Chapter 21
Lyall
Toward the end of the month, Soren makes plans to fly us out to San Francisco to visit apartments. He says it’s all the way on the other side of the country. We’ll have to ride in this thing called a plane. It flies high in the sky like a bird. He’s pointed them out to me a few times on clear days.
I can’t say I’m looking forward to that, but it will be worth it to spend the rest of my life with Soren, somewhere we don’t have to hide from the TTA.
But the closer the day of our departure draws, the heavier my heart becomes.
I go back and forth between my time and Soren’s, but I find myself spending more time in the past with my pack.
It hasn’t set in that soon I won’t see them again.
Anders and Jamie can visit, certainly, although I won’t see them as often as I do now after we move; Wulfric and Gunnar will not be able to visit. It’s not a risk we can afford.
How will I explain it to them in a way they’ll understand while also keeping my secrets?
The day arrives before I’m ready. My last day with my family. A part of me wants to just tell them the truth and leave, so they at least know why. So they don’t believe I left out of spite or because I didn’t care.
Kieran has grown into himself as Alpha-Mate and cares for our pack as if he were born into it.
Wulfric watches him with pride as he teaches a girl to use a bow.
Jace runs and plays with the other children, beside himself with excitement when one of the older whelps shifts into a wolf.
Anders and Jamie bring back pastries and coffee from the cafe.
Aunt Helga makes her beloved stew, made with beef from a cow Gunnar butchered himself.
It’s going to be an evening both bitter and sweet.
“Come inside, everyone!” Helga calls from the front door. “Supper is ready.”
“Finally, I’m starved!” Jace races past us and into the house.
“Make sure to thank Aunt Helga!” Jamie calls after him.
“I hope you left room in your belly for a proper meal,” Anders says, elbowing me.
I brush croissant crumbs off my shirt. “I always have room for Aunt Helga’s beef stew.”
My family heads into the house, but before I can follow, a hand grips my shoulder. Claws dig into my shirt and dimple my flesh. “How’s Arlo?” I barely recognize my brother’s voice. It’s harsh, scraping against his fangs with every word.
My mind goes blank. “Arlo?”
Gunnar’s claws bite into my shoulder, making me wince. “Did he leave that mark on your skin?”
“What mark—”
Oh shit.
Gunnar’s eyes are blazing wildfire as he glares at the spot on my neck Soren nibbled and kissed this morning. I haven’t worn my furs since I arrived, so the mark hasn’t healed.
“A-and what of it? We’re together, brother.”
Gunnar’s nostrils flare, his lips curling away from his fangs. “Then why have you scrubbed his scent from your skin? If he were mine, I’d want the whole world to know it!”
My heart’s hammering, and surely he can hear it. I’ve got to keep my composure. Like when I first learned to draw a bow. I was scared I’d miss my shot, that we’d go hungry. Father had squeezed my shoulder and said, “Breathe, boy.”
Drawing in a breath, I turn to face Gunnar, taking his hand off my shoulder and holding it tight.
It pains me to see him like this, the line between man and beast as thin as a blade’s edge.
“I didn’t want you to have to smell him on me.
Do you really think me so cruel that I’d taunt you in such a manner? ”
Gunnar’s breath hitches. His hand curls around mine hard, claws biting into my skin.
Hot blood drips down my palm, and I grind my teeth against the stinging pain.
The scent of blood fills the air between us.
Gunnar wrenches his hand away, panic spiking his scent.
“Apologies,” he says in a breathless whisper, then shoves past me into the house without another glance.
I exhale, my heart racing hard enough to burst from my chest.
It’s a good thing we’re leaving soon. If Gunnar found out who I was truly with, it would drive him into a rage. I’ve hurt him enough with my lies.
Inside the house, everyone has already gathered at the table. I linger at the threshold, wishing I had my phone so I could capture this moment of my family whole and happy like we haven’t been in years. All but Gunnar, who doesn’t react to anyone and focuses on filling his plate.
Once I’m gone, will Gunnar lose himself completely to his wolf? What if my absence pushes him over the edge? I’ve got to find a way to let them know that my reasons for leaving aren’t callous.
I join them at the table and smile at my aunt. “Thank you for the stew.”
“I made it just for you, lad.” Her smile is soft and so full of love it hurts to look at her.
My chest tightens. Helga knows it’s my favorite. Gods, why does it feel as if I’m betraying them? I’m not. I deserve to be happy. They will survive without me.
“Thank you,” I croak, lowering my gaze to my food.
I take a sip of the stew, savoring the flavorful broth and tender chunks of meat.
I will miss her cooking, miss her more than I can say.
