Chapter 27 #2
The room and Braum’s face begin to blur. I reach up, trying to drag my nails across his face, but he lifts his head out of reach. My lungs begin to burn. A hard, harsh pounding starts up in my head that mimics the frantic beating of my heart. Oh god, I need air…
My struggling becomes weak and, as the room dims, I wonder if I’m about to die.
What will happen to Maverick if I perish here?
Just as the darkness threatens to swallow me under, Braum lets go of my neck. Instinctively, I gasp. My lungs fill with air but even full, it doesn’t seem to be enough. I gobble down another deep breath, grateful to be able to do so.
“Shit, Everly…” Braum leaps off me and the couch with a swear. “I shouldn’t have… Fuck, sorry.”
His distracted, half-ass apology is ignored as the room comes back into focus. It spins rapidly at first, but with each gasp I take it starts to slow.
“What the hell am I doing?” Braum shouts. He paces on the other side of the coffee table, his body taut—as if ready to strike out again at any moment. “Are you ok?”
I open my mouth but close it as pain flares up my abused throat. As I wince, Braum keeps pacing, unaware of the damage he’s caused.
“I don’t get it. This has never happened before to me or anyone in my family—my father would’ve told me!
I feel like I’ve lost my tether to reality!
” He reaches up and grabs his head, his eyes squeezing shut in panic.
“I can’t fucking figure this out! But I have to, or I’ll actually go crazy! Goddamn it!”
Suddenly he drops to his knees. The moment they hit the oriental rug, he lets out a hoarse wail that pierces straight through me.
It tugs at my heart in ways I’ve never felt before.
I feel bad for him. Swallowing hard, I slowly sit up and watch as his fingers strain against his skull like he’s trying to reach in to hold his brain.
“Braum,” I rasp weakly.
He doesn’t hear me, too wrapped up in his own panic to realize I’ve spoken.
When I try again and he still doesn’t hear me, I force myself to get up off the couch and go to him.
Each step feels heavy, and a small voice in the back of my head is screaming a warning.
I should let him suffer. What has he done for me other than make my life miserable?
As much as I want to hold on to the bitter resentment I should have, I know what suffering is and what it’s like to go through it alone.
I don’t know anyone that deserves that fate.
Coming to stand in front of him, I call his name again. When he doesn’t acknowledge me, I sigh and carefully lower myself to my knees.
“Braum? Braum, I need you to look at me,” I tell him, my voice hoarse. Reaching out, I cautiously place my hand on his shoulder and shake him. “Braum, look at me.”
To my relief, his head snaps up and our eyes meet.
It frightens me, seeing him this wild and uncertain.
He’s unpredictable and dangerous. Fighting him isn’t helping my situation, so it’s time to change tactics.
Maybe it’s time to work with Braum to figure this out. My stomach clenches at the thought.
You’re doing this to survive , I remind myself as I take a deep breath to steady myself.
“Y-you said the universe wants us to be together, right?” It hurts to talk but I push on. “Could this, ah, be a test? One we have to figure out together ?”
“A test?” Braum mutters, his unfocused gaze shifts to travel over my skin. “Fuck, you’re right. This is a test!”
His hand shoots out to caress my cheek. It’s not sensual. The movement is similar to what someone would do to clear a chalkboard or flatten a spot in the sand. My heart leaps at the touch, waiting for it to hurt in some way.
But it doesn’t.
“But what does It want us to do and how?” Braum asks.
His brows pinch together, and for a second, he looks truly scared. My heart seizes. I’ve seen Braum confident, annoyed, amused, and thoughtful. But seeing his fear of being alone, of not having the security of this voice he’s so used to, gets to me the most.
“I can’t… I can’t stand the silence. I’ve always used it to help guide me, Everly. Please ,” he swallows hard. “Help me get it back.”
Braum’s momentary pause is crumbling. I can see the frenzy returning in his eyes and the way his body is tensing up. My heart flutters with anxiety. What’s he going to do next? Quickly, before I can panic, I grab his attention again.
“You said you can hear The Universe when you’re touching me, right?
” Before he can respond, I push on. “Look, you could be right about… you know, how to get deep enough inside me. So, if you think that, ah, sex is the answer, then maybe… maybe we should try. Is it possible to make it so it won’t—” I wince at the pathetic plea slipping through my lips, “—hurt?”
