Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
Trevor’s white Jeep is parked in his driveway as I pull in, so immediately I know I have the right house. But even with that confirmation, the nerves don’t fade. Instead, they tighten their hold on me.
What am I doing…? I wanted to meet up with him the second he suggested it. And then, when he offered his house… I still wanted to. But now, the reality of it has my anxiety creeping higher. It’s a new place, I don’t know him very well yet, and I’m supposed to be home, eating my dinner in just under two hours… I’m supposed to be following my usual schedule.
I park beside his Jeep, gripping the steering wheel for a moment as my gaze sweeps over the property. Trevor’s house is beautiful. It’s a blue farmhouse with a wraparound porch and a big red barn standing tall in the backyard with a few pastures fenced in. It looks like a scene from a postcard.
But as I look closer, I’m confused. I don’t see any animals… Does he have more animals besides Neville? Where are they?
With a shaky breath and trembling hands, I turn off the car and step out. I’m here now, I need to do this. As much as I want to just get back into my car and drive away, and retreat to the comfort of my routine… I also don’t want to. I want to be here, with him. I want to see him.
With each step up the stone walkway leading to Trevor’s front door, I list some of my favourite birds while I shake out my hands at my sides and hum deep in my chest.
California Quail, Eastern Bluebird, Great-tailed Grackle, House Sparrow, Northern Bobwhite, Red-winged Blackbird…
By the time I’m standing in front of his cheery yellow door, my breaths are heavy and my chest is tight. I shake my hands hard one more time, drawing in a deep breath. Yesterday, when we were hiking Cobbler’s Path, I felt so relaxed with him. Like it was natural, and easy. I want that feeling again.
I knock on the door, and count each of my breaths as I wait. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…
The door swings open, and Trevor’s bright, welcoming smile greets me. “You found it!”
I nod, my eyes dropping to the floor as Neville waddles up beside him.
“Come on in,” Trevor says, stepping aside for me to enter.
As I step over the threshold, Neville stands on his hind legs and reaches out with his little hands to tug at my pant leg, then reaches higher, trying to grab at the hem of my hoodie. A smile tugs at my lips as I watch him, and I let his curiosity and playfulness distract me for a moment. He’s unpredictable, and I’m never quite sure what to expect from him, since I’ve never been around a raccoon before. But at the same time, there’s something comforting about him, even in his chaos.
Or at least… I think the comfort is from Neville.
I shift my gaze back to Trevor as he quietly watches us.
“Do you have more animals?” I ask.
His eyes meet mine, and his brows lift slightly.
Dammit.
I quickly look away from him and suppress a sigh of disappointment toward myself. I didn’t even say hi to him. I haven’t said anything yet. But the pastures, the big barn, and now Neville and feeling oddly at ease around him… I just want to know if he has more animals. I need to know, as every other thought is pushed to the back of my mind as this one completely takes over.
But I should have said hi first.
“Not yet,” Trevor says.
When I glance up at him again, he smiles and tilts his head toward the back of the house for me to follow him.
He leads me through the cozy living room and down a narrow hallway into a bright, sunlit kitchen. The large windows overlook the pastures and barn, and golden light pours through the glass, casting the entire space in a soft, warm glow.
“I bought this house so I could have animals,” Trevor says, standing in front of one of the windows. “And I really want donkeys. I don’t even know why. I just think they’re cool.”
My gaze sweeps over the pastures, and a scene forms in my mind as I take a mental snapshot of it. Several donkeys graze lazily under the dipping sun, their shadows stretching long across the field as the perfect golden hour light highlights the soft curve of their backs and the tufts of fur on their ears. The golden rays paint everything in a warm, honeyed glow, and the peacefulness of the moment seeps into me.
“And who knows, maybe something else. Horses, cows…” Trevor trails off.
“Highland cows,” I say softly, imagining a small herd of shaggy, rust-coloured cows ambling around in the background of the image I’ve created. I can almost hear the click of my camera, wishing I could capture this moment in my mind… and in reality… forever.
I feel Trevor’s eyes on me, so I look away from the scene before me to glance at him.
“Obviously,” he says with a smile.
I hold his gaze for a moment, before my eyes drop, and I look out the window again. “You have a lot of land.”
“Just under thirty acres,” he says.
My brow furrows as my gaze traces the fence lines, and I count the posts. That doesn’t add up… Each section between posts looks to be ten feet, and I see about six sections of ten posts along the edge of the pasture. So it’s around six hundred feet long. All four sides of the pasture look to be even, so that would be around ten acres that’s fenced in…
“I own all the way to the water behind the pastures,” Trevor says, pulling me from my thoughts and answering the questions I didn’t need to ask. “There’s a really nice path back there that leads to a large cliff. It’s my favourite place to be when I want some quiet, and for no one to find me.” Then he gives me a lopsided smile. “That’s a secret though. Don’t tell anyone.”
