Chapter 13 Diesel
THIRTEEN
DIESEL
She’s in my arms, warm and soft—the opposite of everything I am. I can still taste her on my lips, and before she slips away my hand sifts into the hair at her nape, holding her to me.
I bury my face into the crook of her neck, breathing her in, fear and hope and a hundred other emotions colliding through me.
She’s here, in my arms, safe. She hasn’t walked away, even though I’ve given her every reason to, but still sticky fear clings to my veins.
They know she exists…
I wasn’t afraid when that gun was pointed at me, but the moment Makenna was in front of it my world tipped.
Every move I make now is loaded. Every action could lead to her getting hurt or worse, but there’s no hiding anymore.
Riot knows I’m married, and she’s now the most dangerous piece on my chessboard.
I wish I’d never put us in this position, but the club had felt like a sanctuary after jail.
The years I was locked up I was scared for her every day.
I hated knowing there was no one to look out for her, so when I met a guy inside who was club, I got swept into that world.
Into the illusion we could have family that was built, not born.
Stoker was club, he was London through and through—still is—and he knew when he got out he’d have a life to go back to.
He talked about the Sons nonstop when we were caged in our cells like animals, about what it meant to wear the patch, and how the club needed people like me. When he was released, he kept in contact, and when I got out, he put me in touch with the right people.
A memory tickles my mind. The day I walked into the clubhouse. Nic was less hard around the edges then, but he’d still given me that smile that was caught between predator and beast.
“You’re Stoker’s boy.”
Not a question, and I didn’t pull him on the ‘boy’ comment. Boys hadn’t seen the shit I had by that time. Boys hadn’t spilled the blood I had either. “Zane,” I murmur.
Nic had looked me up and down like he was sizing me. Then said, “You fight?”
“When I have to.”
He nodded. “You follow orders?” I give him a tight smile which he returns. “When you have to?”
“Something like that.”
“Okay then. Let’s see if you’ve got what it takes to be a Son.”
The first year was hard when I was a prospect with no voice or say, but we got through it, even when I was gone for days at a time. Even when my loyalty was stretched between Makenna and the future I was trying to build for us. We survived.
When I got my patch, I thought I’d made it.
I was excited to bring Makenna into my world finally.
Then everything went to shit. Brothers were dying.
Old ladies and kids too. So I did the only thing I could—kept her hidden while I hoped it would turn around.
Never expected it to take as long as it has, and I never expected it to almost cost me my marriage.
“Grab your stuff, firefly.” My voice is soft when I say it, still trapped in the past, in the thoughts of everything I did wrong.
I don’t know if she senses that change in me, but she places her hands on my chest. “I haven’t completely forgiven you, Zane,” she says, and I can’t even blame her for that. “But I’m in this. Okay?”
I nod before she kisses me, and I want to sink into her mouth until we’re fused together.
I want her legs wrapped around me while I sink into her heat and fuck her until she remembers she’s mine and that leaving was never an option.
I want to claim her in all the ways I can to prove to both of us I’ll die before I let her go.
When she pulls back it takes every ounce of strength I have not to pull her back into me. “I’ll only be a second.” She tells me this as if she can see my hesitance, and grudgingly, I let go and watch her disappear upstairs.
Once she’s out of sight, I fire off a message to Nic.
I’m coming in.
A moment later his reply comes through. He sends the location. Nothing else. Just the address. It could be a trap, but I don’t think so. Nic knows me. He was my sponsor when I was prospecting.
Within the hour me and Makenna are in the car heading back toward Birmingham. Neither of us speak, but I keep my hand curled around her thigh, just to remind my brain she’s still here. She’s still safe.
She’s still with me.
I don’t take her into the city, or the clubhouse. I head to our apartment, an hour outside of Birmingham. Close enough I could reach her, but far enough I didn’t risk running into her when I was with my club brothers.
As I park up outside there’s an uneasy swirl working through me. This place used to feel like coming home. Now it’s a noose around my neck. I don’t want to leave her here, but I have to. I can’t take her to the meet with Nic, not when I’m not sure if I’m walking out of it.
Riot came in hostile, though he didn’t put a bullet in me. I don’t know what that means, or if it means anything, but I’m not risking her safety.
I glance over at the passenger seat. Makenna is asleep, her mouth parted slightly, soft breaths whispering between her lips. There are dark smudges under her eyes that have my teeth grinding together. I did that.
