39. Alba
THIRTY-NINE
ALBA
It took me three weeks to notice that both of my most recent rent payments had been returned to my account. I needed the extra cushion now that I was jobless again, but the thought of owing money made me itchy all over.
Gina, the redhead building manager who’d taken up residence in the lobby office, clacked on her keyboard and squinted at her screen when I asked her. “We’ve received your rent payment already. You said it was returned?”
“The last two rent payments. Ever since I moved into the bigger apartment.”
“I’ve got your rent marked as paid through to the end of the year.” Gina spun around, her office chair squeaking with the movement.
“What?”
“It says it right here.”
“That can’t be right.”
Gina shrugged.
“And when am I going to be moving back to the studio? Has the mold been removed?”
“You’re not moving back to the studio,” Gina said, frowning. “We’ve got your lease updated for apartment 815.”
“But—”
The phone rang, and Gina held up a finger. “I’ve got to take this.” She waved me out of her office then closed the door in my face, and I stood there, gaping at the closed door, wondering what the heck was going on.
The next four times I went down to ask her, she told me the same thing.
Deena was the one who suggested I email the landlord directly, whose contact details were on my original lease. But when I did, the landlord answered back that the building had been sold, and management had been handed over to a new company. He suggested I talk to Gina, the building manager.
Deena read the email the following day when we met up at the coffee shop. She hummed as she handed my phone back. “Strange.”
“I feel like this is going to blow up in my face. I can’t just live there without paying rent. They’ll come back and ask me for it all at once. I’m trying not to spend the money, but my savings are dwindling. The money I made working for Vaughn is almost gone.”
“And no hits on the website yet?”
Deena had helped me set up a website for image consulting work. It seemed farfetched and ridiculous that someone would hire me based on a landing page, but Deena had seemed confident that I’d get some bites.
I shook my head. “Nothing. Not that it’s a surprise. Who would hire me?”
“Plenty of people,” Deena said as she waved a hand. “I mean, if people are going to hire me to do their travel arrangements, they can hire you to do their image.”
I smiled at her confidence, but didn’t believe it.
“I’ll talk to some of my clients, see if anyone is interested,” she promised.
“And I’ll keep looking for a job in the meantime.”
Deena nudged her shoulder against mine. “And everything will work out. Maybe the free rent is good karma for your terrible last couple of years.”
“That’s not how it works,” I said, laughing.
We parted ways, and I went back to the apartment that felt luxurious compared to my old studio. I loved living here, except for the fact that every time I walked through the door, it made me think of Vaughn. He’d said he’d handle the mold problem, and?—
I frowned as I tossed my purse onto the kitchen counter.
Had Vaughn paid my rent? I grabbed my phone and found his number—and stopped.
That was crazy. He wouldn’t have paid my rent for a year as a way of “handling” my problem.
He’d bullied them into moving me into this apartment, and then some wires had gotten crossed somewhere.
I’d eventually get a big rent bill, and I had to be ready for it.
The thought of Vaughn made me feel hot and prickly all over. All the feelings that I’d pushed down wanted to come rushing back up again. My phone was like a venomous snake in my hand, ready to bite as soon as I found his number and hit “Call.”
I thought of the twist on his lips when he accused me of meeting up with James.
The pit that opened up in my stomach in that moment, when I realized that he didn’t feel the same way about me as I did about him.
If he had loved me like I loved him, he never would’ve doubted me.
He would’ve stood up beside me that night, the way I was ready to stand up beside him.
Moving slowly, I set my phone down and took a deep breath. I’d jumped into my relationship with him too fast. I thought he was going to save me from a life of drudgery, and that’s where I’d gone wrong. No man—not Vaughn or anyone else—would save me. I had to save myself.
There was no safety net now. My parents weren’t one phone call away anymore; I’d burned that bridge. I was well and truly on my own—but for the first time in my life, I felt like I could handle it.
This time, I hadn’t been thrown out of my life and my home. I hadn’t been cut off from all the relationships that had given me stability.
I’d chosen to walk away, and I would make it work.
Cracking the door open for Vaughn would only make things harder, even if I did have to figure this rent thing out, and he was the person I had to ask for more details.
I wasn’t ready for that.
Better to give myself more time.
Time, however, was not on my side. Not when I realized I couldn’t remember my last period, and I bought a pregnancy test to settle the nagging fears that kept swirling around my mind.
I squinted at the little window, wondering if it was a shadow of a second line I could see, my heart beating out of my chest.
No. Definitely not.
But I took another test the next day, just to be sure. And the next day. And the next.
And all of a sudden, there were two lines where there had been none before. I stared at them in denial, looked up to stare at my shell-shocked face in the mirror, then tucked the pregnancy test into the bathroom trash can and walked out into the apartment’s main living area.
My blood pumped so hard my face tingled.
I was pregnant with Vaughn’s child, and I had no idea what to do about it.