Chapter 10
10
AGE 17
O pening the school app on my way home, I submit a fake absence report so they don’t issue an automatic text to Ma. There’s no way in hell I’m going to school today and leaving my sister alone. I’ll forge Ma’s signature on a note in my journal tomorrow, and I’ll make myself scarce if she returns to the house at lunchtime to check on Ash as I suspect. By the time she gets home this evening, she’ll be none the wiser.
The house is quiet when I return, and I’m guessing Ash is still sleeping. I take a long hot shower and change into a tracksuit before tending to my shredded knuckles. I’m not going to bother hiding them from Ma because it’d be impossible. When she asks, I’ll tell her I beat the crap out of that prick Cillian. She won’t be happy—she hates me fighting—but I doubt she’ll do anything about it when I tell her what he did.
Barging into Ash’s room, I brace myself for a day eating mint chocolate chip ice cream and watching The Notebook on repeat, grinding to an immediate halt in complete and utter shock when I find my sister passed out in her pajamas on top of her bed surrounded by a few empty tablet boxes and a half-empty bottle of vodka loosely clutched in her hand. My heart slams into my rib cage, and blood rushes to my head. The ringing in my ears is so loud it’s deafening. Pain races across my chest and I can barely breathe. I’m rooted to the spot initially, frozen with shock, until reality slaps me in the face and I move.
“No, Ash!!” I cry, rushing towards her as anxiety surges through my veins. “No, no, no.” Lifting her limp wrist, I press a trembling finger to her pulse point, but I can’t feel anything. “Fuck no. No, no, no!” Sweat beads on my brow as I shake her shoulders. “Wake up, Ash! Wake the fuck up now!” Moving my fingers to her neck, I’m relieved to feel her pulse against my clammy skin. It’s weak as fuck, but she’s still alive.
I feel like collapsing on the floor, but I can’t fall apart.
My sister needs me.
My hands are shaking as I remove my phone from my pocket and call 999. As I wait for the call to connect, I examine the tablet boxes, finding both empty. A few stray tablets are hidden in the creases of her duvet, but it looks like she’s swallowed most of them. “What the fuck were you thinking, Ash? How could you do this?” I sit on Ash’s bed, resting my back against the headrest as I wait for the call to connect.
“You’re through to Rita. Who am I speaking with?” the responder says.
“Dillon O’Donoghue.”
“What’s your emergency, Dillon, and which service do you require?”
“Ambulance. Please hurry. It’s my sister. She’s swallowed all of my mother’s sleeping pills and drank vodka.” Gently, I lift Ash, placing her head in my lap, praying like I have never prayed before in my life. I’m shaking all over as terror takes hold of every part of me. She can’t die. I won’t let her.
“What’s your location, sir?”
I rattle off our address as I place my fingers back on her neck. “Hurry, please hurry. Her pulse is really weak.”
“We’ll get an ambulance to you as soon as we can, Dillon. I’ll stay on the line until they arrive.”
“I can’t. I need to call my parents.”
She calls out my number to verify it’s correct, tells me to hang up and call my parents, confirming she will ring me back in five minutes.
I cradle Ash in my arms as I call Da. He’s the closest, and I need him. The instant he picks up, I burst into tears.
“Dillon, what’s wrong? Are you hurt or in trouble?”
“Da,” I sob, almost choking on my tears as I rock my unconscious sister in my arms. “It’s Ash. She tried to kill herself.”
“Dear God, no.” His pain is palpable.
“She’s still breathing, but her pulse is weak as shit. The ambulance is on its way,” I croak. “Call Ma and get home now.”
“I’ll be there as quick as I can.” He hangs up instantly, and I silently plead with him to hurry up. I’m terrified something is going to happen to my sister while I’m all alone, and I don’t know what to do! Why the fuck didn’t I check in on her when I first got back? And why the hell did I take such a long shower?! I should have checked on my sister first. If she doesn’t… Oh god, I can’t think that… Ash has got to be okay. I won’t ever forgive myself for failing her. I should have fought Ma and stayed home from school with Ash instead of focusing on beating that shithead. If I’d been here, this wouldn’t have happened.
This is all that prick’s fault.
He did this, and I’m going to fucking end him for it.
I don’t care. I’ll go to jail.
At least if he’s dead, he can’t hurt her anymore.
Cillian’s betrayal and cruel selfishness caused this.
As long as I live, I will never forgive that cheating bastard.
But I can’t think about him now. I rest my head on my sister’s head as tears roll down my face. Just then, I remember the lady from 999. She hasn’t called yet. She said five minutes, and it must be five minutes now, right? Why isn’t she ringing me back?
