Chapter 16
Soren
I’m beyond excited to see Lyall. I spent our time apart planning a date for us that I think he’ll really like.
Once my shift is over, I’ll head straight to meet him at Bryant Park.
The bell dings and I’m about to greet the customers until I see it’s Anders and Jamie. I fold my arms and give them a look.
Jamie smiles sheepishly, waving. “So. The wolf is out of the bag,” he says, sitting down at the bar.
“I would have appreciated a warning. ‘By the way, the hot guy we set you up with is a time-traveling werewolf.’” It’s dead at the bar today.
The lunch shift is usually pretty slow, which is why it’s my least favorite.
But the lack of customers means I don’t need to worry about anyone overhearing us.
Before Jamie can say something, an apology by the frown on his face, I wave a hand at him.
“It’s fine. It all worked out. Lyall’s a great guy, and I’m glad I’m learning more about my past.”
Anders says, “You understand why we couldn’t tell you?”
I nod as I pour him his beer. “I think so, but there’s one thing I don’t get. Lyall told me about what my father did to your pack. He said everyone thought I’d betrayed them. So why did you help bring us together?”
Anders takes a gulp of his beer. “I learned that we were wrong. I’d let grief and rage cloud my judgment of your character. I owe it to my brother to help make things right.”
Jamie smiles at me. “It’s great things are working out for you guys.”
“How’d your dinner go? Lyall said he was visiting.”
Anders frowns and Jamie coughs. “It was… fine,” Jamie says, not convincing me for a second.
“I wish I could have been there.”
Anders shakes his head. “It isn’t safe.”
There’s an ache in my chest at the reminder. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to meet Lyall’s family or if we’ll always have to hide our relationship.
Always. Am I really that far gone for him already?
“There’s really no way you can convince the rest of your family that I didn’t betray them?” It’s not fair that Lyall has to keep such a big secret from his family.
“That would be risky at best and dangerous at worst,” Anders says. “Wulfric has let go of a lot of the guilt he carried from that day thanks to Kieran’s help. But Gunnar…” He shakes his head, brows furrowing as if just thinking of his brother pains him. “It would destroy him. He would go berserk.”
“Berserk?”
Jamie clears his throat. “Wolves from an Alpha bloodline like Anders and his brothers are stronger than most regular shifters, but that power comes at a cost. They can lose control of themselves and be taken over by their wolf if they don’t claim a mate.”
I’m shocked Lyall didn’t tell me this. “Is Lyall in danger of that happening?”
Anders shakes his head. “No. But Gunnar is. I fear if he learned that you two were seeing each other, it would push him over the edge.”
“What would happen then? Could he ever be helped?”
The sigh that shudders from Anders’s chest is so pained, I wish I hadn’t asked. “There are two options a berserker has. The Council can strip them of their wolf. Or their Alpha can kill them.”
My stomach twists painfully. “That’s it?”
“Aye. So you understand why you must keep things secret, don’t you?”
I do, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less, for me or Lyall.
He should be here any moment. My heart races in anticipation, as if it’s been months since I’ve seen him. Whenever we’re apart, he’s all I can think about, and when we’re together, I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. How long will these feelings last? Will we last?
My worries turn the fluttering in my stomach into painful, nervous cramping. Best not to think about it.
“Soren!” Lyall waves at me as he squeezes through a pack of tourists.
I can’t help but grin. I meet him halfway, holding him tight as if we haven’t seen each other all week. His shoulders are tense, but as I bring him close, his body relaxes and he leans into me with a quiet exhale.
“Missed you,” I tell him, squeezing him. “You okay?”
“I am now. Gods, I missed you too.”
I wonder what’s been troubling him, but before I can ask, Lyall grasps the nape of my neck and pulls me in for a kiss.
I can’t help my contented hum as the sweetness in his kiss makes my head spin.
Our bodies fit together perfectly, and he kisses me with the familiarity of long-time lovers.
Like we’ve done it a thousand times before.
When he pulls back, it’s to rest his forehead against mine. “How are you?”
“After that kiss? Pretty fucking amazing. How about you?”
He chuckles, brushing his knuckles along my cheek. “Better now that you’re here.”
“Did something happen?”
Lyall drops his hands down to my waist, squeezing. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
Oh shit.
Taking my hand, Lyall guides me back to the bench and sits beside me.
