Chapter 22
22
AGE 20
I ’m nursing the mother of all hangovers the following morning as I lie in my bed, absently watching the TV in the background, as I consider everything I learned last night. The more I think about my new plan, the more I’m convinced it’s the best course of action. Now that I’m sober, I see the situation for what it is. Vivien and Reeve are broken up, but he’s fighting to get her back. That puts a completely different spin on things. She hasn’t been sent here to spy on me. I’m guessing she probably knows nothing about me. Simon said it himself. Neither of them want the world knowing I exist, so I doubt Reeve even told the girl he grew up with. It wouldn’t exactly paint him in the best light.
No, the more I think about it, the more I realize I’ve gotten it all wrong. Vivien doesn’t know Reeve has a secret twin brother. She has come to Ireland to get away from him and all that Hollywood bullshit. That’s why Ash told me to go easy on her last night, admitting she is brokenhearted and my shitty treatment of her is only making things worse. It still blows my mind she ended up befriending my sister, but maybe karma is on my side this time. Because the perfect opportunity for revenge has landed in my lap.
My plan is genius. I’ll make Vivien fall in love with me and send her back to him even more heartbroken than she is now. Reeve wants her back, but he can’t have her. I’m going to make her mine . She’ll be so in love with me she’ll never want him back. Let him feel the eviscerating pain of rejection and abandonment. I am at least owed this much. Reeve Lancaster has taken everything else belonging to me, so it’s only fair I take something that belongs to him. Something so precious he won’t ever recover from it.
Guilt battles with smug satisfaction inside my head and my heart. Now I know Vivien doesn’t have an agenda, I can’t help feeling empathy for her. Reeve has already done a number on her heart, and it’s not fair to plan to do the same, but life isn’t fair. I’ve learned that lesson, and it’s time she did too. I don’t want to hurt her, but this is war, and there are always casualties during war. Always innocent victims.
Vivien is collateral damage, pure and simple.
She will pay the price for my revenge, and I hate this will hurt her, but I don’t have a choice. Only a fool would let this opportunity pass them by.
“You missed a great session last night, mate,” Jamie says when he returns home a few hours later. I’m sitting in one of the armchairs in the living room, jotting some lyrics down.
“I already told him.” Ro pokes his head out from the duvet he’s hiding under on the sofa.
We’re both hungover as fuck today, and I’m guessing Jay is the same. Conor still hasn’t emerged from his room, so I’m betting he’s royally fucked too.
“Vivien has the voice of an angel.” Ro’s dreamy face whenever he speaks of her is really starting to get on my nerves.
“So you’ve said,” I drawl, narrowing my eyes on him. “At least ten times.”
“It’s true,” Jay says over a yawn, kicking his boots off and dropping into the other chair. “I got the biggest hard-on when she started singing.”
I have a sudden urge to wrap my hands around his throat and squeeze. He deserves it for his obnoxious flirting with Vivien last night. Except I know he did it on purpose to wind me up. Despite my protests, he knows I have a thing for her.
“We should totally get her to sing with the band. She could be our secret weapon,” Ro adds.
“Nah, she’ll never go for it,” Jay says. “She was serious when she said she’d hate the attention.”
“You her best buddy now or something?” I snark, doodling on my notepad. Maybe I shouldn’t have been such an ass to the princess last night. I hate that I missed out on what appears to have been a bonding session.
“I got to know her more last night,” Jamie adds. “She’s cool, and I don’t think she’s playing Ash. I don’t think that girl has a bad bone in her body.”
“Grace is amazing, and she’s so fine,” Ronan says, his tone matching his dreamy expression.
I chuck my notepad at his face.
“Ow,” he moans, swatting it away after it hits him in the nose. “What’s that for?”
“You sound like some teenage girl mooning over 1D.”
“I like her. How is that a crime?”
“She’s too old for you.”
“I’m almost eighteen, and she’s only nineteen. How the fuck is that too old?” Ro glares at me.
