Chapter 9
Dirty
I take another bite of the fucking delicious food as I watch Holly freeze, her eyes wide in shock while the kids hum as they eat happily and fuck me, she is beautiful, no, mesmerizing.
I could stare at her all day which probably would make me a freak but I don’t give a fuck, she entrances me and doesn’t even realize it.
The taste of cheese explodes in my mouth and I try not to groan out loud again because fucking hell, something so simple yet so full of flavor.
The woman is amazing. She works with kids, is a full time mama and can cook and lets not fucking forget how sweet she is.
After spending four hours under the hood of her car, trying my hardest to fix it because I saw how much it meant to her, I saw she wasn’t keeping it because of money troubles, to walking into my home to the sounds of laughter and the smell of food.
I could get used to this, fuck, I want to get used to this, something I have never wanted before and all it took was for me to meet this woman, my darling, to do a one eighty.
I want to lock my front door and never let her back out again.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I smile as Holly clamps her mouth shut, clearly trying to stop herself from agreeing and I take another bite before scooping up more food up and using the same fork I’m using, I place it at her kissable lips.
She blinks and as if she is on autopilot, she opens her mouth and takes the food making my heart race.
She’s comfortable with me, she doesn’t want to be but she is, just like I am with her, something I swore I’d never be with another woman again.
I scoop some more food while eyeing the kids to make sure they’re alright when Holly clears her throat and finally speaks, “I thought you didn’t want to meet me?”
My smile drops as I look at her to see her sole focus is on me and instead of dropping the fork and getting defensive like I want I place it at her lips.
Again, she takes it like it is completely normal and we’ve been doing this for years and I confirm, “My dad say that?” ready to lose my fucking shit with the old man.
I mean, yeah, it’s the truth but fuck, I didn’t know she knew that.
“Nope,” she admits and I frown until she confesses, “Your son,” and I can’t help the grin that takes place.
“In my defense, darling, my son was trying to set us up and I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea,” I say as I take another mouth full of food.
Fuck me, it just gets better after each bite.
“He has a big heart,” she whispers as her eyes soften and she looks over to where the kids are still eating happily.
“He does and he also had the right idea,” I reply and her eyes shoot back my way again, racing between mine and I smile softly at her as I place the fork on the plate. “One date, darling, what do you say?”
I’m ready to get down on my knees and beg, I really fucking am. There is just something about her, a connection I can’t explain because I always shied away from that kind of shit but I want her, no, fuck that, I need her.
Her throat bobs as she side eyes the kids before looking my way again and instead of answering me, she mentions, “You turned down chaperoning at the dance.”
Shit.
“I did,” I confirm without needing to and she hums, still looking at me intently and I swear to fuck, nervousness overrides me the longer she takes to answer me, to agree to a date where I will fucking ensure I’m dug deep into her bones because I may not have wanted this like every other brother I know but I won’t run away from it.
I’ll regret it if I do.
“Okay, at the school dance,” she finally says and I chuckle, I can’t help it but my grin soon wipes off when she adds, “But as friends…”
Son of a…
“No,” I instantly state, “not as friends,” but she gives me a small smile.
“Take it or leave it,” she whispers and my jaw ticks before she changes the subject as Lyra and Caleb bring their plates to us.
“My car won’t last much longer will it?” she confirms as she smiles at the kids who rush off through the kitchen swing door and into the living area and I sigh.
“A few months maybe,” I admit as I watch her load the dishwasher like it’s second nature and I can picture her now, wearing nothing but my shirt, her hair down, our kids asleep upstairs and the most terrifying part of that picture – a small bump.
I want a life with her.
I want to get to know her, to fall in love with her, and have a life with her but by the looks of things, she really is going to make it difficult for us and I don’t know how I feel about that, especially when this is the kind of life I steered clear of after everything with Cheryl, after shit came out about mama cheating on dad.
“About the friend thing…” I mention, not allowing her to move away from it now that the kids are out of ear shot.
I want a date, no, fuck that, I need one, so I can show her we belong to each other, to show her that her body compelled to be near me isn’t something to run from and that we can be scared together.
“I’m your son’s teacher,” she finally states and I narrow my eyes at her in confusion because why would that come into it, I mean, shit, she can feel the connection but won’t act it out because she’s...
My mouth parts with realization. Jesus, she really isn’t like other women is she?
I slowly lick my bottom lip as I nod with understanding while my respect for this woman climbs higher than it had when she brought her car to me.
Most women in her position would jump at the chance to be with a brother but this woman, she’s not a patch chaser.
No, she’s a fucking darling, my darling.
Her sole focus is her daughter and her job, the happiness of the other kids and she’s putting them first despite there being a connection between us and something tells me, because of her love for my son, something my dad has claimed she has several times, she won’t give in even after he graduates her class.
I need a plan.
For years I have said no to an old lady, to falling in love and putting a woman before anyone else, before the club, yet my son, my head strong, conniving little boy who I love more than anything knew better, he knew I belonged with his teacher…
Just like I knew her daughter belong to me in every way except blood.
