Chapter 16
SIXTEEN
It’s 4:33 as I pull into my driveway, and I chuckle when I see Arthur standing by the fence at the end of the driveway, looking over the pastures. Right on time.
I park next to his car, and smile at him as I step out of my Jeep. “Hey.”
Arthur gives me a brief, awkward nod, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Hi.” Then his eyes dart past me, curiously peering into my Jeep. When his gaze lands on the birdcage, a small, almost shy smile flickers on his lips.
“She travelled like a champ,” I say as I open the door to the back seat where she chirps happily in her cage.
Arthur’s eyes briefly meet mine as he steps closer, and he shakes his hands at his sides as he removes them from his pockets. He looks uncomfortable, and like he has no idea what to do with himself. It’s moments like these I want to reach out and comfort him, but I don’t.
“Hey,” I say softly, trying to draw his attention back here as it seems to wander somewhere far away.
His gaze slowly slides back to me, and I smile.
“What do you need?” I ask, wanting to ease the quiet discomfort I see settling over him, and bring him back into the peace he felt here yesterday.
He blinks, like he’s caught off guard by the question. “What?” he asks hesitantly.
He continues to flex his fingers and shake his hands at his sides, so I decide not to push any further. Instead, I hold out my hand, and let him decide what he wants to do with it.
He looks down at it for a moment, and I quietly wait. When he finally takes it, his grip is light at first and almost tentative. But then, he slowly squeezes my hand, as though he’s drawing strength from the contact. I squeeze back, and his eyes close as he exhales a long, slow breath. When he opens them again, they’re different. They’re brighter and more relaxed, like the version of him I saw yesterday when we sat on my back deck talking about the world we want to create for ourselves.
I give his hand a gentle tug as I silently ask for more, and leave the move up to him. And he takes it, stepping forward as his eyes drop to my lips. I wait until his gaze lifts to meet mine again, and he nods. It’s a small movement, but it’s the permission I need.
My lips press softly against his, and warmth floods through me as every one of my nerves seems to ignite. His kiss is tentative at first, but with each brush of our lips, I feel a new kind of confidence flowing into him. His hand tightens around mine, and I can feel him sinking deeper into the moment with me as he lowers some of his walls. And when his lips part, our kiss becomes something even more. It’s still soft, and still gentle… but with an exploration like quiet curiosity, and a willingness to let me in.
When we slowly part, I let out a breath and smile, tilting my head towards the bird still in the back seat of my Jeep. “Should we take her in? ”
Arthur nods, and I let my hand linger in his for a moment longer before I reluctantly let go so I can grab the cage and lead him into the house.
As we enter, I hear the familiar pitter-patter of Neville’s paws on the stairs, and I chuckle.
“Hey, bud,” I say to him as he waddles into the kitchen, and I head over to the spot by the window for the bird. “I didn’t take him into work today since I was out in the field all morning,” I explain to Arthur as I set the cage down.
When I turn around, I find an adorable scene before me as Neville pulls at Arthur’s pant leg in a demand for attention, and Arthur gives it to him by reaching down to pet him.
I smile as I watch them for a moment, while they share a sweet, silent exchange.
Until Arthur glances up at me, and I snap out of it.
“Want to give him a treat?” I ask, heading to the cupboard to grab his jujubes.
Arthur’s face lights up with an eager nod, and I chuckle as I hand him one.
“Careful,” I warn him with a sly smile. “He’s a climber.”
And right on cue, Neville begins his ascent up Arthur’s leg, in desperate need of his treat. Arthur just looks down at him, and I’m about to intervene and pull the little shit off the poor guy… until Arthur laughs. An adorable, perfect little laugh, full of joy.
I watch as Arthur holds the treat out for Neville, and he takes it from his hand then quickly scurries off to his bed in the corner to chow down. When Arthur turns back to me, there’s a brightness in his eyes that I haven’t seen yet, like something inside him has cracked open, allowing more light to pour through.
With every moment we share and each new part of himself he reveals, I can feel him drawing me in, deeper and deeper. It’s like I’m addicted to these fleeting moments, and to the small, precious glimpses of the man he is beneath his guarded exterior. There’s something so mesmerizing about the way he slowly allows me into parts of himself he seems to keep hidden. And I let him consume me, filling spaces I didn’t even know were empty.
I take a step closer, unable to resist his pull. “You know,” I murmur, “I really like kissing you.”
Arthur’s cheeks flush, and he drops his gaze as he bites his lip. He nods stiffly. “I do too,” he says, so softly that I almost don’t hear him.
I move a little closer and slowly slide a hand onto his hip, sensing the familiar tension in him, like he’s going to take off at any second. But when his gaze meets mine again, I know he won’t. Because I can see it in his eyes. He wants to be here.
“So, it’s probably a little late but…” I shrug playfully with a chuckle, “I guess I should let you know I’m gay.”