“Everything okay?” I can barely get the words out.
Shit. This is it. He’s going to break up with me.
I can’t even blame him, not really. He’s risking so much by being with me.
But it’s happening much sooner than I thought it would. Fuck. This is going to devastate me.
“I feared my brothers were starting to suspect I was seeing you.”
Okay, no breakup yet. I exhale slowly. “Okay…”
Lyall frowns down at his lap. “So I lied to them and said I was seeing someone else. Last night I brought him over for dinner.”
My stomach churns. “And? Did they believe you?”
“Aye.”
That’s all? Was he worried I’d be upset? I’m just relieved we’re not breaking up.
“So? That’s a good thing, right?”
Lyall’s jaw bunches. “Aren’t you angry?”
“About?”
Lyall heaves a frustrated sigh. “I brought another man to meet my family. I pretended we were together. The whole ordeal felt wrong down to my very bones. I wanted it to be you so badly, but it wasn’t.”
“Did you kiss him?”
He makes a face. “No.”
“Then I’m not upset. Besides, we never really talked about being exclusive.” I wonder if it’s too early to have that conversation with him.
“Aren’t we?” He arches a brow. He makes it sound like it’s a given that we’re together. That makes sense considering he knows so much of our history.
“Do you… want to be?”
Lyall takes my hand and squeezes. “Of course I do. If that’s what you want too.”
His sincerity makes me smile. It wasn’t long ago I was swearing off relationships. I’ve been burned so many times. There’s something about Lyall that makes me want to swan dive into love with him. “I don’t know.” I shrug. “Kiss me again and maybe I’ll make up my mind.”
He leans in with a quiet laugh and does just that.
When we finally come up for air, my lips tingle and there’s the beginning of beard burn on the corner of my mouth, but fuck it.
This sweet, gentle, patient man is worth risking my heart for.
“That was pretty good. Your application for boyfriend has been accepted.”
At his confused look, I chuckle. Right. I’ve probably used a ton of words he’s not familiar with.
“That means yes, Lyall.”
He grins. “Oh. Good.” The relief in his voice only endears him to me more. “Just to be clear, you’re truly not upset?”
“Not at you,” I clarify. I can’t deny that knowing someone else got to meet Lyall’s family hurts, even though I understand why I can’t see them.
Lyall sighs softly and nuzzles his forehead against mine, his breath warm on my lips when he says, “I wish more than anything it could have been you, love.”
“I get it. Anders told me about Gunnar, how he could go berserk if he knew. Why? Did I do something to him in the past?”
Lyall shakes his head. “It wasn’t you.”
Realization makes me feel sick. “My father.”
Lyall squeezes my forearms. “Nothing that happened that day was your fault.”
A part of me wants to ask Lyall to show me what happened that day. Another part of me never wants to know. “Lyall—”
“Now, where are we going?” Lyall asks, his smile cheery but forced. Guess we’re changing the subject.
“It’s not far. Just stay close. It’s pretty busy today.” I take his hand and lead the way.
Bryant Park still has its Christmas market up, and the pathways are flooded with tourists buying overpriced food from vendors. Lyall sniffs the air constantly, taking in the surrounding sights with wonder.
“Do you know what ice skating is?”
Lyall’s face lights up. “Aye. Skates are a useful way to traverse patches of ice. It can be fun as well, so long as you avoid weak spots in the ice—” His eyes widen, lips going slack in horror.
I follow his gaze, but I don’t see anything unusual. “Lyall, what is it?”
He yanks me close, whispering in my ear, “You know nothing of your past, remember that. We’re on a date, nothing else.”
Before I can ask, Lyall plasters on a smile and waves. “Ms. Cartwright! A beautiful day, is it not?”
A woman in a black Canada Goose coat looks from Lyall to me with suspicion before she gives us a smile as equally fake as Lyall’s. “Mr. Erikson, how are you?”
What the hell? Who is this lady?
“I-I am well.” Lyall’s hand trembles in my grip. Whoever she is, Lyall is terrified of her, and that alone makes me immediately distrustful of her.
“Who’s this?” I ask Lyall, because seriously, who is this bitch and why is he so freaked out?
“Ms. Cartwright, this is Soren.”
“How nice to meet you.” She couldn’t sound less sincere if she tried. “Mr. Erikson, how are your brothers?”
