6. Chapter Five
Chapter Five
H ours later, Dina walked the length of the library while gently patting Jasper’s back. He had finally stopped fussing and fallen asleep. Normally, she would have taken him straight to his crib, but right now, she was enjoying the sweet comfort of snuggling a baby.
Still dealing with terrible cramps and now an even worse headache, Dina tried not to cry. There was no escaping the ugly truth. Every mistake she had made in her life had led her to this point.
Falling under Diego’s spell. Choosing him over her family. Marrying him. Getting pregnant by him. Going back to him again and again and again even when she promised herself she was done enduring his abuse.
“You okay?”
Startled by Steve’s voice, she turned toward the grand entry of the library. Steve stood between the open wooden doors, the ornate and heavily polished wood gleaming on either side of him. “You’re still here?”
The question came out much more meanly than she had intended, and Steve visibly winced. Looking suddenly embarrassed, he gave a little smile and said, “I was just heading out.”
“No, Steve, I didn’t mean—.” The discussion woke Jasper, and he kicked his feet and howled. “Shh. It’s okay. Tia Dina is right here.” She tenderly kissed his soft hair. “It’s okay.”
But he didn’t quiet down. He wailed even louder, so loud that her already aching head felt like it was about to split.
“May I?” Steve asked, startling her again with how quietly he had crossed the library to stand next to her.
She eyed him warily. “You have kids?”
He shook his head. “Niblings.”
She smiled at the silly term for nieces and nephews. “You’re good with them?”
“I try to give my sister a break whenever I’m in town.”
Certain he couldn’t make things worse, she carefully handed over Jasper. “He’s going through a sleep regression, and my brother and sister-in-law are in Greece on their honeymoon. He’s struggling.”
“Poor little guy.” Steve cradled Jasper like a pro. His much larger hands covered almost all of her nephew, and he rocked in a slightly faster manner. She started to tell him to slow down, but to her surprise, Jasper quieted almost immediately. Whether it was Steve’s technique or the novelty of being held by a new person, she couldn’t tell.
“Okay, that’s amazing,” Dina finally remarked. Jasper stared up at Steve with his sleepy eyes, blinking slowly as Steve gently pressed the pacifier back to the baby’s mouth.
“Is that a compliment?” Steve wryly asked, pinning her with his boyish grin.
“Cherish it. I doubt I’ll have another for you any time soon.”
Steve laughed and rubbed Jasper’s back. After a moment, he said, “Your family is amazing.”
Taken aback by his statement, she gawked at him. “You just spent the whole afternoon and evening being screamed at by women in this family. You think that’s amazing?”
“No, not that part.” He shifted Jasper so the baby was resting against his shoulder and tucked into the crook of his neck. “The part where your family comes together anytime one of you is hurt or in trouble. Your brother came in from the coast as soon as he heard your daughter was missing. Your sister was with you every step of the way. Your oldest brother made himself available even though he’s on his honeymoon. Your mother—.”
“Blamed me for being too hard and yet somehow also too soft as a mother,” she muttered with irritation.
“She was afraid.” Steve patted Jasper’s diapered bottom. “She lost her son and daughter-in-law a few months ago. She saw her oldest son get shot. She had to face losing her granddaughter today. She panicked and said things she didn’t mean.”
“She meant them,” Dina glumly insisted. “She’s probably right. I’m very good at business, but with my family? In my personal life? All I do is make mistakes.”
“Present company included,” he drolly remarked.
“No,” she said hastily. “I mean—yes. But not really.”
Steve stared at her, bemused. “Well, as far as I’m concerned, the only mistake I made was letting you go without getting your phone number.”
Dina flushed at the memory of their torrid night. She glanced away from him, unable to make eye contact as her body reacted to that memory.
“Does she blame you?” Steve asked after a moment, his timbre low and soothing. “For what happened to your father and grandfather?”
Dina gulped at the question and kept her gaze fixed on the bookshelf across the room. She didn’t dare look at Steve. He had those detective eyes, the ones that could see right through any lie she might try to tell. Eventually, she admitted, “She says she doesn’t, but I know she does. She’s right to blame me. It was my fault.”
“It wasn’t,” Steve argued. “He’s a monster. You can’t control a monster.”
“She knew,” Dina said, still unable to meet his gaze. “The first time I brought him home to introduce him to my family,” she explained. “Mama knew that he was dangerous, and I wouldn’t listen.”
“You were a teenager. None of us listen to our parents when we’re teenagers.”
“I knew better when I married him.” It was a hard thing to admit, but somehow, it felt okay to tell Steve. “I realized he was a killer just after my high school graduation. He took me on a hit with him.” Her stomach lurched at the long-buried memory. “I was in the car, driving, and he went inside this little restaurant. I heard some popping sounds and then he came running out and jumped in the car. I was frozen. Scared. Terrified. And then he shoved the gun in my face.” She lifted her fingers to her head, mimicking the muzzle of the gun banging into her temple and cheek. “I panicked and floored it.”
“You did what anyone would do in that situation,” Steve gently said. “You were a victim.”
“I was an accessory,” she hissed with self-disgust. “I drove him there. I drove him away.” She swallowed the acidic bile rising in her throat at the memory of what came after that mad dash away from the crime scene. That was a story she wasn’t ready to tell anyone. “I stayed with him after that. I married him. I had a child a with him.”
“Did he hurt you?” Steve asked the question, but she was certain he already knew the answer.
She nodded stiffly. “Never my face. Not until after we were married, at least.”
“I’m sorry, Dina. That must have been very hard for you.”
