Epilogue
ASPYN
O ver the next month and a half, I struggle so much with morning sickness that I don’t feel well enough to meet Quinn’s little Vincent until the end of February.
We received our pink plus sign in January, after my thirtieth birthday, and it was the best present Deacon and I could have ever hoped to receive.
Now, I’m driving my Durango to the other side of Colorado Springs, eager to meet my friend Quinn’s little boy. We’ve talked on the phone and texted constantly since I helped her avoid the biggest mistake of her life, and she’d heeded my warnings and had broken up with Sean.
My jaw dropped when I walked through the door. Sean’s on the couch holding little Vincent, who has nearly iridescent skin and adorable red curls on his head. His brown eyes are exactly the same as Quinn’s.
“Hi,” I whisper, kicking off my snow boots. “Where’s Quinn? And what are you doing here?”
“She’s changing. Spilled milk all over herself while pumping,” Sean tells me.
“And she finally let me come over, so I’m on my best behavior right now.
Listen. I-I need to apologize to you for so much.
I don’t expect you to forgive me, I know I wouldn’t forgive me.
For everything. The cheating. It happened more than twice, starting three years into our relationship. ” Sean sighs.
My mouth gapes open as I blink rapidly, then I shake my head. “Are you kidding me? Why would you stay with me if you just wanted to be with other women?”
“I didn’t not want to be with you. I wanted to have you and also have my fun elsewhere. I was selfish.”
“Yes, you were.” I don’t yell at him the way I want to, because Vincent is calm, and there was a hush throughout the house.
“Listen, everything you told Quinn was warranted. You know she ended things with me, and I get it. I want to prove to her I can be a good dad, so she’ll let me come back to visit more often.
She’s got full custody, and I’m here to prove that having me as a father is a better option than none at all. ” He sharply exhales.
Sean drops his eyes to the baby again and sighs. “He’s the best baby in the world. So perfect. Look at these fingers.”
I take Vincent’s tiny hand in mine and admire his little fingernails as he clamps his hand down around two of my fingers. He’s perfect, that’s for sure.
“I’m in therapy.” Sean looks up at me. “I know that’s what I need to be worthy of Vincent. And I’m going to buy Quinn and Vinnie a house, without my name on it. I won’t even have the keys.”
“They deserve it,” I whisper. “Babies deserve daddies, Sean, but only healthy ones, so keep your ass in therapy for good. Trust that Quinn knows best, follow her lead. If you truly want to be, I think you can learn how to be a good father. But it’s going to require a selflessness you’ve never attempted before. ”
A shadow crosses his face. “You deserved so much from me that I didn’t give you. But Deacon did and he does, and I know it probably sounds weird coming from me, but I’m happy for you two.”
I bite my lip because it sounds so foreign to my ears, and then I nod. “Thanks. Um, I’m pregnant, so I’ll be having one of these adorable things before too long. We’re over the moon about starting our family.”
“Congratulations.” Sean seems to mean it. “You always did want a big family.”
I sigh. “Yeah. I guess you let me believe you did, too, huh? Anyway…Sean, I have forgiven you, you know. It took some time, but it’s in the past. And, uh, if you want the blender or PlayStation back, I guess you could have them.”
Sean shrugs. “It’s just stuff, Asp. I replaced them. Was I mad at the time? Yep. You were smart to block my cell phone number.” He gives a small smile. “I deserved it.”
Quinn steps out of the shadows with a pleased look on her face, and I jump up to hug her tightly. “Hey, mama!”
“I should say the same to you,” Quinn replies with an ear-to-ear grin. “I can’t believe you haven’t told me about your pregnancy yet! How’s it going?”
“Nauseatingly?” I wince, and Quinn pulls me into the kitchen. She hands me a big package of candied ginger, and she tells me they’re the best thing she’d found aside from cherry ginger ale to help with nausea.
“Thank you. It’s so good to see you. I’ve been knocked on my ass since early January, and now I finally feel like I’m in the land of the living again.
Just had a chance to meet your little bundle of joy, and he’s so perfect!
” I hug her again and whisper, “You’re doing such a good job. He’s a spitting image of you.”
She fills a teakettle with water. “Thank you, my friend. Vincent is the best thing I have ever done, hands down. Hey, I’ll make you some peppermint tea. I swear by that too. How’s Deacon? The most excited father-to-be on the planet?"
I giggle. “You could say that. He’s already planning a gender-neutral nursery with tons of yellow and purple.