“She’s almost twenty, and you’re still only seventeen.” I’m splitting hairs, but so what? I need Ro to drop all fantasies of him with Vivien even more now I’ve decided on my plan. “Plus, she’s still upset after her recent breakup.”
Until I swoop in and glue back the fragments of her broken heart. Only to rip it apart again , the devil snarls in my ear.
“She told you that?” Ro arches a brow, sitting up under the duvet and running a hand through his messy dark hair.
“Ash mentioned it last night.” In between reaming me out of it for my shitty attitude. My sister told me Grace’s ex really did a number on her and she’s hurting bad. Guilt sits on my chest, but I force it to subside. I’ve made up my mind. I’ll just have to find a way to deal with it.
“I’ll help her to forget him,” Ro says.
“It’s not happening,” I bark, rubbing my throbbing temples. “Find your next girlfriend somewhere else.”
“Shut the fuck up, Dil. You don’t get to dictate every aspect of my life.”
“Hey now,” Jay cuts in. “We don’t come to blows over a woman. Ever.”
“He doesn’t get to tell me who I can and can’t like. It’s bad enough I have to deal with his bullshit about the band.”
“Bullshit?” I sit up straighter and outright glower at my little bro.
“We have a real chance, Dil. Everyone says it, and the feedback from the EP is phenomenal,” Ro says.
We released a six-track EP three months ago which was very well received. Momentum and sales are building all the time, so my brother isn’t wrong.
Ro’s eyes widen, like always when he’s talking about the band potential. “We could make it big, bro, but you need to adjust your mindset. We need to strike now! We need to hire a manager and try to get a recording deal. We’re never going to get anywhere if we just focus on Ireland. Think outside the box, Dil. We need to expand our horizons and start thinking bigger.”
“He makes a lot of sense,” Jay supplies.
“I’m not disputing that.” We’ve had this conversation several times lately. “Or the fact we could make it big. All I’m saying is, do we really want that?”
Ro snorts out a laugh. “What the fuck kind of question is that? Who the fuck doesn’t want to be rich and famous with girls hanging off their every word? Who doesn’t want to make their passion a reality and travel around the world living the dream? Come the fuck on, bro. Stop talking shite.”
“You’re looking at it with rose-tinted glasses, Ro. Being rich and famous has a dark side,” I say. “Celebrities have no fucking privacy, and trust goes out the window. There’s a reason so many famous people are addicts. They turn to drink, drugs, and sex to block out all the dark shit. Can you honestly say you want all that? You want to leave Ireland and barely see our families? Live overseas, hidden behind gates and walls because you can’t leave your house without being besieged?” I drag my hands through my hair. “Doesn’t sound like a dream to me.”
Maybe I’m hesitant because I’ve seen how Reeve’s and Vivien’s lives have played out over social media the past few years. Hell, you only need to look at Vivien to see the burden it’s put on her. The girl flew halfway around the world to avoid the spotlight, and Ronan wants to shove us into it at warp speed?
I’m not convinced, and the thought of moving to America and potentially running into Simon and Reeve is something I have to consider too. It could work to my advantage. I could twist the knife and make Simon nervous every time I gave an interview. But I have a feeling if we got a recording deal without me having signed the NDA it’d somehow disappear or end up a disaster. I don’t think Simon Lancaster will let me build a music career in the US without signing my freedom of speech away. He’s powerful enough to make things difficult if I don’t play things his way.
It's a tangled mess, and it’s not like I can explain it to the band.
“Not every celebrity becomes an addict, and we never do hard drugs,” Ro replies.
It’s the one rule I laid down when we moved into the city two years ago. Weed and booze are one thing, hard drugs quite another. It’s a slippery slope, and we’ve collectively agreed as a band to never go there.
“I’m just saying you need to think about it more, and we should learn to walk before we try to run. We’re getting more radio play and starting to earn decent money from the EP. Let’s start releasing more of our material and let it build organically from there. If something comes of that, then grand, let’s roll with it, but I don’t think now is the time to get too ahead of ourselves.”