I stopped her sleeping.
I get out of the car, a sharp ache behind my ribs. It burns me that I fucked this up so badly, but I can’t focus on that. Not now. Getting us through this, fixing what’s broken in the club, and hoping like hell that she’ll still be at my side when I do is all I can think about.
I scan for danger before I open her door.
Then I drop down into a crouch and brush my fingers over her cheek. “Firefly?”
She twitches and then peels her eyes open. For a moment she seems disorientated until she locks on me, and then her body softens, like she’s found safety.
That cracks my chest open.
How can I be her safe space when all I bring is danger to her door?
“Shit.” She stretches, yawning, her eyes foggy. “Did I sleep the whole way?”
Despite the anxiety gnawing at my gut my lips twitch into a hint of a smile. “You’re terrible company.”
She glares, poking my side like I’m a Labrador and not a bulldog with teeth. “Rude.”
“But right.” I grab her hand before she can do it again and press my lips over her knuckles. “You feel better?”
“I feel like I just transcended time and space and woke up in another dimension.” Her jaw unhinges again as she yawns loudly. “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologise.”
I reach across and unbuckle her seatbelt, my arm brushing over her belly. She shivers a little, her breath catching. The body doesn’t lie, even if words can. She still wants me and that’s everything.
I ease her out the car, and keep her tucked against my side, using my body to protect as much of her as I can until we’re safely inside the building. I don’t breathe easily until I’m unlocking the apartment door.
And even then I make her wait just inside the hallway while I check every inch of the home we built together for any threats.
It smells of her. Everywhere I look are her touches, her fingerprints. There’s so little of me within these walls and it feels stark now. Obvious. Looking around, I wouldn’t think she was married. That she’s living with me.
Yeah, that’s going to change.
Once I’m sure it’s safe, I gesture for her to come inside fully. She drags herself into the living room and collapses onto the couch as if her body is boneless.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.” It’s a lie, but neither of us push it. We’re still in a fragile place.
I watch her for second before my phone pings. It’s from Nic. He’s leaving for our meet up. Fuck. I message back that I’m on the way.
Every part of me wants to stay with Makenna, but I can’t. Nicky… I need him to trust me. I need him to hold the others at bay if they don’t think I’m on their side.
I crouch in front of her, cupping her knee, like this might be the last time I touch her. “I need to head out. I know that’s fucking shit of me, but to fix all of this, I have to speak to my brothers and figure a way forward.”
Her hand slips over mine, squeezing. “Are they going to hurt you?” The smallness of her voice cuts through me like a knife.
“No.”
She lifts a sceptical brow. “I thought we weren’t going to lie to each other anymore.”
I kiss her knee, bending low as I do. “I’m not lying, firefly. If they wanted me dead Riot would have done it back at the cottage.”
I don’t mean to say that so bluntly, but it just comes out that way. “That’s not reassuring, babe.”
“I know, but I don’t have anything else I can tell you without lying. And you don’t want me to do that.”
She huffs a breath, working through everything in her mind. “Right. Okay. You’ll be careful.”
“Nothing is going to stop me from coming back to you. You don’t leave for any reason. You don’t open the door. If anything happens you get out and you run. I’ll find you.”
Her brows come together, as if she’s wondering how our life has changed from talking about groceries and household bills to running away from death.
She wraps her arms around her stomach again, her face pale. “I don’t care what it takes… you live, okay?”
I hear the unspoken kill who you have to. Don’t die being noble.
I kiss her, letting my mouth say the things my brain can’t articulate right now. There’s no force on this earth that will make me leave her alone while I’m rotting in the ground. Not now.
When I pull back, her eyes are closed, her face screwed up like she’s in pain. “I mean it, Zane. I don’t care what oath you took, what loyalty you’re supposed to have, you’re mine. Not theirs. So, you come home to me no matter what.”
“I will,” I promise.
I lean back slightly and pull my gun from my holster. It’s heavy in my hand, the metal reassuring. I don’t like guns, but I carry because I have to. Because in a fight a gun is always going to beat a knife.
She stares at it wild eyed before raising her lashes to me. I take her hand and place it on her palm.
“In case you need to protect yourself,” I say.
My voice is calm, even if my body is screaming. I don’t want her to use it, but I won’t leave her defenceless either.