Chapter 30
GRACE
One Month Later
“What is this?” I put one hand out in front of me and support my ever-growing belly with the other, while Jack leads me outside.
“Just a little something I’ve been working on,” he explains, sounding excited as he adjusts the blindfold I’m wearing and ensures I can’t peek.
“Jack, just tell me what it is,” I giggle, suspicion killing me. Pregnancy and patience do not go well together.
“Here.” He places something in my hand before taking off the blindfold, and when I see where we are, I stare up at him in confusion.
We’re standing in front of the wooden door that leads to the other side of the mysterious wall.
It's brighter in colour than it was a few weeks ago, and all the weeds are now gone.
“What is this?” I look down at the pretty brass key in my hand.
“The original lock was rusted over, but I managed to find a locksmith who could make one just like the original.” Jack beams back at me. “Are you going to open it or just stand there staring?” I can see the excitement on his face, and it’s infectious.
“Jack.” I shake my head, still unsure of what's happening. The last time I asked him about what was on the other side of this door, he was so defensive. Now, it’s looking very much like he wants to share it with me.
“Just open the door, Gracie,” he whispers, his voice full of anticipation, and I do as he says, sliding the key into the lock and turning it.
The door creaks when I push it open, and as I step inside, I become so mesmerised by everything around me that I can’t form words.
“Do you like it?” Jack asks as I take in all the bright-coloured flowers and the beautiful climbing plants that cover the wall. There's a path right through the centre of the enclosed garden that leads to a huge fountain in the centre.
“I noticed you were reading The Secret Garden.” He takes my hand and starts leading me up the path while I remain speechless.
“I didn’t know what your favourites were, so I planted as much in here as I could.”
“Jack, it’s beautiful.” I stroke my fingers over one of the pink roses.
“You have a herb garden.” He points it out to me.
“It smells amazing here, especially when it rains.” He moves us on excitedly.
“There’s lavender; I thought you might like to pick some to put in your room when you start getting uncomfortable at night, and struggle to sleep.
” I smile at how thoughtful he is. “And, of course, there's this.” He leads me up one of the freshly gravelled paths to the quaint little summer house that sits in the top corner.
“I got you a new chair, and took some books you might like from the library.
I also put some kids' books in here, too, just in case you want to read something to him.” His hand makes a circle over my swollen stomach.
“He can hear us now, I Googled it…Here, sit down.” He helps me into the chair, and when I see The Secret Garden resting on the table beside me, I pick it up and try to hold in my tears.
“Hey, we can change anything you don’t like.”
“My mum used to read this to me.” I smile, remembering those rare moments we got to be together. She worked most evenings, and I loved it when she’d have a night off, snuggle into bed beside me, and read my favourite story.
“I liked the way you smiled while you were reading it, and I figured I could give you a secret garden of your own.”
“You did all this for me?” I put the book down and stare at him.
“I wanted you to have a space of your own; somewhere you could come and relax, maybe make some memories with him, too.” His eyes drop to the hand I have soothing the side of my bump.
The bigger it gets, the more I seem to find myself stroking my belly.
It feels so natural to comfort the little life growing inside me.
“I don’t want to change anything, it’s perfect,” I tell him. Picking up one of the books from the table beside me.
“I take it this one's for the baby?” I pick up The Cat in the Hat.
“That's one my mum always read to me,” he says fondly as he crouches down beside me.“You don’t have to read to him. It was just an i–”
“It’s a great idea. I love it, all of it.” Everything makes sense now; all that work he’s been doing outside, all the secrecy. He was fixing up this garden for me.
“This was where my mum fell in love with my dad.” He looks a little fragile as he sits on the floor and rests his back against the wall.
“Your mum lived in this house?” I can’t imagine that would be something Cecelia would tolerate.
“She got a job here as a gardener, a year before I was born. This was one of her projects.” He looks out the door onto the garden.
“I guess here is where it all started for them,” he explains, laughing to himself and pretending he’s not hurting.
“Your mum and dad had their affair here?” I reach forward to take his hand.
“She used to tuck me into bed at night and tell me stories about what a wonderful, kind man he was. I find it all so conflicting.” He scrubs his hand over his face in frustration.
“She loved him, Gracie; right up to the day she died, she loved him. How could a man, who did all the things you said he did, earn the love of a person like her? ” He looks up at me with tears in his eyes, and I slide onto the floor to sit beside him.
“I can’t answer that; no one can.” I hate that’s all I can offer him.
“I don’t know if the stories she told me were made up for my benefit or for hers. Who knows, they might have even been true. Maybe for her, he managed to be a better person.” He looks so hopeful as he stares back at me.
“When I first moved in here, I thought of this garden as tainted. I hated the idea of seeing where he deceived her into falling in love.”
“Maybe what you said was right, maybe he was different with her?” I may hate Bernard Ravenshaw, but Jack deserves to believe he was created from something special.
“I sometimes saw glimpses of the man she claimed he was on the rare times he visited. I noticed the way he looked at her like she was holding his whole fucking world in the palm of her hand. It was easy to believe he’d been the man who laid out a blanket on that patch of lawn out there and stargazed with her.
A man who read stories to me while I was still inside her and told her how much he wanted me to be a boy.
I saw it as I got older, every time he called me to fix something, and would ask me how she was.
He promised her so much; he kept her hanging on a thread, waiting for him for fucking years.
” I can see his anger building. “Fuck! I’m sorry, this wasn’t supposed to be like this. I wanted to give you something—”
“You have given me something.” I drag him back down when he tries to stand up. “What happened to her, Jack?” I ask, hoping he’s not going to shut me out again.