He wasn’t being patronizing or insincere. She finally worked up the courage to meet his gaze and saw how incredibly real he was. He wasn’t judging her. He didn’t pity her. He accepted all of her, ugly, messy history included.
“It was, but I’m not that girl anymore.” She lifted her chin. “I won’t let my daughter be that girl either.”
“She’ll come around.” Steve stroked Jasper’s hair. The sight of him holding her nephew and being so tender and loving made her heart sing. She’d long ago given up the idea of having another child, but God help her. Seeing Steve playing daddy to Jasper left her ovaries tingling and her soul yearning.
“She’s a confused kid, Dina. I see it all the time with kids raised by single moms. They have abandonment issues, and they build up these wild fantasies in their heads about the father who isn’t around. They’re vulnerable and easily manipulated, and shit bags like Diego know it. It’s easy to fill her head with stories about how everyone else did him wrong. She wants to believe that it’s someone else’s fault he isn’t present as a father. She doesn’t want to believe he chose crime over her.”
Dina marveled at his ability to so easily describe the situation with Camila. “How often do those kids see the light?”
Steve didn’t answer immediately. He patted Jasper’s bottom and swayed slowly. “Not often,” he finally admitted. “Mostly, they end up in prison.” He pinned her in place with a stare. “But those kids didn’t have you as a mother or this family of yours.”
“You think that will change things?” she asked, almost too afraid to hope.
“I know it will,” Steve assured her.
Praying he was right, she changed the subject to a lighter topic. “How was dinner?”
Steve dramatically groaned and patted his flat stomach. “I’m so stuffed I can barely breathe. Jovita is a hell of a cook.”
“You have to walk after dinner,” Dina advised. “A slow, easy walk in the gardens is the only way to survive her menus without gaining weight.”
“Your mother had Lola take me out to see the sunflowers and dahlias.”
Dina hated the spike of jealousy that flared at the thought of her younger, prettier and carefree sister walking anywhere private with Steve. Lola would be perfect for him. She was funny and sweet and hadn’t been married to an absolute psycho killer who had escaped prison.
“Your sister is a hoot,” Steve said, clearly unaware of how his compliment stung. “I think she’d fit right in at a tailgate.”
“I’m sure she would,” Dina said, feigning a smile. “You know our ranch water line is one of the biggest sellers during football season, especially in Texas.”
“Doesn’t surprise me. It’s delicious.”
“You drink it?”
“Not often,” Steven adjusted Jasper. “I’m not a big drinker, just a beer during a ball game or a drink at the bar every now and then.”
“I don’t drink often either,” Dina confessed. “None of us do.” She didn’t mention that Beto and Lola had both been a bit wild with alcohol during their very early twenties. “Our father and grandfather always preached against it.”
“Don’t get high on your own supply?” Steve repeated the famous line from Scarface .
“Basically,” she agreed with a little smile that died as a cramp twisted her lower belly.
“Are you okay?” Steve moved closer and reached out to touch her face. His warm palm cupped her cheek and jaw, and she quickly forgot all about the painful sensation gripping her uterus. “You look like you’re about to be sick.”
“Lady problems,” she admitted with some mortification.
“Oh.” He didn’t seem the least bit discomfited by her answer. If anything, he seemed more concerned. “Do you need some painkillers? Or a heating pad?”
Taken aback, she asked, “You know about those kinds of things?”
“Sister, remember?” His thumb brushed along her jaw, and she felt suddenly faint. “Between her and my mom, I’ve bought dozens of boxes of Kotex and bottles of Pamprin.”
She couldn’t even imagine asking Rafa or Beto get her a box of tampons. They’d both do it, but not without making a huge fuss about it. Not to mention, her mother would scold her for asking them to do something that was so personal.
“I’ll be fine once I get into bed,” Dina said, feeling all sorts of confused. On one hand, she was in pain. On the other, she was wildly aroused by Steve. His familiar touch had awakened feelings she had been suppressing since their hotel tryst. She hadn’t been able to look at another man without thinking of Steve.
“You know, there’s another way to relieve cramps,” Steve said in that slow Texas drawl of his. His voice had deepened, and she swallowed hard at the crazy way her heart flipped in her chest. “A way that’s more enjoyable than a heating pad and some ibuprofen.”
She gulped again. Her mouth went dry, and she could barely stand to meet his penetrating gaze. She licked her lips and shakily said, “That’s disgusting.”
He seemed amused by her response. “Why? Because it might get a little messy?”
“Yes! Obviously!”
Steve slowly dragged his thumb along her lower lip. “The best sex is a little messy.”
“Steve,” she practically whimpered his name. “I can’t. We can’t.”
“Why not?”
In that moment, she couldn’t think of a single reason why. Every atom in her body craved him. She desperately wanted him again and again and again. She wanted to drag him into her shower and let him do wicked, filthy things. She wanted—.
Jasper snorted and sighed, his signal that he was out for good. It broke the heady spell that Steve had spun over her, and she pulled away from his caressing hand.
“I should take him to bed.” She carefully retrieved her nephew, ignoring Steve’s intoxicating scent and body heat. “Thank you for helping me get him to sleep.” She took an anxious step backward. “And for helping me find Camila.”
Before he could draw her back in with his seductive voice, she fled the library with Jasper clutched tightly in her arms. She ignored that dangerous voice in her head that begged her to turn around and go back, to invite him upstairs to her bedroom.
You can’t have him.
You can’t lose focus on what matters most—Camila.
As tempting as Steve was, he could never get in the way of keeping her daughter safe. Camila was her only priority.
Even if that meant sacrificing a chance at happiness.