Chapter 16
Growing Pains
I was always a late bloomer.
Both in nature and in life. I was the seed before the forming of the fruit, the crackle before the thunderstorm, the question and never the answer.
At fourteen, I often heard the girls in my grade speaking about experiences I could only dream of being able to relate to.
I hadn’t had my first kiss, never hit any of the bases, never even gotten my first period.
I was still in a training bra for crying out loud.
The backyard glowed in the warmth of the fading sunset, barbecue smoke curling into the air, the sound of laughter and clinking glasses filling the space between us and the adults on the patio.
This was the kind of night that felt endless.
One where it was easy to believe that nothing in the world could touch us.
Sydney nudged me as I watched Wynter across the yard. He was helping his sisters set up a few sleeping bags, his dark hair falling into his eyes as he wrestled with a stubborn zipper on the tent. Bae stood over him, arms crossed, smirking as he struggled, while Beck and Jiwon giggled.
“You’re staring,” Sydney whispered, stifling a grin.
“I’m not!” I protested, feeling my cheeks warm.
“Uh-huh. Sure.” She shared a knowing look with Jax, who tried to hide his laughter. “You look at the dude like you’re trying to see through his clothes with X-ray vision.”
“What the—why would I want that?” I muttered cracking open a can of Diet Pepsi.
“Why would anyone?” Sydney joked. “He got his braces off, he’s kinda cute now.”
“He was always cute,” I reminded her. “No one was just paying attention.”
“I heard he’s been accepted to take part in the Youth Olympics,” Sydney foretold, “Mr Kwon spoke to my mom about it.”
“The skating thing, I didn’t know it was that serious,” I expressed, “he never really talks about it.”
“Hm, I think he would if you asked,” Sydney mused. “I think he’d tell you a lot more than you think if only you had the courage to ask.”
Cahya called over to us from the other side of the yard. “Hey, Yesoh! You and Sydney done gossiping about us yet?” he teased, earning laughs from the others. I shot him a glare, but he just chuckled, ruffling my hair as he passed by.
“Of all the people we’d waste our precious moments discussing, it’s definitely not you.” I scoffed. “Don’t flatter yourself.”
With everyone settled and the tents set up, we circled around the campfire Cahya and Soleh had set up. The fire flickered and cracked, casting a warm, golden light over all of us. We shared sweet sticky caramel popcorn, passing it around.
“Truth or dare?” Jiwon asked with a mischievous glint in her eye.
“Oh, we’re doing this?” Jax said, looking around. But it wasn’t a question. We were doing this.
The game started with harmless fun. Bae dared Soleh to run a lap around the yard singing a random song, and he took off, belting out the chorus of a pop tune at the top of his lungs.
Jiwon dared Jax to admit his crush on Sydney, who turned redder than the fire as he shyly confessed, “Well, yeah… I mean, everyone knows.”
We all laughed, and Sydney rolled her eyes, leaning against his shoulder. “Kinda,” she comforted.
“Wynter, truth or dare,” Jax asked him, and his face remained unreadable.
“Truth,” he responded.
“Of course you’re so lame, Wyn!” Jiwon grumbled.
“Last I checked the game is called truth or dare, and I have freedom of choice,” Wynter disagreed, and Bae and Soleh laughed. “So ask whatever you want.”
“Gasp, I get to ask the vault that is Wynter Andy Kwon whatever I please?” Jax hummed, rubbing his palms together menacingly.
“Careful with all that power, don’t let it get to your head,” Beck warned.
Jiwon laughed. “You’re all so dramatic.”
“Wynter, how many girls have you kissed?” Jax questioned him, “Or people, we don’t judge here!”
“I’m straight,” he clarified, “Just demisexual.”
“What’s that…” Sydney wondered.
“Basically I’m only attracted to someone once I’ve established an emotional connection with them,” he explained.
“I didn’t know that,” Beck commented.
“I don’t know a lot about you lately either, so.” Wyn glanced down at his feet.
“So how many girls?” Jax questioned again.
“Hm, three,” he recalled, and I couldn’t help but damn near choke on my drink. “What?”
His eyes glanced over at me with a glimmer of hurt almost at my reaction. Like of all people he’d expected to have something to say about his history, he didn’t think it would’ve been me.
“Hell yeah, man!” Cahya cheered, patting him on the back. “I told you he pulls a lot of girls.”
“Damn, Wyn, didn’t know you were quite the playboy.” Sydney chuckled.
“Oh ew!” Jiwon gagged. “I did not sign up to hear about how many chicks my brother is screwing, next topic!”
Then it was my turn. “Dare,” I said, trying to sound braver than I felt.
A wicked grin spread across Sydney’s face. “I dare you to hold Wynter’s hand for a minute.”
I froze. My eyes shot to Wynter, who was already looking at me, his expression calm. He gave me the faintest smile, extending his hand in invitation.
Taking a deep breath, I placed my hand in his, feeling the warmth of his palm against mine. He squeezed my hand gently, reassuringly, and I felt my nerves settle. The others were laughing and nudging each other, but for me, the world felt a little quieter, like there was just us.
“Okay that’s enough.” Cahya cleared his throat, “Syd was just messing around.”
As the game continued, I felt a slight, uncomfortable twinge in my stomach.
I ignored it at first, trying to stay focused on the laughter and dares around me.
