Chapter 21 Derrick
DERRICK
“You dirty little whore,” I say, bursting out laughing as I greet Vanessa in the kitchen.
“You’re the dirty little perve.” She smirks over her coffee mug.
“Thanks for that show,” I say, giving her a wink.
“Thought he owed you that for being a dick to you all these months, but just so you know, he doesn’t know you were in the audience,” she confesses, biting her bottom lip.
“Nessa!”
“I feel bad now, but in the moment it felt right. I’ll tell him eventually.” She groans.
“Good. So does that mean you’ve forgiven him?
” I question her as I head over to the coffee machine to pour myself a cup of coffee.
I’m going to need a double-strength one this morning after what I did last night.
When I got home, I felt guilty for screwing someone else, but then the image of Chance and that girl came to mind, and the guilt seemed to vanish. What I do know is we need to chat.
“It was just sex.”
“Bullshit.”
“He offered, and I took his offer. We had fun, but that doesn’t mean I forgive him,” Vanessa explains.
“You won’t forgive that glorious cock? I would.”
“He does have a good cock doesn’t he?” she says, bursting out laughing. “I like playing with it. Maybe I should forgive him, but it’s so much more fun making him grovel.”
“You’re sadistic,” I say, shaking my head at her.
“I am. How was your night? Got any ideas on the things you’re going to do to Chance if you take him there?” I turn around and she instantly knows. “Oh shit, what happened?”
“He was in the next room over from you, and when his light turned on, I saw him getting a BJ from some chick.”
“Are you fucking serious? I’m going to murder him. How dare he treat you like that. You don’t deserve him, D,” she says, rushing over and cuddling me. I break down in her arms as she hugs me tightly.
“I’m a fool, Ness. Why do I still want him after what he did to me last night?”
“He’s a confused little boy, Derrick. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. You could have anyone, and they would be willing to love you, even fuck you in public. You don’t need a guy like Chance,” she tells me.
“I fucked the bar guy last night.”
Ness gasps. “I did notice him sitting beside you.”
I nod. “We were just chatting, and I told him nothing could happen because of Chance and then …”
“He saw what you saw and made you feel better,” she answers for me.
“Yep. Best fuck of my life. He used these machines and toys and made me black out from too many orgasms. He told me that he would love for me to request him next time at the club.”
“You can do that?” she asks.
I nod. “Apparently. Why the hell do I feel guilty?”
“You shouldn’t. You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“I should talk to Chance before going back there.”
“Talk to him today. End it. Then go to the club and have fun,” Vanessa says.
“What if I run into Chance there?”
Vanessa shrugs. “So what, he missed his chance. Ha, ha, get it.” She giggles.
“I love you, you dork,” I say, cuddling her.
“I love you too, D. Look, just because I don’t think Chance deserves you doesn’t mean I won’t support you if you two sort it out. Just know, I’ll always be side-eyeing him.”
“You think I’m stupid for hanging onto hope that he might get his act together.”
“Do you really need me to answer that?” She smiles sadly. “Look. I can’t talk, I hooked up with Christian last night, and I know stupidly I will again because sometimes your brain isn’t rational when it comes to dick.”
“Amen to that, sister.”
“Tell Chance about what you saw last night and then what you did. Be honest with your feelings, then make a decision on your relationship after that. I just hate seeing my friend in pain.”
“I can say the same thing about you.”
“We are two peas in a fucked-up pod.” She giggles.
“Wouldn’t want to be in any other pod,” I tell her.
Put my big girl panties on and texted Chance to ask him to come over today. Nessa said she was going to stay at Sienna’s house for the night and give her a break while also giving me one. Now I’ve stress cleaned the house twice while I wait for Chance to come over.
The doorbell rings and anxiety riddles me as I walk over to the door, opening it and seeing his smiling face is like a dagger to the heart.
“Hey,” I answer sadly.
Instantly, the smile is wiped off his face. “D, is everything okay?”
“Come in, I think we need to talk,” I say. He doesn’t question me as he silently walks into my home and takes a seat on the sofa.
“You’re worrying me, D. What’s going on?”
I suck in a deep breath. “I saw you last night,” I tell him. Chance stiffens as his brows pull together. I can see the lies he is trying to cultivate to tell me, wondering what exactly it is I know. “I got my membership to The Paradise Club last night and took the girls to check it out.”
