Chapter 20 Every Almost
Every Almost
After a hearty dinner at March house made by Sydney’s mom, we all headed down to the pier by the ocean.
Cahya, Soleh and Dad went to the ice cream parlour as Syd and Jax were off somewhere trying to convince themselves that they were just friends.
The Kwon girls were down with a cold at home after a hasty late-night swim in the frost. Therefore, as per circumstance would usually have it—it was just Wyn and I .
The ocean stretched wide and endless before us, the waves rolling in slow, rhythmic laps against the pier.
The sky was a soft, pinkish gold, the kind of summer evening that felt like a secret, like something magic was hovering just out of reach.
I sat on the edge of the pier next to Wynter, close enough to feel the warmth radiating from his arm, close enough to smell the faint, sun-drenched scent of his skin.
Even at seventeen, Wynter was beautiful; he was finally growing into himself.
A stone sharpened and refined by the grains of time.
His shoulders were broader, a newfound confidence that came with being more comfortable in his own skin.
He was a wave rolling with purpose but never crashing.
A voice deeper, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down when he laughed and jawline slicing through the very ice he venerated.
Standing beside him felt like being near something untouchable, something that had only just begun to settle into its own power.
He carried an energy now, a quiet, simmering confidence that felt almost magnetic like he was drawing everything around him into his orbit without even trying.
There was a steadiness to him, an intensity just beneath the surface, like an ocean current pulling me closer without a single word.
I felt small, awestruck in his presence, as if he was a mystery only half-uncovered, a force waiting to be fully unleashed.
It was as though he’d crossed some invisible threshold that summer, becoming something I could only watch from the sidelines, feeling both entranced and painfully aware of the distance between us.
“Can I ask you something?” I wondered, breaking the silence. “It’s a bit…intrusive.”
“Depends.” He replied looking dashing in white and blue Ralph Lauren. “What is it about?”
“Do you remember when we played truth or dare by the campfire, and you said you’d already kissed people before?” I cleared my throat in anticipation.
A playful glitter danced in his eyes. “Yes.”
“What’s it like?” I asked him.
“What, like kissing?”
“Yes. When it’s with someone you care about—”
“I wasn’t necessarily infatuated with the girls I’ve kissed.
I told you I don’t feel…that kind of attraction to a person unless I’ve already established an emotional connection with them.
I need for—well, I need them to be my friend first” he explained.
“I didn’t feel anything there, it was before I knew this was the kind of person I was. ”
“Someone who can’t fake it?” I scoffed, folding my arms.
“Someone who won’t,” he said rather sternly.
“Oh,” I sighed.
“Yeah. So it felt close but only physically, emotionally there was an infinity between us that wouldn’t collide,” he explained. “Why do you ask?”
“I don’t—I don’t know.” I glanced away. I lied. He wasn’t ready for that truth.
And then Wynter was talking about his summer skating goals, about a new move he was working on, but I could barely hear him.
My mind was buzzing, heart pounding at every word, every laugh.
I’d waited all summer for this; these quiet moments when it was just the two of us and the ocean, like the whole world had melted away.
I couldn’t shake this feeling, this certainty that tonight was different, that tonight he would finally see me the way I felt.
When he caught me staring, his eyes softened, lingering just a moment longer than usual. My heart fluttered, and I couldn’t help the small smile that crept onto my face. He was looking at me, really looking, like maybe—just maybe—he felt it too.
His gaze dropped, flickering down to my lips, and my breath caught.
This was it. I could feel it, a thrill spreading through me like lightning, like every daydream I’d ever had about him was finally coming true.
I leaned in, eyes drifting shut, my pulse a steady drum in my ears.
He was going to kiss me. He was actually going to kiss me.
But then, his arm brushed past me, his hand reaching just over my shoulder to grab his water bottle from the pier’s edge. “Bloody hell, it’s so hot,” he mumbled, breaking the perfect silence and unscrewing the cap. “Do you think they’d freak out if we jumped in?”
I blinked, my mind reeling, heart still hammering as I realized… I’d been wrong. He hadn’t even noticed how close we were, hadn’t felt the moment I’d convinced myself was there? He’d just been reaching past me.
I felt a flush creeping up my neck, a shameful heat that burned hotter than the sun.
I’d misread everything. Every look, every smile, all those little moments that had felt so real to me—just…
nothing to him. Just me spinning stories out of thin air, letting myself believe in something that only existed in my own head.
“Yeah… They’d probably yell at us,” I said, my voice barely more than a whisper. I forced a laugh, hoping he couldn’t hear the tremble in it, the way my heart was shattering in my chest.
Wynter grinned, oblivious, tossing another pebble into the waves. “Six skips!” he shouted, as if this was just any other night, as if he hadn’t just shattered my hopes without even realizing it.
My cheeks burned with embarrassment, every beat of my heart stinging with the harsh realization of how foolish I’d been.
I wanted to look away, to hide the disappointment and hurt that I knew must be all over my face, but I couldn’t move.
I was frozen, caught in this stupid fantasy I’d built up in my head.
How could I have thought he felt the same way?
How could I have been so delusional? I was his best friend’s little sister, nothing more.
And yet, I’d sat here like a fool, expecting him to look at me and see something else, something worth leaning in for.
I’d made up every bit of it, and now I had to sit here, pretending my heart wasn’t breaking right beside him.
I turned away, looking out at the waves swallowing the fading light, letting my gaze drift over the ocean and trying to focus on anything but him. But the ache lingered, pressing down on my chest, a hollow reminder of what I’d let myself believe.