I check Ash’s pulse again, and it’s still faint, but her heart is beating, and that’s all that matters right now. What if it stops beating? The horrible thought lands in my head and I immediately panic. Anguished sounds slip from my lips as I hold her closer, and my frantic brain tries to remember the things I learned when I did a first aid course in transition year, but I’m drawing a blank. “Hang on, Ash,” I cry, hugging her and sobbing. “Help is coming. Just hang on until we get you to hospital. Do it for me. You can’t leave me. Please, Ash. Please hold on.” I can scarcely see through my blurry eyes. “I love you,” I whisper. “I love you so much. Please don’t die.”
"Your daughter is stable,” the doctor tells my parents as Shane, Ro, and I huddle around them in the small waiting room at St. Vincent’s Hospital. Ash was taken to ICU after she was admitted to A&E, and we’ve spent a few agonizing hours waiting for news.
“Oh, thank God,” Ma says before dissolving into tears.
Da bundles her in his arms. “Can we see her?”
“She is getting settled in a room. One of the nurses will come to get you shortly." He glances at me and my brothers. Ciarán is driving here from Galway, and he should be arriving any minute now. “Only two at a time. She’s still unconscious, and she’ll be drowsy for a little while.”
“Is she going to be all right?” I ask.
“These are Aisling’s brothers,” Ma volunteers, sniffling. “Our other son is en route. He goes to college in Galway.”
“Aisling is very lucky. Who found her?”
“Dillon did.” Ma touches my arm.
“You got to her in time.” The older man eyeballs me. “A few minutes later, and it might have been too late.”
“Guess it’s lucky I ditched school then.” I shudder to think what would’ve happened if I hadn’t made that decision.
“For once, you won’t hear any arguments from me, son.” Ma shucks out of Da’s embrace and hugs me. “Ash might not be here if you didn’t go back to the house,” she says over a sob. “You saved her life, Dillon. I love you so much.” She quietly cries as I hold her against me, barely able to swallow over the lump wedged in my throat. We came so close to losing Ash. Too close.
“When can she go home?” Shane asks.
“Either later tonight or early tomorrow morning. She’ll be released provided her vitals look good and after our psychiatrist has spoken with her and verified she’s not a threat to herself. Lucy is the psychiatrist on shift today. She’ll talk to you after she speaks with Aisling and recommend appropriate supports and treatments for aftercare.”
“Thank you, Doctor,” Da says, and the man leaves.
We sit in strained silence, drinking shit coffee from the machine, until a nurse appears fifteen minutes later and Ma and Da leave with her to see Ash.
“Why did you skip school?” Shane asks while Ro buries his head in his phone.
I fill Shane in on what happened last night and this morning.
“You should have killed the little shit,” Shane seethes, balling his hands into fists.
“I might just after this.”
“No, you leave that cunt to me.”
“What’re you going to do?”
“That prick needs to fuck off out of Kilcoole, and I have a few ideas on how I can make that happen.” Shane clamps his hand on my shoulder. “That can’t have been easy. Are you okay?”
“I’ll be okay once I see Ash.” I shrug like I didn’t just age a hundred years in the past few hours. To say I was terrified is an understatement.
Shane surveys my red-rimmed eyes but says nothing, just squeezes my shoulder one final time and drops it.
Ma and Da come back the same time Ciarán arrives, the latter looking pale and stressed. I can’t imagine that three-hour drive was much fun. We all hug him, and then Shane and I leave to visit Ash.
She looks so tiny in the bed, and my heart aches anew.
“What the hell happened to her hair?” Shane whispers as we claim seats on either side of her bed, both of us taking her hands.
My eyes widen when I see the hacked jagged strands of hair resting high on the nape of her neck. “I don’t know,” I choke out. “I didn’t even notice.”
“All her pretty hair gone.” Sadness shrouds his face. “That fucker has so much to answer for.”
“I hate him,” I say through gritted teeth. “I want to kill him with my bare hands for doing this to her.”
“He doesn’t get to ruin your life like he’s tried to ruin hers.” Shane leans in and presses a soft kiss to her cheek. “You leave this to me, Dillon.” He drills me with a sharp look. “I mean it. No one has done more for Ash than you. Now it’s my turn. I’m her big brother, and I need a chance to protect her. Let me handle it now. You take care of her.”
“You’ve got Fiona and the baby to think about.”
“I’m doing this for Ash. End of.”
Well, okay, then. “Fine.” I nod my agreement. I’ll focus on my sister and leave Cillian Fucking Doyle to Shane.