Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
MAVERICK
“ V ick! C’mon man, I need you to pull yourself out of this!”
“The meds should be kickin’ in soon.”
“Vick!”
“Anyone have eyes on Barrington Regal House?”
“Deep breaths, Vick. You’re going to be ok.”
I can hear the voices over my rapid and hollow gasping but can’t see who they belong to.
They filter through the chaos in my head.
Images of the previous night flicker in and out, followed by the wretched sensation of drowning as guilt and a deep-rooted loathing both in myself and the two patients who set me up to fail fill my lungs and weigh me down.
Sometimes I can see Nolan and a few other patients I’d loosely consider friends, but I can’t focus on them.
No, not on them—the present. I’m stuck straddling the line of reality and fantasy.
If I try too hard to lock in, they disappear.
Or maybe it’s me that disappears.
I’m sure it’s the latter only because I can see Everly, and somehow I know that’s not possible.
Not really. I can see her strapped down to a hospital bed.
There’s no mistaking the fear in her eyes, the wobble of her bottom lip.
The image is followed by another of her; this time, her body flails as electricity charges through it.
“Vick! You have to calm down!”
My stomach lurches as I watch Everly suffer. That wasn’t supposed to happen… She wasn’t supposed to get hurt! Again and again, the image of her as the switch is pulled and her body—No, no, no! I have to stop it! I can’t let her go through that again.
But she does. I can’t get to her. I can’t stop it.
She can’t scream, not with the mouth guard in, but I can see the tendons and muscles in her throat flex as she thrashes.
I did this to her. How could I be so cruel to the woman I love?
Because I do love Everly. I always have.
It was just buried deep beneath a pile of denial and hatred.
God, if I could go back and undo this and instead tell her how much I love her…
The image of Everly slips away, and for a short time my mind is dark. Quiet. Full of nothing. I’m strangely numb. It’s like I’ve been set adrift in a black hole—a void where nothing matters. It’s both peaceful and agonizingly terrifying.
When my consciousness returns, it’s in slow motion. I’m aware of my hands and feet first, followed by the rest of my body. My thoughts are sluggish, slowly trudging in, and none of them are all that helpful as I attempt to figure out why I feel so disjointed.
“Fuck…” I mutter. Instantly I regret it. My throat is painfully raw; it’s so bad the ache reaches up into my ears where a gentle throb is noticeable.
“Vick, you’re awake!”
Forcing my limbs to move is a feat, but I manage to sit up. Before I can gain my bearings, Nolan practically materializes in front of me.
“You good?” he asks, staring into my face anxiously.
He looks haggard, like he hasn’t slept in a while, and his mouth is bracketed with stress as he peers into my face. I wave him off.
“I’m fine,” I grumble, then wince.
“Here,” he shoves a paper cup into my hand and urges me to take a drink.
“Henry swiped Belford’s stash of pills he pretends to take but saves.
We forced one down your throat to calm you down after I found you wandering campus early yesterday morning, so you’re probably feeling a little out of it.
It knocked you out for the rest of the day and all last night.
I was kind of worried it was too much, so thank god you’re awake now. ”
I throw the water back, grimacing as I choke it down. When I’m done, I toss the cup to the floor and reach up to rub my aching temples.
“Wait… so I lost a whole day?” I frown. “It’s Monday?”
Nolan nods anxiously.
Fuck, so much time wasted…
“Ok, I know you’re just waking up, but you were saying some wild things before the meds kicked in,” Nolan says, his voice strained with stress. I glance up at him as he leans in and says quietly, “I need to know exactly what happened the other night so I know how to help you.”
I give up rubbing my temples to shove the heels of my palms into my eyes. The motion triggers the memories that sent me into a spiral, and I stiffen in horror. My hands drop away from my face as I surge to my feet.
“Fuck! Everly!” I glance around the room to find that it’s mine. How the hell did I get back here?
“Yes, that’s right. It has to do with the girl,” Nolan nods anxiously.
“I saw you two sneak out of here. I know you told me not to, but I followed you to the White Stag Chapel. Unfortunately, I ran into Bastian and Conner, who knocked me out and left me in the woods. What happened after you two went inside?”
I shake my head. “We don’t have time to talk. I have to go?—”
Nolan leaps in front of me and blocks me from heading for the door.
With a hard shake of his head, he says, “No, Vick. You have to tell me what happened. When I found you, you were saying all sorts of crazy things, and I’m worried that…
” He stops, brows smashing together with concern.
“You had a small meltdown. I need to know what triggered it before I let you leave this room.”
It’s the worry in Nolan’s face that forces me to take a deep breath and slow down.
I reach up and rake my fingers through my hair in an attempt to push it out of my face, but the fucking waves are all tangled and greasy.
Looking down, I find myself in the same clothes Everly had given me for the escape I botched.
My stomach knots and I wince at the discomfort.
Slowly, I look up. Nolan’s watching me, his eyes searching and full of anxiety.
“Everly she… she was really trying to break me out of here.” I slowly sink back down onto my bed.
My shoulders sag forward as I look down to the floor.
I pinned her right there and nearly strangled her.
Still, Everly had been steadfast in her decision to help me.
“If I had just believed her, I could’ve been out of here. Free …”
Now, I don’t know my fate. What’s worse, I don’t know Everly’s. The tsunami of guilt that comes crashing over me causes my throat to close, heart to seize up, and cleaves my chest in two. Where the hell is Everly?