Braum doesn’t react. At least, not right away.
Instead, he simply stares. I stare back, wondering what he could possibly be thinking.
Seconds tick by before there’s some sort of response.
At first, there’s a flicker of confusion.
He blinks a few times, then the tension in his face eases some.
His focus shifts from my face to the air around me.
When his attention returns to me, his gaze is piercing.
“You’re willing to give what I was rashly considering taking?” he asks in a measured, inflectionless tone.
Rather than answer his question, I ask my own. “What were you just seeing?”
Tension returns, bracketing Braum’s mouth and tightening the skin around his eyes.
“I… I’m not judging, I’m genuinely curious,” I whisper.
At this, half a smile jerks up one side of his face.
“No, you aren’t judging me, are you?” The smile fades as he realizes how true that is.
“The Universe looks like flickering flames or embers dancing around your head—it changes colors or reacts when It tries to communicate. I was studying Its current activity, looking for a way to understand what It wants right now.”
I tilt my head as I consider this. “Did you figure it out?”
“It was giving Its approval. It likes the thought of us working together, I think. At least, from what I can gather from this.” Braum’s hand—never having left my face—caresses my cheek again.
I’m not really sure what to say. On one hand, whatever Braum is seeing is comforting to him, which is keeping him from spiraling.
On the other, he just received the go-ahead from his little invisible friend to have sex with me and doesn't look put out by the idea. Dread pools deep in my gut. I know I said I’d try and, if it means this is on my terms, I guess I should be relieved.
But there’s no guarantee Braum will stop if I ask him to or that he won’t go too far and attempt to strangle me again.
This is for Maverick … I remind myself as my heart races and blood drains from my face. Survive for him .
“You’re willing to help me,” Braum says suddenly. “The least I can do is take care of you.”
Before I can ask what he means, the distraught man grabs my hand and rises, pulling me up with him. I flinch when he pulls me close to his body, and when he swoops down to kiss me, I brace myself for something harsh and demanding.
It’s not. The kiss is barely a light caress of his lips against mine, a much softer touch than everything else so far.
When he pulls away, he keeps hold of my hand and pulls me toward the couch.
I follow, albeit reluctantly, without a word.
When we get there, I expect to be thrown down and jumped.
I tense, waiting for him to yank at my arm.
Instead, Braum lets go of my hand and undresses.
My thoughts scatter instantly when he pulls his shirt over his head.
While taller than Rowan, he’s leaner than his friend, yet beneath his shirt are well-defined muscles and smooth, brown skin. He reaches for the waistband of his pants, and as they fall, his cock springs free, hard and ready.
Braum chucks his pants away and meets my gaze, his expression hard. “Sit.”
I’m stiff as I sink onto the couch cushion, sitting before Braum as he stands naked in front of me. I swallow as I stare up at him. He stares down but not at me. I can see him reading the colors he thinks surround me, his gaze slightly unfocused and the skin between his brows is softly puckered.
“W-what is It saying?” I ask, needing to break the silence as my anxiety creeps toward unbearable.
Without missing a beat Braum answers, “I-I don’t know, but I’ve never seen this color pattern before. Teals, purples, navy blue, hints of pink all pulsating strangely.”
“Is that bad?”
“No,” Braum shakes his head. The movement shakes the glaze out of his eyes and our eyes meet. “I think it’s a good thing, but there’s only one way to know for sure.”
He lowers himself to his knees, a move I’m not expecting.
Though the descent is slow, I still flinch.
When he gets there, his hands come out and he grabs a thigh in each to pull them apart.
I don’t miss the way a shiver works down his frame.
I don’t ask him about it. I can’t. Phantom hands have returned around my throat, cutting off my ability to speak or breathe.
My hands curl into fists as I fight the urge to tug my legs back together.
“You have to relax,” he says, his voice deepening as his eyes slide from my face down my body to my center. My face heats in mortification as he stares. His gaze darkens to depths I’ve yet to see, and it scares me. “I’m going to get you ready for me, alright?”
I feel like I’m standing before a predator who’s finally captured its prey. If he thinks telling me to relax and looking at me like this is going to get me to settle down, he has some seriously impossible expectations.