He shifts his gaze back out the window, but I keep mine on him for a moment longer.
Quiet.
From the sounds of it, with his job and his family, he doesn’t have a lot of quiet. I wonder how much of it he wants.
“Do you like quiet?” I ask before I can catch myself.
He turns to me with a gentle nod. “I do.”
I nod as well and look out the window again. “Me too.”
But he already knows that.
Neville jumps onto the windowsill, immediately reaching into my hoodie pocket and searching around inside of it. But my eyes stay focused on the view outside. The perfect snapshot of this quiet and peaceful place with donkeys, highland cows, and golden light. But even as I retreat deep into the safe space of my mind, I start to feel overwhelmed. This is Trevor’s space. It’s cozy, warm, and peaceful, but it’s so… unknown. It’s a space where he lives his life, which is nothing like my own. His family is big, his house is big, his job is busy, he has friends, and an active life…
And I find myself wondering how I fit into that. Which I’ve never thought about before, with anyone.
Because I don’t know if Trevor is a friend. I think he could be something else.
“Hey.”
I blink out of my thoughts and turn towards Trevor’s soft and gentle voice.
“Sorry,” I mumble, letting out a shaky exhale. I’m blowing this…
But he just shakes his head. “Don’t be.”
Neville still has his paws in my hoodie pocket, and as my eyes fall to watch him, my hand lifts without thinking. As I stroke along his back, I’m surprised at how soft his fur feels beneath my fingers. It’s smoother than I expected, and so soft it’s almost silky.
“There’s actually another animal I was thinking of taking home soon,” Trevor says softly.
I look up at him, and he smiles as he gestures behind me towards a clear space on a table near the window.
“If you’re ok with it, I was thinking the bird could come live here for the rest of her recovery.” Trevor pauses for a moment as my eyes scan the space. “The clinic is so busy, and I’m only there a few days a week. But here…” He trails off, and I turn my head to look at him. He watches me with that half smile he often does. “I’ll be able to keep up her rehab here and keep a better eye on her. And when she’s recovered, we can release her he re.” He pauses, and his smile seems to falter for a moment. “What do you think? Would you… like to visit her here?”
I glance around the kitchen again as the vivid memories of the overwhelming clinic crash into me. I’ve been thinking of the bird, and I’ve been wanting to ask Trevor about her… but I’ve been afraid to go back there again.
But this is quiet. And it’s a perfect space for all of us.
“Yeah,” I say, nodding slowly. “I’d like that.”
He smiles widely. “Good.”
We stand in silence for a moment as Neville tries to grab at the strings of my hoodie, and we both just watch him.
“Are you hungry?”
It takes me a moment to realize Trevor is talking to me, and when I look up at him, he chuckles.
“I know I was just at a barbeque for several hours, but I actually didn’t eat much there.” He shrugs. “So, I’m probably going to grill something if you want to join me?”
A knot forms in my stomach, and panic flares in my chest as I shove my hands in my hoodie pocket so I can squeeze them tight. “I, uh… don’t eat meat.”
Trevor smiles widely and heads over to the fridge, reaching into the freezer. “I don’t either,” he says, holding up a box of veggie burgers. “It’s why I didn’t eat much there.”
A smile spreads across my lips as my eyes lift to meet his, and he winks before turning to grab a plate from the cupboard. I watch him as he grabs everything we need for burgers, and momentarily get lost in his movements. I can’t help but notice the way his muscles flex as he reaches into the fridge, the casual way he runs his fingers through his short dark hair, and how it effortlessly falls to one side with a slight curl.
And suddenly, realization dawns on me. I really don’t think this is just a friendship. I think what I feel for Trevor is something more. Something new, and something I’ve never experienced before. But I don’t know what it means, or what to do with it.
Should I even be here? I’m supposed to be at home, eating my own supper. I have leftover pasta in the fridge that I saved for tonight. It’s for tonight and I’m here eating veggie burgers at Trevor’s house with him. I’m out of my routine and out of my comfort zone, with strange feelings pressing down on me… and I have no idea what to do.
A hum builds deep in my chest, and my body buzzes with tension I can’t control. I want to let the hum out, to release the pressure and calm myself down, but I can’t. Not here. Not in front of Trevor. He can’t see that. I can’t have a meltdown and fall apart in front of him.
I want him to like me.
Just as that thought takes hold of me, Trevor turns around to face me. His eyes widen slightly as he looks over me, clearly seeing that I’m barely holding myself together.
I’m one second away from bolting, ready to make an excuse and leave before he can ask me what’s wrong.
Because everything feels wrong. But also, everything feels right. And I don’t know how to handle both at once.
