26. Lynx
LYNX
Dear Diary,
I brought vitamins, baby books, and accidentally pitched incest-adjacent Mafia survival sex.
Iwent to my next shift at the Guerras’ with a black duffel bag on my back.
One of the goon brothers, stationed at his usual position at the front door of the house, jerked his head at it. “What’s in the bag?”
I already had an answer prepared for that.
“My lunch and workout gear. I’m on a shred.
You know how it is. Gotta count every calorie, and I’m trying to stick to my macros for each meal.
Easier if I meal prep and bring my own food.
Mr. Guerra said I could use the gym here on my breaks, so just going to put the food in the refrigerator. ”
He’d already lost interest. I couldn’t blame him. I found talking about macros and dieting dull too.
I walked inside, did a quick check over my shoulder to make sure he wasn’t watching, and then bypassed the kitchen entirely, taking the stairs to Nyah’s rooms instead.
Goon Bro Two was on the door, but thankfully he was the less sharp one of the pair.
He was obviously sick of counting grapes on the paintings and seemed nothing but relieved to see me coming.
“Thank fuck,” he muttered, pushing off the wall he’d been leaning on.
“I don’t know how you stand this posting. It’s the dullest one in the house.”
I gave him a fake smile. “That’s why they give it to the new guy, right?”
“She’s all yours. She’s been crying for hours. My ears are fucking ringing from listening to it. I don’t even know how someone can cry that much. She must be dehydrated.”
I stopped. “She’s been crying? Why?”
He shrugged. “No fucking idea.”
“Did you ask her?”
He stared at me like I was an idiot. “Why on earth would I do that? I’m here to make sure she doesn’t run. Not to talk about her feelings.”
I shook my head, muttering beneath my breath, “And here I was, thinking we were here to make sure she was safe. How stupid of me.”
If he heard me, he didn’t care. He was already halfway down the hallway.
I paused outside Nyah’s door, and it only took a few seconds before the hiccupping sobs came from inside.
I knocked. “Nyah? Can I come in?”
She stopped crying, and there was a moment of rustling around, and then she called, “Yes.”
I opened the door and peeked in around it. I was on the evening shift, but the sun hadn’t yet set. It had still been fairly high, the light so bold and bright I’d had to wear sunglasses on the ride over here.
But Nyah had the blinds down, her room dark.
Soggy tissues filled the bin next to her bed that I was pretty sure she hadn’t gotten out of that morning, if the messed-up state of her hair and pajamas were anything to go by.
Even in the dim light, I could tell her eyes were red-rimmed from hours of crying.
I closed the door behind me and dropped the duffel bag at my feet.
“Fuck, Nyah! How long have you been crying? What happened?” A sudden, horrifying thought occurred to me.
“Is it the…” I trailed off, not wanting to say it out loud because I’d learned in more than one way that the walls around here were thinner than they appeared.
She shook her head but then nodded, and fuck, I didn’t know what that meant. But the look on her face was pure agony and that cut me deep. So I let instinct take over, went to her bed, and gathered her up onto my lap.
She curled up into a ball against me, resting her head on my chest, a fresh flood of tears and sobs racking her body.
All I could do was wrap my arms around her and hold her.
I pressed my lips to the top of her head, inhaling the scent of her hair, breathing her in, hugging her so tight the shaking of her body had no choice but to subside.
“I hate that you’ve been in here all day crying alone,” I whispered. “Please, Nyah. Tell me what happened. You’re fucking scaring me. Should I take you back to the hospital?”
She shook her head. “No. I’m okay. The baby is okay too. It’s just…” A fresh flood of tears started.
But at least she and the baby were okay. That pushed away some of the panic and worry, and I could think more clearly. Hugging her didn’t seem to be working too well, so I gently sat her next to me on the edge of the mattress and pulled over the duffel bag. “I brought you some things.”
I opened it and started taking everything out. I shook a bottle of pills at her. “Prenatal vitamins. Violet said—”
She looked up at me in horror. “You didn’t tell her?”
I paused. “She knows you’re here and that I’m protecting you. But she doesn’t know about the baby. I still think you should let me tell her—”
Nyah’s expression turned fierce. “Absolutely not. She’s pregnant and has two other children who need her.
I’m not dragging her into any of this or putting any more people I love in danger.
If Carlos and my father get wind of it, she’ll just be one more person they can use to control me.
Do not tell her, Lynx. And do not let her come anywhere near this house. ”
I promised again that I wouldn’t. Then passed her a pregnancy and baby book. “Apparently, this one is very popular. I had a flick through it…there’s weird shit and some very graphic drawings of a baby’s head crowning that I kind of wish I could unsee.”
Nyah smiled, and I flipped open the book to point them out.
She covered her mouth with her hand. “Oh my God!”
I laughed, closing it again, but putting it down beside her on the bed. “Glad I got that one now, because clearly you are not prepared for what’s going to happen in a few months’ time.”
“Prepared?” she hissed from behind her hand. “How could anyone prepare for their pussy to stretch like that?! That is like something out of a horror movie!”
I really didn’t want to think about Nyah’s pussy in any context, with a crowning baby head or otherwise.
Because it was the otherwise that was going to get me in trouble. I’d seen the completely bald mound, the little tattoo, the way Carlos had fucked her with fingers I’d wanted to be mine.
