Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
TESS
Tonight is the first night I have showered alone. Clayton told me he wouldn’t be able to touch me or even pursue anything with me without his sons and I get it, but it also doesn’t make it sting any less. I’m confused. I’m hurting because I don’t know what to do.
When Peyton called earlier it popped the bubble I had been living in. I had forgotten all about the three of them being Van’s family. They became… mine. It was just me and my guys but then reality came and shattered everything. Peyton told me they would have to reschedule their visit and come up at Christmas time. My chest constricts at the thought of her coming here and staying in this place without me. I never felt at home anywhere, not even in my childhood house but here… I feel like I belong.
A sigh escapes me as I step out of the bathroom and head to the room I was meant to stay in to change. The second I step inside the room, my eyes brim with tears at the sight of my bed. They brought my mattress up and made my bed.
No more sleepovers.
I close my eyes and inhale a deep breath. I made a mess of this whole situation but I didn’t mean to. I never meant to hurt any of them but I also can’t deny that I have a life outside of this place. I want to finish school—no, I need to finish school to prove my family wrong. I’m not some disappointment. I am smart enough and good enough to become a writer. I want to achieve my dream. I need to do this for me.
But is my dream worth losing them?
I push aside all thoughts of the guys. Before coming here I had one goal—finish school. It fucking pains me to think about leaving them all behind but I have to do this. I need to do this for me and if they can’t support that choice, then they aren’t the ending for my story. They may have been the climax, but that’s it. I shouldn’t have to sacrifice myself and my dreams for them.
With that thought in mind, I quickly change and pack my things as I can’t stay in this house. I can’t bear the thought of them hating me and having to stay down the hall from them and not be able to touch them freely or even speak to any of them is killing me. I quickly open my laptop and compose a group email. I attach the PDF file and hit send before I can talk myself out of it. I quietly pad from my room with my bags in my hands. There’s no sign of Kaiden or Tyler and disappointment wars inside me, but it’s for the best. I can hear Clayton on the phone in his study and sigh. Fuck, I went and caught feelings for the priest’s family.
Leaving them shouldn’t hurt this much, it's only been a couple of weeks. Surely that isn’t long enough to actually fall in love, is it? I close my eyes and pray for the strength I need to walk out of this door. I would love nothing more than to live out here with the three of them and build a life, but I refuse to lose myself in them. I have a dream and I plan to achieve that.
I dump my bags in the back seat of my car and slip inside. I know the second the car starts Clayton will come running. I keep my focus ahead as I start it, the engine splutters a couple of times before it finally roars to life. I plant my foot on the gas just as the front door swings out. I don’t look back. I can’t. The second I leave the driveway, my tears fall—I have fought them off since this morning but I can’t contain them any longer. Horrible sobs rip out of me, it feels like my chest is splitting in half.
Clayton was wrong.
I don't think his sons were the only ones who went and fell in love.
I have never felt like this before. I’ve never cared about anyone before. This is all new to me and I hate it, this feeling is crippling and fucking horrendous. I never want to feel like this again!
I drove through the night, knowing if I stopped I would turn around and go back and give up my dream to keep them. Rather than head back to my dorm, I drove to Peyton’s. I’ve been sitting in my car for close to forty minutes unable to gather the courage to get out and face my friends.
I’m scared they will judge me and call me a fool.
The last thing I need right now is for them to look at me with pity, I don’t want their judgment or need it. When my phone pings with a message, I debate ignoring it in case it’s Clayton or one of the guys, but when another message comes through I decide to check. I frown at the sight of Hudson’s name and click the message open.
Hudson
Get your ass in here.
Hurry up or we’re cramming inside your car.
I smile even though I’m in agony, knowing that my friends have my back gives me the strength to finally climb out of the car. It’s early hours in the morning and I know they should all be asleep. I don’t dare to wonder why they are all up this late. Before I can even knock on the door it's yanked open and I’m met with the sight of Kye standing there in a pair of sweats and no shirt. The second he takes in the sight of me he growls, then yanks me against him and crushes me in a bear hug. Unable to stop my emotions from getting the better of me, I break down in his hold and cry.
Kye lifts me bride-style and carries me through their home. I don’t dare lift my head. I don’t have the courage to face any of them, I’m too scared that they will judge me and worst of all, I can’t face Van. How the hell do I tell my former priest that I have been riding his dad and brothers like I’m some rodeo queen?
“I got you, lil mama,” Kye says quietly as he sits down with me in his lap. “I guess you had your heart broken, but just know Pey and the guys are here as well.” I cringe despite my best efforts, I had hoped they would think I was just having a rough day or something.