Lyall squeezes my hand so hard, I have to bite my lip so I don’t grunt in pain. “They’re fine.”
A man, British by his accent, calls out, “Lena!” To my surprise, Lyall immediately relaxes as a blond man makes his way over, carrying a tray with two drinks. “Did you find us any seats?”
“No, they’re all taken.”
The man nudges her. “Want to head back to the office then?”
She sighs. “A shame. It really is a lovely day. Nice to meet you, Soren. Enjoy yourselves, and Lyall, remember what we talked about.”
At those words, Lyall’s shoulders stiffen. “How could I forget?”
The blond man tugs on her elbow, and they walk off together, chatting.
I round on Lyall. “What in the hell—”
He puts an arm around my shoulders and leads me farther into the park. “Not here.”
My heart races as Lyall stops us by the carousel. Obnoxious carnival music plays, and children laugh and shriek as they enjoy the ride. It’s noisy, but I suspect that’s what Lyall wanted. “That was Helena Cartwright. She’s in charge of the TTA’s branch in New York.”
That’s the same agency Fergus mentioned. “They’re connected to the Council, right?”
Lyall nods, mouth pinched in a grim line. “Aye. She’s the reason I was able to travel to this timeline. Anyone wishing to travel between realms needs approval from the TTA. Unsanctioned time travel is prohibited.”
“But I never got approval to travel.” My stomach starts to cramp as the realization festers inside me. “Would they erase people’s memories if they found out about time travel?”
Lyall sighs. “Aye, if they were ordered to by the Council.”
“So… so that woman, Cartwright—she could get us in trouble.”
“If she suspected we’d done something wrong, aye, but so far, she’s allowed me to see you.”
I swallow with some difficulty, throat painfully dry. “Under what conditions?”
Lyall averts his gaze. “That I make no attempts to remind you of your past. Or expose the secrets of the paranormal world.”
“But you did both of those things!” I grip his hands, shaking them. “Lyall, if she finds out what you did, what’s going to happen to you?”
To us?
When Lyall sighs, his breath warms my cold lips.
“It would be considered a violation of traveler law. The Council believes you betrayed us. They think that if you were reminded of your past, you could be a threat to my pack. Your memories would be removed once again. My pack cold lose their traveling privileges.”
“But that means we’d never see each other again.” No, it’s worse than that, I realize, remembering my encounter with Anders and Jamie this morning. “You’d never see Anders again!”
Lyall nods, closing his eyes tight as if the very thought pains him.
I drop his hands, my heart thudding somewhere up in my throat. I knew he could get in trouble with his family, but I had no idea what bigger consequences lay in store for Lyall. He’d estrange himself from his pack in the past, be separated from his twin in the present, just for seeing me.
Nothing is worth that sort of risk.
“I know what you’re thinking, love, and I’m stopping you right there.” Lyall takes my hands and holds them to his chest. I don’t know if I’m shaking from cold or terror. “Anders knows the risks. So do I. Choosing you was not a decision I made lightly, but I’ve made my peace with it.”
My throat thickens. “Are you sure? Lyall, I don’t want to be the reason you lose your family.”
But selfish as it makes me, I don’t want to lose him either.
Lyall blinks fast, eyes damp. “I made my choice. I’m choosing you.” Bringing my hands to his lips, he kisses them both, eyes never straying from mine.
“I don’t want to lose you.” The words tear at my throat, and it terrifies me how true they are. I’ve only just found him. The possibility of losing him and my memories again makes me weak-kneed with fear.
Lyall smiles, and though it trembles, it gives me hope. “You won’t. I can be quite secretive.”
I snort. “Says the guy who turned into a big-ass wolf in the middle of a hospital room.”
Laughing, he brushes a kiss to my forehead. “Enough worrying, love. I believe you wanted to take me ice skating.”
I’d almost forgotten. In the face of everything Lyall shared with me, having fun is the last thing on my mind right now. Instead, I’d rather drag Lyall into my apartment and keep him there where he’s safe and hidden.
“Love.” Lyall captures my chin in his hand. “Take me skating. Please.”
I take his hand, holding on tight.
Every moment we have together feels more precious now than it did before. I don’t want to waste a second with Lyall. I never want to forget him again.
But will I even have a choice?