Chapter Fourteen
Cole
Iwalk into the offices of Maxwell, Maxwell, and Maxwell, expecting to meet with Cat’s brother, Gabe, who I know well. Instead, I’m led into Reid’s office, and while the two look like a couple of blond Twinkies, Gabe is easygoing and full of humor. Reid is a hard-ass who barely smiles, let alone jokes. “Gabe is tied up with a crisis,” Reid says, as I claim the seat in front of him. “You’re stuck with me and while this isn’t my normal area of expertise, I’ll handle it and handle it well.”
“I hear you’re a beast,” I say. “That works for me. I threatened to sue over Lori’s attack, which was caused by the inaction of the DA as it relates to actually solving this case, rather than blaming an innocent man. The DA wants to settle. I want double what he offers and for the money to be split between the victims. Additionally, I want a settlement for my client. I talked to him on the way over. He’s on board, if you’re on board.”
“I’m on board for triple the payout and I’ll get it.”
“That also works for me. Additionally, another woman was killed in North Carolina while the DA sat on his ass. Walker Security will connect you to the right people to include in the lawsuit. I want them to be taken care of as well. Obviously, you cash out big.”
“I’ll donate the money and my service to the family as well.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “Really? And here I heard you don’t have a heart.”
“I don’t,” he says. “I’m just borrowing yours.”
“Right. Just borrowing mine.” I stand up. “It’s in your hands now. I need to move on.”
“Lori is safe now?”
I cut my gaze and then look at him. “Roger Adams is being committed, but for how long? So yes. She’s safe… for now.”
“I can apply a hell of a lot of financial pressure to ensure he’s kept away from her.”
“Then do it. Be the beast I hear you are. This isn’t about money to me. It’s about my wife.”
“Understood and so you know I mean it.” His eyes meet mine. “I get it. More than you know. You found her. You don’t want to lose her.”
In that moment, the understanding that passes between us tells me that “the beast” is a beast because he does get it. His past, while unexplained and unnamed, cuts through the air and collides with mine. I don’t want anyone to understand me as well as I now believe this man does, but I find comfort in the fact that he does. He knows loss.
I give him a nod and head for the door. Now, it’s time to go see my wife, who I love with all my heart, but this is definitely going to be one of those fight and fuck nights.
Waiting for Cole to return from his meeting with Cat’s brother over the settlement offer is going to kill me. The apartment is empty and I’m alone in my torment. And I am tormented by what happened today with Cole. One part of me feels I was completely wrong, but every time I go down that path, I am reminded of his desperate need to protect me at all costs. He said that we weren’t ready for another case. He didn’t say the client was a bad choice. It is everything to be loved this much by someone you love, but that is exactly why I have to look out for him while he looks out for me. He’s made my goals and career important, and I just don’t want to hurt him in any way, ever.
Desperate to do anything to stay busy, I change into sweats and a T-shirt, and end up on the living room floor in front of the coffee table with my MacBook, a bowl of cantaloupe and a glass of wine, when I really want Ben Jerry’s ice cream. The pastries I ate in Paris say I’m stuck with the cantaloupe, but I hope to eat dinner with Cole. I jab at a chunk of fruit which I eat and wash down with wine, which is a horrible idea. The wine is now bitter. My cellphone rings and I hope it’s Cole, but when I grab it where it sits next to my computer I find it’s Cat calling.
“Did you take a test?” she asks when I answer. “Or better yet, did you start your period?”
“Nope and nope,” I say. “And I can’t seem to get me and a test in the same room, but I’m officially without a bodyguard tomorrow. I’ll pick one up.”
“I grabbed a couple for you because I know you’ll want to test and retest the results. And of course, I thought you two were coming over. Reese said maybe tomorrow night?”
“Yes,” I say. “Hopefully we can, though I’d like to take a test before then.”
“Do you feel pregnant?”
“What does pregnant feel like?” I ask. “Because other than gaining five pounds, I feel the same. And I’m pretty sure I earned those five pounds in Paris by way of food, not a baby.”
“They say you feel different. You just know. I, however, wouldn’t know, because I’ve never even thought I was pregnant.”
“Do you want to have kids?”
She sighs. “Me and Reese, mom and dad? Maybe. I mean, it’s Reese. That man would make beautiful babies, but right now Reese is at the top of his career. Every case he takes is high profile and he and Cole are both superstars. It’s one intense case after another, and I love watching him work and succeed. Now is the time for him to stay focused and build the firm.”
“Right,” I say, my throat going dry. “You’re right. Now is a bad time.”
“Oh God. Lori, I didn’t mean this is a bad time for you to be pregnant.”
“But it is. Cole and Reese came together for a reason. They’re on top, and they have a firm to build.” I change the subject with a hard push. “Did you hear the DA called Cole to his office?”
“Yes, and I know about the settlement and also know that you just changed the subject.”
“I just need to take the test and stop talking about it and babies.”
“Where’s Cole now? Can you go grab one?”
“He’s meeting with your brother to deal with the settlement negotiation. He could walk in the door any minute.”
“If you two don’t come to dinner tomorrow night, come by and read my new project. I’ll have the tests waiting for you.”