“Okay…” Nolan starts with a thoughtful scowl. “You sure this wasn’t a trick?”
I shake my head. “No. She was here of her own volition. She kept telling me that, but I didn’t believe her. Nolan… she told me she’s loved me this whole time and I… I… shit… I messed up so fucking badly.”
Pushing through the urge to throw up, I tell Nolan the events that transpired.
I tell him everything, right up until I saw Everly’s body straining under the high-intensity electrical currents.
From there, everything gets hazy. When I’m done, I can’t force myself to look up to see the horror on my friend’s face.
“Alright,” Nolan says after a beat. He lets out a shaky breath, and I watch his feet retreat. “So you don’t know what happened after Everly was electrocuted? Jesus, just saying that out loud is… fuck, Vick. It’s messed up, that’s for sure.”
It’s hard to hear, but it’s even worse knowing I actually allowed it to happen.
My chest constricts and I wince. I can still see her watery but determined gaze as she commanded us to pull the lever to shock her.
After all I put her through that night, she still held out—believed I would see the truth. I hadn’t.
Goddamn it, I’m a fool.
I thought I lost everything years ago when I realized I’d never be escaping Serenity Falls. I didn’t realize there was more to lose. Oh how fucking wrong I was. I open my mouth to speak but all that spills out is a pained croak. Choking it down, I try again.
“What if…” I swallow hard. “What if she’s dead, Nolan?”
I have no idea how much electricity went coursing through her veins. We aren’t doctors. No one set the dial on the machine—at least not from what I’d witnessed. Who knows what it was cranked up to? Did her brain fry? Or did her heart give out?
“She’s not.” The lack of conviction in Nolan’s swift response doesn’t make me feel any better.
A deep groan rumbles in my chest as devastation and despair churn in my heart. Who the fuck am I? I turn my palms up to stare down into my hands but don’t recognize them.
I threw Everly Woodrow to Rowan and Braum like she was nothing.
Their offer, as twisted as it was, had been a temptation I couldn’t resist. Scare Everly?
Force her to tell the truth? It was a perfect opportunity.
She’s my enemy’s daughter. My ex-best friend’s little sister.
Why not shake things up and put her in her place?
But I should’ve known better. Sitting here with a relatively clear head, I know that now.
There was never a wicked bone in Everly’s body.
She’s incapable of hurting others. There were countless nights she tended to me and her brother when we drank too much.
It was Everly who always asked after my mom, finding new ways to make her comfortable while she underwent chemotherapy.
And it was Everly who would sit quietly there with me at night in my backyard, after sneaking out, and listen to me ramble about life and my dreams. Everly, who never once spoke up about herself.
Who, without complaint, accepted her place in her brother’s shadow because her dad preferred his son over his daughter.
So consumed by hatred for the Woodrow family and plagued by paranoia, I destroyed any lingering pieces of humanity I’d been holding onto by torturing the girl I loved.
How can I live with myself?
“Look, she’s not dead, but listen to this,” Nolan says urgently. “Rumor has it the kings have something going on in the woods tonight. A one-off initiation or something. They’d only do that if there was a new patient.”
My heart freezes.
Rowan and Braum have Everly? Holy fuck… No .
As if that’s not bad enough, they want to put my Little Evie through one of their initiations?
The thought is so appalling it physically knocks the breath from my lungs.
Rowan and Braum like their games, but initiations are typically the worst. With a deep, animalistic snarl, I jerk my chin up and meet Nolan’s worried gaze.
“They don’t get to put Everly through that. Not after what we’ve already done to her,” I manage to spit out as I rise to my feet and glare at him. “Do you understand me? I’ll fucking?—”
Nolan holds up both of his hands quickly. “Chill, Vick. I don’t like the idea either. If they do still have her, though, you have to realize it’s only because they want to continue to mess with you. Tell me you understand that.”
“Yeah, Nolan, I fucking get it,” I snarl.
“Then you understand why you can’t go,” Nolan points out.
I open my mouth to object, but Nolan cuts me off with a scowl of his own.
“Vick, you lost it the other night. Like… real bad. You’re not in a good place—” he points to his temple.
“—up here to help Everly. Seeing her with Rowan and Braum might trigger you again. You don’t want to hurt her, do you? ”
I sputter as panic claws up my throat. “You want me to hang back? And what? Just let them have her?”
“No,” Nolan shakes his head. “ I’ll go tonight.
I’ll scope out the scene to see if she’s even with them.
If she’s not, maybe I’ll hear something.
If I can get confirmation she’s still here at Serenity Falls and get her location, we can alert security there’s someone here who doesn’t belong on campus.
That way, she’ll be escorted off the property and out of Rowan and Braum’s reach. ”
My heart drops. Send Everly away? Without seeing her again?
Without being able to apologize for what I’ve done to her or to thank her for trying to help me?
A new wave of anguish washes over me. If this is what needs to be done to protect Everly, so be it.
As long as she’s away from Rowan and Braum, I’ll let her go—even if that means leaving her with the impression that I loathe her.
Nothing could be further than the truth.
The love I had for Everly, that’s been hidden beneath hatred and disappointment for all these years, has erupted into something so much greater in the wake her visit.
“Fine.” The word falls from my lips as my heart is cleaved in two. “Go save Everly… without me.”