“That makes sense too.” Jay plops his sock-covered feet on the coffee table.
“You’re sucking all the joy out of my life,” Ro huffs, yanking the covers back up over him and lying down.
“Dramatic much?” I tease.
“Fuck off, Dil.” He shoves his middle finger up at me, but there’s no heat behind the words.
Ro doesn’t hold a grudge for long. Unlike Shane and me when we get into disagreements. We’re both as stubborn as one another and can last days cold-shouldering each other. Ro gets over his anger as quickly as it comes on, and it’s hard to ever stay mad at him. He doesn’t understand I’m trying to protect him, as much as myself, because he’s high on life with the band and enthusiastic and excited for the future. I am too, but with caveats.
“I know what you mean about the fame, Dil,” Jay says a few minutes later, looking deep in thought. “And I think being aware of that at the outset is half the battle, you know?”
I nod because I don’t disagree.
“I have a gut feeling we’re going to make it big,” Jamie adds. “Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but I think we should all be open to at least considering it.”
“I’m not closed off to it, Jay. Just cautious. I don’t want to lose myself to the machine. I love playing music. I love it up on that stage. I just refuse to sacrifice who I am in the process. Fame and money will mean fuck all if we’re miserable.”
It’s been two weeks since I last saw Vivien, and I’m on edge as I scan the room, looking for her. I’ve been dying for an opportunity to apologize and start putting things in motion. Ash managed to convince her to come out tonight, and I’m determined to make things right with her. She should be here by now. Ash said they were coming to Whelans early, and I was expecting them to have arrived while we were upstairs. Ro and I were just interviewed by Hot Press magazine, and I’m buzzing. It went well, and it’ll give us a good bit of exposure when the article is published.
Tingles of awareness tiptoe up my spine, and relief pours through me when I find her across the crowded room, sitting in a chair on the outside of a table in our regular area. I could pick her out in a crowded room if I was blindfolded based on instinct alone, which is kind of nuts but doesn’t make it untrue.
I take my time savoring her like a good wine, dragging my gaze up and down her luscious form, admiring every delicious inch of her. Vivien’s hair is wavy tonight, and she’s gone for an edgier look that still manages to be soft. My dick is throwing a party behind my jeans as my hungry gaze devours her. She looks incredible in a pink one-shouldered top, tight-fitting black leather trousers, and black knee-high fuck-me boots. Yes, please , I think as I lick my lips and toy with my eyebrow piercing.
I stifle a moan when I spot Breda hovering around the band at the second table. I knew bringing her to the housewarming party was a mistake. Her stalking has massively ramped up since then, and I’m close to losing my sanity. I’ve been about as subtle as a wrecking ball telling her I have no interest in her and we’re done. The girl either has skin as thick as a rhinoceros or she’s thick-skulled and brain dead. My money is on the latter. I don’t know what else I can do to drill the message home. I just want her to fuck off and leave me alone.
My gaze skims over the rest of our crew. Aoife is draped all over Jay, and Conor has an unfamiliar blonde perched on his lap. I sigh as I spy my little brother heading towards Vivien with that lovesick look on his face again. Fuck. I scrub my hands down my face as I watch Ro drool all over her. I don’t want to hurt my brother, but he’s got to back off. Truth is, I don’t think Vivien sees him as anything more than a friend, and I’m hoping I’m right. I don’t want to force Ro’s hand. I’m hoping Vivien will handle it instead.
I hang back, frowning as I watch Ro and Vivien’s interaction. It appears to get a little heated, and I wonder what that’s about. My eyes follow her as she stands and walks to the bar, not missing the interested looks she picks up from several guys along the way.
Back off, fuckers.
She’s mine.
As I head towards her, determined to grovel at her feet, if necessary, I try not to focus on the fact I don’t have a fucking clue how to romance a woman and get her to agree to be mine and mine alone.
Can’t be that hard though. Right?