Chapter 21
School had been a drag all day. I coasted through every class and didn’t grasp a thing that was taught. I sat quietly in each class, pretended to take notes, and submitted anything I needed to submit, but I was out of it.
Once my last class of the day ended, I headed toward the parking lot.
I didn’t even stop to talk to Liyah in the courtyard, because after dinner last night, I didn’t know where my head was at.
On one hand, I wanted my father’s freedom to be my main focus, but the thought of not having Dima in my life had taken front and center stage.
My Jeep was parked in its normal park, so I walked over and hopped inside. I made the quick drive to the place that always brought me peace: my grandparents’ house.
I needed to see my grandmother or at least talk to my papa to feel a little bit better about what was going on in my life. My father may have seen Dima coming, but I didn’t. I also didn’t know how any of this would play out. I could possibly lose him forever. I could lose both of them.
I pulled up to my grandma’s house, and my pawpaw’s truck was gone. I knew I wouldn’t be seeing him today, but at least I could still get one of my grandma’s hugs. Even my steps were heavy as I dragged myself to their front door.
“Hey, pretty girl. What brings you by today?”
My grandmother met me at the door as she always did. She had her recliner in the perfect place to give her a full view of her driveway and front porch. She saw me coming before I even put the car in park.
“I just needed to see you, Ma. How you feeling today?”
I pulled her into a hug before she got the chance to. I smiled inside when her soft arms wrapped around me. I laid my head against her shoulder, and she patted my back.
“Oh, sweet girl. Is everything okay?”
“Not really.”
I let my posture slouch and my shoulders drop. I was tired of trying to push through this day. I just wanted to be babied by my grandma.”
“Well, come on in and let’s see if I can help. You hungry?”
“I just ate at the cafeteria.”
“You know that food they serve at that school ain’t nothing compared to mine.”
“I know, but I don’t want to overeat.”
“Okay, baby.”
She patted my back before leading me into the house. I followed my grandmother into the living room. Instead of sitting in her recliner where I knew she wanted to be, my grandmother sat on the sofa and patted the spot next to her for me to join her.
“Is everything okay with Bishop?”
“Honestly, that’s why I’m here. I think he’s in trouble, and I don’t know if he’s going to be able to get out of it this time.”
“I’m not surprised. You know your father. He’s been getting in trouble most of his life. If it wasn’t for my daughter, he never would have been able to stay out of it.”
She laughed, and I couldn’t help but laugh with her. My grandma always told me how much my mama changed Bishop’s life. I loved to hear every story, and I wished she was here now.
“Yes, ma’am, but I don’t know if he’s going to get out of it this time, Grandma. I’m scared for him.”
“Don’t be, child. One thing I know about your father is they not going to take him down easily. So, whatever it is, put it out of your mind. I’m sure he got it under control.”
“I hope so because I cannot afford to lose him, Grandma. I don’t know what I would do if he went to prison or something happened to him.”
“Oh, child, you hush that. Don’t you worry about that. Ain’t nothing going to happen to his old stubborn behind. Trust me, he will be fine.”
She pulled me into a side hug and kissed the top of my head. This was exactly what I needed, the comfort my grandma gave me every time I was in her presence.
“Thank you, Mama.”
“You know what? I have something that may cheer you up. Come with me.”
My grandmother stood and held her hand out to me. I grabbed it, and she led me back to my mother’s room. The only person who loved this room more than me had to be my grandmother. She took pride in keeping everything just the way my mother left it.
“I was in here earlier today and found some of your mother’s old journals. They were in one of the boxes your father sent over after the funeral. Maybe you ought to read ’em.”
“I don’t know, Grandma. You don’t think that’s an invasion of privacy?”
“No. It’s going to help you feel a little closer to her. Some of the answers you’re looking for might be right here in between those pages. Your mama kept a journal in her hand every day of her life. Right up until the day she died. If you want to know something about her, I’m sure it’s there.”
My grandmother pointed to the bed that held the last pieces of my mother—messages that she’d left just for me. A smile tugged the corners of my mouth as I stared at the journals.
“Is this just about your father, or is there something else you want to talk about?”
“It’s not just about Daddy. There’s this guy that I really like, but because of who he is and who my father is, what we had may be over before it even had a chance to start. I just don’t know what to do, Grandma. It’s just so complicated.”
“What’s complicated about it, baby?”
I sat on my mother’s bed before motioning for my grandmother to do the same.
I gave her the rundown on everything that happened with Dima, and I didn’t hold back.
I didn’t have any secrets when it came to her, because I could always depend on her to tell me exactly what I needed to hear.
When I was done, she smiled like nothing I said was a big deal at all.
“If you’re missing that boy, baby, just go to him.”
“You make it sound so easy, Ma.”
“No, it won’t be easy, but nothing worth having ever is. If Dima is as special as you believe he is, you have to go to him. You can’t lose a man like that. Being with him won’t be easy, but in the end, you will be happy you did.”
“You think so?”
“I know so. You won’t find the answers to any of the questions you have hiding out here with me. Now, take these.” She collected the journals and handed them to me. “And go talk to that man.”
My grandmother was right. Dima was the only person who had answers to my questions. If I wanted to know why he hurt me like this, he was the only person who could tell me. I needed to see him.