Chapter 40
GRACE
“We’re really on the home stretch. Not long, and we can start pushing.” The doctor finishes another examination of my cervix.
“I’m barely getting any rest between them,” I tell Jack, leaning forward and using his arm to sit myself up
“You need the gas and air to take the edge off now,” he tells me, placing a cold flannel to my forehead and wiping the hair from my sweat-soaked face.
“I’ll need it for when I push,” I growl back at him, knowing this is going to get worse.
I’m already anxious - just the sight of Dr. Stratton sliding her gloves on is triggering.
It reminds me of the paramedics and their gloved hands pumping my mum’s chest, as they tried to bring her back in the ambulance.
“I have plenty of canisters; we won’t run out. Especially now we've made it to this stage without it,” Dr Stratton assures me,
“Can you leave us, please?” I ask her, gripping Jack’s arm and reminding myself to breathe.
“Gracie, I think we’re getting to a crucial time now. I really think she should stay.” He looks from me to the doctor, and I grab his shirt and pull him closer.
“I want us to be alone; she’s only here in case something goes wrong.”
“That wasn't really the dea–”
“It’s the deal, now!” I yell at him, stiffening when another contraction starts to build.
“You can wait in the room across the hall,” he tells her apologetically. Stroking my leg and trying to soothe me.
“Gracie, will you just take the gas and air? You're so close, the pain's not going to get any worse.”
“How many babies have you birthed?” I manage to ask him, shifting back onto my hands and knees to try and eliminate some pressure from my spine.
“The doctor should be in here; how will we know when you can push?” He sounds worried, and I close my eyes, trying to catch my breath in the small gap I have between pains.
“We’ll figure it out,” I tell him, grabbing his hand and growling when I get slammed with another.
“Okay. I think it’s time to push!” I cry out, seeing the panic in his eyes when I rest my head back against the pillow and feel the pressure in my pelvis get too much.
“I’ll get the doctor.”
“No. We can do this. Just us,” I assure him, through gritted teeth.
“Are you fucking crazy?” His eyes are wide and scared.
“She’s right across the hall; if anything seems wrong, we’ll call her. Please, Jack.”
“Gracie, I don’t know what I’m doing,” he pleads with me.
“Next contraction, I’m going to push. Okay?” I don’t know where my energy has come from, but suddenly I’m feeling pumped for this.
“Grac—Gracie, wait.” He looks between me and the door, unsure of what to do.
“Jack, I only need you. I feel safe; you’re not going to let anything happen to us.” I let him know that he has my full trust. He always has, that's why I’ve been so scared. “I don’t want her in here. I told you, doctors freak me out.”
“Gracie.” He shakes his head, and I grab him by his shirt and drag him to my lips. Kissing him hard and knowing I haven’t got much time. “Please.” I release him.
“Okay, but we call her in here the second we need her.” He helps me spread my legs and lifts up one of my knees so he can check out the situation.
“Holy fucking shit, Gracie, it’s really coming!” His skin turns pale. “I can see his head crowning; it’s stretching you open.”
“I can feel it.” I reach for the gas and air that Dr. Stratton placed on the bedside table the last time she came in to check on me.
“Push again when you get the nex—”
“Eeeeekkkk!”
My contraction beats him to it, and I bear down, pushing as hard as I can while he strokes my thigh encouragingly.
“That’s right, you're doing it. You’re doing it so fucking good.” I can hear the thrill in his voice; he’s forgotten all about his fear.
“Fuck, Gracie. You’re amazing.” He looks up from between my legs, and when I feel his other hand touch my pussy, I let the gas and air fall from my mouth and look down at him with a smile
“What? I’m just helping.” He smiles, stroking my clit with his thumb and trying to distract me from the head trying to break out of my vagina.
“Here comes another,” I warn, clutching the sides of my belly and bearing down hard. I focus on the gentle stroke of his fingers, and pushing our baby into his hands, trying to block out the pain, but it’s too intense.
“His head is out,” Jack announces, smiling in fascination.
“Is it facing down, towards Gracie's bottom?” A voice calls out from the hall that belongs to Dr. Stratton.
“Yes!” Jack yells back, looking clueless, excitable, and fucking adorable at the same time.
“That’s what we want. Next push, you can use your hands to slowly guide him out, as Gracie pushes,” she instructs, and he looks up at me with an assertive nod, letting me know he’s got this.
“I need to push again,” I tell him, gripping my knees for leverage and pushing through.
“That’s good; that’s so fucking good, Gracie. Keep pushing for me,” he tells me, and I flop back against the pillow when I run out of breath, and the pain releases.
“Shoulders are out!” Jack calls out loud so the doctor hears him, too. “Just one more push. One more, and I think he’ll be here.”
“Is everything okay?” she calls out again.
“Everything is fine; everyone’s perfect.” He smiles up at me, and right there, in that moment, I know that it would be impossible to ever leave him.
“You can do one more for me, right?” He takes a slimy hand from between my legs and grips my hand.
“Sure.” I smile through tears and start breathing through my nose when I feel that intense agony wrack my body again. Jack takes his hand back, guiding our little one into the world, while I push until all the pressure finally releases.
“He’s here!” Jack stares at the baby wriggling in his hands, and we both laugh with pure happiness when it starts to wail.
“Are you gonna let me get a good look at him?” I lean more forward, desperate to see what this little person we created looks like.
“Shit, I’m sorry.” He laughs, carefully passing him up through my legs and placing him gently on my chest.
“All sounds good. Are his airways clear?” the doctor calls out.
“Yep, he’s breathing just fine. Just give us a moment,” Jack calls back, grabbing a clean towel and drying him off, so I can get a better look at his face.
“Hello.” I look down at him, unable to believe how something so perfect came from me. “He’s beautiful.” I look up at Jack, who brushes the hair from my forehead and kisses it.
“Like his mummy,” he tells me, looking so deep in my soul, I can’t escape him.
“He’s ours, Gracie; you can’t—”
“Jack.” I take another look at our son before staring up at him.
“No… let me finish. I love you, I want this for keeps.”
“And there's your first lesson in life, son. Daddy never lets me finish.” I glance down at our little boy before staring back up at Jack.
“I love you and, although I’m certain you’re gonna live to regret it, this is absolutely for keeps.” I reach up to kiss him and start crying happy tears, as I hold our son in my arms and feel completely whole.
“Want to do this again sometime?” Jack asks, stroking his finger over our son’s cheek and grinning with pride.
“Why not?” I shrug, tucking my head into his chest and admiring our perfect little creation.