We chat a few more minutes and disconnect, which is a relief. I can’t think about pregnancy tests right now. I can’t think about a pregnancy making Cole even more crazy. I can’t ruin his career because he won’t take the cases he needs to take to push forward.
I need to think about what happened today with Cole. I key my computer to life and search the client he turned down today. It’s not long before I find him to be a vicious killer in business, with connections to Texas, Houston specifically, which explains why he was so quick to call Cole when he was in trouble. Maybe Cole knows him or knows things about him. Maybe, but I know that wasn’t the entire problem.
The door buzzes with the security system telling me that Cole is home. I don’t move. I’m frozen here, and I’m not even sure why. I just—I know we’re in one of those bumps in the road. We have fought them before, but this feels different. I suck in a breath and Cole appears, his tie at half undone, his jacket over his arm. He stares at me for several beats, his eyes unreadable, the lines of his handsome face hard.
He sets his jacket and briefcase on the couch and looks at me, but I’m on this side of it and he’s on the other. He presses his hands to the back of the couch. “I’m staying over here so that I can talk to you, rather than fuck you, because fucking you might feel good, but it doesn’t solve anything.”
I swallow hard. “I would agree.”
“Do not threaten me with leaving in any way shape or form. That doesn’t work for me or for us.”
I suck in a breath with the barely contained fury in his voice. “You mean when I resigned.”
“Yes, I fucking mean when you resigned. You talk to me. You fight with me. But there is no quitting or leaving. We are either in this together all the way or not. I need to know now.”
“Leaving my job isn’t about leaving us.”
“Isn’t it? Because that was part of what we wanted. To be back at work together. To live this life together. And if you just want to do something separate because you need independence, I get it. I’ll support that and you, but do not use it to manipulate my decisions. That will not go well for us.”
I go down on my knees on the couch in front of him. “How can you even begin to think I was threatening you or manipulating you? That’s not me. That’s not us.”
“You’re right. It’s not. So, what the hell was that, Lori?”
“You can’t make decisions based on me.”
“The hell I can’t.”
“You can’t. If we’re to work together, you can’t. We both want to work challenging cases, high-profile cases, Cole. Any client could lead to a problem. We’d have to change professions to avoid that and even then, there could be some other risk.”
“That doesn’t make this moment the right moment to take that risk. I’m still negotiating a settlement for the victims. You haven’t even dealt with being attacked and it will hit you. You will have to deal with it. This is not the right time, but putting that aside, you cannot question me at work, on the spot, in front of Ashley. Just as I won’t you. That belongs here or behind closed doors and not on speakerphone or you’re right. We can’t work together.”
“I know,” I say. “I regretted that the moment it happened. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” My hands cover his, my voice roughening with emotion. “You have done so much to support me. I just don’t want to hold you back. I feel like I’m the reason those demons are out of the box. I know I am.”
“You are not the reason. I’m the reason. I let them get the best of me, but I deal with them the same way you dealt with yours; with action. I’m taking action. I’m making people pay for what they did, for the people they hurt, including you. I’m taking this all the way to completion and when that’s done, then I’ll take a case, and I’ll win that case. You need to decide if you want to do that on the field with me or from the sidelines.” He pushes off the couch and starts walking toward the stairs.
I stare after him, stunned that he’s walked away. That’s not Cole, not with me. He stands. He fights, and now I’m standing, pacing, trying to understand what just happened. I replay the entire conversation and stop dead in my tracks. I used the worst tool possible to get to him today. I threatened to leave at least a part of our life, when losing me is what he’s battling and while I apologized I didn’t say what he needed to hear.
I race up the stairs and enter the bathroom to hear the shower running. I step into the bathroom to find Cole under the spray of water. I quickly strip and walk to the door, opening it and joining him. His hand runs over his hair, smoothing it from his face. “I shouldn’t have resigned. I don’t want to leave. I love working with you. I love every second. I was just worried about you. I was just—I need to protect you, too. Because that’s what we do. We protect each other. Cole, I—”
I never finish that sentence. He grabs me and pulls me to him, his mouth covering mine in a passionate, hungry kiss before he says, “Don’t ever say you’re leaving again. Not like that.”
“I won’t. I promise. But promise me—”
“I won’t promise not to make decisions based on you, Lori. I won’t. But I will tell you that having you in my life, worrying over you, isn’t a bad thing. It’s everything. Like you’re everything.”
His mouth closes down on mine again, and with a lick of his tongue, I’m against the wall, and he’s lifting my leg, pressing inside me. The fighting is over, and now the fucking begins. And that’s what this is. He’s driving inside me, lifting me and pumping inside me, and every angry word we’ve spoken today evaporates into passion and need. Into his mouth on my mouth, his lips on my lips, his hand on my breast, my nipple, everywhere. He is touching me everywhere, and when it’s over, we stand under the water, our foreheads pressed together in silence, that good kind of silence that says we don’t need words. We just need each other and there is a shift between us, an understanding that we can fight and we can disagree, even under terrible circumstances, but we are one, and that cannot be broken. I think in all our many separate broken pieces, we both needed to know that together, we’re whole.