But as usual, Trevor just smiles softly.
“So, I was thinking about this little conundrum we’re in,” Trevor says thoughtfully, and my heart somehow beats even faster. “With technology most likely taking over our lives soon.”
My body stills as I watch him, and my brain starts to slow down as I process his words. He smiles, tilting his head towards the back deck for me to follow him outside. My feet move automatically, and next thing I know, we’re on a large deck overlooking the barn and pastures, with a view of the setting sun over the trees in the distance.
“It got me thinking,” Trevor continues, setting everything on the table and pulling out a chair for me to sit. “Are we going to inevitably end up in a war against ourselves?”
Everything inside me seems to sharpen, and my mind latches onto this idea as I take a seat. “Because we are developing the technology that is capable of making us obsolete.”
“Exactly.” Trevor claps the tongs together as he points them at me. Then he turns to light the grill, and I just watch him, letting my heart rate slow, and my thoughts swirl around this idea.
“There’s a potential future where elite people could upgrade themselves with biotechnology and genetic engineering,” I say thoughtfully. “That, along with artificial intelligence that will know us better than we do… there’s a chance the majority of the population would be considered inferior.”
I watch Trevor as he closes the barbeque lid to let it warm up, and takes a seat next to me with a thoughtful nod.
“Hm,” he hums. “So, these elite people that can afford to do this will have more power over us than they already do, and society will be even more unequal than it already is.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “And we need to ask what the purpose is of this advancement in technology.” I sit forward in my seat, excitement taking over that he’s interested in this and actually wants to talk about it instead of telling me to let it go. “It could be used to solve world problems, like hunger and disease. But with the wealthy ultimately taking control of it, its purpose will deviate to benefit them.”
Trevor’s eyes spark with interest as he nods. “Makes you wonder how fast all this will move. We’ve made some significant gains in how this world works… but we’ve achieved that because of technology. It’s a double-edged sword, isn’t it?”
I nod eagerly, my heart now pounding with anticipation as I get to hear his thoughts on this fascinating topic.
“ We’re meant to decide what happens to us, but that’s not really true anymore,” he continues thoughtfully. “And things are moving so fast, it’s hard to imagine what the future would actually look like.”
I nod again. “We might be building a world that has no place for us.”
Silence settles between us as we both gaze out over the land, the peaceful scene bathed in the warm, fading light as Neville rustles in the grass around the deck.
“But,” I say softly, and I feel Trevor shift his gaze to me. “I think this world has a place for us.”
I turn to meet his eyes, and he nods softly.
The setting sun casts a warm glow over him, illuminating his amber eyes so they shimmer like molten gold.
Holding someone’s gaze like this has always felt too intimate and overwhelming, like I’m trapped in a cage and their eyes are peeling back layers I’m not ready to share. I feel exposed and uncomfortable when I look into someone’s eyes, and my own hurt as I try to resist the pull to look away from them. The longer I try to maintain it, the tension just builds, directionless and constant… and I know I’ll eventually lose the fight.
But it’s not winning this time. Because I’m not fighting it.
What usually feels so invasive… doesn’t.
I only hold someone’s gaze like this when I really trust them.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I say, so low it’s almost a whisper. And I don’t even know what I mean by that. Because I don’t think I know anything right now.
Trevor’s eyes crinkle at the corners as he smiles softly, and I trace the lines with my eyes.
“I don’t either,” he says softly.
But I shake my head. “I don’t think that’s true.”
His hand moves a little closer to mine on the table, not quite touching, but close enough that I can feel the warmth of his skin. The sun continues to dip low, and the hue of the golden glow around us grows deeper and more intense.
“Can I kiss you?” Trevor asks gently.
My heart riots in my chest, and my eyes immediately fall to his lips. I wait for the rush of panic, the flood of racing thoughts, and the tension to take over… but it doesn't come. My mind is quiet, and my body feels… calm.
So I nod.
Trevor leans in slowly, his hand brushing lightly against mine, until our lips meet. He’s soft and gentle as his lips press against mine, and he keeps me in this moment of stillness as I take him in. The softness of his lips on mine, the feeling of his stubble on my chin, the warmth from his body spreading through me… It’s so much to take in, and yet I want more. It should be overwhelming, but it isn’t. Instead, he feels like a quiet calm spreading through my body… like a soft, warm hug.
My lips part slightly, and he follows, never rushing, and never pushing too much. His tongue brushes against mine in a soft, slow movement that matches the easy rhythm he’s brought to every one of our moments together. His fingers slowly intertwine with mine, and the feeling of him surrounding me is like an anchor in this new, unfamiliar territory.
When he gently pulls back, I look into his amber eyes again, watching as the last light of the sun reflects in them. And the warmth inside me remains.
I’ve never felt anything like this before.