weight bench, blood dripping from a rapidly healing wound in his head. It was one of the few pieces of gym equipment that wasn’t broken. For some unknown reason, there was a fifty pound weight lodged in the wall.
The twins and Benji were a contorted mass of limbs in the centre of the room. Flashes of power were being exchanged with punches and curses. Benji was hollering at them to stop, but they were too far gone.
With a growl, I launched myself forward.
Shield in place, I unleashed my power. “Take Theo.”
Benji twisted, turning his full might on Theo as I did the same with Nate. Our combined powers forced the two of them apart a few inches. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for us. Enough for Benji and me to shove between them.
“The little fucker,” Nate snarled, so far gone to his anger that he didn’t seem to even register who was pulling him away. “I’m gonna fucking end him this time.”
Gritting my teeth, I used all my considerable strength to pin him to the mirror running along the wall. With my arm across his throat, I slammed my power into him. Across the room, I knew Benji was doing the same with Theo.
“Pull yourself together,” I hissed as Nate struggled to push me off. “What the fuck has gotten into you?”
A blast of power hit inches from his head, sending glass flying. The colourful curse from Benji showed he was having as much difficulty subduing Theo as I was Nate.
“Nate.” I shoved my forearm up until it was under his chin, forcing him to look at me. “This isn’t you. Theo’s your brother. Your brother. You need to?—”
I never did get out what Nate needed to do. Because at that precise moment, my mind registered a figure in the mirror.
A figure with horror written over every inch of his pale face.
Sam.
I froze, and that moment of hesitation cost me as Nate managed to get his hands around my neck.
There was a loud crack.
The familiar darkness rushed in, but it didn’t scare me.
The look on Sam’s face as I died?
That fucking terrified me.