I told him purple is for girls, but he reminds me it’s my favorite color, so that’s what the theme will be.
He painted the walls a pale yellow and bought this huge sunset sticker-thing for the top corner of one of the walls.
He knows how much I love sunsets. He pays attention. ”
Quinn gives me a little smile. “That guy loves the hell out of you. Smart man. You’re the best, you know. Sorry to surprise you with Sean’s presence.”
I shrug my shoulders and smile. “It’s okay. I’m not upset. We exchanged some words that needed to be said.”
Quinn squeezes my shoulders. “Do you think I did the right thing letting Sean come here?”
I glance through the doorway in the kitchen and spot Sean changing Vincent’s diaper on the far wall of the guest house.
“I hope so. He wants to be better. I wouldn’t allow him to be your boyfriend because that’s not what he’s good at, but I’d consider letting him be a father to Vincent if he keeps up with therapy,” I tell her honestly.
It takes everything in me to give him credit where it’s due—he’d resisted therapy for a decade when he was with me, and now he has a beautiful son, and he’s taken the initiative to get into counseling on his own.
Wonders never cease, and sometimes, people surprise you.
When the tea is ready, Quinn pours me a mug and hands me organic honey to sweeten it. We sit in the kitchen, warmed by the afternoon sunlight through her large windows, with a great view of Pike’s Peak through the window above her sink.
“We’re so lucky to live near such beauty,” I smile as I glance out the window in awe. “I never tire of it.”
“Neither do I. Honestly, I feel luckier every day now that I’m Vincent’s mama. It’s incredible how motherhood changes your life, redefines your definition of love, and everything you thought you knew about it. There’s nothing quite like it.”
“Speaking of love, did you hear that both Emmett and Stefanie, and Wendy and Jett got engaged? And I hear Bear found a ring. It’s officially the wedding season!” My friends had reluctantly let Quinn into our friend group, and she’d become especially close with Tara.
“That’s amazing! No, I had no idea. I’ve been in my own little world here, enjoying my three months off. The fact that I have to go back to work seems cruel and unusual. In Canada, they get an entire year of maternity leave, and even have paternity leave.”
“We’re the only developed nation that doesn’t have federally mandated maternity leave,” I tell her, remembering reading that in the newspaper recently. “It tells you what society values, and that’s not the unpaid labor of motherhood.”
“It’s the most fulfilling labor you’ll ever do.
Yeah, I’m exhausted, but even at 2 a.m., I’m happy to see Vincent’s sweet face and hear his little cry.
” Quinn smiles serenely, and I hope I have a similar experience.
“And Aspyn? Thank you again for chasing me out to the Range Rover on Christmas. I don’t think I ever thanked you properly for changing the course of my life for the better.
You’re selfless, you know that? That’s going to make you an amazing mom. ”
I sniffle, holding back tears, and nod. “Thanks, girl. And thank you for listening and not assuming I was a vindictive ex-girlfriend blowing smoke up your ass. I’m so glad we’re friends.
Even if it’s a trauma bond.” I chuckle. “And I’m so glad you can walk me through my pregnancy and all the unknowns about delivery and postpartum. ”
“There’s so much they don’t tell you. But hey, let’s not worry about that just now. Why don’t we get lunch? I have Sean here on baby duty, so I can leave the house for the first time in what feels like…forever.” Quinn sends me a bright smile as she stands and shoulders her purse.
I follow her through the living room as she tells Sean, “If you think this might be a test, that’s because it is. Have any questions before we go?”
Sean shrugs. “I don’t think so. I know where the refrigerated bottles are and how to warm them up. I do listen when you talk, you know.”
“That’s new,” I retort, but I lighten it up with a grin. “And welcome.”
“I’m trying,” Sean says, and I know he is. I can tell.
Quinn kisses Vincent, and then we disappear into the cold, late February afternoon for a late brunch and some much-needed girl time.
While eating tres leches cake after a Mexican brunch, I unblocked Sean’s number from my phone.
Not because I want to talk to him, but if he has an emergency with the baby, I don't want to be far away.
At the end of the afternoon, Quinn dismisses Sean. She tells him he passed her initial test but still has a long way to go. I’d never seen him look happier.
He waves to me from the doorway as Quinn practically closes the door in his face, and I hold back a laugh.
That’s when Quinn lets me hold Vincent. In my arms, he makes cooing noises and looks up at me adorably; his thin little lips so perfectly kissable, I don’t know how Quinn doesn’t just peck them all day long. How does she get anything done?