His face falls. “Fuck, D, I can explain.”
I shake my head. “Don’t lie to me. Please. I saw what I saw.”
Tears well in Chance’s eyes. “I’m so sorry. I … you shouldn’t have seen that.”
He says I shouldn’t have seen that, not he shouldn’t have done that, I pick up on that. “Was it the first time?”
“Yes,” he bites out quickly, but I just glare at him until he starts to wilt under my gaze. “No,” he says, hanging his head in shame. “I’ve only been hooking up with women there, I promise, D. No men.” As if that makes it all okay.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I didn’t want to lose you. I don’t know how to explain that I want you, yet I also crave women,” he confesses. “I thought I could just go there and watch, but the temptation was too much, and I fell into my old ways.”
“Am I not enough?”
“You are, D …” he says, grabbing my hands between his own.
“Sounds like there’s a but coming with that answer.”
“But I desire women too.”
“And that’s fine, but don’t pursue me too. That’s not fair,” I tell him.
“I know it’s not fair, but I love you, D, and I don’t want to let you go.”
Oh shit.
“Fuck. That wasn’t how I wanted to tell you,” he says, raking his hand through his hair. “I realized that the reason I can’t keep away from you is because I love you. You are buried so deep beneath my skin I can’t let you go.”
“Chance …”
“Please, D, just listen to me. You are the person I want to grow a future with, the one I want a relationship with. One day I would love for us to move in together, but I have this insane need to quench my feminine thirst too. I need your masculinity and the femininity of the women at the club to fill up my cup. It’s like ying and yang, I need them both to function. I can’t have one without the other.”
“Are you saying you want to date me but also sleep with other women?”
“I should have told you, Derrick, when I started craving women again. I thought just one little taste was all I needed, but then I couldn’t stop,” he confesses.
“It’s been months, Chance, months you have been lying to me.”
“I’m so sorry, D,” he says as tears stream down his cheeks. “I’m a fuck up. I know I don’t deserve your love. Who could love someone like me?”
“Hey, don’t talk like that.”
“It’s true, D. I hate myself for lying to you all these months, my dirty little secret, I disgust myself. Maybe we should call time on this. You don’t deserve any of this.”
“I don’t, but it doesn’t mean my feelings for you can just turn off like that.” Chance looks up at me with hope in his eyes. “Last night, when I saw you with that woman, I slept with someone else.”
“I don’t blame you, D. I deserved it. I’m sorry I pushed you so far that you had to do that. I forgive you,” he says, grabbing my hands and kissing them. “We can get through this, can’t we?”
I swallow and nod.
“Thank you for giving me another chance,” he says, hugging me.
“We need to set some ground rules first.”
“Anything, I’ll do anything,” he says.
“The only place you hook up with women is at the club. Anything outside of it I’ll consider cheating.”
“Agreed.”
“It might take me a little bit to get used to this idea of sharing you, Chance, so please bear with me.”
“I’ll do anything for you, D. Thank you, thank you,” he says, kissing my hands.
“I want to be able to hook up with people too,” I add.
Chance stills at my request. “Why?”
“Because you are.”
“But they are of the opposite sex. I’m not hooking up with any other men,” he argues.
“Because you are interested in both. I’m not.”
Chance’s eyes narrow on me. “Only at the club, I will not share you outside of it.”
“Agreed.”
“How did things go with Chance last night?” Ness asks when she gets home.
“Good. He told me he loves me.”
Vanessa seems surprised. “Really? Do you think he meant it?”
I understand her skepticism, but I truly do believe him. “Yes. We spoke about his desire for women and have come up with a solution.” Ness raises her brows at me. “He is allowed to hook up with women at the club only, and I’m allowed to hook up with other men at the club too.”
“You want to hook up with the bar guy again, don’t you?”
“No.”
“You’re such a liar,” Vanessa teases.
“I think this works. Chance is still fighting with his sexuality, and maybe I think he is more bisexual than gay, but he told me he sees a future with me.”
“How can he have a future with you when he’s still so far in the closet?” she asks.
“You can’t rush people’s sexuality,” I bite back at her.
“I know, but I worry when it has the potential to hurt my friend,” she says.
“I love you, Ness, and thank you for caring about me. I know this is probably going to backfire on me, but I have to give it a go, otherwise, I will always be left wondering what if.”
“And I will be here for you either way.”