“It’s just me,” Pey says when I feel a shift on the sofa. She reaches out and interlaces her fingers with mine. I muster the courage and lift my head to look at my best friend. One look at me and her face falls. “Oh, Tess,” she mutters, then leans forward and wraps her arms around me as best as she can. This is the thing I fucking love most about Peyton, here I am sitting on one of her guys laps with his arms around me and she doesn’t bat an eye at the position we are in. She knows all her men love her and she trusts them all unconditionally. She also knows I care about her guys, but not in that way, they are my friends.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” I choke out after I manage to get my hysterical sobs under control. I wait to see judgment in her eyes or hear the guys scoff, but none of that happens. My best friend squeezes my hand and smiles sadly.
“I know what you mean, but sometimes we have no control over what happens or what our heart wants.” She flicks her gaze over each of her guys and shoots them all a loving smile.
“I’m assuming you’re broken-hearted because of my brothers and dad?” I slam my eyes closed at the sound of Van’s voice. I wish I could say I didn’t care what he thought but that’s a lie. The last thing I want is for our friendship to be compromised because I fell for Kaiden, Tyler and Clayton. I feel like a fool but I still can’t bring myself to regret anything that happened between the three of us. The memories we made together will be what keeps me warm on a cold, lonely winter’s night. The way they made sure I was cared for, satisfied and most of all, I love how they always had to touch me. They may be men of few words, but their love language was touching and showing me they cared without needing to say it.
Pey shoots Van a look filled with warning. “Your tone isn’t needed, priest,” she bites out.
“And your mouth has better uses than telling me off.” Kye and Hudson both chuckle at Van’s snarky remark.
Peyton rolls her eyes and focuses back on me. “Is he right?”
I expel a whoosh of air and reluctantly nod. “Yeah, he is,” I answer quietly. “I didn’t mean for anything to happen, I swear,” I defend.
“Look at me, Tess.” I fight back the urge to bury my face in Kye’s chest and hide from Van. I inhale sharply and slip off Kye’s lap to sit between him and Peyton, then slowly lift my head to look at Van, who is leaning against the wall with his tattooed arms crossed over his chest. How that dark angel was ever a priest is a wonder to me. His eyes hold an edge so I brace myself for his scorn. “Did any of them… force themselves on you?” he grits out. My eyes widen to the point I fear my eyeballs will pop the fuck out of my head.
“Van!” Pey scolds.
He shoots his girl a look that renders her silent. “I need you to answer, Tess,” he urges in a tone that leaves no room for argument.
I shake my head. “No!” I force out through clenched teeth, suddenly angry that he would ever think so little of his family. “How dare you even think such a thing like that,” I snap.
He scoffs. “Considering you’re in my house, crying your eyes out without explanation and my dad and brothers have been blowing my phone up since you took off and refused to explain why they were so panicked, I’m kind of playing catch up here.”
My nostrils flare in anger. “You want to judge me, then go right ahead, Father Pierce, but just remember those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, huh?”
“Tess,” I turn to Pey to see her features are pinched. I know this isn't their fault and I shouldn’t be taking my hurt out on them. “Van is just trying to help. We all are, babe, but you kind of need to help us out here and explain,” she pushes.
I scrub a hand down my face and wipe away the last of my tears. “Do you recall me telling you about a guy I was talking to online?” She pinches her lips to the side and nods. “Turns out, the older, single dad I was talking to is none other than Van’s father.”
“Oh shit,” Hudson chokes out as he begins to laugh. Van glares at his friend before smacking him over the back of his head.
“Shut your trap, dick,” Van hisses.
I ignore them as I push on. “I had no idea who Clayton was until I arrived at their home and saw him standing on the porch.”
“You can take the girl out of the small town but you can’t take the small town out of the girl,” Kye rasps out from beside me. I scowl at him when he begins to laugh, then Hudson of course joins him, but when Van begins to shake with silent laughter I lose it.
“Screw all of you! I left that shit hole of a town and I never expected to shrink my pool of suitors when I joined that dating app. I mean, come on! Out of the millions of people in the US, I managed to match with Clayton fucking Pierce of all people. The world has a sick sense of humor, that’s for damn sure,” I clip out. To my horror, all fucking four of them begin to laugh. I try my hardest to fight against the urge to laugh but I lose the battle. Even I can see the funny side of all of this but my laughter quickly turns to sobs, then Peyton is there, holding me as I try to fight against my heart’s reaction to losing the guys. For the first time in my life I finally felt like I belonged somewhere, only for it to blow up in my face.