Chapter 33
LILY
My hands tremble in my lap, and Asher’s strong hand slides on top as we sit in the back of the rideshare.
“Lily, we don’t have to do this. No one would blame you for not going.”
Asher’s voice is scratchy. It sounds like he’s had a hard night partying, and I wish that was the reason behind it. I wish he’d just be a normal twenty-year-old and spend his weekends partying and days working and catching up with mates.
He’s on a different path, though. One I didn’t ask him to go on, but one he’s determined to take. I respect that about him.
“I’m okay. I’ll be okay,” I say, not really believing my words.
The me from last night is not the me walking around today. That changed after Barrett left last night, and everything that’s happened recently caught up with me.
Asher could have been killed, and not just because of Monty. But because of the bounty on my head. Even now he’s risking his life to be with me.
Barrett’s tailing me though. I don’t know if Asher has spotted him, but I know he’s there, two cars back, ready to get me out if something happens.
“Hey.” Asher squeezes my hands, and I glance at him sitting next to me, looking worse for wear.
Shit.
A few purple and yellow bruises tint his face, and there’s a cut running through his brow, but it’s his paler than normal skin that twists at my heart.
“I wish you had stayed home. You need to rest.”
He shakes his head. “Where you go, I go.”
I sigh. “You’re impossible.”
“Impossibly good looking.”
A laugh bursts from my lips, and I slap my hand over them, feeling a little ashamed that I laughed when we are about to attend a funeral.
“You’re impossibly cocky,” I snicker, and Asher grins that playful way he does, yet it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
He’s in pain.
The traffic slows as we turn up the cemetery road, and my heart feels like it’s going to crack wide open with grief as I prepare for what we are here for.
To bury Joel. My poor employee who was nothing but collateral for those fuckers that tried to take me out.
The car slows as the line of cars flows into the parking lot. I don’t want to get out and face Joel’s parents, even though I was with them only a couple of days ago helping to plan the funeral.
They think it was a random gang-related drive by shooting that killed their son, but there was nothing random about it.
They were there for me, and instead, their son died.
The driver pulls the car up at the drop zone, and I almost ask him to keep driving until Asher weaves his fingers with mine.
“I’ve got you, Lil. We’ll do this, and then I’ll get you home where I can hold you in my arms all night.”
Shit.
Tears pool in my eyes as I stare at him, his whisky gaze so sincere as he looks at me like he loves me.
My lip wobbles, and I can’t speak, so I nod, leaning into his lips as they press to my forehead.
Oh Asher Scott. I’m in deep when it comes to you, and I don’t even know what to do about it.
I wish I could tell him that, but I can’t.
It won’t change the situation.
He’ll still be seventeen years younger than me, and my sons’ best mate. Nothing will change that.
Instead of dwelling on it, I accept the here and now, letting him lead me out of the car and into the quiet crowd of people walking into the chapel.
Asher is surprisingly strong as he walks, standing tall like he didn’t just get stabbed only hours ago. I don’t worry about what it may look like as we walk with my arm hooked with his. Today I just look like a mourner who needs support.
We are barely inside the chapel when my eyes land on two familiar faces in the crowd, and my legs go weak, my knees nearly giving out on me as my beautiful twin boys come into view. They rush to me, not at all bothered that I’m on Asher’s arm, and they throw their arms around me… even Ronan.
I never expected them to be here. Never even asked them to attend, but I can tell by Asher’s knowing smile as the four of us pull apart that he knew.
Did he have something to do with it?
Since now isn’t the time or place to discuss everything that’s happened since their dad dropped by and blew up their world, we quickly slip into a pew, taking a seat.
Surrounded by the three most important men in my life, the twins on each side of me, and Asher next to Ronnie, some attendees’ eyes fall on us.
Do they know who I am?
Do they blame me for Joel’s death?
Because they should. Everyone here should.
The service is heartbreakingly beautiful. Such a wonderful send off to Joel that makes me wish I’d spent more time getting to know my apprentice. I let my tears fall, hoping that Joel’s spirit knows how I’ll never forgive myself for this.
Because I won’t. Not ever.
After the service, and the many tears I let fall, we make our way to the wake, all piling into Jude’s car. Asher is in the back seat with Ronnie, who hasn’t stopped talking about random stuff, which isn’t unusual for him, but it’s Asher’s grunts in acknowledgement that have me worried.
