Chapter 32
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
DANTE
Ireturn to the abandoned building in West Bank—the one with the celestial mural painted on the ceiling I admired while trying to hype myself up to kill SIXX some weeks ago.
It takes work to clean up the space. A full day of sweeping the floor, in fact, but it gives me something to focus on. Another physical outlet to keep my emotions in check.
And a place to hide from everyone.
When there’s finally a smooth surface to work with, I slip on my ballet shoes and start practicing. My leaps and turns don’t feel natural anymore. Ballet isn’t like my routines at Club Saturn. It’s an endless journey of perfecting the slightest movements and positioning of my body.
I don’t count on Wyatt calling me back. My voicemail was shaky and awkward, and I ended up cutting it short because I got embarrassed about asking him if he’d entertain the idea of me coming back to the company.
So I dance like he’ll call. I dance like I never had professional experience, and I’m trying to prove myself all over again to every person who doubted that a boy like me would succeed in the arts.
As much as I don’t like what I see in the cracked mirror’s reflection, I don’t stop. Even when I’m wishing my dream died with Papi, I don’t stop. I’m drenched in sweat, and there are blisters on my feet. My pirouettes and traveling cha?nés are sloppy.
But I don’t fucking stop.
“Don’t you ever get dizzy?”
Startled by the unexpected guest, I roll my ankle and fall onto my ass with a grunt. My frustration is nothing in comparison to the surge of excitement I get at the thought that Rev came after me.
It’s not Rev, but I’m still surprisingly pleased by the sight of Ezra sitting on the sill of the window I’d cracked to let in a breeze when I started overheating in my sweats. He’s wearing a rainbow beanie, fingerless gloves, and his normal street-chic attire.
He kind of reminds me of the cat that visits my bedroom window nightly now, mewling for food or the warmth of my bed.
It’s still a shock to me that Ezra kills people. He seems too lighthearted. He runs a shelter for kids, for fuck’s sake.
“Let me guess. Sinro’s been watching me,” I mumble, shucking off my shoes and stretching out my blistered toes. At least my calluses have started growing back.
“Missed you too,” Ezra replies.
When my gaze jerks back to him, my stomach dropping in fear over hurting him, I find a soft smile on his face. “We all miss you.”
With a long exhale, I rub my fingers over my eyes. Then I wander over to the windowsill and crawl on top of it, wrapping my legs up in my arms. The ledge is chilly beneath my body, but I don’t mind it numbing my throbbing toes.
“How do I do this, Ez?” I ask weakly.
Ezra spins around to face me. His quick, careless movements have my hand jerking to his thigh to secure him in place. Realizing my error, I pull back.
“Sorry,” I mutter.
“S’okay.” He takes my hand and holds it in both of his. “I used to not want anyone touching me. Thought I’d rather die than experience intimacy with another person.”
My throat tightens as I swallow. To think how far he’s come…
I watch his fingers as they trace the lines of my palm like I do when I’m trying to avoid crumbling.
“The man who hurt me…he did a lot of bad things. He was going to continue doing them if I didn’t stop him. I could have left him to Cain and Rev, but at the time, I was convinced I wouldn’t be able to sleep peacefully unless it was me who pulled the trigger.”
With a pit forming in my stomach, I blink back at him. Ezra hasn’t given me all the details of what happened to him, and it’s not my place to pry. But I can sense his pain deep beneath his smiley, carefree surface.
Ezra was meant to be an angel. The thought of someone trying to strip him of his wings has me huffing with anger.
“Do you regret it?”
There’s not a trace of remorse in his face. “No. Not when I look into the eyes of the kids I provide shelter for and think I might have saved them from what I experienced.”
Tears fill my eyes. “Fuck. Am I weak, Ez?”
One simple question, and I’m laid bare before him. Ezra wraps his arms around me. I pull him fully against me and hug him back. It makes me crave Rev even more.
I miss him. God, I miss him.
Nothing would be worse than him deciding I’m not worth all this effort. He hunted down an entire criminal organization just to save my brother.
“Don’t call yourself weak. You’re human, Dante. You recognize your enemies are, too. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.”
I squeeze him tighter. “Is he…mad at me?”
Drawing back, he shakes his head and smiles. “He’s beside himself without you.”
“That doesn’t mean he wants me back.”
“Maybe you should ask him. Bet you’ll like what he has to say.”
“What if…what if I can’t make him happy?”
He pats a hand on the top of my curls. “I know it’s scary, but you can’t let fear win out.”
Nodding, I sniffle. “Thank you.”
“Anytime. I’m glad we’re friends, Dante.”
I smile and nod furiously, already brainstorming ideas of what I could do to show my love to Rev. To all of Sinro.
Ezra pops up to his feet on the windowsill, and my hand once again shoots out to stabilize him. He cackles with joyous laughter. “Cain does the same thing.”
“Yeah, ’cause you’re reckless, Ez,” I mutter.
“Better to live recklessly than to live with regret, right?”
I sigh. “Maybe. Yeah.”
“Show me how to do that spinny thing?”
“A pirouette?” Smiling, I hold out a hand to help him jump down.
It’s Noche Buena, and I’m rushing around Rev’s apartment like a madman trying to finish up the final touches for his surprise party.
My heart is racing. My head has been a mess of nasty thoughts the entire time I’ve been cooking and decorating.
What if he doesn’t want me anymore?