I opened the damn book again, because that picture was about the only thing that was going to put a dampener on the ridiculous high school crush I’d developed on this woman.
I pulled more things out of the duffel bag.
Everything Violet and Rebel and Bliss had suggested a pregnant woman might want or need.
I’d bought it all. “I think I got everything, except the body pillow. I haven’t worked out how to get that in here yet, without raising suspicions, but it’s in the back of the club van.
So I’ll work something out for you once you have a bump and you’re getting uncomfortable. ”
She stared up at me. “I can’t believe you did all this.”
I shrugged. “You needed it. And it’s not like you can just walk down to a department store and pick it up yourself or even order it on .” I swallowed thickly. “It’s my job to take care of you.”
Something flickered in her eyes. Something that a dumb part of me thought might have been attraction, rather than just friendship.
But it disappeared quickly, and she leaned in and kissed my cheek. “Thank you, Lynx. This is possibly the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”
That just made me sad for her. It was a simple act of kindness. One she should have been used to.
One she’d know well if I’d met her at a different time, in a different way.
If she hadn’t been with Dax that night I’d met her in the restaurant.
If she hadn’t been engaged to Carlos Guerra now.
This crush needed to go. This was just my ridiculous need to get laid messing with my head. I’d go home and fuck a club bunny tonight. Or I’d go to Psychos on the weekend, when they had their party night, and pick up someone there.
At this point, I was willing to fuck a hole in the wall if it made me stop thinking about Nyah Matish.
Nyah smiled as she sorted through all the gifts I’d brought her, but as she took out the last one, her shoulders shook again, the tears back.
“Ah, fuck,” I muttered. “Seriously. You gotta tell me what’s wrong. My gran always used to say a problem shared is a problem halved.”
She shook her head miserably. “This isn’t a problem your granny, or you, can solve for me.” Her watery eyes met mine. “Carlos has had a vasectomy.”
It took me a second to understand why that mattered. But when I realized, I swore under my breath. “No. Are you sure? He told you that?”
She shook her head. “No, but Virginia did. She took him ice packs after he had the procedure, Lynx! He’s snipped! There is no way of making him think he’s this baby’s father, even if I could get the old coot to sleep with me.”
“Fuck.” I rubbed my hand over my face. “This is bad.”
She sighed. “Maybe it wasn’t a good plan to begin with.”
I stared at her. “Maybe not, but it was a better plan than just standing by and watching Carlos take that baby from you. Or your father doing worse if you tried to back out.”
She buried her face in her hands. “Maybe I should have just gotten an abortion.”
The idea of her being forced into something like that made me want to murder someone. Namely her father. I gripped her chin and forced her face up so she looked at mine. “Hey. You want that baby. There is no scenario where you being forced into an abortion is okay.”
I could tell from the protective way she cradled her stomach that an abortion still wasn’t an option. No matter what that meant for her.
“He’s going to kill me,” Nyah said slowly, like she was thinking it through in her head, now that she’d finally stopped crying.
“No, he’s not,” I swore with certainty. “I won’t let that happen.”
She patted me on the leg, like it was a nice thought but a na?ve one. “You can’t protect me all the time, Lynx.”
I knew she was right. I hadn’t been able to stop Carlos Guerra spreading her legs and finger-fucking her in front of a room full of his men. If I couldn’t stop that, I couldn’t stop him killing her if he wanted to.
Her eyes took on new determination. “I can hide this pregnancy until it’s born. I’m sure of it. I’m already months in, and nobody would even know. I’ll get some baggier clothes…”
“And once you’re married? What then? He’s going to want to see you naked.” The words tasted sour in my mouth.
I didn’t want anyone seeing her naked. Not anyone but me.
Fuck this crush. Honestly.
“I’ll just have to make sure he doesn’t. Doggy-style sex, I guess. Or I’ll just blow him.”
I wanted to pick up that freaking baby book and smash myself over the head with it. Repetitively. Anything to stop me hearing her talk about fucking the old man.
“Great plan,” I forced out, even though it was the worst plan I’d ever heard of. “But that doesn’t solve the problem of what happens after it’s born.”
“Then Carlos kills me.”
The way she said it, so matter-of-factly, made me sick.
Because we both knew it could very well be the truth.
“And the baby? What? He sells it? Kills it too?”
That fierce expression came back into her eyes. “No. That can’t happen. I don’t care about what he does to me. I’ll take it. But the baby hasn’t done anything wrong. Dax will take it.”
Oh, she was deluded. “Dax won’t even get a chance!” I whisper-shouted at her. “Carlos isn’t just going to hand it over to him and say, ‘Oh hey, have a nice life!’”
The fight went out of her. She knew I was right.
I fucking hated being the one to put that expression on her face. It was pure hopelessness and despair.
So I needed to be the one who gave her hope back.
I stared at the wall until the solution came to me. “You need to have sex with Luca.”
She looked at me sharply. “Excuse me, what? I most definitely do not.”
But she did. “Carlos won’t believe the baby is his because he’s had a vasectomy. But Luca hasn’t. If they think the baby is Guerra by blood, the baby is still their heir.”
“Carlos wouldn’t kill his grandchild,” Nyah said softly.
I nodded. “We couldn’t know for sure, but it would be this baby’s best shot.” I sucked up a breath that felt as heavy as lead. “The plan is still good. It’s just Luca you need to fuck instead of his father.”