Chapter 14
14
AGE 17
“ I told the boys we’d meet them in Molly’s in a while,” Jay says, shoving his phone in his jeans pocket.
“I’m ready now.” I place my guitar in its case and lock it.
“You smell and your hair looks like dead raccoons are nesting there.”
“Fuck off.” I thrust my middle finger up at him. “Bet I could still get laid more times than you.”
“Not a fucking chance in hell, lad.” He grabs me in a headlock. “Go shower, and I’ll do the same.”
“Nah,” I say, shoving him away and unlocking the door. “I’m not going back to the house. All they ever do is nag the fucking shit out of me.”
“Shower at mine.” He shrugs. “It’s on the way anyway.”
We head to Jay’s house and take turns showering. I’m brushing my teeth at the steam-clouded mirror in the bathroom when Jamie comes in. “Here.” He hands me a clean shirt, jocks, and socks. “Hurry up. The asshole just got home, and they’ll kick off any second now.”
By the time we make it downstairs five minutes later, his parents are letting rip at one another. There’s a loud crash from the kitchen as we creep down the hall towards the door. His mother’s high-pitched shriek hammers at my eardrums as we pull the front door closed behind us.
“Sorry about that.” He kicks dirt across the driveway as we walk, and a muscle pops in his stubbly jawline.
“It’s cool. Not like it’s your fault.”
“It’s fucking embarrassing is what it is.”
I sling my arm around his shoulder. “It’s really not.” I want to add I know all about embarrassing, but it’s not like we’re in a competition for having the shittiest bio dad. If we were, I’d say it’s a close call between Conal Fleming and Simon Lancaster.
“I’m immune to it these days, but anyone else seeing that shit reminds me it’s not normal. I don’t know why they didn’t split up years ago. Honestly, I’d be happy if I never saw either of them again.”
“You can move into the outbuilding with me,” I suggest, letting my arm slide off his shoulders.
Jay glances sideways at me as he lights up a spliff. “You’re living there now?”
I shrug, flicking strands of semi-dry hair out of my eyes. “For the next few nights anyway. No one bothers me there.”
“It’s that bad?” he asks, passing the spliff to me.
I inhale deeply, drawing the hypnotic scent of weed and tobacco deep into my lungs. “They won’t leave me alone, and I’m sick of sounding like a broken record. I just want some peace and quiet.” I hand the spliff over.
“I hear ya.” He takes a smoke and passes it back. “My parents tossed Shauna’s mattress in the shed. I’ll grab that on my way back.”
“So what? She’s planning on never coming back?” I’m kinda pissed at his older sister. She always looked out for him growing up, but now she’s in college up The North it’s like she has forgotten he exists, and that’s not cool. Maybe she thinks ’cause he’s seventeen that he doesn’t need her anymore, but she’s his only real family besides us.
His jaw tightens. “Looks that way.” I suspect he wants to say more but doesn’t too. And I understand that sentiment fully.
“We’ll be out of here by this time next year.”
“I’m so ready to be done with school. I can’t wait to move into town and focus on the band.”
“Same, just keep saving.”
Jay has been laboring all summer in between our gigs while I’ve been taking as many shifts as I can at Lee’s, Aaron is working in a restaurant in Greystones, and Conor has been helping his uncle at his carpentry practice. Anything we’re not drinking or smoking is going towards equipment and the apartment we intend to share with the band. We’ll need at least a few months’ rent in advance to cover us until we get some gigs in town. But I’m confident it won’t take long. We’re getting really good, and we have a loyal local following. All we need is one venue in town to take a chance on us, and we’ll prove ourselves.
I’m also stashing money away for my Kawasaki, and I should have enough to buy a secondhand one just after we finish the Leaving. That’s if I finish it. I haven’t ruled out bailing after my birthday in January. What the fuck do I need the exams for anyway?
All the lads are there when we arrive at Molly’s, and the place is buzzing for a Thursday night. Turns out Shelby Sullivan is having her eighteenth birthday here. Reminds me of her older sister’s eighteenth and losing my virginity. In between knocking back beers and laughing with my mates, I check the room to see if Simone is here, but she’s not. Shelby isn’t quite in the same league as her sister, but she’s got great tits, and the more beers I drink, the more attractive she gets. I also remember someone telling me she liked me, and apparently, she was upset her sister fucked me. That could be advantageous now.
Kylie Walsh is currently sitting in my lap, and I’ve been kissing her a bit, but I’m not interested in anything more. I never go back for seconds. She was a shitty lay anyway, and she’s got clinger written all over her face. Nah, fuck that shit. Kylie’s gotta go. I turn my head when she moves to kiss me again. “Run along now, babe.”
She squirms on my lap, licking her lips and tugging her top down lower, shoving her tits all up in my face. “I want you to fuck me again. It’s all I’ve been thinking about since we banged.”
I lift her off my lap, placing her feet on the ground. “It’s not happening, Kylie. You know the score. I told you it was a onetime thing, and I meant it.”
“But you’ve been kissing me all night!” She pouts, planting her hands on her hips.
“ You’ve been kissing me , and I’m over it. Plenty more fish in the sea, babe.” I lean in and press my mouth to her ear. “Jamie likes you,” I lie, in the mood to shit stir. “And his lap is looking lonely.” Only cause Melissa just left it to go to the bathroom three seconds ago.
“Really?” She looks dubious as she glances back at my mate.
“He’s too shy to approach you.” I don’t know how I get those words out without laughing. Jamie Fleming doesn’t have a shy fucking bone in his body.