She’s my daughter, I can fucking feel it and this time next year, I’m going to marry her mama and adopt her, I’ll even put my patch on it, I just need a plan, a really fucking good one.
I need help.
“What time do I need to be at the school next week,” I ask instead of trying to convince her we should be together knowing I need to take this carefully.
She’s clearly head strong and doesn’t think about herself and honestly, she seems like the person to keep her distance, something I believe she would have done if her car hadn’t acted up.
Holly’s beautiful eyes sparkle instantly and my chest squeezes at the grin that over takes her face, a dimple popping out on her right cheek and I melt.
Fuck I’m so screwed where this woman is concerned.
***
“Shouldn’t you be at the farm?” I mutter two hours later hearing my back door open and close, not stupid to who it is because no matter what he said a few weeks ago when we were convincing him to put his cut back on, despite not being at the club much, he’s always there when you need him and the fucker knew I needed him.
He knows how I feel…
“Nah, thought I’d come have a beer with my brother,” Tank replies as he takes a seat beside me on the decking and passes me a beer and I take it as I hum and look up at the night sky, not one cloud in sight, the stars shining and despite knowing my son is tucked up in bed asleep, emptiness fills me.
It took fucking everything in me not to stop Holly and Lyra from leaving an hour ago, and I mean, fucking everything.
They should be here under my roof, not in some townhouse with their cousin.
“Talk to me, Alex,” Tank says after a few minutes silence and I swallow hard.
“I thought what I felt for Cheryl, that she was my one you know,” I mutter and he hums, “I got excited when I saw her, I always wanted to be inside her, yet…”
“You didn’t have that consuming feeling to keep her with you or get the electric sparks,” he finishes for me and I sigh as I look down at the beer bottle.
“When Caleb came home talking about how amazing his new teacher was, I don’t know, I always felt compelled not to meet her and the more Caleb pushed, the more I distanced myself, ensuring brothers dropped him off and picked him up from school,” I admit, “It’s like deep down, I knew she was going to mean something to me but it scared me because of the shit that happened with Cheryl. ”
“Cheryl,” Tank sighs, “she played you to get what she wanted and the reason why you thought she was the one is because you didn’t have that kind of experience at the time. Your sole focus was the club, college, taking over from Shotgun, she was just, there.”
“I know,” I mutter, “but now I’m conflicted I guess,” I look at my friend, “I had to watch the woman who I envisioned standing in my kitchen, wearing my shirt with a bump walk out with a little girl I see as my own and I felt compelled to beg her to stay,” I look back at the sky, “I didn’t want this life after the shit with Cheryl, then add Mama’s discretions into the mix, what I had going on was perfect for me, I was content and now, I just.. .”
I sigh and run a hand through my hair, the man bun now gone.
“I know it’s scary Alex, believe me I fucking do.
Allowing someone not just into your life but also your heart is fucking terrifying but knowing you get to hold that woman every night, watch her grow with your babies and fall madly in love, it is everything.
Don’t run away because you’re scared and still living in what you thought you wanted and run after what could make your life a hundred times better,” he murmurs and I swallow hard.
“She’s closed off, Lo,” I admit, “I asked her out on a date and she said yes but as friends.”
“She’s been through things I’m guessing,” he mutters and I hum.
“Yeah, Ace mentioned the same thing,” I say before sighing, “I’ve never done this before. I’ve never wanted to fight for someone before and if I’m honest, I still don’t know how I feel about these sudden feelings and it’s making me want to run away.”
“They aren’t sudden Alex, so don’t lie to yourself.
You knew she’d mean something to you, if you didn’t you would have just met her when Caleb asked you to and you know not giving in to your feelings would be the biggest mistake of your life,” he says, giving me the hard truth and I swallow the lump forming.
“Think of it this way brother,” he says suddenly as he eyes me, “How would you feel if she found someone else?”
I give him a hard glare and anger shoots through me at the thought of another man touching what is mine and as I vision it, tension rises to the point I feel murderous and he chuckles, “There you go.”
Fucker.
“So what do I do, brother?” I ask as I look his way, “How do I win her around when I’m still trying to come to terms with even wanting her to begin with?”
Tank smirks. “You worm your way into her life of course and get to know her while slowly moving her into here, giving you the chance to come to terms and see she isn’t like Cheryl,” he answers and I tilt my lips, liking his thinking.
Worm my way into her life and get to know her?
I look back at the stars and I smile. Yeah, I can do that and maybe I won’t run a mile when I realize she’s all I want.
“And while you’re at it, bring Caleb and Lyra into the mix, because according to your dad, they are her weakness.” He adds and I nod because even if it does make me a jackass, those kids are about to become my pawns to get Holly to give me a chance, preferably sooner rather than later.
“Looks like I’m back on the school runs and organizing playdates,” I mutter and Tank laughs, “She is not going to know what hit her,” and I grin wide because, no, no she isn’t.
Get ready Holly, because I’m about to go against everything I have ever believed in and turn your life upside down.