He bites the inside of his cheek and nods stiffly again. “Ok,” he says. Then he scrunches his face and shakes his head lightly. “I mean, yeah, I…” he takes a quick breath in and blows it out, “I figured, I…”
I tilt my head, watching him carefully. There’s something he’s trying to get out, but the words seem stuck somewhere between his thoughts and his lips.
“Are… you?” I ask carefully.
He still doesn’t meet my eyes, and his throat bobs as he swallows hard. “Um… I don’t… know.”
I nod slowly, even though he’s not looking at me. I tighten my grip on his hip, just enough to draw his attention back to this moment as his mind seems to be drifting. His eyes flick up to meet mine, and I smile gently.
“It’s ok if you’re still figuring it out,” I say softly.
His shoulders stiffen as he winces slightly. “I don’t know what I’m figuring out,” he murmurs. “I… I’ve never done this before.”
“Been with a guy?” I ask.
“Kissed someone.”
My eyebrows shoot up in surprise, and before I can school my expression, I see the flash of panic in his eyes. He takes a step back, but I quickly shake my head, stepping forward with him.
“No, no,” I say, lifting my other hand to hold onto both his hips. And to my relief, he doesn’t pull away. But his eyes remain fixed somewhere over my shoulder, and I can practically feel the tension coiling in his body.
“I’m just surprised because…” I chuckle softly, trying to put him at ease. “Because you’re really good at it.” I smile, hoping he can feel how genuine I am. Because as surprising as it is that he’s never kissed anyone before, it also makes sense. He’s clearly not the type to go around kissing just anyone. And the fact that he chose me… well, I feel pretty fucking flattered.
His eyes slowly drift back to mine. “I’ve never been interested in anyone. So…” He shrugs lightly. “I… don’t know what I am.”
I step in closer to him. “You don’t have to be anything,” I say quietly. “You’re Arthur. That’s all I need.”
Something shifts in his eyes, like a wave of deep, raw emotion is crashing over him. He closes his eyes, and clearly that has hit him hard. And I hate that it did. Because that means no one has told him that before, and appreciated him for exactly who he is.
His chest rises and falls with a deep breath, and he squeezes his hands at his sides. I tighten my grip on his hips, remembering how he squeezed my hand earlier, and how that pressure helped him calm. Slowly, I feel his tension fade, and a soft hum escapes him .
Then he opens his eyes, and presses his lips to mine.
I let him lead us, following his pace as his lips part and his tongue gently slides against mine. His body relaxes a little more as he leans into me, and his hands lift to my sides. His fingers lightly grip me, like he’s afraid to be too bold, but at the same time, doesn’t want to let go. The quiet rustling of the bird in her cage and Neville’s snacking from his bed fades away as I get lost in Arthur, and we fall deeper into each other.
Eventually we part, but our hands remain on each other as our eyes stay locked. But a chirp from the other side of the room draws Arthur’s focus as he shifts his gaze to the bird.
I let my gaze linger on him, soaking in the calm that seems to have settled over him, like something inside him has finally exhaled.
“She needs a new branch,” he says.
I follow his gaze. “We can go out and find one for her.”
His face lights up and he nods, eagerly looking out the window to the backyard.
I chuckle. “And I’ll give you a tour of the barn and pastures while we’re out there.”
He looks at me again with bright eyes, and I can’t help but smile. Seeing him open and comfortable feels… special.
“Also,” I say, my heart picking up its pace as I gather the courage to ask the question that’s been lingering in the back of my mind since this morning. “You don’t have to answer now, but… I’m heading out Wednesday night with some friends. We’re going to a pub just up the road. And, well…” I pause, trying to lighten the moment with a little laugh, “I might have been talking about you.”
His eyes widen, and I try to ignore the way my chest tightens with anxiety.
“They’d love to meet you,” I continue. “If you’re up for it. ”
The words hang in the air between us, as his gaze shifts away and he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth.
But what did I expect? Of course this is too much. It’s too soon.
I need a fucking reality check. He’s never even kissed anyone before, and after our third kiss in two days I’m inviting him out to meet my friends? So that I can ask him to go to my best friend’s wedding with me? This is all so new to him, and I’m rushing it. I need to chill the fuck out.
But before I can open my mouth to tell him not to worry about it, he beats me to it.
“I like you,” he says, his eyes fixed on something over my shoulder.
I pause, holding my breath as I give him the space to continue, unsure where this is heading. “I don’t even know what that means, because I’ve never liked anyone before,” he says quietly, his eyes still locked on something distant. But then slowly, they meet mine. “I want to know you.”
My heart skips a beat, and I nod. “I want to know you too.”
He hesitates for a moment. “I’ll come,” he says, with a bit of uncertainty in his voice. But then he smiles softly. “I don’t want to dip out.”
A smile spreads across my face, then I lean in and kiss him again.
Because I don’t want to miss out on any part of him either.