“You wouldn’t mind?”
“Not a bit. Go for it.” I give her a little push in Jay’s direction and walk off, heading towards the birthday girl.
Shelby is talking with some nerd from school, but I shove him out of the way and flash her my most flirtatious smile. I’ve got a nice buzz going from the alcohol and the spliff I smoked earlier, and now I’m horny and I want to fuck. “Happy birthday, Shelby.”
“Thank you.” Her voice is barely a whisper as she stares up at me with these big doe eyes.
Up close, she’s much prettier. Or maybe it’s the beer talking. Her cheeks stain pink, the color darkening when I twirl my finger around a lock of her wavy, brown hair. “You look gorgeous tonight.”
Her face is so red I almost expect to see flames scorching a path along her skin.
“I have a gift for you,” I say, waggling my brows and licking my lips.
“You do?” Surprise registers on her pretty face.
“Yeah.” I lean in, and she steps back until her spine meets the wall. Caging her in with my arms, I cock my head to one side. “You ready for it?”
Her eyes grow impossibly wide as she gulps and nods. Then I lean in and kiss her, hard and possessively. Pretty sure she’s never been kissed like this before if her tentative explorations are any indication. Her pupils are dilated and her chest is heaving when I pull back, breaking our lip-lock. “Want another gift?” I brush my lips over hers as I nudge her with the semi in my jeans.
She nods quickly, and I silently fist pump the air.
“Come home with me, and I’ll make it a birthday to remember.”
Her eyes light up. “Okay.”
Twenty minutes later, I’ve convinced her to ditch the party, and we leave with Jamie and Melissa to head to my place. Jamie is laying into me for the stunt I pulled with Kylie as the two girls talk among themselves.
We stop to retrieve the mattress from Jamie’s shed on the way, and when we reach the farm, I tell Jay to use the play barn while I take Shelby to the band building. I’ve no issue in fucking her with Jay and Melissa in the room, but I’m pretty sure Shelby wouldn’t like that if the nervous glances she’s been giving me on the way here are any indication.
When we get inside the outbuilding, I lock the door and push her up against it, dragging the back of my knuckles up and down her face. “I want to fuck you. Can I?”
Her head bobs, and a blush steals across her cheeks.
“Are you sure? I need you to say the words.”
“Yes, I’m sure,” she replies in a timid voice, and something occurs to me.
“You have done this before, yeah?”
She nods. “Yeah.”
“This will be the only time. There will be no repeat performance. I don’t have time for a girlfriend. I’m focused on my band. If you’re expecting more from this, you should leave now.”
“I’m fine with it, Dillon. I know this is your usual MO.”
Not sure if I’m happy girls around the town are talking about me or not. “Okay.” I lean in and kiss her neck. “If you want me to stop, just say so, and I will.”
I feel her up at the door, kissing and groping her until she relaxes. Then I bend her over the sofa, roll a condom on, pull her dress up, and fuck her hard while fondling her tits. When I’m done, I dispose of the condom and grab two waters from the small fridge while she fixes herself. “Thanks for the fuck, babe.”
Her neck and face are flushed as she wraps her arms around herself and stares at me with expectant little puppy-dog eyes.
For fuck’s sake. I fucking told her the score. Why the fuck is she looking at me like that? Girls are crazy, and they wreck your head. I’m never having a girlfriend or getting married. How da fuck does any man put up with that shit? Any momentary release I just felt is now gone as irritation surges through my veins. “You need to leave.” I hand her a water and steer her to the door, patting her arse as I push her outside. “See ya around.”
After she’s gone, I message Jamie to let him know the coast is clear. He messages back to say he’s going to sleep in the play barn with Melissa. I warn him to get her out of there early before Da starts work and finds them.
I try to sleep, but I’m too wired. I toy with the idea that’s been on my mind consistently the past five weeks since the asshole appeared in my life. I can’t avoid it forever, and I might as well get it over and done with.
Sitting upright on the sofa, I grab my bottle of JD and open my phone. I log into Instagram and type Reeve Lancaster into the search bar. There are tons of results, and my stomach coils into knots as I tap into his official page. He’s got thousands of followers, and all his posts have decent likes and comments. I scroll through a few posts as I drink JD. All the blood leaches from my skin when I zoom in on a photo of him. The resemblance is uncanny. If we were standing beside one another, there is no doubt we are brothers.
Staring at my mirror image makes it all the more real. Pain slashes through my chest, cutting deep. I can’t help imagining what it would’ve been like if I hadn’t been adopted. If we’d grown up together. Would he still hate me? Or would he fill the hollow ache inside me like the missing piece? Guilt joins hurt in slapping me upside the head. Thinking these thoughts feels so disloyal to my family. As if I’m wishing they were never part of my life.
It's all so fucking confusing.
I drop my cell on the sofa and take a huge mouthful of whiskey, relishing the burn as it glides down my throat. Leaning my head back, I close my eyes and fight the turmoil swirling in my chest.
I hate that I look so much like the brother who doesn’t want me.
I want to share nothing with that prick.
If there was a way to replace the DNA flowing through my veins, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Hell, I’d scrub my brain with bleach if it’d remove all knowledge of both Lancasters from my mind.
I want to erase Reeve’s existence from my life in the same way he’s erased mine from his.
As I think about it, I realize there’s something I can do that’ll help.
Before I pass out, I mentally form the plan in my head, determined to act on it ASAP.