Chapter Twenty-Five
Sadie
Sports Weekly
Sparks Fly on Ice
By: Rowdy Ray Mayer.
Hockey fans are abuzz following speculation that Portland Fury head coach Sadie Rivers is romantically involved with player and former captain Ivan Czernecki.
This comes on the heels of a different rumor that she’s dating defenseman Henry Auclair.
Rivers was unavailable for comment, but GM Jax Biggs told Sports Weekly to “stop trolling Reddit for stories and find someone else to talk about for a change.” Czernecki and Auclair both disputed the rumors, calling them ridiculous and absurd, respectively.
Vivi strolls into the living room with a mug in each hand right as I drop onto the couch.
“Careful,” she warns. “I found panties and fishnets in between the cushions last night. Now, would those have been from a night with Ivan, or a night with Leo? Maybe Henri? Oh, I know! All three. I knew you had it in you. Or…them in you?”
I throw my head back and groan. “How can you make jokes at a time like this?”
“At a time like this, I can only make jokes.” She perches beside me and gives me my pick of the two mugs. One is Fury branded, one Team USA.
It’s a strangely loaded choice, like I’m picking between my past and present.
Things were simpler when I was coaching Team USA. No one cared much about a washed-up Olympian who lived and breathed hockey. I was never accused of sleeping with one of my players.
But fuck, was I lonely before gaining Vivi as a roommate and coworker. Before the Fury became like a family to me. As hard and confusing as things might feel, I don’t want to go back.
I take the Fury mug.
She curls her legs beneath her as she gets comfortable. “Why are people so fixated on you? Is it really as simple as you’re a woman?”
The smell of fresh espresso wafts upward as I hover the brew beneath my nose, courtesy of our new machine from Leo.
Another dent batters my beat-up heart.
“It was Eric,” I say. “He all but told me he was starting rumors to get me out of my job. Surprise, surprise. But I thought he’d stay focused on the one he already planted about me and Leo’s dad instead of throwing more spaghetti at the wall.”
“That’s what you get for thunkin’.” She cocks her head to the side. “Wait, you and Leo’s dad? Please tell me it’s not another affair rumor.”
“Ew. No. It’s the talk show thing. Eric told people I was angling for a job on Hockey Talk next season, so I was keeping Leo in the game to stay in the McLaren family’s good graces.”
She shakes her head. “Eric was so close to accidentally uncovering something true. That you did want to stay on Leo’s good side, but not to be on some dumb show. Rather, because you have intense feelings for him you continue to deny.”
I shoot her a look.
“You’re going to have to talk to me about this eventually.”
“If I talk about it, that means it’s true.” I stare hard at the liquid in my mug. “And that I have to own what I’ve done.”
“The only thing you’ve ‘done’ is turn the Fury into a winning—mostly winning—team. As for the stuff with Leo? It’s already true. And it’s me you’re talking to, Sadie. I was your friend long before I was your coworker. You know your secrets are safe with me.”
I wonder if she’d still feel that way if she knew what we did in our shared office.
“I know that,” I mumble. “It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you about it. You’re my best friend in the world. I mean that. It’s just…hard right now.”
“I know. But you’ve got to deal with this. You can’t avoid it forever by hiding behind work. It’s been a week since you left that hospital, and you’re running like, five miles a day in addition to obsessing over the job, all to avoid your inevitable breakdown.”
“Whatever might’ve happened in the past is done. He made that clear.” And saying it out loud hurts just as bad as thinking about it. “It’s been days since I’ve heard from him, other than that he survived his surgery.”
I send him texts once and a while, but he leaves them on read.
However, I have been communicating in secret with Nola, who’s staying at his house.
It’s hard to just cut off my feelings the way he wants me to.
I lie in bed at night and pray he’s not falling into the kind of depression that often accompanies situations like this.
After living it myself—coping with the abrupt end of the sport that defined me before I was ready to say goodbye, while bedridden and in pain—I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
Nola let me know her brother and their mom are also staying at Leo’s house for a while to help with the first days of recovery. At least he’s not alone.
I wish he wanted me there. That things were different.
But I understand why they aren’t.
“You miss him,” she says softly. “I can tell.”
“Of course I do. Even though he hid stuff from me—and I get why—I thought we were solid. That it’d be a fight, not the end.
” I let out a frustrated huff. “But that’s what he wants.