But soon, the discomfort grew sharper, and a creeping sense of dread washed over me.
I had an idea of what was happening, and I wanted nothing more than to disappear.
Carefully, I pulled my hand from Wynter’s and slipped away, hoping no one would notice. But as I reached the edge of the yard, I heard footsteps behind me.
“Yesoh?”
I turned, cheeks burning as I found Wynter standing there. His expression was soft, his voice low. “Are you okay?”
“I—I’m fine,” I stammered, trying to brush him off. “Just need a moment.”
But Wynter didn’t buy it. He glanced at me, then at the way I was holding my arms tight around myself. Understanding flickered in his eyes.
“Wait here,” he said, slipping off his fluffy white sweater and handing it to me.
“I can’t accept this, it’ll get stained,” I warned him.
“Who gives a shit?” He sighed, and I hesitantly accepted it, because what choice did I have?
I moved toward the bathroom as quickly and quietly as possible, heart racing.
The night had been perfect so far—just us and the warmth of the campfire, everyone laughing like kids.
And now? Now, this had to happen. I glanced down and saw the rush of red dripping down the leg of my white shorts—some had dried and stuck to my skin.
It was moments like that I wished I had my mother with me; she would know what to do.
A light knock on the door startled me. Wynter’s voice came through, calm and steady. “Hey, Yesoh? Are you alright?”
My heart sank even further. “Yes! I’m fine!” I called out, trying to sound casual, though my voice wobbled a bit.
“Are you certain?”
“I—yes,” I lied through my teeth.
There was a beat of silence, then he spoke again. “Listen, I’ve got two teenage sisters. I know. It’s all good, alright?”
I closed my eyes, feeling my face go hot. He knew. I didn’t want to admit it, but at the same time, his calmness made it feel like maybe I wasn’t in complete disaster territory.
“Wynter…you really don’t need to help,” I muttered, almost hoping he’d just walk away.
But he chuckled softly, as if this were the most straightforward thing in the world. “Right, but humour me, yeah? Open the cabinet to your left. There’s a basket in there with a lifetime supply of everything you’ll need.” He sounded so blasé, like this was no different than handing me a tissue.
I reached over, opening the cabinet, and sure enough, there was a neatly packed basket full to the brim of assorted brands and sizes of pads and tampons. Relief washed over me, and I could almost pretend this wasn’t happening.
“Sorted?” he asked, still calm, like he was just checking up on a routine task.
“Yeah…” I mumbled, though I looked down at my clothes and felt my stomach twist. I couldn’t go back outside like this.
Before I could even figure out how to ask for help, he spoke again, as if he already knew. “I’ll fetch you some clean clothes, yeah? Beck’s got some extras lying about in the laundry room.”
I barely had time to stammer, “You really don’t have to—” before I heard him walk away.
Moments later, he returned, tapping lightly on the door again. “Got some of Bae’s sweats and one of Beck’s jumpers. Bit big on you, maybe, but they’ll do the job.” He extended them through the crack in the door, looking away as he did, like he wanted to give me space.
“Thank you,” I whispered, taking the clothes.
He leaned against the wall outside, his voice taking on that easy, slightly teasing tone again. “You good to manage, or do I need to talk you through this like a footie match, because I could.”
I actually laughed, surprising myself. “I think I’ve got it.”
“Brilliant,” he said, sounding faintly amused. “You know, this kind of thing happens to everyone, so don’t go feeling daft about it.”
His calmness somehow soothed my nerves. I changed quickly and took a deep breath before stepping back out, where he waited, hands tucked in his pockets, gazing up at the stars as if none of this had been a big deal.
“As for the bloody clothes—quite literally—I can put them in cold water then throw them in the wash.”
“Aren’t you at all grossed out?” I wondered, and he seemed confused by my question.
“Not by the bodies that quite literally bring life into the world no,” he reassured me, taking the clothes from me.
“Thanks, Wyn,” I said softly, not quite meeting his gaze.
He gave me a small, reassuring smile. “Anytime. Now come on, before they send a search party. We can let them think you were just off having an intense chat with a raccoon.” He winked, and just like that, the whole thing felt a little less mortifying.
I headed back to the campsite and Beck immediately pulled me aside from the crowd, her whisper of blonde hair cradling her face, worry in her eyes.
“Are you okay? When you turned to leave you were bleeding through—don’t worry no one else saw, but I tried to find you but you were gone,” Beck questioned then realized I was wearing her clothes and sighed in relief.
“Sorry—I should’ve asked,” I apologized and she smiled.
“It’s no big deal, I’m just glad you’re okay. Did my brother help you?”
“Yeah, he did.”
“Good.” She nodded. “If you need some painkillers or a hot water bottle or anything really, don’t be afraid to ask. We’re here for you. I know what it’s like to not have your mom around.”
“Thanks, Beck.” I nodded just as a tall brunette waved at us from the clearing in the woods behind us, and Beck smiled warmly, glancing back at him then at me empathetically. She placed a finger over her lips, signalling me to be quiet, to not tell anyone.
And all at once I became her vault.
“Happy first red moon, Soh, see you later,” she whispered before turning around and racing into his arms.
That night, I accidentally fell asleep on the couch inside and when I awoke, Wynter was asleep on the floor below me—I didn’t even know when he got there. I watched every rise and fall of his breath, wondering why he did what he did, and dealt with the fact that I’d never know.