“Whatever he felt for her killed her,” he tells me, clenching his jaw as his eyes burn with rage.
“I’ve always known my father involved himself in trouble.
I was usually one of the people who helped get him out of it.
I was in the States when she died. Dad paid for me to spend the whole of my summer out there.
There was never any expense spared in getting rid of me when I started to attract too much attention.
” He laughs sadly. “She was murdered, in her own home, while I was partying in L.A. Someone came to her house and fucking slaughtered her, and I should have been there to protect her.” He slams a fist into his palm and growls.
“I have no evidence, but I know what happened had something to do with him.”
“You think he killed her?” None of this makes sense; if Jack thought that, why would he continue to do the man’s dirty work?
“No, like I said, in his own fucked-up way, I believe he loved her, and that’s what got her killed.
” I see how heavy the burden of knowing that is for him to carry.
“There had been plenty of threats made towards Cecelia and Thomas from the people he’d pissed off over the years.
Half the time, I was the one who eliminated those threats.
” I want to ask him how. I want to know what lengths this man went to to protect a family that refused to accept him, but I don’t want to interrupt him while we’re getting somewhere.
“I guess there was someone out there who knew the real way to hurt him.”
“I don’t know what to say.” I do, but now isn’t the time.
Surely, he should be looking at Cecelia as a suspect?
I can’t imagine anyone would have wanted revenge on Bernard more than she did.
I need to keep a closer eye on her, as well as be more cautious.
Once again, my hand instinctively strokes my tummy.
“I told him my theory. I wanted to find out who he’d pissed off so I could make them pay, but he refused to even consider that it might be the reason Mum was killed. He was fucking wrong, Gracie; Mum had no enemies. There was no reason for her to be killed in such a vicious way.”
“Why did you continue to help him?” I ask, starting to feel confused myself. It’s clear how much Jack loved his mother; why would he continue working for a man who refused to accept that he was to blame for him losing her?
“You're going to like this one, Gracie.” He looks up at the ceiling and laughs at himself. “I felt sorry for him.”
“You what?” I can hardly believe what I’m hearing.
“Since I was a kid, I’d been hearing Mum’s stories of the time they spent together.
I convinced myself that my father was trapped in a loveless marriage, chained by his title and reputation.
He acknowledged me as his son on paper; he made sure I had everything I needed, and more, growing up, but all I ever really wanted was to be loved by him, too. ”
“Jack.” I stroke his cheek when I see his tears start to form again. “I had no idea about the club he ran or the girls he hurt. I’ve learnt a lot since he died. He had her fooled, and he had me fooled, too.”
“Well, he can’t fool anyone anymore.” I don’t know if my words will comfort him, but they sure as hell comfort me.
“Come here.” Jack drags me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me and placing his hand on his favourite part of my body.
“I don’t want this place, where all her favorite memories were, to feel tainted. She may have been loved by a monster, but she was loved. She treasured every moment they spent together.” He strokes his hand over my round belly and smiles to himself.
“They had an affair right underneath Cecelia’s nose?” I check, still unable to believe it.
“From what I’ve heard, Cecelia spent most of her time at their house in the Cotswolds before she had Thomas. I don’t think they were ever fond of each other's company.”
“Then why marry the woman?” I ask, feeling the baby shift under his palm and pressing his hand a little tighter against it, in the hope he might feel it too.
“I was told, my whole childhood, that I was created out of love, not out of duty. I guess Mum saw it as some kind of compensation for the fact that my father didn’t want to be seen with me in public.”
“He was forced to marry Cecelia.” I answer my own question when I realise what he’s telling me.”
“Up until now, it’s been a Ravenshaw tradition. Keep the blood line strong and, above all else, decent.”
“Well, you’ll have stomped your size eleven’s all over that one when the child of a bastard and a thief arrives.” I laugh.
“He’ll be perfect,” Jack promises, looking up at me sincerely.
“Did you never ask your father if the stories your mum told about him and her were true?” I ask, needing to simmer the intensity. Pregnancy hormones are not to be underestimated.
“Me and my father never had that kind of relationship. We didn’t talk about feelings; we didn’t talk about the past. I just showed up when I was needed and did what I had to do.”
“Do you think you’ll tell him stories about me, nice ones like your mother told you about your father?” The question just comes out.
“Of course, I will,” Jack answers softly.
“I want him to know everything about the woman who brought him into the world.” He smiles sadly at my tummy as he strokes it some more.
I can see that thinking about how this ends hurts him, and I want him to know that it hurts me too, even if that makes me vulnerable.
“Jack, I—”
“Shit…was that…?” Jack suddenly looks up from his hand with wide, excited eyes.
“You felt it?” I smile as he presses his palm against me firmer.
“Yeah, I felt it.” He places his other hand on my tummy too, and when I feel another jolt come from inside, the way he stares at his hands with so much adoration, it breaks my heart.
“Are you feeling this? He’s going crazy in there.” He glances up at me.
“I guess he must like it out here.” I laugh, wanting to hold onto this moment and keep it forever.
“Does it hurt?” Jack looks concerned.
“No, but it's starting to get a little weird; it’s not just flutters anymore. I can tell when he’s awake now, and that was much stronger than I’ve felt before.”
“Do you want me to get you something? I can run into the house, grab you some water.”
“No, you stay right here.” I place my hand over his and smile at how it looks.
“You’ve been waiting for this.” I can’t remember ever taking so much joy out of another person's happiness before, and it makes the situation I’ve got myself in even more undeniable.
I’m falling in love with Jack Ravenshaw, and I’m falling in love with the child he’s put inside me.