He’s clearly in pain, and when Ronan asks him about his bruising and he simply mutters, ‘another fight’, I can hear the strain in his voice. But when we arrive, and he gets out, hurrying to open my door with more colour in his cheeks, and not looking as stiff, my worries ease.
He’s okay.
When the twins aren’t looking, I rake my gaze over the black suit he’s wearing, looking more formal than I’ve ever seen him. He reminds me of a younger version of Barrett in some ways, so formally dressed yet sporting battle wounds.
My cousin used to get into a lot of fights when we were younger, yet when he put a suit on, it’s almost like the cuts and bruises disappeared.
Speaking of Barrett, I was watching him in the side mirror as we drove, two cars back again. My sons have no idea he’s there, which is kind of sad. I know they’d love to see their uncle.
Inside the wake, I make the rounds of the room, insisting that Asher and the boys stay seated at the bar table we scored. I really only wanted Asher to take advantage of the situation and rest, but also, it gives the three of them a chance to catch up without me around.
Bonnie, Seb, Lenny and Darla are gathered together in a circle talking, and as soon as Bonnie sees me, she nearly bowls me over, throwing her arms around me in a hug that reminds me of the ones my mum used to give me when I was little.
I could really use my mum right now. And my sisters. But they are strangers to me now, and all I have are my boys.
And Asher.
We stay at the wake for a few hours, and by the time I make it back to the table, Asher is alone.
“Where are the twins?”
He shrugs. “They got a phone call and said they had to go. Asked me to make sure you got home safely.”
“Oh.” My shoulders drop in disappointment. I wanted to spend time with them. Feeling far too emotional once again, I clear my throat. “I want to go now.”
Asher doesn’t miss a thing, his concerned gaze etched with sympathy as he stands and rests his hand on the small of my back. “Let’s get you home.”
As we walk, I order a rideshare, and it only takes a few minutes to arrive, picking us up and driving us home as the sun slowly sets.
Once back at home, I notice AJ’s black SUV no longer sitting in the driveway, and wonder how long ago he came by to get it.
It was a close call with Barrett arriving last night. I don’t know how to explain AJ to him, or even if I should. I’m on the fence about what to do there.
I love Barrett. Nothing will change that. But his dad is a monster. A monster that needs to get what’s coming to him, and if there’s anything I do well, it’s that.
Inside, I watch Asher as he shucks off his jacket, draping it over the back of the couch. He’s moving easier than he was this morning, and despite the bruises, he looks good.
Tempting.
“Are you eye fucking me, Ms Bennett?”
I smirk at his words as he rolls his sleeves up in that sexy way men do.
“I want you,” I admit, my voice almost a whisper as his searing gaze roams over me.
“You can have me whenever you want.” He smirks.
He’s so damn cocky.
“Get in my bed then,” I demand, my tone firmer than it’s been all day, and he sucks in his lips like he’s trying to fight a smile.
Slowly, he walks past, his scent wrapping around me as he does, his raspy voice meeting my ears. “So bossy, Mummy.”
My mouth drops open at his audacity, and I’m tempted to slap his arse. Hard.
I don’t though. He’s already banged up enough. I have no interest in hurting him.
Well, not like that, anyway.
Spinning, I follow his deep chuckle into my bedroom, watching as he tugs off his tie, tossing it on the floor as I shut us in. He turns to face me, giving me a show as he works on the buttons of his shirt, popping each one free to reveal his chiselled abs and… his wound dressing.
“You doing alright?” he asks, and I gulp, nodding, my eyes snapping up to his.
“Are you in pain? Because we don’t have to—”
“Stop,” he grumbles. “I’m fine.”
He’s lying, but I guess right now he feels like he can do this, so I nod, tracking the fabric of his shirt as it slips off his shoulders and onto the floor.
My eyes shift to the smaller dressings on his arms, and a flashback of seeing that fucker stab him in the cage slams into me.
I was so terrified he was about to die. Terrified when I saw the shiv, but shit, I’d underestimated Asher’s fighting skills. He’s been trained well. He thought strategically and won, and that’s all that matters.
“Am I the only one getting naked?” he asks as he undoes his belt, sliding it through the loops on his pants and tossing it on the floor with his other items.
I shake my head, stepping out of my black heels before slowly walking towards him. His pants are now pooling at his feet, and he steps out of them, my eyes snagging on the firm bulge in his jocks.
The outline of his straining cock has my mouth watering, as does the wet patch where pre-cum has seeped through the fabric.