What if this was all just a game or a plot to get closer to SIXX?
I’m moody and clingy and sensitive and poorly healing from heartbreak. I’m in no state to have a boyfriend, but I also can’t fathom the thought of losing the one I have, and that’s if he still wants me.
“Higher, bitches!” Gage orders.
I glance up from spreading arequipe on obleas to see Gage fanning himself, perched on the edge of Rev’s sofa as he bosses around mercenaries struggling to hang glittering ornaments from the ceiling.
Rorik has Alaric on his shoulders while Forest stands on a chair and stretches up on his tiptoes.
The movement has his shirt lifting, revealing a patch of surprisingly defined abs.
It’s not that Forest isn’t in shape, it’s just…fuck, he’s got a bit of a sleeper build going on.
Gage has definitely taken notice, his tongue swiping along his bottom lip. I feel like I should warn Forest.
Not my place.
My attention moves to Ezra, stirring his homemade hot chocolate in an Instant Pot. Laz is standing by in case Ezra manages to burn or damage something. He already tried putting a metal spoon in the microwave.
Neff is chattering with Isaac about the uselessness of men as the two of them fix a banner over the windows, hung earlier by said useless men, still fighting to hang shit from the ceiling.
Salem is fawning over the colorful knitted creations an older man at the dining table is showing off proudly. Ezra introduced him to me as “his Jakey.”
I felt horrible when I asked Ezra about Jakey in private a little later, and he explained that he met Jakey when they were both homeless. Ez had just escaped his abusive foster parent, and Jakey mistook him as his son.
“I wouldn’t have survived without him.”
Fuck, if that didn’t hit me right in the heart.
There are others scattered throughout the apartment, chatting and sipping on drinks. All people Cain invited when I shared with him my plan to give Rev a traditional Christmas.
“Can’t get this one to stick,” Forest complains, rubbing at his healing shoulder with a wince.
“Lord, do I need to show you how it’s done?” Gage hops up onto the chair, crowding Forest’s space. The stunned mercenary touches his hands lightly to Gage’s waist to steady him as he hangs the ornament.
Gage winks at Forest before jumping down, twirling for show, and then strutting over to pick at the Bunuelos I made earlier.
“You’re doing amazingly, sweets. What can I do to help?” Gage asks.
“Assure me I’m not going to get my heart broken tonight?”
“With what you’re wearing underneath that outfit? He’d have to be crazy not to worship at your altar.”
The door to the apartment opens, and I smooth my hands down my fitted white jeans. I paired them with this shimmery, pale gold top that’s cut open on the sides.
Ugh. I really hope I’m not about to be rejected. Suppose it’s better to have it happen in front of people who will help pick up my broken pieces.
Cain strides in first, suited up and shrouded in his usual confident energy. He immediately gravitates to Ezra, nodding at his employees along the way.
Rev pauses at the end of the hall. His gaze sweeps over the decorations and the people occupying his home.
His expression is horrifyingly controlled.
No spark of joy in his blue eyes or upward curl of his lips.
I notice his hair is a mess, so long it’s hanging below his darker brows.
There are circles under his eyes, and his dress shirt is slightly wrinkled.
Was Ezra speaking the truth? Did he…miss me?
I blow out a shaky breath when his eyes meet mine, and my heart tries to explode out of my chest as he lights up.
I’m lured over to him, filled with a mixture of panic and raw need.
“Hi,” I whisper shyly.
He takes his time looking me over like he’s trying to burn me into his memory. “What is all of this?”
“I was trying to think of a way to thank you for what you’ve done for me and Laz, but also to apologize for how I’ve acted.”
“So you threw me a party?” A brow lifts.
I nod, face heating. “So you could know what it feels like to be surrounded by people who love you.”
His blue eyes soften. “Baby boy.”
Sucking in a breath, I force the words out, “You’re so special to me, Rev.”
The air is knocked out of me as he shoves me up against the wall and smashes his mouth to mine. A whistle in the background thankfully covers up my whimper.
When he breaks away, I murmur, “Heathen.”
“Knew you missed me.” He brushes his lips down to my neck, causing me to shudder.
“Didn’t miss you.” But my hands smooth up his back, my fingers tugging at the soft locks of his hair. “I only thought about you every second of every day.”
He pulls back, and I try to smile through the tears now slipping down my face. He watches them, not even attempting to wipe them away. He’s stripped of devilish smiles and sly confidence. Laid bare before me.
“I’m so sorry. I was scared. Papi’s death…it fucked me up. And then a week went by and then another, and then I was convinced you wouldn’t want me anymore.”
He kisses the tip of my nose. “Kitten, when are you going to accept the fact that I’m obsessed with you? What I feel for you is unhinged. It’s dangerous. Most days, I want to kill you just to keep you from the rest of the world.”
I give him a little shove while keeping my hands curled in his shirt. “Try it. I’ll end you.”
He leans in to nip my jaw. “Mmm. We fighting or fucking, baby boy?”
“Behave. We have guests.”
“I don’t care. They can watch.”
Taking control, I flatten him against the opposite wall and hold him there. “You can have me any way you want later.”
“So…should we leave or what?” Forest asks.
Laughter breaks out, and regretfully, I let Rev step away, though the madness gleaming in his eyes tells me I’m not going to escape him ever again.
I slide my hand into his. “You hungry?”
“Ravenous.”
“Good. Let me feed you.”