CHAPTER SIX
WARD
I DON’T KNOW HOW I feel.
Sated.
Exhausted.
Confused.
Penelope is lying on my chest, completely out cold, as I stare at the ceiling of my guest room.
One of them anyway.
I’ve never slept in here before. I have no idea who has. Not the kids. They all have their rooms. Possibly one of the grandkids, but I don’t want to think about that as my sticky cock lays semihard against my stomach.
Or as a woman—not my wife—has my come dripping from her pussy.
This should feel much worse, but it doesn’t.
What the fuck does that say about me? A man who swore his life to a woman forever. I thought it was my forever, not hers.
Some days, I hate Tina for leaving me. Like it was her choice.
I knew one day, one of us would go before the other, but not this early. I was forty-fucking-seven. The young don’t really understand, but life is only just getting underway at that age.
The kids had left home, and we had plans. We had fucking plans. None of which included me bringing a beautiful woman home into our guest bedroom and wondering if I could fuck her in the ass.
Jesus.
I gently move Penelope off me and head to the ensuite bathroom to clean up. Staring in the mirror, I wonder once again who I am.
Leaning on the sink, I stare down into the basin as the water swirls down the hole and zone out.
Now what?
Now I’m supposed to say goodbye, thank Penelope for another great night, and tell her that I wish her well in life. That I don’t want to fuck her again—which is a lie—and she won’t be the image I think of when next jerking off.
She will be.
God this is a mess.
Maybe I should speak to a shrink, but I know what they’ll say. You should start dating. It’s normal to move on when you’re ready. Tina wouldn’t expect you to stay alone forever...blah, blah, blah.
No, she wouldn’t.
As I wouldn’t want her to if our situation were reversed, but it’s not just about me or her. It’s the kids I think I’m most concerned about. Seeing me replace their mother...it’s not right.
Something snaps me out of my thoughts, and I finish up and return to the bedroom.
Penelope is wriggling, tucking her hands under the pillow. She blinks at me when I climb back into bed.
A ping in my heart surprises me.
She’s so beautiful, lying here sated from the way I pleasured her body. The way we seem to fit and move together with more ease than two almost strangers should.
Not that I’m an expert.
“Hey.” I tug her hip closer, and her tummy presses into my cock. Penelope places a hand on my chest. “Need anything. Glass of water?”
“Sleep.” She smiles, and her eyes gently close once more.
So trusting.
I decide to do the same and work things out in the morning. I drift off to sleep, forgetting everything except the warmth of her body against mine.
WHEN I WAKE THE NEXT time, I open my eyes and find Penelope lying there staring at me. She looks beautiful despite her dark hair being a fuzzy mess and her mascara smudging under her eyes.
“Morning,” I say and roll onto my back, rubbing a hand through my hair.
I have all of it still, thank goodness. My boys have my genes too—all of them with thick dark hair.
I suddenly wonder why Penelope has never had kids, and if she wants them. She may be in her early forties, but it’s still possible.
Something about that makes me uncomfortable.
I can’t quite put my finger on it, but when I turn back to face her, I can see that her own mind is whirling.
“Morning.” She smiles and glances past me. The drapes are drawn, but the sunlight is sneaking through the gaps.
“Coffee?” I ask, starting to move.
“Ward.” Penelope puts a hand on my arm and I still. Then let out a sigh and roll over facing her.
“I’m not sorry.” I assure her. “Not the first time, and not last night. You are a beautiful, sexy woman, Penelope.”
She nods, swallowing, but her eyes cloud over.
“And that’s all.” It’s not a question, but we both know it is.
I nod.
“Just sex. Nothing more,” she clarifies.
Fuck.
“I...” I try to choose my words carefully but I’m hungover, sleep deprived, and not sure if my dick is still in charge. It hardened the moment I opened my eyes and took in the swell of her breasts. “I lost my wife a few years ago.”
God, saying those words still makes my tongue bitter.
“I’m sorry,” Penelope says with compassion.
This conversation, while naked, feels wrong, but I take responsibility for not having it at any other time, so carry on.
“I don’t intend to marry again.”
Her smile completely vanishes.
“Or date.” I rake my hand through my hair. “Fuck, Penelope, I sh—”
“Wow. Okay, which is why you brought me to your guest room. Like I’m just some whore.” She falls on her back and shakes her head at the ceiling.
“No, that’s not—”
Yeah. It is.
I don’t see her in that way—not at all. I can’t change what I did or why I did it. I’m trying to protect my wife’s memory, and would it really have made a difference if we woke up in my bedroom?
The one with Tina’s things still in a few places?
Wouldn’t that have been a whole lot worse?
For both of us.
“You’re not a whore,” I say firmly, sitting up on my arm. “I thought this was consensual.”
Her head spins back to me. “It was. It is. But... I...you’re right. I knew this wasn’t your bedroom last night and had the opportunity then to say no.”
I swallow.
Of course she knew.
Neither of us could have stopped what took place. It would’ve taken a strong person to say no to that level of attraction. Someone stronger than me.
I let out a sigh.
This is why I didn’t want a woman in my home. I don’t want the guilt, shame, or to hurt anyone. Especially not my kids who come and go as they please.
As they should.
This is their family home.
“I should go.” Penelope flicks back the covers and bends over to pick up her dress.
Desire blasts through my body.
Goddamn it. I was supposed to fuck that right out of my system.
I failed.
I think I want Penelope more this morning than I did last night. I leap out of bed and take the dress out of her hands, cupping the back of her neck. Big vulnerable green eyes lift to mine.
“Wait. Don’t go. Let me make you breakfast.” I kiss her lips gently.
“Why?”
“Stop asking me why, woman. I don’t fucking know. I just know I don’t want you to leave.” I grunt.
Her eyes fall to my chest and I let them linger there for a moment, then lift her chin with my fingers.
“Please.”
“Okay. Coffee and eggs.” She nods. “And I’ll need to borrow some clothes.”