My eyes sting, and I force the melancholy thoughts down.
I can’t break. My family will know something is wrong.
If this is my last evening with them, let it be a joyful one.
“How was your day, Alpha-Mate?” I give Kieran a teasing smile, knowing how the title makes him blush.
He gives me a withering look but laughs softly. “Pretty good. I’ve started teaching the kids how to play instruments.”
Wulfric rubs Kieran’s back. “You should start a… what’s that word? A band.”
Kieran barks a laugh, squeezing Wulfric’s hand. “I’ll make a Viking version of the Jackson Five!”
“One of those pastries you brought was new,” I say to Anders. “It tasted like apples.”
Anders nods. “Aye, it’s called an apple turnover.”
Jamie gulps down some mead. “They’re good, right?”
“Delicious,” I say. I hope they have these apple turnovers in San Francisco. “How are you, Aunt Helga?”
“I’m quite well, dear. The garden is thriving. Our village is safe. My lovely nephews are happy. I could not ask for anything more.” She pats my hand, her touch soft and warm.
I’m almost afraid to speak to Gunnar, but it’s only fair since I’ve asked after everyone else. I clear my throat and force myself to look across the table at Gunnar. “And you, brother?”
Gunnar doesn’t reply right away, draining his whole mug of mead. His beard glistens, and he flicks his tongue over the pointed edge of his fang. His narrowed eyes dart from face to face, his shoulders hunching up toward his ears. “Stop looking at me like that. I’m not some deranged beast yet.”
Jamie coughs. “We weren’t—”
“Aye, you were. I’ve still got my sanity. You needn’t look at me with fear nor pity.” Gunnar spits the words out through his fangs.
Wulfric clears his throat. “Apologies, Gunnar. That wasn’t our intention. How did the hunt go?”
Gunnar jerks a shoulder. “I caught it, killed it, butchered it. Nothing to tell.”
Wulfric hums, frowning down at his bowl. Kieran rubs his shoulder. “Thanks, Gunnar. You’re one of the best hunters we have.”
Gunnar answers with a grunt, eating more stew.
Time flies after that, the tension fading like mist when Kieran offers to play a song he learned on the lyre. His music lightens the mood and makes the evening a memorable one. I couldn’t have asked for a better farewell than this.
Before I’m ready, the time comes for us to part ways. Emotions thicken my throat, but I smile through them as I pull Wulfric into a hug. He grunts, arms stiff and awkward at his sides. “Uh… Lyall?”
I squeeze him, savoring the warm thrum of the pack bond between us. “You’ve become a fine Alpha, little Wulf. Father would be proud.” Wulfric’s breath catches, then his arms come around me, holding me tight for a few seconds.
“Thank you. And don’t call me that,” he grumbles, face red and eyes glassy.
I tousle his hair. “Not so little anymore, are you?” I’ll never forget the first moment I held him in my arms. Sometimes I look at him, and it takes my breath away to see the man he’s become.
Wulfric bats my hand away, wrestling back a smile as he goes to stand by Kieran.
I wrench Kieran into a hug, making him squeak. “And you! I knew you’d make a great Alpha-Mate!”
Kieran wheezes. “Suffocating… in your armpit… Can’t… breathe!” Snorting, I let him go and find him smiling. “You know, I’m only as good as the pack who taught me.”
Anders and Jamie will head back with me, so we don’t have to say our farewells yet, thank the gods.
Gunnar grips my shoulder. There’s a knowing look in his eyes that makes my heart skip. He pulls me close for a one-armed squeeze. “Something is off with you tonight, brother.”
“Is it?” I laugh to hide my rising nerves. “You know family gatherings make me emotional.”
He grunts, not sounding pleased, but he doesn’t push for me to open up, thankfully. I hold him to my side for a moment longer, closing my eyes tight.
Please, gods. Let him find happiness after I’m gone. Bring him and Arlo together. Teach him to open his heart once more to love.
It’s hard to let him go. All I want is to hold on to him and keep him in my sights, but I can’t draw any more attention to myself.
I force myself to drop my arm to my side, to not look back at my family as I step out the door.
It closes behind me with a finality that makes my throat ache.
I pray I can hold it together long enough to say goodbye to my aunt.
She’s sitting outside on a bench, looking up at the stars. Anders looks back at me, but I motion him on ahead. When I take a seat beside my aunt, she puts her hand on my knee. “Do you remember when I taught you to navigate by the stars?”
Above, the stars are countless, glittering like gems in the night sky. “Aye. How could I forget?” I point to the North Star, shining bright. “And the ones that look like a big and little spoon.”