To cut this off. It’s awful, but I want to respect his wishes.
I don’t want to beat down his door and beg him to figure this out with me. ”
“You’re the one with more to lose. And he knows that. So I wouldn’t take it as a reflection of his feelings. I don’t think those have changed. Maybe he’s just trying to protect you.”
I narrow my eyes. “Did he say something to you?”
She shrugs, evading my eye. “I’m just guessing. Shot in the dark.”
“Oh.” My face falls. I was kind of hoping he did reach out to her, since he sure as heck isn’t giving me much.
How embarrassing that my brain went there.
She chews the inside of her cheek. “So why haven’t you made a statement yet to clear your name?” Her red lipstick has already stained her mug, so she tries to line her lips up exactly right to minimize damage when she takes another sip. “Do you need help figuring out what to say?”
“Isla is writing something for me. I asked her for a recommendation for a good crisis PR firm, and she said she’ll do it for me. Turns out she has experience in this area. But I told her we need to sit down and have a conversation first, before she writes anything. We’re going to dinner tonight.”
“Good. Isla really is a machine.”
“Yeah. You’re coming with us, by the way.
She knows I’m getting bad press and that I need a counter move, but she doesn’t know about Eric.
Or about me and Leo. Unfortunately, we’ll have to break all that news to her.
” I take a long breath. “Isla also said she’d take over all my social media accounts and monitor my inbox so I don’t have to see an onslaught of bullshit every day.
It’s been worse than I’ve let on.” I swallow a swell of emotion.
“I’m tired of pretending it doesn’t hurt or scare me some days.
And now that Eric’s rumors are circulating, it’s only going to get worse. ”
“I’m proud of you for asking for help.” She pokes my shin with her fuzzy sock–covered foot. “It can only go up from here. Smile, sunshine.”
I press at the corner of my lips and force a half smile. But it breaks open when I sigh. There’s no point in faking happiness when Vivi sees right through me. “I’d like to believe you’re right.”
Vivi watches me for a beat, something in her expression I don’t recognize.
“What?” My stomach clenches. “Oh God, please don’t tell me you also have bad news. I’ve been a terrible friend, haven’t I? I’ve barely checked in on you. Is everything—”
“Please stop self-destructing. You’re making more of a racket than our clock.
” She fishes her phone out of her pocket and dangles it in front of me.
“I was going to try and honor his wishes and keep this a secret, but my loyalty to you always wins in the end, and I can’t bear to see you so miserable. ”
I take it with a tentative hand and swipe my thumb across the screen.
It takes me straight to a series of texts between Leo and Vivi.
Is she taking care of herself? Sticking to her routine?
Are the men being respectful and watching their damn mouths?
Especially Lachlan—if he says even one word, call me.
Callum mentioned she wasn’t at practice this morning. Is everything okay?
I Venmo’d you. Get muffins from Wild Blue. Be sure she eats them.
My gaze flicks up. It’s hard to talk, now that my heart is lodged in my throat. “This is—”
“More words than he said to me all season, sent within the span of a week?” Her grin is wry.
“I know. Leo cares more about your mundane daily routine than most men care about anything. All that to say, I don’t think he’s done with you.
Not even a little bit. And I’ve watched you quietly pine for him for months, so I know you’re not done, either. ”
“But what do I do, Viv? Go over to his house and tell him to stop pushing me away when he needs support the most? Date him for real and show the world that the first-ever female NHL coach couldn’t make it one season without falling in love with a player?”
She blinks. “Pardon?”
I shut my eyes. “I didn’t mean that. I’m not in love.”
Every part of me rejects those words. I am a liar who lies.
I love him. I’ve loved him for longer than I care to admit.
Her pause is long. Painfully so. “I’m not sure who you’re trying to convince, but either way, you’re doing a terrible job.
” She sets her mug on the coffee table. “Listen, I’m not saying there’s a simple answer.
I know exactly how hard you’ve worked every single day to get where you are.
To earn respect. Blood, sweat, and tears—usually generated on the same day.
Your impact is bigger than you even realize.
But do you walk away from a shot at real happiness, all because you’re scared of what people will say? ”
I let my head fall back. “Jax will be so fucking upset. He staked his whole reputation on me when no one else would take the chance. The other coaches will laugh at me and never take me seriously again. Eric will smear me to hell and back—”